As I Follow This Little Lies

Hospital wasn't one of the most pleasant places, especially in this state Sydney found herself in. Allison said that maybe she was wrong about being pregnant, but as soon as they found themselves in the hospital it was confirmed. Sydney had to deal with it. At first she thought that maybe she could get an abortion, but then she realized she'd be the worst person on the earth and she wouldn't be able to deal with something like this. She accepted her fate and decided to keep the child. Keep it secret as long as she could. In couple of months that would be a really hard thing to do. She considered disappearing somewhere for that last couple of months. About this plan she didn't say Allison. She didn't want her to stop her in any way.

Mornings seemed to be the worst in this situation. Sydney insisted she was only sick and surprisingly everyone expect Allison, who knew the truth, fell for it. She began also trying to eat healthy food, stay away from inhaling cigarettes and she didn't even look at the alcohol. After two weeks, Sydney got used to everything. Even the thought about being a mom. She started to like the idea.

Billie tried talking to her, but he failed as she always said she doesn't have time for him. It was hard for her to lie to him, but in the end he had his girlfriend back, so why did he bother on talking with her or even hanging out? She was afraid he'd find out about their kid. For some reason, telling him wasn't the best thing. That's how Sydney saw things. Black.

Another day, another concert and great audience and screaming her heart out, Sydney was exhausted and she needed to take a quick shower quickly and get to bed. She tried to not get too tired on stage and it quiet worked. She didn't jump around the stage all the time like she used to do and yet this two hours were very hard for her. Being pregnant was also an advantage. She could finally feel tired and fall asleep. She was sleeping and resting a lot lately. She didn't take place in the weird things that Tre planned out and even it made him a little upset, let's mention Mr. Cool never stayed upset longer than 10 seconds, he gladly spent his time with her watching TV or going to some cafe. Whenever Dave was bored he'd join them and they'd end up in the cinema or in some shop, where the two guys would always get into trouble. The three of them were always kicked out from some place, whenever Tre and Dave were together. It was just the way they acted together. Dave didn't want to look worse than Tre. Mike and Allison seemed like the only people she could talk with for real, tough Mike never found out about Sydney being pregnant. Topics mostly consisted on Brittany being annoying and Billie, without any reason, still pretending to care about Brittany. Even if Mike was not on good terms with his cousin, she still was his relative and he didn't like Billie using her like this. Eventually he'd dump her and only God knows what this girl would do to him. She wouldn't go easy on him. Matt seemed to be concerned about Sydney's health, but she would just tell him she's fine and this would stop, if she took her medications. Still, he acted like older, overprotective brother and brought to her room or bunk bed, breakfast and all the healthy food he found. He didn't want his little sister to suffer from some flu or other weird illness. Too bad he didn't know this illness could be the cutest thing he ever saw in his life just in another 5 months.

Billie seemed so distant, whenever Sydney told him no to whatever he asked. It made him think a lot and he knew that this new issue was Brittany. Well, not new, but for sure she was getting between the two of them and at this time she was really disturbing things. He wanted to dump her so badly. She was hanging around him like a leech and it was pissing him off, tough he pretended it was perfectly fine. He couldn't spend as much time with the others as he wanted, when she was around. He could have liked her maybe, if she was the person he liked to hang out with, his best friend, not a barbie she became. She kept on talking about Sydney the way that made Billie want to punch her, but he never showed that side of him. He didn't want to cause any harm or put Sydney in trouble with this girl. Somehow, he couldn't make himself tell her how he felt right then and that he wanted to be around somebody else, not her. She wouldn't understand. He didn't like her that way. He needed to do something quick, but first he needed to talk with Sydney and tell her everything. So, that day, before Green Day was about to get onto the stage, instead of preparing to go out onto the stage, he waited for her to go in the direction of the dressing rooms.

She was walking slowly, with her head pointed at the ground, deep in thought. He realized this was the right moment. He walked up to her, blocking her way and she looked up at him questioningly, but trying to go away from him. He still kept on blocking her way. Sydney rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.
"What is it?"
"I really need to talk to you, Sydney."
"But I can't right now and don't want to talk with you, so get out of my way." she said in a calm, firm voice.
"Not unless you'll listen to me." he put his hands on her both arms, his eyes staring into hers with determination. She looked away and pushed his arms off of hers and stepped back. "Sydney... please. I only want to talk and than you'll decide what you want, but... don't push me away all the time. After all of this.."
"Mistake." she said hastily. "All of this was a huge mistake. I don't know, why I got involved in this, but I don't want your girlfriend running after me with a shotgun, cos she thinks I'm trying to be with you."
He opened his mouth to say something, but she raised her hand in the air, silencing him.
"I don't want to be with you and you don't want to be with me. This is clear, right? I can survive without hanging out with you, but you somehow... complicate things. I had fun, Billie, but this was heading the wrong way, don't you think so?"
"Sydney, I don't know, why you're saying this, but I'm sure you don't mean it. At least not this way. We can't just stay away from each other. I can't. I don't care about anyone other that much than about you."
"Stop here." she bit her lip, looking at him with plea. "Don't make this harder."
"I'm not!" he protested. She shook her head and walked pass him. He stood there dumbstruck. He didn't finish yet. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't find the right words. He shook his head as she rounded the corner. He couldn't think about this relationship or whatever it was right now. He had a concert to play. He wanted to have fun. Put all of his heart into this show.

Sydney rounded the corner, with a troubled thought running through her mind. Who was she lying? She'd give anything to be with him, but there was so many things between them. The differences that made the distance even wider. What would he say, if he found out about their child? She didn't need pity. She didn't want to lose him this way. Hell, she didn't want to lose him anyway. She doubted they could be together again. They seemed again to enjoy their company, but what would be in a year? Two years? What if they were going to end up the same? She didn't want to risk getting hurt again. Her heart was already in pieces, waiting to be picked up and solved like puzzles, put into a whole heart. She needed a proof that they could be together. There was also Brittany. It didn't seem he was going to dump her anytime soon. In front of everyone they seemed happy and he suddenly acted around her like a lost puppy, looking for love.
She pushed the doors to the dressing room open and slammed them, leaning on them with a heavy sigh.
"I'll never figure out man."
"What happened?" Dave asked looking over at her.
"Billie wanted to talk again." she walked over to the couch and sat down next to Dave. "He talked stuff like... we can't stay away from each other or that he cares about me more than about anyone else."
"Ex syndrome?" Sydney chuckled and shrugged. "Well, he sure is determined. Was there Brit?"
She shook her head and laughed. Dave smiled to himself and glanced at Sydney.
"You know?" she looked over at him. "You deserve all the best."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because you can't stay on the bottom all the time."
She smiled a little and looked at the carpet with furrowed eyebrows.
He was right. You can't stay on the negative side all the time. It was like falling into a sinusoidal routine... getting over the indifferent zone to happy and then again to sad, staying there the majority of time, touching the bottom eventually. This shouldn't work like this, right?