This Is Only the Beginning

As usual I awoke before sunrise. I had had little sleep and yet I wasn't tired. The house was quiet. Crickets chirped in the distance. However, I wasn't the only one awake. Rick sat on the couch, staring at the floor.
"You couldn't sleep either huh?" I whispered.
"Nah, to much on my mind I guess." He sighed.
I looked over at the bedroom. The door was cracked, inside Carl slept soundly.
"He's going to be okay." I assured him.
"Thanks to you and Hershel."
We sat there in silence for a moment.
"I don't know if I could go on if he didn't pull through. I know it would kill Lori."
I was a little shocked at his remark.
"People die all the time and it's sad but, losing a child hits so much deeper. They never had a chance at a full life."
Who would have thought I would be this depressed so early in the morning?
"It isn't fair when it happens. In fact it hurts like hell. Everyday you spend without them you just want to die so you can be together again and yet, you find yourself living another day. As time goes on, the pain dulls but it never truly goes away." I shed a tear.
"You speak as though you know the feeling."
"Three years ago." I sighed.
"I'm sorry. I could never imagine what that's like."
"It's okay. It took a long time but I've accepted it." I said half honestly.
"I look at this everyday as a reminder that she's always with me wherever I go." I smiled, opening the locket around my neck.
"She looks just like you. What's her name?" He asked, smiling.
"Lily. Her name was Lily." I smiled.
"What happened to her? If you don't mind me askin'."
I hesitated unsure whether or not to talk about it. Rick needed positive thoughts right now. Maybe he just wanted a distraction.
"She had acute myelogenous leukemia. Doctors did everything they could but, she didn't respond to treatment. One night she went to sleep and never woke up."
"I'm so sorry Erie."
We sat there in silence after that. It felt like ages before Rick spoke again.

***
The rise of the morning greeted Rick and I sometime later. We had spent a good portion of the night sharing are fondest memories of the past. We only broke our communication when the front door opened.
"You guys are up early."
"Who says we went to sleep? What do you need Glenn?" He asked the young man.
I'm learning more names everyday.
"Shane's rallying everyone around the RV. He's making groups to send out to search for Sophia."
"Be right there." Rick told Glenn.
"Hey Rick, could you use another pair of eyes?" I asked.
"Couldn't hurt. Come on." He motioned me on.

Everyone was gathered around the RV as Glenn had said including Maggie and Beth. I hadn't even seen them come downstairs. I must have been really focused on Rick and I's conversation.
"How long has she been missin'" Maggie asked.
"This'll be day three." Mr. Crossbow answered.
"Mornin' everyone. Erie's offered her service to us in searching for Sophia." Rick announced when we walked up to the RV.
Everyone nodded in agreement.
"Here's a survey map. Show's terrain and elevations." Hershel said handing Rick a rolled up map.
"We'll grid the whole area, start searching in teams." Rick stated, unrolling the map.
"Not you. Not today. You gave three units of blood. You wouldn't be hiking five minutes before passing out." Hershel demanded.
"And your ankle," he began, pointing at Shane, "Push it now, you'll be laid up a month. You'll be no use to anybody."
"In that case, Daryl, you and Erie head back to the creek work your way up from there."
So that's Mr. Crossbows name, Daryl.
"I can still be useful." Shane insisted.
"I'll drive up to the interstate, see if Sophia wandered back."
My mind wondered out as Rick explained everyone else s positions.
Great. I'm sure he'll have plenty more questions to bug me with.
"I hate to be the one to ask, but what happens if we find her and she's bit?" I heard the blonde woman ask.
"I think we should all be clear on how we handle that. You do what has to be done." Rick stated.
"And her mother? What do you tell her?" I found myself asking.
"The truth."

****
I ran inside to get my gear. To my surprise Daryl was already gone. Beth pointed me in the direction he had left. It took me a minute but I caught up to him.
"Hey!" I called after him.
"What the hell?" I asked winded.
"I'm better on my own. Don't need no tiny girl holding me back." He remarked.
"Um excuse me. I can take care of myself thank you very much." I snapped.
"Fine be on your own then. I'll be back before dark."
With that he walked away.
"Fine." I spat.
Who does he think he is talking to me like that, like I'm some defenseless woman? The nerve. I can't believe I thought he was attractive. Not anymore.

****
I wandered around the woods for awhile. There were no usable signs of Sophia. No footprints, torn clothes, nothing. A snarling noise in the distance caught my attention.
What the hell? I could blow off some steam.
I went in search of the snarl.
Well there's something you don't see everyday. A walker was hanging from a tree.
"Dumbass didn't know enough to shoot himself in the head." Daryl stated causing me to jump.
"Turned himself into a big swinging piece of bait." He added.
"Hanging up there like a big pinata if you think about it." I said.
"Come on let's head back." He insisted.
"Aren't you going to..."
"No. He ain't hurtin' nobody. Waste of an arrow."
I shrugged I guess he's right. He can't do much harm not being on the ground.
"Did you find anything?" I asked.
"Nah."
And that was the last time either of us spoke the whole way back.

****
No one was outside when we returned. A loud commotion was coming from the house. We ran inside. I knew something was wrong the minute we entered. Patricia was a wreck. Clinging onto Jimmy with everything she had. Daryl's group was crowded around, looking unsure of what they should do.
What the hell was going on?
That's when I saw him.
Shane.
He was standing in the corner. Something was different about him. His overall presence had changed.
But where was Otis?
Oh no.

****
It was cooler outside since the sun had set. The air was refreshing with a slight chill to it. My heart was breaking for Hershel and his family, especially Patricia. Otis was everything to her. He was always such a kind man. It was hard to believe he was gone. If it wasn't for him and Shane, Carl wouldn't be here either. For that I am thankful. I know Rick and Lori are too. They get more time with their son.
"Hey Erie."
I hadn't heard Beth come out.
"Hey, you okay?" I asked, hugging her.
"Yeah, well, as good as you can be at a time like this."
"How's Patricia?"
"Barely holding it together. I made her some tea. It seemed to help."
We sat there awhile. Listening to the sounds of nature. Praying to the Goddess for guidance and healing. Two things we're in desperate need of right now.