Hypocrite

“YOU HAVE FIVE NEW MESSAGES, AND ZERO SAVED MESSAGES. TO LISTEN TO NEW MESSAGES, PRESS ONE-”

“Iris? Frank told me that you and Gerard got into an argument last night. Want to talk - MESSAGE DELETED.”

“Maybe you forgot the password to your voicemail again, but I thought I would try anyway. Please call me if you get this, Iris. I just want to talk to you - MESSAGE DELETED.”

“I figured you wouldn’t answer since you don’t have my number. This is Frank, Terra’s boyfriend? I just wanted to know if you could get in contact with Gerard. He’s been a real wreck. He really likes you, I thought maybe you could talk to him and see - MESSAGE DELETED.”

“Iris! Stop it, it’s been five days and I haven’t seen you once. I know you’re alive, I could smell the pot from your apartment when I came over. Answer your phone or so help me, I will - MESSAGE DELETED.”

I dropped the phone from my hands and let it plop unceremoniously into the toilet. I shut the lid on it, and with a push of the lever the device flushed down the toilet. Hopefully it wouldn’t clog; I didn’t need vomit backing up into my house again. Disgustedly, I tiptoed around the crusted over barf on the floor from the aforementioned incident, and made my way into the kitchen. All my food was gone - I had forgotten to shut the fridge, so everything inside went rotten. With the dents in the walls, and the front of the refrigerator, I guess in my anger I threw around a lot of canned food.

With complete disregard for how I looked, I piled all my hair on top of my head in a messy bun and shoved my feet into my sneakers. I had exactly seven dollars and sixty-three cents in my wallet – it was time for breakfast. Maybe some Febreze, if I had the money left over. My apartment smelled like marijuana and family dishonor.

Three yelps happened simultaneously when I opened the front door - one from me, and two from my visitors that were just about to knock. We all stared at each other for exactly two seconds. Then, Iris’ face contorted into fury I haven’t seen since some guy cut in front of us in line to see Avengers at the movies. I didn’t have time to react to the backhand that hit me in the face from my best friend. It was enough to knock me on my ass, and it wasn't worth it to hold my cheek as she began to tear into me.

“What the actual fuck, Iris! God, I fucking hate you so much. You disappear for almost a week with no word, not even the decency to let me know you were okay! You could be dead and rotting in here and I wouldn’t have even known! Holy shit, you’re so fucking stupid,” She ranted on and on as I finally climbed back to my feet and pushed by her and her cohort that I barely recognized. He was too familiar, but I couldn’t place it. I almost cared enough to think about it, but the stinging in my face and the rumbling in my tummy were enough to take over.

Terra followed me, blabbering at my back the whole way down the street to McDonald’s. Armed with a McGriddle and an orange juice, I shuffled back to my apartment in silence. Just as I was about to take my fourth sip of my drink, Terra smacked it out of my hands and onto the ground. She’d finally stopped talking.

“Are you done?”

“No, I want to deck you in your stupid fucking face. I don’t even know why I’m friends with you.”

“I don’t know, either. What do you want, Terra?” I was being a bitch again. Terra’s face finally softened, and she reached forward to try and pull me in a hug. I stood stiff as a board, but she clung to me anyway. She smelled like a new body spray. It made my nose itch.

“I just wanted to know you were okay, Iris. I was so scared,” Her voice was watery, and I knew she was on the verge of crying. I didn’t say anything, and she finally let go. God, I must smell awful, her nose probably itches, too. As she wiped at her eyes, I briefly pondered when the last time I’d showered was. Six days ago, right before Frank’s party? That sounds about right.

We headed back to my apartment, and Terra’s face contorted in horror at what happened here, “What the fuck, Iris? What the fuck?”

“If it bothers you, clean it for me,” I waved a hand at her and fell onto the couch to pick at my McGriddle. Terra’s friend sat down gingerly on the couch next to me, and we both watched as Terra grumbled around my apartment, picking up clothes and garbage and stray canned food. One of them must have burst, since there was a beautiful abstract artwork of creamed corn on my wall.

“I’m Mikey, if you don’t remember. Gerard’s brother.”

“Okay,” I said, more interested in my food than in this bespectacled nerdy-looking dude - especially one that’s related to Gerard. No, thank you. Greasy fast food is awesome, brothers to one-night-stands are not.

“Uh, can you not be mad at me? I kinda want to be friends with you,” I crammed the last of my food in my mouth and scrunched my face into the most incredulous look I could muster for Mikey. This only served to make him laugh, and he finally leaned back into my couch and made himself comfortable.

“I’ve seen your art around; one of my other friends likes your work a lot. I think it’s interesting.”

“That’s a new one.”

Mikey only laughed at me again and we sat in silence as Terra cleaned my apartment and called me a slob over and over and over.