Silenced Cries
Leave Some Moriphine at My Door.
I know this past month that I have been gone has not been the easiest for us. You told me once I left, we kind of left and distance makes you drift apart. But the way I see it, it can make you stronger too; it just depends on how much effort you actually want to put into it. I understand how chaotic our schedules are and all the little things that pop up keep us from seeing each other. I get that. The part that I do not comprehend is that there are other options out there. You know if I could afford it, I would be home every weekend just to see you and spend time with you outside of work. Even now I do anything in my power to make sure I see you, no matter what the circumstances may be. I guess what I'm trying to say is if I can make an attempt, so can you. I do not want this to get taken the wrong way because like I said, I know your car has its issues; you work almost every day, but there are other ways of getting down here to visit... plus it is one night out of an entire week. I miss your face. Not just your face. I miss your laugh, your smile, that arrogant grin you always give to me... Babe, I miss everything about you. Call that cheesy all you want, but that is exactly how I feel. It is funny saying such a thing because looking back on when we first met, I thought you were nothing more than a creep; that was the real reason behind why I was playing "hard t get." Besides, I also had feelings for someone else. However, you were so determined to get my attention that I wanted to give you a chance to prove you were good boyfriend material. Not exactly sure what it was, but you impressed me and I ended up falling for you. For me, I felt like it was a bad thing only because every time I would land in this type of situation, I ended up falling flat on my ass, getting hurt again and again, but deep down I trusted you and I still do... even though I probably have an awful way of showing it... the only reason I freaked out about not hearing from you for a period of time is because, again, I missed you a lot. Every time I knew you were working or out with friends, I would get jealous just because they got to see you and spend time with you, wondering if you wished it was me right there with you.
Looking back, our first month together was actually pretty great, regardless if we only saw each other at work or not. It was all the little things in between I miss so much. What I am really trying to say is if you still want to break up over distance, go ahead. I won't be mad. If you still want to be good friends, I am cool with that. Just realize I am going to still call and text you like normal, because that should not change a thing. But if you still want this relationship to work, please tell me. If you truthfully and honestly want to make this work, I am right here waiting. In my opinion, I know we can make it work... but if that is your call. I am not forcing you to do anything you do not want to be a part of. That is not the kind of person I am. I care, and I know you do to. Remember, people are always going to judge. Their opinion about you is invalid because the only opinion that matters is each others, right? We may have different personalities, but sometimes opposites attract. We really are not that different from each other like you claim us to be. I kind of wish I knew what you meant by that, but anyway, before I start rambling on about other non-sense, I hope you are reading this because it is honestly the words I could never find to express to you in person. Not sure why, but most likely because I am afraid of how you would react... it is probably for the best I do not know. After reading this, I would not be surprised if you find me super desperate and never want anything to do with me again. And if this is goodbye for good, I wish nothing but the best for you. You really do have something going for you, whether you want to believe it or not. Any girl would be lucky to have you. If I told you why, I am sure you would not believe me. Anyway, thanks for everything Derek. And when I mean everything, I mean everything. No regrets whatsoever.
Looking back, our first month together was actually pretty great, regardless if we only saw each other at work or not. It was all the little things in between I miss so much. What I am really trying to say is if you still want to break up over distance, go ahead. I won't be mad. If you still want to be good friends, I am cool with that. Just realize I am going to still call and text you like normal, because that should not change a thing. But if you still want this relationship to work, please tell me. If you truthfully and honestly want to make this work, I am right here waiting. In my opinion, I know we can make it work... but if that is your call. I am not forcing you to do anything you do not want to be a part of. That is not the kind of person I am. I care, and I know you do to. Remember, people are always going to judge. Their opinion about you is invalid because the only opinion that matters is each others, right? We may have different personalities, but sometimes opposites attract. We really are not that different from each other like you claim us to be. I kind of wish I knew what you meant by that, but anyway, before I start rambling on about other non-sense, I hope you are reading this because it is honestly the words I could never find to express to you in person. Not sure why, but most likely because I am afraid of how you would react... it is probably for the best I do not know. After reading this, I would not be surprised if you find me super desperate and never want anything to do with me again. And if this is goodbye for good, I wish nothing but the best for you. You really do have something going for you, whether you want to believe it or not. Any girl would be lucky to have you. If I told you why, I am sure you would not believe me. Anyway, thanks for everything Derek. And when I mean everything, I mean everything. No regrets whatsoever.