Word of Mouth

August was hot in New York, which I expected but I didn’t expect it to be ninety degrees the day I actually got there. It was only the beginning of the month and it was hot and muggy and as soon as we entered the city I felt like maybe I was going to melt even though I was in the car.

“We’re here!” My Aunt Nell exclaimed as soon as we pulled up to the lavish Chelsea townhouse that would be where I’d be living for a few months at least. I felt far too poor to even be in the neighborhood, never mind actually have to live in the house.

“It’s pretty!” My twelve year old cousin Rosie smiled widely as her face was practically pressed up against the glass window staring at the sandstone brick building that was directly out of the view of her window.

“Your father did wonderful,” my aunt told Rosie. My uncle Joseph had picked the final house, “Do you like it, Calla?”

I thought for a second before I answered. My brain felt fried, we’d been in the car all night, a little over nine hours and I’d barely slept.

“It’s nice,” I agreed with a nod, “I like it,” I tacked on as I just stared at the passengers seat window.

I was the oldest out of me and my cousins which meant I got to ride up front. Scarlett was sixteen and Rosie only twelve. I looked back at my aunt Nell with a smile. She returned it, except hers was one of those proud smiles, like I’d actually accomplished something.

“Can we go inside? It’s hot out here,” Scarlett sounded more than annoyed.

“Yeah, good idea, darling,” my aunt said, “Don’t forget your bags in the trunk!”

I opened the door and was immediately hit with what felt like a sheen of dew on my skin. It was so humid I wanted to scream.

Instead of going to the trunk right away like my two cousins and aunt did, I pulled out my phone and opened my iMessage and tapped a message out to the only person I could actually talk to.

‘It’s humid. How do you deal w/ this?’

It was a little before nine in the morning and I wasn’t expecting him to reply, but he did. Before I could even lock my phone the little bubble signaling he was typing popped up.

‘You get used to it. Welcome to New York.’

Before I could reply another message popped up.

‘Good morning, by the way :) x’

His name was Harry. And I didn’t actually know him.

Okay, that was a lie. I probably knew a lot about him, but I didn’t know what he looked like, or what he voice sounded like, or where in New York he lived even. But I did know he was 19 and from the UK and his name was Harry and he wanted a cat. But that was it (aside from all the really personal, maybe even invasive, stuff I knew because we’d been friends for the past four months).

‘Thaanks pal. How long have you been up? it’s early for you’

I locked my phone quickly and went to grab my small suitcase and my backpack from the trunk.

My aunt and uncle had hired movers so everything was inside already, including everything of mine. Plus, my uncle Joseph had came a week earlier to start unpacking.

“Here you are, sweetheart,” my aunt handed me my blue backpack that contained my laptop, a few chargers, and my favorite teddybear.

I smiled at her, “Thanks.”

I stared at the big house in front of me, sort of very intimidated and excited at the same time.

The house was big, well bigger than the house in Columbus I lived in, probably not bigger than the house my aunt and uncle used to live in. But it was big to me and there were even stairs to the front door, something I hadn’t had since my old house in California.

My cousin Scarlett had already practically bounded up the stone steps to the front door, her blonde ponytail swinging behind her.

I grabbed my suitcase and started to lift it up the steps, I thought if I stayed outside any longer I’d get heat stroke.

The house was empty because my uncle had started his new job already and he had to work so it was just us for the day. As soon as I got into the foyer my mouth nearly fell open. It was white, the floor was white and the walls matched. It was beautiful, in a modern sort of way that I’d never seen.

My thoughts were interrupted by my aunts voice, “Calla, your room is upstairs, last on the left, Scarlett yours is the last on the right, and Sophie yours is the first on the right.”

We all just nodded before Scarlett made her way upstairs, I followed.

Scarlett normally spoke more, but she wasn’t exactly thrilled about having to move. I would have tried to cheer her up normally but I knew she wouldn’t have any of it. I couldn’t blame her though. Moving when you were in high school sucked. Leaving all your friends would be the absolute worst.

I made it to my room right as I saw Scarlett slam her door shut, Rosie’s eyes got wide and I just shrugged.

When I opened the door to my room I was surprised to find oak hardwood floors and a huge bed with white linen. Plus a bookcase and a desk that I wasn’t even told I’d have. Then there was a vanity right next to a door I assumed was a closet.

It was pretty, in a minimalistic way.

The floor though, the floor was the best part. It was gorgeous. I couldn’t help but let go of the handle of my suitcase and pull my phone from my pocket and quickly took a picture of my Converse and the floor. I figured I’d put it on Tumblr or something. Just to show people how nice the floor actually was.

Then I opened the two iMessages I had from Harry.

‘Figured I should try and wake up earrrly. Wanna go back to sleep though.’

‘You’re right, it is really humid out. Fuck.’

I couldn’t help but smile at my phone a bit.

I didn’t think it was weird that I attached the picture I’d just taken of my floor (and my feet) and tapped out a quick message with it.

‘I have hardwood floors.’

Harry and I were friends, and even if I literally had no idea what he looked like, it didn’t really matter.

It was only a minute before I got a message back.

It was a picture of a floor with light grey carpeting and a pair of dark jeans and boots. Boots that were scuffed and looked like maybe they needed to be thrown away.

That was the closest thing to a picture of Harry I’d ever gotten. A picture of his floor with boots and jeans.

I just stared at it. His legs seemed long and skinny and his jeans were tight, so tight.

The message attached to the picture was simple.

‘I don’t’

He made it seem like it wasn’t a big deal that that was the closest I’d ever seen to a picture of him. Which meant I had to also make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. Even if it sort of was. Even if my heart was beating a little faster than normal.

I had to stare at it for a few more seconds and compose myself before I could reply.

‘you need new boots.’

I sent it quickly and then went to the picture again. I couldn’t help it. I’d spent more time than I would’ve liked to admit, wondering what he looked like.

He didn’t have a face page on his blog, despite the fact that he was practically obsessed with taking pictures. And I’d been far too shy to ask him for an Instagram of his Facebook. We never talked about it but I got it.

I was the same way when I first started my blog. I kept myself private, mostly because I liked that. The anonymity of it. I liked being able to post what I wrote and make posts when I was having bad days. But then I started getting followers and instead of keeping myself a secret I’d post pictures and I linked my Instagram so now people know what I looked like.

Harry though, Harry didn’t have any pictures of him. None at least that said they were him. Most of his photographs though were either of scenery or his friends. I knew what his friends looked like but not him.

My phone buzzed in my hand.

‘Heeeeeey, no I don’t. Love my boots.’

I just smiled at my phone.

‘Whatever you say man. I’m going to nap, byyye.’

*

The rest of the day was spent napping and unpacking which was shit really. But besides that everything was as good as it could be. Until I’d gone up to bed and realized I what I’d done and where I was.

It was two in the morning and the house was eerily quiet minus the noise from the city outside. I’d been laying in bed for two hours trying to shut my brain but it’d failed.

I wasn’t used to the constant light streaming in my room through curtains. And I wasn’t used to a bed that wasn’t a twin. And I certainly wasn’t used to the noises of the house at all.

I didn’t miss home, I think I more missed what home was. I missed my mom mostly, and I missed the smell of my sheets and my favorite fork in the drawer. I didn’t have that here yet. I didn’t have a smell in my bed that wasn’t new. I didn’t have a favorite fork or a favorite mug (even though I was pretty sure I might have found one that I was going to claim as mine). I wasn’t used to the tap on the fancy shower in the bathroom next to my room, or how fast the water fell from the faucet when I brushed my teeth.

It was new, everything was new and I didn’t think I’d have a problem with it. I thought maybe I needed new. But now, I was laying in a too big too cold bed that didn’t smell like home and I missed my favorite fork with the bent third prong.

Which was stupid. It was stupid to miss a fork and a smell that you associated with your dad bursting into you room every night just to yell at you because you were his daughter.

That was why I found myself crying in the middle of the night in my new too quiet room. Because I missed stupid things that I shouldn’t miss.

Just like any other time I was upset though, I made a post about it because that’s what I always did.

callalame:
-read more-
ok but it’s stupid to miss a fork but i really do and i miss my old bed and it’s too quiet in my room. way to quiet. and i don’t have a tv here yet. i don’t think i can sleep without a tv anymore.
#im so shit why am i complaining #i literally fucking hate myself #goodnight

I locked my phone and just closed my eyes and tugged my favorite teddybear called Blue closer to my chest. I’d had him since I was six. His name was Blue because when I was six, blue was my favorite color and apparently I wasn’t a very innovative child when it came to names. Really though, he was a honey colored teddybear that I couldn’t stand to sleep a night without.

It was a couple minutes of me just trying to calm myself down enough to drift off (which wasn’t working all that well) when my phone started to vibrate on the side of my bed.

I had absolutely no idea who was calling me at two in the morning. When I picked it up though I just stared for a minute. Because Harry was calling.

Harry’s name was flashing on my phone and I didn’t know why because he’d never called me before. I’d never actually heard his voice before. And it should’ve been weird, but I was far too upset. So I answered.

“H-hello?” I tried to keep my voice steady and not sound like I was having a complete meltdown.

“Hiii,” his voice was deep and his accent was thick but I could still tell he sounded relieved, “You alright?”

I just took a breathe because it was weird.

“I uh. Yeah,” I said as steadily as I could. Thankfully, I wasn’t worried about waking anyone up. Scarlett was across the hall but I knew she slept with headphones in. Rosie was too far away away and the walls were too thick. And my aunt and uncle’s room was downstairs on the other side of the house.

“In the nicest way possible you don’t sound alright,” his voice was softer. His accent was heavier than I expected for some reason and his words were drawn out.

“I uh. I just like, dunno. Not the best night,” I confessed. It was harder to do this over the phone than over texts like we normally did. It was easier to type out how I felt and to have time in between his texts and my reaction.

“What happened?” And it was so different hearing him say it than seeing it in a text.

I just let out a shaky breath, “I just miss my mom I suppose. And my favorite fork.”

There was a laugh, a small one that made my stomach twist, “You miss a fork?”

“Yeah,” I couldn’t hold back a little sniffle, “The third prong was bent a little bit. It was the best fork I’ve ever used.”

“‘S a bit weird,” he let out another little laugh, “But ‘s alright to miss things, you know.”

“‘S stupid,” I shook my head, “Needed to get out so bad and now ‘m crying cause I finally left.”

“Cal, it’s not stupid to miss where you lived most of your life,” it was weird to hear him say my name, “W-wait, you do go by Cal still, yeah? Like I mean I just figured but maybe you go by Calla I just-,” I cut him off though with a little giggle.

“No, no I go by Cal. It’s fine,” I sniffled again with a little smile.

“R-right, sorry,” he sounded relieved again, “But really, you know it’s okay to be upset, right?”

“Dunno. Seems a bit fucked up to me,” I admitted easily, “For the past two years I’ve basically been trying to get away and now I’m away and I’m sad.”

“It’s not fucked up,” I heard what sounded like sheets moving and I wondered if I was keeping him up, “It’s normal.”

I couldn’t help but ask, “Why are you up right now? Weren’t you up early?” I didn’t want to keep him up.

“Dunno,” he sounded like he was moving around again, “Wanted to make sure you were alright honestly. You like stopped blogging like an hour ago and I was a bit worried.”

The whole thing was just strange.

“I don’t want to like keep you up,” I told him, “You can go to bed I’m fine.”

“No, no ‘s fine. ‘S like nice to hear your voice,” he admitted the last part quietly. My stomach twisted again.

“You have an accent,” I admitted stupidly.

Then there was a laugh, like an actual laugh. One that was deep and probably rumbled his chest, “Pretty sure you already knew that, love.”

“‘S different to hear it,” I mumbled, feeling my face heat up.

There was a pause before, “Your voice isn’t like what I was expecting I think.”

“What do you mean? What were you expecting?” I asked a bit defensively, although I wasn’t sure if I was actually defensive or not.

“Dunno,” I wondered if he always talked so slow and was always so unsure, “Like. I knew you were American obviously. Just didn’t think you were that American.”

“You may wanna take that back, it seemed kinda offensive,” I smiled. It was stupid to let something like this make my night better. But, something stupid made me sad in the first place so maybe it was okay.

He laughed again, “Never said it was bad… I bet you giggle a lot.”

I wanted to laugh but I bit my lip instead, “Not really, no. You talk slow. Do you always talk so slow?”

“Heeeey,” he sounded like he was whining, “Don’t talk that slow.”

“A little bit,” I deadpanned, “It’s okay though. It’s nice. Very calming,” and then I realized how weird it sounded, so before he could respond I was backtracking, “Wow okay that sounded a lot less weird in my head. I’m sorry, wow.”

He let out another real laugh, “Wasn’t weird. Your voice is calming too. Even if you’re upset.”

“Thanks, I think,” the whole situation was making my stomach squirm a lot.

“Sorry if I like, freaked you out with like just calling you all of a sudden,” he mumbled, “I just. Got really worried. Fuck, that sounds much creepier than I wanted it to.”

"No no it's fine just unexpected. I don't know, just wasn't expecting to hear your voice. You kinda like keep yourself private on Tumblr," I brought up cautiously.

"No, you're right I do. Lets do this the right way, yeah? I'm Harry Styles."

*

We ended up talking for two hours and only hung up because I nearly fell asleep on him.

I woke up to my door opening.

“Cal, come to Central Park with me,” Scarlett sounded unamused still.

I just shuffled a little bit and nuzzled my face into the crisp white pillow under me, “Wha’ time is it?” I asked as I opened my eyes to see the room filled with light and Scarlett standing in my doorway.

“Almost noon,” she answered, sounding bored.

I sighed, I wanted to stay in bed and sleep but I knew I couldn’t. Not when Scarlett probably wanted to talk and god knows she wouldn’t talk to anyone else.

“I uh. Yeah lemme just wake up and change,” my voice was hoarse and my eyes stung.

“Okay. I’ll be in my room,” and then she was gone, the door shut behind her.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I wanted to hide in my room the whole day.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go to Central Park, because I did. I just wanted to be able to relax and try not to think about that fact that I now lived in New York far far away from my mom. I wanted to not think about that fact that I basically just ran away.

Instinctively, I grabbed my phone as I did every morning to check to see if I had any notifications. I didn’t know what I was expecting, maybe a text or a missed call from home, but all I had was a message from Harry.

‘Sweeeet dreams :) x’

I just started at my screen.

Right. He’d called me last night. And we’d talked for hours. And I’d cried. What the fuck was I supposed to say after that?

I typed out a quick message, one that hopefully would be vague and not all that interesting so he wouldn’t text me back.

‘Thaanks, hope you slept okay.’

Before I could even lock my phone again, the message had been read and the typing bubble had appeared.

‘You alright? x’

I needed to answer and then just put my phone on do not disturb for the rest of the day that way I could go hang out with Scarlett and just ignore Harry. As fucking terrible as that was.

‘Yeaaah. Just sleepy still.’

I quickly locked my phone and it on silent and rolled onto my back. My head felt fuzzy from crying the night before and I hated it.

Once I managed to get out of bed, I picked out something to wear as quick as possible because I didn’t feel like I should make Scarlett wait that long.

I pulled on some high waisted shorts and my favorite band t-shirt before I rushed into the bathroom to do something with my hair and brush my teeth.

As soon as I stood in front of the huge mirror in the bathroom I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. I knew who it was before I even looked at it.

‘You sure? x’

I didn’t want to answer but I couldn’t leave his message just sitting there.

‘Yeah. My cousin wants me to go ouuut.’

I locked my phone and put it down on the counter. I didn’t want to think about the night before or how nice Harry’s voice was or that I now knew his last name.

I washed my face and brushed my teeth and ignored the three messages I got while doing so.

If I thought about it too much it’d fuck me up and I wasn’t in the mood for that.

Once I was finished and I’d put my hair up, I walked out of the bathroom with my phone in my hand, still ignoring the fact that I had three messages. All of which I sort of expected were from Harry.

I found Scarlett downstairs sitting at the kitchen table, looking like she wanted to die.

“Thought you said you were gonna be in your room?” I looked at her as I sat down next to her at the island with my shoes in my hand along with a pair of sunglasses.

“Mom had to go through my closet for something. Didn’t want to be up there,” she grumbled.

I nodded, “Have you eaten?”

“Nope. Don’t really wanna eat here,” she shrugged, “I wanna go out to and grab food.”

I just nodded again, “Okay, well do you wanna leave?”

“Yeah, lemme just go run and grab my bag,” she got up off the stool and bounded up the stairs leaving me alone in the quiet.

And as much as I didn’t want to look at my phone, I had to.

‘Where are you going? x’

‘That sounded so much creepier than I intended I swear’

‘I just meant it like I might know good places to go I guess?’

I just stared at the messages. It made it sound like he was almost going to ask to meet me somewhere and I wasn’t really sure how I felt about that.

I wanted to meet him, of course I did. He’d became one of my best friends. But it was fucking terrifying because I had no idea what he looked like. None at all. And he knew things about me that no one else had ever known. And he was sort of horribly pretentious over Tumblr and I was scared.

‘Central Park maybe. My cousin wants to go and she wants food. where do we go?’

I locked my phone again and stuffed it in my pocket as Scarlett came back downstairs.

“Okay, I’m ready,” she called from the archway. I just nodded and got up and followed her and put my sunglasses on top of my head. I knew it was going to be bright out.

As soon as she opened the front door I realized maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, “Wait, does your mom know we’re leaving?”

Scarlett just scoffed, “Yes, I’m not that stupid.”

I rolled my eyes and nudged her arm, “Alright let’s go then.”

*

Central Park was huge and gorgeous, and deathly hot. So hot, I thought maybe I was going to cry.

The sun was blinding, even with sunglasses on, it was humid, and I was pretty sure I was starting to sweat through the mostly white shirt I was wearing.

“Scar, it’s hot,” I hated hot weather. Anything above 60 degrees made me want to never leave my house again.

“Shut up, it’s nice. We should find some place to swim,” she sounded enthusiastic about the prospect of going swimming.

I on the other hand, just rolled my eyes, “I’ll pass,” I mumbled as we walked up to a food cart that seemed to have some sort of thai food, “Shouldn’t we get ice cream or something?”

“It’d melt,” Scarlett deadpanned.

“I’m melting,” I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t expecting it to be this hot.

“Stop complaining, you should be happy,” Scarlett snapped.

“What should I be happy about?” I scoffed. I had no idea.

“That you’re not still in Columbus with your father.”

Right. Right.

Something under my skin itched.

“Y-yeah,” I mumbled. And I knew she was right. But that clearly wasn’t how things were working out.

Before she could say anything else my phone was buzzing in my back pocket. I should have thought it through, but I didn’t. I grabbed it and unlocked it quick.

‘It’s so hot out how are you in central park right now??’

I typed a message back, quick.

‘idk but i don’t wanna be here’

It was the truth, now I was sweaty uncomfortable and emotionally uncomfortable and I wanted to go back to the house so I could sleep in the nice cold confines of my new room.

Before I could put my phone away, Scarlett was ordering something and Harry was typing back.

‘whhy not??? central park’s preeeetty. Even if it is like 30 degrees out’

I rolled my eyes.

‘it’s like 97’

I hit send and then looked at the side of the cart at the menu to see if I wanted anything.

Everything sounded good, just not right then. Not when it was nearing a hundred degrees out and I was sweating and everything I could order was hot. I opted for just a bottle of water.

Around the food cart, there were places to sit, little picnic tables that had umbrellas. So while Scarlett waited for her noodles, I sat down and opened my bottle of water and pulled out my phone again.

‘you’re wrong’

‘What’re you guys doing anyway?’

I let out a sigh and I typed the response and read it at least six times before I sent it.

‘She’s getting food while i’m sitting dying’

It felt like he was trying to make plans or something and i didn’t know why but it made me feel funny. Not bad, just different. Mostly because I’d heard his voice and I was almost 100% sure that he wasn’t a creepy old man but I still hadn’t seen his face.

That was weird. It felt like something was off. I didn’t get why he knew so much about me but I didn’t even know where he went to school. But I was terrified to bring it up.

‘sooorrry :( x’

I couldn’t help but text him back quickly.

‘do you wanna know what my cousin said to me???’

It wasn’t my fault, I was so used to telling him everything and just because I’d now really heard his voice that wasn’t going to change.

‘Yeah, was it bad??’

I let out a sigh.

‘she told me i should be lucky that i’m here because i’m away from my dad. which like yeah, obviously but she could have said it a bit nicer or something’

‘And you feel guilty because you’re not happy?? That’s bullshit. being away from shitty people you still love doesn’t make everything 100% better x’

“Who’re you talking to?” Scarlett scared the absolute shit out of me. I quickly locked my phone.

“No one. Just a uhm. A friend,” I mumbled and shoved my phone back in my pocket.

“From like back in Ohio?” She asked with a raised eyebrow as she sat down with her carton of noodles.

I didn’t know what to tell her. I didn’t want to tell her I had a Tumblr because if I did, she’d ask what it was. But I couldn’t say Harry was a friend from back home because that was a straight lie.

“No,” I shook my head and hoped she wouldn’t pry.

“How do you know them then?” Scarlett picked up a pile of noodles with some chopsticks.

“Long story,” I ran my hand over my face. I was sweating.

“Where’s he live?” She asked.

“How do you know it’s a he?” I scoffed.

Scarlett just shrugged, “You freaked out when I walked over here.”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” I mumbled and tried to push the bun higher up my head.

“Yes it does,” she said around a mouthful of what smelt to be some sort of chicken noodles.

Before I could say anything else my phone was buzzing again.

‘Sorry I just realized that probably came off as way too strong and weird. I’m just worried x’

I just typed back quickly.

‘no you’re fine. it’s good. my cousin just came back that’s all.’

I glanced over at Scarlett again, “So how are you?”

She shrugged, “Don’t really know if I like it here yet.”

“Why not? You’ve always wanted to live here,” I knit my eyebrows at her even though she hadn’t looked up from her food.

“When I graduated,” she grumbled, “Not in the middle of high school.”

“You’re two years early, that’s okay,” I tried to justify. Really I just didn’t want her asking questions about me.

“No,” she scoffed, “Not when you had to leave the only boy that you’ve ever loved.”

I held back an eyeroll because I was sixteen once too, “There’ll be plenty of boys here.”

“Probably not. Not any like Mason,” Scarlett mumbled, picking at her food.

“Scar, you’ll find someone fifty times better than Mason here,” I tried to assure her.

“Doubt it,” Scarlett just shoved more noodles into her mouth. My phone vibrated again. I didn’t want to check it. Not with her sitting right next to me.

But then it vibrated again. I nervously grabbed my phone.

‘i hope you guys haaave fun’

‘i think i have something to assk you..’

I could feel my chest and throat tightened.

‘thaanks and yes?’

It was a minute before I saw the typing bubble.

“You look like you’re about to pass out. Why’re you so nervous?” Scarlett questioned.

I just shook my head, “I’m fine, just hot.”

But then my phone buzzed in my hand and I was scared to look down.

‘would you like maybe want to meet up sometime?’

I felt like maybe I was going to be sick. I should’ve expected it.

“Cal, you look like you’re about to puke, are you okay?” Scarlett sounded worried.

I just nodded quickly, “I uh. Just yeah. Fine.”

“What’s wrong?” She nudged my arm lightly as I still stared at the message.

I shook my head, “Nothing just like, really hot,” I lied easily. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t be rude but I was too terrified to even consider meeting him. So I sent him something to buy me more time.

‘what do you mean?’

It wasn’t even a minute before the typing bubble appeared.

‘like whatever you wanted. we could like go for dinner or something? or breakfast. we could get breakfast together maybe.’

And really what was I supposed to say? I didn’t want to shoot him down and lose our friendship completely. But meeting him, like actually meeting him was too terrifying to even comprehend.

‘yeah. like maybe sometime.’