The Ballerina and the Rocker

Zacky

In the few weeks following their little trip to L.A. the guys were able to get through to Wendt enough so that he would help them record some demos, even if he wasn’t gung-ho on touring with them that summer. They had thought of a few more options for a bassist - even little Johnny - but they could worry about that once they absolutely had to. Meanwhile, a makeshift recording studio was put together in Matt’s garage, and the boys pretended to know what they were doing.

“Earth to Zacky,” Brian said as he waved his hand in front of Zacky’s face. Zacky hadn’t even noticed the rest of the band stopped playing while he continued to strum mindlessly.

All day his stomach felt like it was stuck on a rollercoaster loop. It was difficult to concentrate on things, even things as second nature as his guitar.

“You ok?” Jimmy asked.

“Yeah, you seem distracted,” Matt chimed in.

“Uh, yeah, sorry,” Zacky said, snapped out of his daze. “I’m just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Huh? Oh, nothing. Just… never mind.”

“Oh-kay…”

“Let’s just start the song again.”

The rest of their practice was miserable, thanks in no small part to Zacky. His nerves propelled him into a constant state of distraction; his fingers kept slipping on the frets and he was always off the beat.

“Hey, why don’t we just end it early,” Wendt suggested.

“Sorry, guys,” Zacky said, knowing all too well the end was his fault. As the bandmates were finishing putting their stuff away, Matt pulled Zacky aside.

“Dude, are you sure you’re ok?” he asked, truly concerned. “You seem really off.”

“Yeah, Matt, I’m fine. I just have some stuff on my mind.”

“Anything we can help you with?” Zacky sighed and shook his head. “Dude, come on. You can tell us.”

Zacky glanced over his shoulder and noticed the other three guys had stopped what they were doing so they could listen in. He placed his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s just that, well… I have plans with Quinn tonight.”

“Yeah, ok. So?”

“So I have plans,” Zacky stressed. He looked at Matt with wide eyes until it hit him like a brick.

“Oh… Oh!” Zacky nodded, thankful his friend finally understood without him having to say it.

“Well, no shit,” Brian said, introducing himself to the conversation. “That’s what’s got you so nervous? It’s not like you haven’t done it before.”

“It’s not that,” Zacky clarified.

“You two haven’t done it yet?” Zacky sighed.

“No, she hasn’t…”

“What, at all?” Jimmy asked. Zacky rolled his eyes.

“It’s her first time and I just don’t want to screw it up.”

“You just wanna screw her.” Zacky glared. Jimmy smiled. “Oh, come on. That was a good one!”

“Look- I really like her, ok?” A jokingly sappy yet genuinely proud look graced his friends’ faces. “Fuck off, I’ve got to go grab some pizza.”

Zacky left the garage, with hoots and hollers in his wake.

Quinn

“I left the number of the hotel on the fridge,” her mother said as she frantically ran around the house, making sure she had everything packed for the wedding she and Dan were going to. “And the number Aunt Maggie is up there too, just in case. And there’s money on the counter if you want to order out this weekend, otherwise there’s plenty of food in the fridge-”

“I got it mom,” Quinn reassured her. “Don’t worry.”

“Ok. I’ll call you when we land and when we’re on our way home.”

“No worries, just go have fun! You and dad could use it.”

With one last check around the house, Jo gave her daughter a hug and drove off to meet her husband at John Wayne International Airport. Having the house to herself Quinn decided to have ice cream for lunch before quickly showering and raiding her closet for something to wear, other than pajamas.

At first she put on a black and yellow floral print body con dress, but after mulling it over decided it was too much for pizza. Her second outfit of choice was immediately ruled out for being far too casual for what was actually intended to happen later.

Quinn got a knot in the pit of her stomach.

“No, it’s totally fine,” she assured herself. After deciding on wearing a pair of dark blue Levi’s and long sleeved burgundy crop top, she took a brush and blow-dryer to her hair. In a few short minutes it was all dry and draped over her shoulders. She looked at herself in the mirror and figured a little mascara wouldn’t hurt.

As soon as she had finished up the second eye, the doorbell rang.

Zacky

“I brought pizza and movies,” he said when Quinn opened the door, gesturing the pizza box in his right hand and the bag of videos from Blockbuster in his left. Quinn stepped to the side and let him in. Zacky put the pizza and videos down in the living room.

“I wasn’t sure what you were in the mood for to watch,” he continued, “so I got a --” Zacky’s sentence was interrupted as Quinn placed her lips on his. Kissing her continued to be a surreal experience.

“ --a variety,” he finished saying when their lips parted.

“Good thinking,” she said. “But I’m more interested in the pizza.”

“Ha, I got half pepperoni and half extra cheese.”

Quinn

“Extra cheese, please!” As he served up the pizza, Quinn grabbed sodas from the kitchen. She placed them on the coffee table and sat down on the couch, just in time for Zacky to give her a pizza slice served up on an already greased through paper plate.

“Ok,” Zacky held up three VHS tapes. “We’ve got The Mummy, Toy Story 2, and She’s All That.”

“You’re right, that is a variety. We could watch all three?” Zacky nodded.

“Sure. Which one first?”

Zacky

He could get used to this: Quinn’s body melting into his as they sat on the couch, her head nestled comfortably on his shoulder, their fingers intertwined.

They had managed to get through Toy Story 2, but halfway through The Mummy the couple became distracted with each other instead of whatever plague was currently being rained on Egypt. They had maneuvered their way into the classic teenage makeout position, laying down on the couch with their bodies incredibly close.

This was it. Not caring in the slightest about how The Mummy was going to end, Zacky pulled his face from Quinn’s, who smiled up at him. Without saying a word to each other but knowing exactly what to do they left the living room, movie still playing in their wake, and made the way upstairs to her room. The two walked in silence. Zacky held on to Quinn’s hand tightly.

This was the first time he had been in her bedroom, having only seen it through their windows. While his room was cluttered and adorned with posters, Quinn’s room was pristine and clearly decorated with calculated thought.

The light periwinkle walls were left blank save for a black and white portrait of Audrey Hepburn at a ballet barre, a small poster of The Cranberries, and four miniature Beatles record covers in a frame. While the overhead light was turned off, the atmosphere was set by the strings of small, round glowing lantern lights wrapped around the top of all four walls. You could tell a lot about a person by their room and Zacky felt Quinn’s room fit her to a tee.

“Nice room,” he said.

“Thanks,” she replied, closing the door behind her.

“Is this you?” he gestured at a picture sitting on her desk of a little girl in pigtails posing in a rainbow tutu, a big smile on her face . Quinn smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, I was three. That was my first dance recital.”

“You’re adorable.” He felt Quinn slip her hand into his and squeeze it tight. Zacky turned to face her and used his other hand to brush her long hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ear. “And you’re beautiful,” he said, almost at a whisper.

Quinn

She knew her face was becoming unbelievably flushed based on how warm her cheeks felt.

“Here, I want to show you something.”

She walked over to her dresser, just opposite her desk, and picked up a small wooden box with a ballerina painted on the lid. She brought it over to Zacky.

“When we lived in Virginia there was a shop near us that created custom music boxes, so one year for Christmas my dad got this one made for me.” She opened the box and almost immediately the light twinkling music box sound began to play. She looked at Zacky and waited to see when he would recognize the song. It didn’t take him very long.

“Dude!” he said when it hit him. “You’ve got a music box that plays Dream On?” Quinn nodded. “That’s awesome. Your dad’s got good taste”

“I thought you’d like it,” she said as she closed the box and placed it back on her dresser. “It’s a nice reminder…”

Zacky

When Quinn turned back around, Zacky took a step towards her and cradled her face delicately in his hands. He studied her face carefully, as if it was the first time he was laying his eyes on her.

When they first met he had noticed the obvious- how her skin was pretty pale for California standards and that she had blue eyes- but now he noticed that her skin was a light cream and as smooth as porcelain, and her eyes shined like stone cold sapphires. He ran his thumb lightly over her lips which were just the palest shade of pink and baby soft save for the middle of her bottom lip which her teeth liked to pick at.

“Zacky,” she breathed. He noticed her cheeks flush an even darker shade of pink than they were before.

“Yeah,” he whispered back.

“Should I put music on or something?” Zacky let out a sincere chuckle. “What?”

“Could you get any cuter?” She had very subtle dimples when she smirked. He hadn’t noticed those before.

“I’m just a little nervous.”

“I’m nervous, too. It’s ok.”

“Why are you nervous? This isn’t your first time.”

“Yeah, but it’s my first time with you.”

Quinn

That comment caught her off guard. With everything leading up to this moment she hadn’t stopped to think about how Zacky was feeling; it honestly never even crossed her mind. She really did mean a lot more to him than she thought.

“Zacky, I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For just… I don’t know.” She pulled away from him and sat on her bed in frustration. “I guess I’ve just been really focused on me and how I’m feeling that I never stopped to think about how you felt about all this, and it’s just, well… do you think we’re going too fast?”

Zacky walked over and sat beside her. He took his hand in hers and squeezed tight.

“Are we being one hundred percent honest?” Quinn nodded before Zacky continued. “When my first girlfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time it was mostly to just get it out of the way. Didn’t do us any favors - we went out for maybe a month? Anyway, I didn’t care about her like I care about you. I just wanted to lose my virginity.” He let out a half-hearted chuckle. “This is more of a big deal to me, you’re more of a big deal to me. So if you’re not ready just let me know, because I’ll be ready whenever you are.”

He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and smiled the kindest smile at her. She felt close to tears.

“Who knew a rock n’ roll star could be so sensitive,” she joked with a smile, trying to keep the tears back.

“Don’t tell anyone- it’s a secret.”

Quinn laughed and straddled Zacky’s lap as she held him in a tight hug. How she ever managed to be with someone like him baffled her, and she knew just how lucky she was. And suddenly she wasn’t the least bit scared anymore. She pulled out of the embrace and held Zacky’s face in her hands as she kissed him.

Zacky

His hands moved up Quinn’s back until they reached the bottom of her shirt. Their lips parted momentarily as Zacky lifted the shirt up and off, dropping it off at the foot of the bed. In another swift motion the two moved back into the position they were in downstairs on the couch, with Quinn laying on her back and Zacky hovering just above her. He sat up to remove his own Pantera t-shirt and tossed it over by hers.

“Zacky,” Quinn whispered before he could resume kissing her.

“Yeah?”

“Do you have, a, um…”

“Oh shit, yeah I’ll be right back.”

Feeling incredibly stupid, Zacky got up off the bed and crossed to the bay window where he carefully climbed across the tree into his own bedroom. He grabbed a condom from one of his dresser drawers and climbed back through Quinn’s window. When he got back, he noticed she had taken off her jeans and was sitting up in her bed clutching her legs to her chest.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t put music on?” she asked as he walked over to her. “Isn’t that a thing people do?”

“Yeah, maybe if you’re in a rom-com,” he joked. Noticing the worry on Quinn’s face he quickly spoke up again. “Unless you really want to play something!” She shrugged.

“You’re the expert.”

“I’m not an expert.”

He walked over to the side of the bed and placed the plastic packet on the nightstand before sitting down by Quinn’s feet.

“Are you going to keep these on?” he asked amused as he placed his hands on her sock covered feet.

Quinn

Most girls would feel self conscious about their stomachs or breast size. Quinn didn’t mind her barely B-cup boobs, she was too busy worrying about her feet. She loved ballet and her feet were clearly something to be proud of, but that pride and talent came with the unfortunate consequence of crooked, often times blistered and bruised toes - not something she was too keen on sharing with the world. Living in California and not wearing flip-flops had been a serious challenge.

“I don’t really like my feet,” she explained. Before Zacky could get a word in she continued, “and please don’t make fun of me- girls are really self conscious about body image and for me it’s my feet.”

“Because of ballet?” he concluded. She nodded. Zacky held up his hand, palm facing up. “Here, feel my fingertips. Come on, just do it.” Quinn obliged. “Feel that?”

In the times previous when Zacky had held her hand or touched her face she hadn’t paid any attention to his calluses. She didn’t even notice them at all, actually- she was always too focused on just being with him.

“They get pretty gnarly sometimes,” he continued. “But it’s not a big deal if it means I get to play my guitar. I’m kind of proud of them, actually”

She decided to take her socks off. If she never noticed his then he probably wouldn’t pay any mind to hers.

Zacky

They weren’t just stripping their clothes, they were stripping down their defenses. He had certainly been getting to know Quinn over the last few months but this was a whole new level. Knowing her favorite movie was one thing (it was Roman Holiday), but having her blatantly reveal her biggest insecurities and sharing her most beloved possessions gave Zacky the utmost confidence that she wanted to keep him around, and that she trusted him.

He also realized he was a lot more mature than he thought he was.

Some more intense kissing and some awkward maneuvering took place before the pair found their bodies completely naked and intimately close. Her arms wrapped around his torso and her fingers dug into his back as she arched her body into his. Zacky held her carefully feeling as though he could break her with one wrong move, she felt so delicate.

“... Zacky…” she spoke softly and with a heavy breath. He leaned his head down closer to hers and kissed her neck.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered back. With one final motion, he quickly took both his hands and held her face to hiss and kissed her hard. They froze there, not moving at all as their lips rested against one another.

Quinn

Zacky wrapped his arm around her, bringing her in close to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and draped her arm across his bare chest. A shiver coursed through her body.

“You ok?” Zacky asked, noticing.

“Mmhm,” she said, turning her head to look at him. “Just… reeling.” She smiled up at him and lifted her head to kiss him gently.

“Do you want to listen to music now?” Quinn laughed.

“Sure.”

She reached over to her nightstand and grabbed the CD player remote sitting there. She pointed it at the stereo on her dresser and pressed play for whatever CD was in there. The Cranberries’ “Hollywood” began to play:

I've got a picture in my head, in my head.
It's me and you, we are in bed, we are in bed.

Quinn turned to the boy beside her, who was wearing a giddy smile. She smiled back, embarrassed.

“I swear I didn’t plan that,” she defended herself. Zacky laughed and wrapped his arms around her once more, pulling her back down to him and hugging her tightly.