In Memories We Trust
Part I
The girl spun wildly on her heels, searching for a way out of the prison of buildings surrounding her. Everywhere her pained, gray eyes looked she saw only steep, concrete walls and smooth, glass windows. Towering higher above her every minute, all she could feel was an ever-deepening sense of despair and the binding sensation of the inability to move. Her jaw dropped and her gray eyes grew wider as she tried to scream, but her voice caught in her throat. The silver car speeding towards her had her in it’s headlights and it wasn’t slowing. Noiselessly, the car overtook the girl; bones and metal colliding in the cold light of the night.
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Finally, I felt the scream leave my throat and I jumped up in bed, moonlight spilling on to my sheets and the floor of my room. My eyes we open now and I was far from asleep. I glanced at the clock and inwardly groaned; the first night in forever that I’d fallen asleep without the help of sleeping pills, and I was here awake at 2:3o in the morning. Then, I noticed the droplets of sweat on my arms and that my clothes were sticking to my skin, cold and clammy.
I untangled my sheets from my legs and slipped out of bed, the cold hard wood of my floor chilling the soles of my bare feet. Empty footfalls followed me to my closet and I quickly pulled off the sweaty clothes and grabbed a clean pair of shorts and a shirt. I pulled them on then crossed the room again to the bedside and reached for the ipod on the desk. The headphones clattered to the floor and as I knelt down to pick them up, my eyes caught on the framed picture of us under the bed.
After only a moment of hesitation, I grabbed the headphones and then the picture frame and sat on the edge of the cold bed. I swung my feet under the covers and pulled them to my chin, my back resting on the headboard of the bed. I slipped the headphones into my ears and waited till the harsh guitar chords and drumbeats pounded in my brain to return my attention to the picture of us. There you were, stoic as ever, a black and white band shirt hanging off your limp frame, black jeans hugging your legs. And if I knew one thing, you were wearing your beat up black converse, and when I glanced down to check, you were. Beside you was me, my black hair whipping around my face in the wind, and my eyes seemed to smile for themselves. We looked happy, almost; we looked like a family should.
But you should hate me, like everyone else does.
I caused this pain to befall you, if not for me, you’d still be here.
But you’re in a better place now, over the stars, wherever that is.
Tell me you’re happy there, ‘cause I can’t live without knowing.
I wish I hadn’t been so stupid that day,
and I wish you hadn’t been stupid enough to follow.
Because all that can come of me is pain,
And no one deserves pain like I do
...................................................................................................
Finally, I felt the scream leave my throat and I jumped up in bed, moonlight spilling on to my sheets and the floor of my room. My eyes we open now and I was far from asleep. I glanced at the clock and inwardly groaned; the first night in forever that I’d fallen asleep without the help of sleeping pills, and I was here awake at 2:3o in the morning. Then, I noticed the droplets of sweat on my arms and that my clothes were sticking to my skin, cold and clammy.
I untangled my sheets from my legs and slipped out of bed, the cold hard wood of my floor chilling the soles of my bare feet. Empty footfalls followed me to my closet and I quickly pulled off the sweaty clothes and grabbed a clean pair of shorts and a shirt. I pulled them on then crossed the room again to the bedside and reached for the ipod on the desk. The headphones clattered to the floor and as I knelt down to pick them up, my eyes caught on the framed picture of us under the bed.
After only a moment of hesitation, I grabbed the headphones and then the picture frame and sat on the edge of the cold bed. I swung my feet under the covers and pulled them to my chin, my back resting on the headboard of the bed. I slipped the headphones into my ears and waited till the harsh guitar chords and drumbeats pounded in my brain to return my attention to the picture of us. There you were, stoic as ever, a black and white band shirt hanging off your limp frame, black jeans hugging your legs. And if I knew one thing, you were wearing your beat up black converse, and when I glanced down to check, you were. Beside you was me, my black hair whipping around my face in the wind, and my eyes seemed to smile for themselves. We looked happy, almost; we looked like a family should.
But you should hate me, like everyone else does.
I caused this pain to befall you, if not for me, you’d still be here.
But you’re in a better place now, over the stars, wherever that is.
Tell me you’re happy there, ‘cause I can’t live without knowing.
I wish I hadn’t been so stupid that day,
and I wish you hadn’t been stupid enough to follow.
Because all that can come of me is pain,
And no one deserves pain like I do