The Maroon Beret

-Brayden-
No one was really surprised a couple of weeks ago when Kelsi eventually made an official apology, admitting to lying about everything. We all knew Charlie was going to put her in her place. Sean didn’t tell us much about what happened that day at the hospital, but he did mention to me that Charlie said some stuff that put him in a really awkward position. Hey, I figure as long as the psycho bitch is gone it was worth it.

Janine is officially four months pregnant, and we’ve officially announced it to the world. When we called my family, my sisters were beyond excited and my mom cried. Janine’s brothers were surprisingly excited too. I guess since we’re already engaged they know I’m not going to bail on her. The doctor told us yesterday at our appointment that by next month’s check up we will be able to find out the gender. I’m still scared out of my mind about this whole thing, but it’s finally starting to feel real and I’m getting more and more excited each day.

The most exciting thing about today, though, is that Charlie is finally coming home. We were supposed to have practice this afternoon, but when Sean got the call that she was going to be released Chief moved it up to this morning so he and I could go get her. I know the guys are planning something for when we get back, but I’m not sure what. Janine practically begged us to let her come too, even though it means she’ll have to sit in the car for a couple of hours. I keep forgetting that she hasn’t seen Charlie yet, and when she reminded me of that I instantly agreed that she could come.

Janine came to practice with us, and as soon as we were done the three of us hopped into the car and made our way to DC. I let Janine sit up front with Sean and stretched out in the back seat. We’re about half an hour away now, and Sean is beyond excited.

“Did you get all the stuff done in the new house yet?” Janine asks him, turning the radio down.
“Yeah I think so. I got the important stuff done, at least. The bathroom and the kitchen are done. I ordered the furniture and it’s supposed to come this weekend. I haven’t figured out how I’m going to actually get it in the house without her knowing, since we’re going to be in Boston. I was planning on them dropping it off and then going over when we get home. But I can’t exactly sneak around anymore.” He responds.
“I’ll do it.” Janine says. My head snaps up.
“No you won’t.” I say.
“Why not?” She asks.
“You’re four months pregnant with my child. You’re not going to be moving furniture around. Absolutely not.” She laughs.
“I didn’t mean I’ll move the stuff. I’ll drag you and Luke along or something for that. I meant I’d make sure it all gets placed in the right spots. You know, boss you guys around.”
“Oh. Okay. As long as I’m there that’s okay.” I sigh, relived that she’s not completely crazy.
“You’d really do that for me?” Sean asks.
“Of course, hun.” She responds. “You have nothing to worry about. Just give Brayden a key to the house and let me know when they’re dropping everything off.”

We pull into the Walter Reed parking lot and Sean takes a big breath.
“She’s finally coming home.” He says.
“Yup. Now let’s go get her!” I respond.

We head into the building and make our way up to Charlie’s room where she’s finishing up packing her clothes into a duffle bag. When she hears us come in, her head pops up and a huge smile spreads across her face.
“Janine!” She yells.
“Charlie!” Janine yells back, rushing forward and capturing her in a big hug.
“Let me see your belly!” Charlie demands. Janine lifts her shirt and shows off the tiny bump where our baby is growing inside her. I’ll admit, I get a little emotional every time I see it. That’s my baby in there. The women laugh and chatter away as Charlie continues to toss things into her duffle.

It’s honestly amazing to see Charlie walking around like nothing is wrong, when we all know that underneath her sweatpants she’s missing a leg. Every once in a while her leg twists a bit and if you aren’t aware that it’s fake, her foot seems to turn a little too much. But other than that, you can hardly tell anything is not normal. It suddenly hits me just how strong Charlie is. We’ve all been saying how amazing she is, and how much we respect everything that she’s gone through. But to see her right now compared to the woman I saw a couple months ago right after she came home, it’s a totally different story. Even just a couple of weeks ago, Charlie was still stuck in a wheelchair most of the time. Now, with her prosthetic, everything is a lot easier and she seems like her old self again.

“I have to check out, but then I’m free to go.” Charlie says, zipping her last bag.
“Okay. We’ll take your bags down to the car and Janine will stay with you.” Sean says, giving her a kiss.
Charlie doesn’t have a lot of stuff, so we both grab a bag and head out the door.
“She looks good.” I say. “She looks healthy.”
“Yeah. The prosthetic has completely changed everything. She’s actually independent now.” He replies.

My phone buzzes and it’s a notification from twitter that Charlie has posted something. I open it up and smile at the selfie she took with Janine.

”@SrACharlieC: Reunited with this future momma and it feels so good! #TimeToGoHome #WWP”

We throw her bags into the trunk and head back into the building to get our women. As we’re waiting for the elevator, a nurse comes up to us and gives Sean a small hug.
“You excited to finally take her home?” She asks.
“You have no idea.” Sean is beaming. “Oh this is Christina, Charlie’s nurse.” He says to me. “Christina, this is my teammate and best friend, Brayden Schenn.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Christina says, shaking my hand. “Listen, before you go I just wanted to talk to you about Charlie real quick.”
Sean and I both notice the wariness in her voice.
“What about?” Sean asks. Christina pauses for a moment, trying to find the right words.

“I’ve seen a lot of wounded veterans come through here. Every single one of them has had some sort of emotional or mental breakdown. What they’ve gone through- war.... it’s a tough thing to experience. That sounds obvious, but most of the time us civilians forget about that. Most of them have terrorizing nightmares, random flashbacks, anxiety, you name it. All the normal symptoms of PTSD. And most of them have one moment when they completely fall apart. They hit rock bottom and it’s scary for them and the people around them.”

“What does this have to do with Charlie?” Sean asks.
“Charlie hasn’t had that yet.” She responds.
“Charlie’s a tough girl.” I say.
“They’re all tough. Every military member is tough. Yes, Charlie is emotionally and mentally one of the strongest people I’ve met. But they all break eventually. She hasn’t shown any of those signs. None at all. Which is completely unusual, and most likely means that she’s hiding them. I just wanted to warn you about this, because I know it’s going to happen eventually. She will break down, and it will be terrifying for both her and you.”
“What do I do?” Sean asks.
“Whatever you can. First and foremost, keep her calm. Reassure her that she’s home with you and that she’s safe. I’d also suggest you having a strong relationship with the therapist she will be seeing.”
“We agreed that she’d see the team’s therapist, so that’s completely doable.”
“Sean, I’m sorry if I’m worrying you. But the reality is that I’ve never seen a patient come through who didn’t have some mental breakdown. Even those who came in with simple gunshot wounds, who were able to leave in two weeks and return to their duties. Charlie lost a limb and with it her job. I just want you to be prepared for what’s likely going to happen, so that you can help her the best you can.”
“Thank you, Christina.” He says sincerely.
“Of course.”

We step into the elevator and I press the button for Charlie’s floor.
“You’re freaking out right now.” I state.
“I don’t know.” Sean responds. “She seems fine to me, you know? She seems like normal Charlie.”
“But you think Christina was right.”
“I know Christina is right. I read so much stuff about PTSD and what wounded veterans are usually like when they first come home. Charlie hasn’t shown any of that and it isn’t normal.”
“What are you going to do?” I ask.
“Exactly what Christina suggested. I have to be there for her. I’m just afraid she might break when I’m not home.” He admits.
“I saw a thing on the news the other day about this new type of service dogs. They’re like the ones for blind people, but they’re used for PTSD patients. They cant tell when the person is having a nightmare and you can train them to turn on the lights and wake them up and stuff. And then it’s a dog so the person isn’t alone. You know?”
“That actually makes sense. Maybe I’ll suggest adopting a puppy once we’re settled into the new house.”
“Do you think she’s having nightmares?” I ask, cautiously.
“Probably. But knowing my Charlie, she’s never going to say anything about it. Not until she wakes me up screaming in the middle of the night and I force her to tell me about them.”

He’s probably right.

-Charlie-
Of course I’ve been having nightmares. Everyone in the military does, even those who don’t get sent home after almost being blown up. It’s just part of what we have to deal with, and I get it. But I’m not going to worry everyone by announcing it every time I wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, feeling like I can’t breathe. They’re always the exact same and I can handle them on my own. I certainly don’t want to be one of those patients you hear in the middle of the night screaming their head off for half an hour. I refuse to have a mental breakdown like that.

I had one last night, which is why I’m a bit tired today. I think Janine can tell there’s something wrong, but she hasn’t said anything yet. I’m just finishing up signing the release forms when the boys come back into the room. They both look a little upset at first, but shake it off once they realize we’re ready to go. We head out the door and I wave goodbye to most of the nurses on the floor. Sean is pushing my wheelchair, which I’m not too happy about having to take. I don’t want it, and I’m never going to use it. But the hospital insists I take it, “just in case.” Brayden has my crutches, which they’re making me take as well. At least those aren’t as bad, and actually have a practical use. I’ve used them a couple times in the middle of the night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom and don’t want to put my prosthetic on.

When we reach the bottom floor, I spot Christina helping her new patient towards the physical therapy wing. I call out to her and she stops so I can walk over to her.

“Thank you so much for everything you did for me.” I say, giving her a hug.
“Oh, Charlie. It has been my pleasure working with you. Give me a call if you ever need anything, okay?” She responds, reciprocating the hug.
“Absolutely.”

I pull away and give her another smile before heading back to the front doors where my entourage is waiting for me. I grab onto Sean’s free hand and take my first steps back out into the world on my own. Sean opens the passenger door for me and I can see him hesitate. The gentleman in him wants to offer his hand for me to get up into the high-set Rover. But he also knows me well enough that he knows I don’t like relying on other people, especially now. I give him a small smile and stick out my hand for him to take. He looks relieved and he grabs it, helping me up. Before he can shut the door, I grab the collar of his shirt and pull him towards me, wrapping him into a hug. I nuzzle my nose into his neck and he wraps his arms around me. We both take a deep breath in and let it out, as if we’re one person. I pull back and run my fingers through his thick hair.
“I love you.” I say.

“I love you too, Charlie.” He responds, bringing his lips to mine.

“Okay, love birds. Let’s get this show on the road.” Brayden chuckles from the back seat.
Sean smiles as he pulls away from me and gently shuts the door.
“He’s perfect.” I sigh as he walks around the car to get to the driver’s side. I hear both Brayden and Janine laugh behind me and can’t help but smile. Once we get into the car and out onto the highway, I turn around in my seat to look at Janine.
“So tell me all about how your wedding planning is going.” I say.
The boys grumble a little, but Janine and I become engrossed in our discussion about wedding details, that eventually turn into baby planning as well.

It isn’t until we’re somewhere in Delaware that the boys rejoin the conversation.
“Luke says he’s at G’s house. He took my car with him so you gotta drop us off there so we can get it.” Brayden says.
“Okay.” Sean replies.
“Luke also says he and G want to see Charlie.... so no drop and ditch.” He laughs.
“Is that okay with you, babe?” Sean asks me.
“Yeah. It’ll be nice to see them.” I respond, mentally going through what I remember about G’s house. It’s become a habit of mine recently, since I’ve started wearing the prosthetic constantly. I go through in my mind what obstacles I might face when I’m in certain places. For example, I know that at the Wells Fargo Center I’m going to have to be careful of the seats in the family box. The rows are really close to one another, so I’ll probably have to end up sitting on the end. That way my prosthetic doesn’t end up at a weird angle and people will be able to get by me easily.

Before I know it, we’re crossing over the Walt Whitman bridge into New Jersey and almost home. I’m feeling so excited, but I’m also a little nervous. Everything is about to change. My life as a member of the military is over, and as of right now I’m going to have to figure out what to do with this new part of my life. I know I have a wedding to plan now, a hockey player fiancee to support, and maybe a couple children to raise. But is that all I want my life to be from now on?

We pull up to G’s house and get out of the car. Sean eyes me as we reach the steps leading up to his front door, but despite the little bit of snow on the ground I climb them without any problems. Brayden opens the door and lets Sean and me go first.
“Luke said they’re in the basement.” Brayden says.
“You go first.” I say to Sean, hoping he won’t make a big deal out of this small request. He looks at me and gives me a small kiss before opening the door to the basement and heading down the stairs. G doesn’t have any railings on the walls, so I hold onto Sean’s shoulders as we make our way down.

We reach the landing and I realize it’s eerily quiet. I know from experience that whenever you have more than one hockey player in a room, it’s never silent. I peak around Sean’s broad shoulders and am taken back with what I see.

Instead of G’s usual man-cave set up, the couches have been pushed to the side and there’s a huge banner that says “Welcome Home!” on it. Underneath the banner is the entire Philadelphia Flyers roster, and half of their families.

“WELCOME HOME!” They all shout. Tears flood my eyes and I grasp on to Sean’s shirt, trying to take everything in. They’re all here for me.

G walks over to where we are and pulls me into a tight hug. I can see the line to see me forming behind him.
“I know I already told you this a couple weeks ago, but I’m so glad you’re home. Not just because Couts isn’t moping anymore, but also because I love you like a little sister and I couldn’t imagine what it would be like if you weren’t okay. I’m so proud of you.”
He kisses my forehead and smacks Sean on the shoulder before walking away.

My next forty-five minutes are spent greeting the nearly fifty people packed into G’s basement, and by the time I get to the final person I feel like I don’t have any more happy tears left to shed. Everyone always says that in the NHL your team is like your family. And I’ve heard stories about how the guys have taken care of each other, like they took care of Sean while I was gone. But I’ve never actually experienced that myself. It’s amazing, and I’m so glad that I get to call myself a part of this group for years to come.