The Maroon Beret

-Sean-
The day Charlie left was by far the worst day of my life. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I didn’t handle her leaving well at all. I shut myself off from all my friends for the next week and it took Claude and Amanda coming over and literally dragging me out of my bed for me to even get up to go work out. It made me furious that they would disturb me. They didn’t understand I just wanted to crawl in a hole for six months and only come out once I had my other half back. They wanted me to act like nothing was wrong, when the truth was that everything was wrong. I finally got the girl I wanted for so long. I finally put a ring on her and made her mine. And then she had to leave me to spend six months in one of the most dangerous places in the world. I’ve been a complete pussy about it, but I don’t even care anymore.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, two weeks ago I got the phone call where the love of my life tells me she got shot in the shoulder. I thought I was going to puke right then and there. I immediately called my mother once I left the train car and just broke down. My mom has always been there for me, and telling her I got engaged was one of the few times in that month that I was truly happy. Unfortunately, my parents still haven’t met my Charlie in person. But they have talked many times over the phone and on Skype. They love her almost as much as I do, which makes me even happier. Without my mom, I don’t know what I would have done that day on the train. She’s the one who kept me from completely losing my shit.

Truth be told, since I pulled myself out of the hole I had created after she left and the season started, I’ve been performing really well. In the first six games of the season, I’ve score 5 goals and had 5 assists, including three 2-point games. I think the reason I’m doing so well is because I’ve found comfort on the ice. It’s a nice break from reality. For 60 minutes every few nights, my brain is able to get away from constantly worrying about my fiancee in a war zone half way across the world. I’m able to focus solely on beating the team and the goalie opposing me. Clearly it’s working, since so far we’ve got 5 wins and an overtime loss. I guess that kinda makes everything hurt a little less. Well, at least it doesn’t hurt more.

At the end of tonight’s 5-1 win over the Islanders, Hartsy decides that we’re all going to the bar for drinks. I really don’t want to, but Brayden jumps on the idea and practically forces me to go with them. He and Janine have both been telling me that I need to get out with them. They think that I spend too much time wallowing in self-pity, curled up on my couch. Which I probably do. But who can blame me when the love of my life is in constant danger in Afghanistan? I decide to agree to the bar tonight only so they back off for a little bit. She’s only been gone for two months, and I don’t think I will be able to handle four more of their persistent nagging.

When we get to the bar, we claim a whole bunch of tables in the corner and push them together. I head to the bar, deciding to only have one or two on the night. As I’m waiting for the bartender, a busty blonde woman slides up next to me and places her hand on my elbow. Fucking fantastic. “Hi.” She purrs. “I’m Kelsi. With an i not a y.”
“Sean.” I say nodding my head at her, acknowledging her presence but not really giving her a reason to continue talking to me. She’s clearly a bunny, and I just don’t have a need for that. “What’s your poison, Sean?” She asks, stroking my forearm.
“Just a beer.” I respond politely. I wish the bartender would hurry up. I’m not in the mood to deal with this right now.

“Are you here alone?” She asks. She’s definitely trying to get in my pants. She’s not exactly subtle.
“No, I’m with my friends.” I respond, pointing towards our tables. She laughs.
“I know that, silly!” She flips her hair over her shoulder. A couple years ago and I would have jumped at the chance to spend a night with a confident woman like her. But now, I just find her actions distasteful and annoying. She leans into my ear and her voice lowers. “I meant, are you here alone?” She asks, emphasizing the ‘alone’. I sigh and look at her. I don’t want to be rude, but she needs to go away now. I’m engaged, for fucks sake!
“I’m only here alone tonight because my beautiful fiancee is currently serving in Afghanistan.” I say. I see her face drop, but it only lasts a fleeting second.
“That’s a shame. You must be lonely.” She murmurs, running a finger down my chest. Are you kidding me? I roll my eyes and glance around, searching for a teammate willing to help me out. As her finger trails down my stomach I spot Rinaldo a couple yards away from me. My savior. Willing him to look at me, I take a step back from her prowling hands. I get lucky and he glances over, meeting my desperate stare. He instantly realizes what’s going on and heads over to us.

“Hello, beautiful. Is he boring you with stories of his ball and chain?” He laughs, sending her a wink. She smiles back and he starts working his charm, trying to pull her attention away from me. I’m not always a huge fan of his style when it comes to women, but this is a time where I’m eternally grateful for his flirtatious personality. I’m lucky enough to sneak away as he’s buying her a new drink and I slink back to the tables where I collapse next to my captain.

“What was that about?” He asks, raising an eyebrow at me.
“Some bunny that couldn’t get the message.” I respond, groaning. “Even after I told her I’m engaged.”
“Sucks to be a pretty face, eh?” He chuckles.
“I guess.” I respond, showing my lack of enthusiasm for the night. He stops laughing and looks at me, his face completely serious.
“Just enjoy tonight, Couts.” He says. “Relax for a couple hours and think about something else for once.” I sigh. He doesn’t get it.
“I tried not worrying. I was relaxed. And then I got a phone call from my fiancee telling me she got shot.” I pause, and the next time I speak my voice is quiet. “You don’t get it, G. Every second of the day, I live in fear that I could get a phone call from the Air Force telling me that the love of my life is gone forever.” Sadness washes over his face and I think he finally understands where I’m coming from. We’re both quiet for a while, sipping on our beers.

“Have you thought about talking to someone?” He finally asks. I start to protest, but he cuts me off. “I’m serious. You’re going through a lot right now. Even if it’s not a therapist or something, maybe you could find a local support group for military families. You know we’re all a family, and we want to do whatever we can to help you. But obviously none of us know what to do in this situation. You’re right, I don’t get it. I can see what you’re going through, but I don’t know what you’re feeling. Maybe someone who does know will be able to help you.”

Polishing off my beer, I sit back and think about his suggestion. It’s not bad, honestly. Maybe other military families will be able to help me figure out how to live my life outside of the rink while Charlie is gone. I know my friends are doing the best they can, but right now it’s just not enough.

“You’re right, man. Maybe that would help me out.” I admit.
He nods and pats my back, standing up. “Just let us know if there’s anything you need from us.” He heads over to the bar, leaving me alone briefly with my thoughts. I’m seriously considering the idea he proposed to me when my best friend’s fiancee sits down next to me.
“Sean, hun. Your brain is smoking.” She lets out a little laugh. I feel a stab to my gut.
“That’s the same thing Charlie usually says to me.” I say, frowning. Her smile falters.
“I’m sorry, Sean.” She looks guilty. Great, now I feel bad.
“No, J. It’s not your fault. I’m just not in a good place right now. I’m missing her too much and everything is making me think of her. I need her to come home, you know?”
“I know, sweetheart.” She says, rubbing my shoulders. “Maybe you should just go home.”
“That might just be the best suggestion I’ve heard all night.” I say, giving her a small smile. We both stand and I lean down to kiss her cheek. “Thanks, Janie.”

After saying good night to a couple of my teammates, I head out to my car. Half way there, I suddenly become aware of the click of a pair of high heels behind me. I turn and am faced with the same girl from before. I groan internally.
“You’re leaving already?” She coos. “The night was just getting started.”
“Yeah, I’m not really in the mood for it right now. Sorry.” I turn, hoping that she’ll get the hint and go back inside. Of course my luck isn’t that great.
“You know, you’re really cute when you smile. Maybe we could head back to your place together and see if I can make it appear.” I sigh. She just doesn’t get it.

“Look, I think you’re a nice girl, but I’m not interested. I am engaged, and I love my fiancee more than anything in the world. Even though she’s half way across the world, I’m simply not looking for anyone else. I’m sorry.” I hope that was nice enough while still making my point made. It seems so as she huffs and turns on her heels, walking back to the bar. I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding and continue towards my car. I don’t care if it makes me a loser, I can’t wait to get home and curl up in bed.

‘Oh, Charlie. I need you back now.’