The Ballerina and the Rocker

Quinn

Good-byes were always difficult, but this one was a bitch. Her father was going back overseas and this time it was going to be a lot longer than six months. Mason and Stephanie had chosen their wedding date with the prospect of Dan being home by then. Hopefully it would hold true. But until then, Quinn was held by her father in a tearful embrace before he headed off once more.

“It’s hard enough with him leaving again,” her mother said when the Hartford girls returned home from the airport. “But now you’re leaving this week, too.”

“It’s not really the same thing, mom,” Quinn said. Being deployed to Afghanistan and going back to New York for college weren’t really in the same boat. But Jo was emotional.

“I know,” Jo continued. “As proud as I am of you kids, it’s still a little heartbreaking for me when you leave -- you in New York for a majority of the year and Mason constantly on the road with the team.”

“You’ve still got me here,” Audrey chimed in, obviously a bit peeved about being forgotten by their mother.

“Oh honey, I know.” Jo went into the kitchen, leaving the sisters alone together in the living room.

“Wow, she’s obviously super proud of me,” Audrey said to Quinn, facetiously.

“I thought you two were doing better?”

“We were - we are - I mean, she’s stopped with the whole ‘my daughter’s gay’ drama. Now she’s just always getting on my case about looking for a job. Who knew she didn’t want me to be a bartender and live with her forever?”

“Girls!” their mother called from the kitchen. “I’m going to order a pizza!”

“If she orders that pineapple shit again, I swear to God…” Audrey trailed off as she headed towards the kitchen. Quinn laughed and decided to head up to her room.

When she got there, she looked out of her window and saw the lights were on in Zacky’s room - but the window was shut and the blinds were drawn. His window had stayed that way since the two had broken up just two weeks earlier. Quinn had been hoping to talk to him about how poorly she handled things and to apologise. She wasn’t sure it would actually fix anything, but it would at least put her conscience at ease.

The problem was she hadn’t seen Zacky at all since then. He always kept his window closed and spent as much time as he could out of the house, either alone or somewhere with the guys. Quinn had even spoken to Brian about it.

“Look, I don’t really know how to handle something like this,” Brian had said to her. “And I don’t want to be that guy in the middle of anything, but… Zacky doesn’t want to see you.”

Those words, Zacky doesn’t want to see you, did her in.

“He said that?” she asked Brian, close to tears.

He looked at her with sympathy and worry. “Yeah.”

Without realising it, Quinn let the tears roll down her cheeks. She wiped them away with her sleeve as Brian looked around for any tissues nearby.

“I really messed up, Brian.”

“What the fuck happened, Quinn? He didn’t say much to us about it.”

She sniffled and shook her head. “I just need to talk to Zacky. If you can convince him at all to give me at least five minutes before I head back to school I would really appreciate it.”

Brian nodded. “Of course.”

She smiled a sad but grateful smile at her friend before he pulled her in for a hug, which she gladly accepted. Neither initiated pulling away, so the two friends stayed that way for a good few minutes.

Zacky

“Zacky, I still love you.”

“I don’t really care.”

Why did he say that? Why did he say that?! He kept replaying that moment in his head over and over again since it happened. “I don’t really care” - of course he cared! He shouldn’t have given up so easily. He should have stayed and fought.

He had felt too horrible and humiliated to face Quinn since that night. What was he supposed to say to her if he saw her? These last two weeks had felt like he was in the film “Rear Window” - looking out his window, spying on his neighbor; he didn’t want to risk running in to Quinn and facing an awkward situation.

But she was leaving to start her third year at Juilliard soon and he couldn’t let her leave with his last words to her being “I don’t really care.”

“She was really torn up, man,” Brian said to Zacky as the two stood in line at the hotdog stand. Zacky didn’t answer, instead choosing to put his hands in his shorts pockets and shuffle his feet on the wooden pier. “Zack, come on,” Brian continued, more aggressively. “You’ve got to talk to her before she leaves.”

“I don’t know what to say!” he responded.

“Well that’s a first,” Brian laughed. Zacky glared at his friend.

“I’m serious, Brian. It was a bad fight.”

“Look, you don’t have to do the whole Romeo and Juliet climbing-through-the-window romantic crap you guys like doing so much,” Brian explained with a smirk. “Knock on her door, take her on a walk someplace.”

Brian handed a five over to the hotdog seller and got two hotdogs, handing one to Zacky. They continued walking down the pier as Zacky thought about Brian’s suggestion.

“Yeah,” Zacky said after about a minute of not talking.

“Yeah, what?” Brian said, his mouth full of hotdog.

“Your idea - I’ll knock on her door and walk with her somewhere.”

“It’s amazing how genius my simple ideas are.”

When Zacky got home from hanging out with Brian at the beach, he summoned up the courage to knock on Quinn’s door. With a deep breath, he rang the front doorbell followed up by a strong knock for good measure. Her mother, Jo, answered the door.

“Oh, hello Zacky,” she said.

“Uh, hi, Mrs. Hartford,” he said, nervously. “Is, um, is Quinn here?”

“No, she’s actually with Audrey at work.”

“Ok, thanks.” Jo smiled and shut the door behind Zacky. Determined to talk to Quinn before she left, Zacky began walking over to Johnny’s Bar. On the way, he passed Jimmy’s and coerced him into tagging along.

“I’m always up for a happy hour!” Jimmy exclaimed as the two boys made it to the bar (only a few more months and he wouldn’t have to worry about using a fake I.D. any more, thank god).

It wasn’t super crowded yet, but even if it was he would have been able to spot Quinn in an instant. Her long hair thrown up into a ponytail, she was sitting at the bar drinking what he assumed was nothing more than a diet coke and talking to her sister who, since it wasn’t extremely busy yet, was able to stay and chat instead of constantly serving drinks.

“Well hello, ladies,” Jimmy said as he approached the Hartford sisters. Zacky stood back.

“Hey, Jim,” Quinn said with a smile.

“James,” Audrey said to him, a stern smirk on her face.

“Audrey,” Jimmy said back, leaning forward on the bar. “How are you this fine afternoon?”

“I was great until you walked in.”

Jimmy playfully grabbed for his heart. “Ouch, that hurt.” Audrey leaned over and placed her hand on his.

“A drink to numb the pain?”

He sighed. “I guess I’ll have a Guinness.” As Audrey went to the other side of the bar to get the beer, Quinn laughed.

“Oh my god,” she said to Jimmy. “Your constant flirting with my sister is painfully entertaining.”

He smiled. “Hey, she’s hot and it’s fun.”

“She’s also a lesbian.”

“I like a challenge.”

Quinn’s laughter reverberated throughout the bar, and Zacky thought she sounded so happy that he didn’t want to risk putting her in a bad mood. He was in the middle of deciding whether to stay or go when the laughing Quinn turned her head around and saw Zacky standing there. Her smile faded away and her eyes widened in surprise.

She left Jimmy at the bar with his beer and her sister and made the few steps to him. Zacky swallowed nervously as she approached him.

“Zacky,” she said. “Hi.”

“Hey,” he said back.

“What are - how, how are you?” she stammered.

He smiled. “I’ve been better.”

“Brian said you didn’t want to see me.”

“I didn’t.”

An awkward silence passed between them. Zacky placed his hands in his pockets and Quinn crossed her arms.

“I’m leaving on Sunday,” she said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, I know.”

Another pause. This time, Zacky spoke first.

“Can we go somewhere and talk?” Quinn nodded and made her way towards the back door, Zacky following close behind. They stepped outside where the smokers usually took their breaks and Quinn leaned against the back of the building. Zacky stood in front of her and spoke once again.

“I do care,” he said. Quinn looked up at him, her brow furrowed. “When you told me you still love me,” he explained carefully. “I do care. I… I was just really hurt, and angry, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” she said meekly. “I’m really sorry. I feel awful about how I handled things.”

“I think we both could have handled things better.”

“Yeah…”

“Um, so, listen,” he began nervously, inching a bit closer to Quinn. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. About everything you said, about us -”

Quinn inhaled and exhaled deeply. Zacky stared at her chest as it moved up and down. “Yeah?” she said. He quickly peeled his eyes away and looked back up at hers.

“Uh, yeah,” he continued. “Um… I understand where you’re coming from. And why you want what you want.” With every word he moved a bit closer to her, and he noticed her breathing becoming deeper and slower.

“You do?”

“Mmhm. I may not want to believe it, but I understand it.”

He was now standing directly in front of the girl he was madly in love with. As his arms dangled by his side, he felt Quinn lock her hands with his. Zacky leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, taking a few moments to collect himself before he continued.

“Don’t contact me,” he said, barely audible.

“What?” Quinn said, her voice quivering. Zacky squeezed her hands tightly and kept his head pressed against hers.

“Please, let me get through this,” he pleaded calmly. Quinn squeezed his hands back, allowing him to continue.

“When you go back to New York,” he continued, his heart hurting with each word he spoke, “don’t write to me, don’t call me. If you come back here to visit family please don’t come rushing over to find me. If we’re going to be broken up then we need to be broken up, because I won’t be able to handle being just friends with you…” His voice began to shake and he felt Quinn’s hands hold his even tighter.

“At least not right away,” he continued, finding his strength. “I know we’ll be friends again, just…”

“Not right away,” Quinn finished for him. Zacky opened his eyes and saw tears streaming down her face. He let go of her hands and used his thumbs to wipe the water off her cheeks.

“Not right away,” he repeated at a whisper. As she smiled a sad yet understanding smile, Zacky leaned forward and placed a firm, farewell kiss on her lips.