As I Follow This Little Lies

Even Sydney hoped for everything to get better and for Billie to calm down, it got only worse. He didn't want to speak with anyone, who tried to talk him into giving Sydney last chance to explain why she did it and try to understand. He wouldn't listen. He treated her like a ghost, air. He felt betrayed and heartbroken. He couldn't believe she could still keep on lying about the most important things concerning their lives. He had the rights to know.
Sydney tried talking to him every time she got the chance to see him, every time he was going out of his dressing room or hotel room, heading to play a concert. He wasn't hanging out with the rest. He preferred to separate from them.
He lived only from the show to the show. After that all of his emotions, all of his thoughts disappeared and he was blindly walking to his dressing room isolating from the world.The anger he held inside of him drained and turned into unidentified feelings or perhaps the lack of them. He could only question "Why is she doing this to me?"

As the weeks passed and Sydney's attempts of talking to Billie ended every time with a failure, she decided to write a letter, giving up completely. She decided to give him back the necklace that she got before he started hating her. Sydney knew it was a easy way out, but he wouldn't even look at her and she couldn't stand this anymore. There was nothing she could do. Strawberry Acid was soon going back to New York and she didn't see how Billie could suddenly forgive her and decide he wanted to be for her, happily ever after. She could only lie herself it was going to be alright. And that's what she did. Every evening she would whisper to herself "It's going to be okay. It'll be over soon. It'll be okay."

Matt was trying to control his anger towards Billie, after he found out what he did to his sister when he overheard it's his child. Matt kept on telling Allison how he knew it was all about Billie and how he wanted to kill him, but for Sydney's sake he had his hands tied. He didn't want to kill the one Sydney loved so much, even if he caused her so much pain. She wanted to deal with it herself and he was about to let her do what she wanted. She wasn't a little girl anymore, who needed protection 24/7.

Allison, Dave and Tre tried cheering up Sydney every now and then, but it only worked for a short time period. Once they were out of her vision she would return to her depression. She was wearing a mask on the concerts, acting she was the happiest girl on the world and as the lights went down the pained mask was back on its place and she would curse her fate and her stupidity. If she only told him the truth earlier...

As there was no chance of talking to him, before Strawberry Acid headed back to New York, Sydney went to Mike's room, knocking softly onto the wooden door of his hotel room. He opened up a second later with a sleepy expression on his face. He was surprised to see Sydney. She looked like nothing happened and she even smiled upon seeing his face.
"Hey, Mike."
"Hey. Come in." he opened the door for her even more, so she could walk in. She stopped not too far away from the door and Mike noticed then she was holding something in her hands, looking at it, biting her lip.
"What's going on?" he asked watching her carefully.
"We're going back to New York already."
"Yea, I know." he said looking down. "I'm so sorry I couldn't convince Billie...maybe you should come to Berkeley and-"
"No, it's fine." she cut in. Mike's head shot up, looking at her in shock. Her voice was so sober and confident, tough he knew it was just an act, it wasn't fine. She tried to push back all of her negative emotions in the back of her mind and not think about it now. It had to be hard for her. "I just would like to ask you one thing to do for me. Only one little thing."
"What is it?" Mike asked looking at her concerned now.
"It's...this letter. Give it to him when he...if he wants to read it..." she trailed off. Mike reached for the letter and looked at it and then pulled her into a tight hug and she wrapped her arms around his neck, with a few tears falling down her face.
"Please, don't disappear, okay?" Mike said in a soft voice. "Don't do this again."
"I can't promise it, Mike."
"Just promise you'll call me or Tre sometimes...even send a letter." she pulled away, wiping her tears and smiling softly.
"Okay."
"If you won't do one of those two things I'll get a private detective to track you down!" Mike said in a firm voice. "I mean it."
Sydney laughed lightly and pulled him into a hug once again before leaving. Then she went to Tre's room and chatted with him for a while, before going back to her room, passing by Billie's room, who was just walking out. When their eyes met, Sydney stopped, but he quickly looked away and went past her as quick as possible, not daring to look back. Resigned, she made her way to her room and finished her packing.

Back on the road, heading to New York...
She was staring blankly at the TV screen. This last concert they played seemed one of the hardest to her. She couldn't get her mind of off Billie. Sydney felt guilty for everything that happened. Guilty for her child not having a family she always wished about. Family without loving father. What mother would she be? She couldn't confess her feelings to her love. She was hurting everyone around herself.
"I'm such a selfish bitch." she buried her head in her arms and cried silently.
Allison walked into the room, with a worried expression on her face. She sat down near her best friend and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Everything will be okay." she reassured Sydney. "Things will work out good. You'll see."

"I doubt it." she whispered into Ali's arm. "He probably hates me."

"He couldn't. The way he looked at you.." Allison trailed off.

"Please, stop." Sydney pulled away and wiped her tears. "I don't blame him. I'm the one who messed up. If I told him... but then he’d do the same thing like now or he’d be with me out of pity.”

"Don’t say that." Allison said in a soft voice, patting her back. "You have me, Matt, Dave, Freaky, Mike and Tre. You’re not alone." Sydney smiled weakly at her.

"You’re right. There's only on thing for me to worry about, but unlike all of this...it will be something I'll gladly wait for." She looked down at her stomach. Only 6 months and she’d hold the baby in her arms and care about it like her mother never did to her. She put a hand over her stomach and with a distant smile stared off into space. Future seemed to be not so great, but at least she didn't have to worry about work and cash. She could give her child everything. Almost everything. Not a father. She couldn't make Billie love their child or spend time with it. She was the only one to blame.