In Memories We Trust
Part VII
The lean young man had fire in his eyes as he stood with his fists clenched at his sides, all his anger and hate pouring from his soul out of his body without a word being spoken. The young girl could only watch, transfixed at the sight before her; her father and brother facing off in the center of their living room, fighting over…..her. Her mouth agape and her gray eyes opened wide in fear she could only think of the blood dripping down her arm and furious look of her brother as he found out what she was all along. Their lips moved and their hands flew but nothing could be heard over the sound of the silence that had intruded upon her world. The girl closed her eyes, thinking that it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to go to sleep and never wake up; eternal peace. She spun on her heel and fled the room, fled the house, and turned her back on her family. Red streaked the sky as she ran down the street; away from the life she never wanted. Puddles of water turned to crimson pools of blood as she ran past, and everywhere she looked she saw the face of a dearly beloved friend, lost forever to the cold, damp depths of death.
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I hugged my knees and rocked back and forth, clearing my head of all thought, especially those pertaining to Emily or death. I couldn’t help but see her livid face every time I opened my eyes, I keep hearing her voice over the music blasting from the speakers of my computer, I keep remembering how I was to blame for her death. If I’d just gone to get her sooner, she never would’ve been where she was, and she’d still be here, telling me to get up and dry my tears.
My vacant eyes scanned my room quickly, passing over lumps of dirty clothes, piles of discarded and crumpled up papers, and remnants of food long since forgotten. In the week following her death, I’d let the entire world I’d worked so hard to build come crashing down around my feet, all the good habits I’d formed since she’d become my friend and showed me the proper way to live were long gone, and I’d gone back to my old routine of bathe little, eat less, and not care at all. I sniffled and pulled the blanket around my shoulders tightly, heavy sobs shaking my thin frame. I didn’t have to look into a mirror to know how awful I looked, with my puffy, red eyes and tear streaked face; I looked like a scene straight from a horror movie.
My mind was at a mental road block, I just couldn’t seem to let Emily go, no matter how long it had been, the pain just never ceased. All the emotion was getting held up by a dam, and I feel about ready to burst. I would like to scream and lash out till I have no energy left with which to mourn, but I cant make myself move, let alone release these pent up feelings through physical exertion. I can just see the glint of metal in the moonlight, and it looks so welcoming from here.
Emily wouldn’t want me to waste my life away like this, so might as well end it and be with her…and you. I could free my soul from this body, from this earthly restraint, with one slice. I could numb my mind to the pain with pills. I could take the gun from under Father’s bed. I could fill the tub with water. There’s so many ways to take my life, but none worthy enough of such an occasion.
I struggled to find my footing on the hardwood floor of my room, but soon did and made my way carefully to my desk. I fingered the blade and carefully grabbed it in one hand as the other found the bottle of pills in the top drawer. With pills and razor in hand I climbed back into bed, beneath my covers to take the breath from my body. I forced pill after pill down my throat, but quickly lost count due to last minute feelings of doubt.
Before I could lose myself to the black wave of darkness that would surely follow the swallowing of so many pills, I lay the blade to my arm and carved your name into my skin, closely followed by Emily’s. Beneath the names I wrote “I’m sorry”, and watched as the blood dripped from the deep wounds and pooled beneath my arms on the bed sheets.
White became red, which soon turned to black as the world around me faded into complete darkness, which I threw myself into like there was no tomorrow…which, there wouldn’t be. My heart beat slowed….and stopped. My mind stuttered….and died. My eyelids fluttered to a rest.
A moment was all it took to end the pain….for good.
..........................................................................................
I hugged my knees and rocked back and forth, clearing my head of all thought, especially those pertaining to Emily or death. I couldn’t help but see her livid face every time I opened my eyes, I keep hearing her voice over the music blasting from the speakers of my computer, I keep remembering how I was to blame for her death. If I’d just gone to get her sooner, she never would’ve been where she was, and she’d still be here, telling me to get up and dry my tears.
My vacant eyes scanned my room quickly, passing over lumps of dirty clothes, piles of discarded and crumpled up papers, and remnants of food long since forgotten. In the week following her death, I’d let the entire world I’d worked so hard to build come crashing down around my feet, all the good habits I’d formed since she’d become my friend and showed me the proper way to live were long gone, and I’d gone back to my old routine of bathe little, eat less, and not care at all. I sniffled and pulled the blanket around my shoulders tightly, heavy sobs shaking my thin frame. I didn’t have to look into a mirror to know how awful I looked, with my puffy, red eyes and tear streaked face; I looked like a scene straight from a horror movie.
My mind was at a mental road block, I just couldn’t seem to let Emily go, no matter how long it had been, the pain just never ceased. All the emotion was getting held up by a dam, and I feel about ready to burst. I would like to scream and lash out till I have no energy left with which to mourn, but I cant make myself move, let alone release these pent up feelings through physical exertion. I can just see the glint of metal in the moonlight, and it looks so welcoming from here.
Emily wouldn’t want me to waste my life away like this, so might as well end it and be with her…and you. I could free my soul from this body, from this earthly restraint, with one slice. I could numb my mind to the pain with pills. I could take the gun from under Father’s bed. I could fill the tub with water. There’s so many ways to take my life, but none worthy enough of such an occasion.
I struggled to find my footing on the hardwood floor of my room, but soon did and made my way carefully to my desk. I fingered the blade and carefully grabbed it in one hand as the other found the bottle of pills in the top drawer. With pills and razor in hand I climbed back into bed, beneath my covers to take the breath from my body. I forced pill after pill down my throat, but quickly lost count due to last minute feelings of doubt.
Before I could lose myself to the black wave of darkness that would surely follow the swallowing of so many pills, I lay the blade to my arm and carved your name into my skin, closely followed by Emily’s. Beneath the names I wrote “I’m sorry”, and watched as the blood dripped from the deep wounds and pooled beneath my arms on the bed sheets.
White became red, which soon turned to black as the world around me faded into complete darkness, which I threw myself into like there was no tomorrow…which, there wouldn’t be. My heart beat slowed….and stopped. My mind stuttered….and died. My eyelids fluttered to a rest.
A moment was all it took to end the pain….for good.