As I Follow This Little Lies

The thing that kept Billie up whole night wasn't an insomnia or thoughts about the girl lying next to him, sleeping peacefully, not oblivious to the lack of feelings towards her from Billie. He wanted to finish this game already, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to tell her. Sydney was the only reason he couldn't fall asleep. Thoughts circling in his mind and questions what did he do to make her act so weird before the concert. He was only looking for her. He needed to see her and she just ran past him. He didn't know what he did or said, but he couldn't leave it like this. He needed to know.
He could only wish that this tour could last forever, but he'd change one thing. He'd get rid of Brittany. The feelings he had for her... didn't quiet exist. He didn't even like her like he did when she was herself. And Sydney... he could only regret he divorced her. He wanted to go back in time and never do this. Never suspect her about anything, trust her even more, understand better. Feelings he had for her were strong and there was no way he could deny them, if someone asked him right now. There was no way he'd let her go right now. The first thing on his mind when he woke up was her. When he saw her, he felt happier, his heart was beating faster and no other girl made him feel this way before. He felt like he could breathe again, every time they were together. It felt like nothing changed. Like they were back to the days when everything was so clear, when it was clear they were together and there was no one getting between them. He could only wonder what she thought about him. For some reason he was afraid to tell her. She thought perhaps that it was part of some game. That Billie was only doing all of this to get rid off Brittany, that he was using her. Then she was wrong. The day he married her, he knew he'd never cheat on her. Sure, there were some girls that he accidentally made out with, but his heart belonged to Sydney and remembering this he felt like the worst creature on the earth when he remembered stolen kisses from his fans. He wanted to erase those moments from his life.

When the morning came even coffee didn't have an effect that good as the sight of her going out the hotel doors with Allison and Tre, who was making them laugh all the time. He wished he could be there. Brittany sat near him with an emotionless expression, pretending to read the headlines of some magazine, while in reality she was watching him from the corners of her eyes. She was so much into it, that she didn't see Mike joining them by the table. She forced a smile at her cousin and took interest in her magazine.
"It's so good to have a coffee in the morning." Mike said in a cheerful voice, before taking a sip. "An injection of energy and happiness!"
"Energy and happiness." Billie snickered. "You sure run out of your batteries fast."
Mike rolled his eyes and looked with a faint smile at Brittany.
"What's up with you?" he asked, turning in his seat to face her. She merely shrugged, not looking up from her magazine. Billie snickered and shook his head, not really interested in the topic. Brittany shot him a cold stare and looked at Mike not even nicer. Mike frowned and put his hand over hers.
"Come on. You can tell me! We're family." she ignored the cheerful tone in Mike's voice and threw him an offended look, shaking her head a little.
"Sometimes I wish I never met you, Mikey."
"Oh, I'm hurt." Mike replied looking lazily at the fashion magazine and back at Brittany. "Sometimes I hear that here are some people that would like to never meet you either."
Brittany crossed her arms, leaning back in her chair, looking at her cousin with a fake amusement. She rather looked like she wanted to kill him. Billie glanced at her indifferently and looked at Mike, who was determined to find out why his relative was acting so unfriendly. He didn't look to friendly right there also. There was no warm smile on his face and the kindness in his eyes was lost in the sea of blue.
"That's only you, Mikey. I've got Billie and I don't need anyone else." she put her hand on Billie's arm, but he shook it off and got up quickly. "Billie?"
He mumbled something and disappeared as fast as he could, leaving the girl staring long after him, wide eyed.
"Didn't he just ignore you?" Mike smirked. Brittany rolled her eyes and picked up her magazine, glaring at the pages.

It wasn't the first time Billie ignored Brittany like that. Since he was up, he was avoiding her constantly, trying to stay away from her for reasons unknown to him. Maybe it was all because he was thinking about someone else all this time? He didn't care he was pissing her off. Later that morning when they left to their tour buses, Brittany kept on following Billie everywhere, trying to start a random conversation, which he easily ended just as it started. He wasn't acting nice and he didn't even try to be nice, so Brittany ended keeping her distance from Billie, realizing he might be in a bad mood. She just hoped that the reason isn't her rival. It made her think about the way of getting rid of Strawberry Acid lead singer. She was in the way to her happiness with green eyed guitarist.
When it was time for some rest and something to eat, Billie was the first one to get out from the bus and he waited for Strawberry Acid to head his way. He lit a cigarette and with his back propping on the bus, he patiently waited for everyone to come out and go to the nearby restaurant. He blew the smoke into the air and lazily watched people walk in and out from the building. His face lit a little when he noticed Allison and Sydney heading his way. He dropped the cigarette and stormed on it and with his hands buried deep in his jeans pockets he waited for two girls.

"Hey Sydney, Allison."
"Hey Billie." Allison replied, but Sydney again treated him like air, like he wasn't there. His eyebrows went up and he followed them silently, from the corner of his eyes seeing Brittany walking fast towards him with a proud smile on her face. All of the happiness that filled him when he saw Sydney left him the moment Brittany wrapped her arms around his arm and started bragging about how she's hungry or how she was tired and hated this kind of life style. He was getting frustrated with her constant complaining at this point and stopped, unwrapping her arm from his. She looked at him questioningly as he furrowed his eyebrows looking back at her.
"You know, no one really asked you to stay, so if you don't like it here you can go anytime you want."
"Billie...?" she asked quietly, feeling hurt by his words. "What are you talking about?"
"Stop acting like an idiot, Brittany!" he exclaimed, making the others look at him. "You're..acting like some dumb Barbie and you're hanging on my arm all the time, complaining how you broke your nail or didn't get enough sleep! Screw that! I don't care. I don't want to listen to all of them. Go cry on someone else's arm!"
She stared wide eyed at him, speechless after his outburst. He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair, not looking at the girl.
"Is that so?" she said in a shaky voice. "What am I to you than? I thought that you understand me. Of all people. You..." she trailed off.
"I used to know you when we were... younger, when you didn't act like this. You changed."
"That's not truth." Brittany replied dryly. Billie shook his head, realizing everyone were there with them, silently watching the argument. Sydney stood there wide eyed, with her arm wrapped around Tre's arm. For a second Billie stared blankly at the ground, as he noticed them.
Could they be.. No. Impossible. he shook his head and looked up at Brittany, who was looking at him with narrowed eyes and her jaw clenched tightly, just like she was stopping herself from saying something.

"You know, I'm tired of all of this. We'll talk about this later." he muttered and went past Mike and Matt, who looked at each other questioningly. Sydney looked uneasily at Brittany, but quickly her eyes fell to the ground as the girl glared at her the moment Sydney laid her eyes on her.
"So, who wants coffee and ice creams?" Tre asked in a cheery voice, hitting Sydney playfully on her arm.
"Come on everyone." Mike said, nodding towards the restaurant and walking in front of the group like he was a leader of this little trip. Brittany didn't follow. She glared at the group and went back to the Green Day bus.

Billie Joe sat silent, not really touching his food. He didn't listen to the conversations or didn't even look at anyone. Everything seemed to make no sense to him at all. He didn't know what to think. He didn't want to think. He didn't look foreword to talking to Brittany or even seeing her. He only looked up when Sydney got up from her seat, leaving her untouched food. She looked quiet pale and Dave left with her. He could see them walking somewhere together through the window.
"Billie?" Allison leaned towards him, whispering into his ear. "Why don't go follow them and talk to Sydney? Yesterday she acted so weird and she said she can't hang out with you. She was pretty depressed about that."
"Why did she say that?" Billie raised his eyebrow. "I didn't even get to talk with her yesterday cos she pushed me out of her way... She's avoiding me."
"Go talk with her. Please. I know you like her." Billie chuckled and shook his head disbelievingly. Allison smirked. "You do. Now... go talk with her."
Billie hesitated for a while, but as Allison ushered him out of his seat, he had no other choice, but to go and talk to the only girl he ever cared for so much in his life.
He put his hands into his pockets and slowly went to the corner of the building, where he saw two shadows. He rounded the corner and there she was, leaning on the wall, looking slightly better, but troubled. Dave seemed to be lost in his thoughts. It seemed that they were discussing something very important.

"Uh.. hey." Billie said coming up to them.
"Hey, BJ. What's up?" Billie shrugged and looked at Sydney. "Oh, I know. I'll leave you two alone to sort out everything."
"No, please, Dave. You have to stay." Sydney said in a pleading voice. "You can't leave me alone."
Dave laughed as Billie looked confused between them. Dave looked around and smiled reassuringly at Sydney.
"I'll stay just here and wait until you two talk about whatever Billie wants. Just go behind this building. No one will see you." Dave pointed at a nearby warehouse and Sydney started walking that way reluctantly.
"What's going on?" Billie asked the drummer, who casually stared at the trucks.
"I think you should ask Sydney." Billie looked at Sydney, who disappeared behind the warehouse and with a confusion written all over his face, he ran to join her. He rounded the corner and he found her propping on the wall, clenching her fists on the material of her black hoodie. He didn't speak right away. He glanced at her a couple times and she kept on avoiding his gaze.
"What do you want?" she asked quietly as if afraid someone could hear her.
"Why do you avoid me?" Billie asked, right away, turning to face her. "Why are you doing this?"
"Because I can."
"That's not the answer."
"Because I have to." Billie shook his head and stepped to her, taking her hands as she started to back away, suddenly feeling nervous when he touched her. He tried stopping her, but she tried pushing away, mumbling something incoherent for him.
She managed to get out of his grasp and stopped a couple feet away from him.
"Don't come any closer." she said loud enough for him to hear. "I can't talk with you."
"Why the hell not!" Billie exclaimed frustrated.
"I just can't." she shrugged her shoulders. "I don't really want to."
"You don't mean it." Billie said, looking at her seriously, keeping eye contact, but she looked away right away.
"Well, maybe I'm forced to do so." she mumbled. Billie raised his eyebrow and was about to step closer, but someone joined them.
"Seems like you broke our deal, Sydney." the voice was cold and threatening and as Billie looked up he couldn't believe it was Brittany.
"Deal?" Billie asked, titling his head to the side. "What kind of a deal." he eyed angrily both girls.
"The kind of deal where... I won't kill her, if she stays away from you, baby."