As I Follow This Little Lies

Sydney lied in bed, hugging her cat Freaky. It was late night and everyone were asleep. They arrived at Billie's mother house late afternoon. Sydney put on some make up to cover her bruises, but still there were questions what happened to her. After delicious supper she left to her bedroom, telling everyone she was very exhausted. Billie tried to stop her, but in the end she left them. She didn't really sleep. First, she was writing some songs. Tried, but she managed to write only couple of verses and some other that could work better for other songs. She missed playing on stage. She missed being nervous about the show, going out on the stage and singing her songs, with her friends.

When she was sick of staring at the notebook and felt like tearing the pages to the pieces, she throw the notebook somewhere on the floor and buried her face into the pillow. She hated being alone in moments like this. Thinking was like a mental suicide. All this questions Whatt if.. or sad memories coming back to her...
There were so many, she felt hated and useless. Her parents hated her. Her friends also. It felt like everyone hated her and she couldn't stand it. She always regretted she didn't leave for New York with Matt, but he was always the one and only perfect child in her family and she wanted to prove she could achieve something also, without going everywhere with him. There was always only him. They never thought she needed something. And when she dropped out from school , after Matt went to New York, it was hell. That's why she left her so called home.

That was one of the best moments in her life. Then she met Billie. They started dating.. It soon ended when Sydney decided to broke up with him. She couldn't stand all the glares she received. Maybe that was stupid, but she had low self esteem. She said back then that he can find someone better. That she can't be a good girlfriend for him. Now it was so obvious, why Brittany was telling her, she made a good decision and that now it can only be better. That Billie didn't really take her seriously. Everyday Sydney questioned herself, if she did good move. She had her friends. They are the most important people in the world. she thought. So when suddenly Billie appeared in Allison's house, where Sydney lived from the time she ran away from her house, there appeared another question in her head. Why does he insist on giving him second chance if he didn't do anything bad to her? Why he cares so much?. He was so desperate that he proposed to her. Before she could think, she agreed. That's when everything changed.

She hugged Freaky tighter, but not to tight, so little kitten wouldn't run away. Tears started leaking down her face. She never told Billie everything. She was mad at herself for that. There was something that didn't let her tell him all her fears, how she felt. Sydney never fully showed herself in front of Billie. Whenever she felt like telling him something, she stopped and ignored it and lied everything was okay. Inside she felt a little lonely, keeping everything locked up inside. She hated herself for complaining too much or being often so distant at times.

The doors cracked open and she hastily wiped her tears. Person that just walked in, closed the door quietly and crept to the bed. Sydney sat up in her bed as the person walked over to the bed and sat on it.

"Oh.. I thought you was sleeping." Billie said surprised.

"I couldn't.. sleep." she replied, making a space for Billie on bed, which was rather for one person then two. He lied down and wrapped his arms around her.

"I couldn't sleep too." he said quietly. Freaky got up and lied on Billie's chest, purring loudly. "Now I won't sleep either." he chuckled and started stroking thick fur. Sydney stared in darkness at him, not saying a word. She didn't even know what to say. She lied her head on his arm and hoped to finally fall asleep.

"Hey, Syd?"

"Hm?"

"Do you want go anywhere tomorrow?"

"Oh,.. I would like, but..."

"But?" he asked after a while.

"If I didn't look like this.. I would like to, but I don't think it's the best idea now.."

"Oh.. okay." he replied quiet disappointed.

"Billie?"

"Yea?"

"Maybe we just watch some movie here at home, hm?" she asked, but then added. "Or we can play together some songs. I haven't played my bass for quiet some time."

"Okay. Sounds good." he yawned and lied his head on top of hers. Soon he fell asleep and Sydney decided to try get some sleep also.
It didn't quite work for the most of the night....

The next day Sydney woke up and noticed Billie was gone. She sighed and sat up in bed. She stretched her arms and froze as her eyes lied on Billie reading her notebook with songs! At first she just opened and closed her mouth staring at him, but second later she jump out from her bed.

"What the hell are you doing?" she exclaimed

"Oh.. Hi Syd. I didn't notice you waking up, sorry." he smiled at her and returned to reading her songs.

"Billie! That are my songs!"

"Yea." he nodded with a smile. "I never expected you to write so open about your feelings."

She blushed slightly as he blew her a kiss and returned once again to reading. She sat on the edge of bed and looked at the floor hopelessly.

"Seriously, why aren't you this open everyday?" Billie said in disbelief. He chuckled and started reading.


I don't know how it all ends
But I know there's a paradise
And I know that the wind will bring
My heart to you

I'll cry out your name the way I know
But it's not the last goodbye
'cause I know that the wind will blow
my voice to you

I will raise my eyes up to the sky
'cause I know you are there for me
I'll let the wind take my voice
Up there to you

And it will sing your name, my love to you
And you will know I'm always here for you
Wherever you are
Wherever you are
And I'll go on laughing for you
You're always with me

Oh the darkness will not,not fall
'cause true love will never die
When I cry the wind will take my tears
To shine with you

And it will sing your name my love to you
And you will know I'm always here for you
Wherever you are
Wherever you are
And I'll go on singing for you
You're always with me
Always with me
Always with me

As he finished, Sydney was blushing and looking at the floor. He got up from the floor and walked over to her, handing her the notebook.

"You should sing that for me sometime later. I haven't heard you singing for quiet some time" he kissed her gently and left the room. Sydney stared at the notebook for a little while and than tossed it somewhere near the desk. She wasn't happy that he saw this, but she couldn't be mad at him for seeing this. He wanted her to sing this for him.. Maybe it wasn't so bad in the end?
Smiling, she took some clothes from her suitcase and went to the bathroom....