Last Hope

The doctor ended up coming into the room an hour or so after Madison had come in. All of the wires had been messily put back together, and the blonde that I had held tightly on the floor was now sitting in one of the guest chairs, her eyes wide and tinted pink, her face a shade of pale that I had never seen before. It was freaking me out, causing my anxiety levels to shoot through the roof. I worried she had taken something, I worried she would run out of the room on me, I worried she wouldn’t make it to the start of the next hour.

But somehow, she did.

When the doctor came in, he noticed her and the bags under her eyes. He silently took in the pale color of her skin and the way she blinked a little too slow, and nodded a little too fast. I could tell he wanted to ask me about her, I could tell he wanted to check her out, but instead, he asked about where I would be staying, and when I would be leaving.

Somehow through this conversation, Madison had managed to interject and offer her apartment that was about fifteen minutes from the hospital up as a place for me to stay until the doctors gave me the okay to live on my own, which was now knocked down to a week.

She told the doctor, with the biggest, fakest smile that she worked from home, she had an extra bed, and wouldn’t mind keeping me for a week.

To this, the doctor seemed to drop all suspicious thoughts about her, and with a warm smile informed me with that checked out, I could be discharged in a few hours. Although I was happy to leave the hospital a part of me wanted to stay. I wanted to keep Madison here, I wanted to make sure she was perfectly okay before we left the building and went back into the real world.

The real world where her smiles never stretched that far across her face; the real world where all she thought about was suicide.

It was three hours later that I was discharged from the hospital.

When we walked from the room to the front doors, I hoped that something would happen to her, that she would fall and twist her ankle or faint or something. I wanted her to stay in the hospital no matter what. I wanted them to run tests and give her food and water. I wanted them to tell her she was normal, that she was fine, that everything was fine, and that she didn’t need to look like this, she didn’t need to keep acting this way.

But it never happened.

We walked through the front doors, down three rows of cars, and stopped at her little car parked perfectly in the lines between a large black SUV and another small sedan. As she unlocked the doors, she took my things and placed them in the back seat before softly shutting it, opening her own door, and sliding into her seat.

“Are you okay?” I whispered as I watched the slight shake in her hands as she pushed the key into the ignition and twisted it, allowing the small engine to hum.

The blonde nodded as a response, keeping her eyes on everything but me as she pushed the car into reverse, and carefully and skillfully backed out of her spot. Once in drive, she headed toward the exit, paused, made a right, and quickly sped up into the flow of the normal stop and go traffic of the city.

“You didn’t have to put me up for a week.”

She only shrugged.

“I could have just flown back to Chicago instead of-“

“Did you want to?” Her dull blue eyes darted from the road to me a few times before she hit the brakes and came to a stop at a red light. “Did you?”

“Not necessarily.” I confessed as I locked my eyes onto the smaller girl, tracing over every inch of her face in hopes to see some sort of positive response, some ghost of a smile or the smallest twinkle in her eyes, but after looking at her for a full minute, I sighed and turned my head toward the window, letting my vision focus on the blurry trees and mobs of people.

“My apartment isn’t very big.” She whispered as she cut over two lanes and made a left onto a wide side street. “The floor is covered with paint for the most part, my bed is only a queen, and my fridge is empty.”

“I don’t really care.” I answered as she quickly pulled up against the curb and wedged her car between two larger ones. “As long as I can see you for a week and get better, I-“

“Okay”, she whispered as her thin fingers quickly pushed the car into park, twisted the key, pulled it out, and then grabbed the handle on her door. Pausing, she looked over at me, her bright blue eyes cutting up my skin. “I’m on the eighth floor, it has a lovely view.”

Forcing a smile, I quickly grabbed a few of my things, opened the door, and then got out, kicking it shut with my foot as I followed behind the blonde up a few stairs to the old brick-faced building on the corner, and then into the small lobby that had two elevators and a tiny table with a few pamphlets from the nearby galleries.

“Hey”, my eyes widened as I caught a glimpse of one of the pamphlets on the table. It was for a gallery show that was going on, featuring work from two male painters, and a female one. “You’re in a show?” The familiar swirls of paints on the cover sparked memories in my head as I opened the small brochure and watched as more snapshots of paintings fell into my gaze. “This is unbe-“

“The elevator is here”, she whispered shortly as a small ding filled the room and the large white doors slid open revealing a small steel box with grey carpeting and stainless steel walls. As we walked in, I held the brochure in my hand and watched as Madison hit the small number eight and then leaned against the wall, her eyes tracing over the contours of the room.

“You’re doing well, aren’t you?”

“I have a solo show opening in a few weeks. Big deal. People from the MOMA and MET are going to be there.”

“Madison that’s fucking incredible!” I said, all of the thoughts about how sick she looked suddenly leaving my head. “I’m so proud of you, I-“

The blonde’s eyes snapped to mine. Once they sliced through me, the words that were lined up to spill from my lips left me, and instead, I stood there with wide eyes, watching her every little movement. “Why do you care so much?” Her words felt like a dagger through my heart as she turned away from me, and eagerly waited for the doors to slide open. “You-“

Heart beat rising, I took the two steps that were between us and grabbed her shoulder, easily turning the small girl around to face me. As her startled eyes locked on mine, I leaned down, lightly pressing my lips against hers for a few seconds. Once her body loosened under me, I pulled away and watched as her bright blue eyes shimmered in the little fluorescent light hanging above us.

Lips parted to speak, the blonde put her hand on my chest and let out a small puff of air as the doors slid open and gave way to a little hallway with four wooden doors showing. Madison mindlessly grabbed my hand and silently walked me down the hallway to the last door on the left. Snatching the only other key on her key ring, she shoved it into the door, twisted the knob, and then pushed the door open, leading me into a decent sized apartment that looked like it was straight out of a magazine.

The back wall was lined with huge factory windows that spanned from about three feet from the floor to the ceiling, The other walls were brick faces, and the floors were old wood that looked recently refinished. She had a couch pressed against the windows, a small wooden coffee table and a TV on the other side. Off to the side was a small kitchen, and from the kitchen was a small hallway that probably had the bathroom and her bedroom.

As I thought about her bedroom, I instantly thought back to being in her dorm, sleeping in her bed, having her so close during the night that I used the soft scents of her shampoo and perfume to lull me to sleep.

After a small shiver, I came back to reality.

“This is where you’ll be sleeping.” The blonde managed to drag me down the hallway and over to her room, which was probably the largest room out of the whole apartment. It had the same huge wall of windows against the back wall, and the other wall had a large dresser pressed against it, and the right wall had a huge door that rolled away to show a closet. Besides the queen bed tucked away to the side, the rest of the floor, which felt like the size of the living room, was covered in paints, canvases, papers, and water bottles.

Ignoring everything, I looked over at her large canvases and smiled.

“Are you having fun?”

“I tried to kill myself about five hours ago, you tell me.”

Madison’s Point of View

He doesn’t matter, he doesn’t matter, he does not matter’ I chanted to myself as I pulled my cell phone out from my back pocket and opened the home screen to see the millions of text messages Patrick had left for me. They all begged me to call him, begged me to at least let him know that I was okay. I never responded though, why did he care so much all of the sudden if I was okay? The only reason he cared was because he didn’t want spilled blood on his hands. He didn’t want to be connected to a suicide because it would look bad on his reputation.

I scoffed as I thought of the days I spent talking to him about all of his problems, the days I spent with him smiling and thinking that we were best friends, that we would maybe be something more.

The fire inside of my body was strong enough to burn the whole city down. I dedicated every waking moment to that fucker, and he goes and sleeps with someone else. I pushed aside every feeling I had for Jonathan Toews to give me and Kane a shot, and he just-

“Mads?” My heart skipped a beat as a sleepy, deep voice echoed from my bedroom. “Mads, where are you?” The voice grew more frantic with my silence, so instead of taking the minute to walk back there, I cleared my throat and replied with a simple ‘Yes?’

Within seconds of my response, the brunette was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, his sleepy eyes on me as I quietly moved around, fixing a large mug of hot cocoa before completely turning to him, my eyes wide as I took a sip of the scorching hot liquid. Instead of making a scene, I swallowed it and then leaned back against the counter, letting all of my organs melt with the hot liquid.

“You should get some sleep.”

“I think you got enough for the both of us.” I joked as he gave me a sleepy smile and a shrug.

“I’m serious though, I know you didn’t sleep yesterday, and-“

“Jonny really, I’m fine.” I whispered taking another sip of my hot chocolate.

“I’m not going to drop this until I actually watch you sleep.” His eyebrows raised as I looked at him from over my mug, half of my face covered by the large clay feature. “Come on, you must be tired, just take like-“

“I have paintings to finish and-“ Before I could speak, my cell phone started to buzz from the counter. Just as I was about to reach for it, Jon’s reflexes beat me and he snatched the phone, brought it to his face, and lifted his eyebrows. “Give me.” I ordered and watched as the brunette extended his arm to me and dropped the phone into the palm of my hand.

Turning the small piece of metal over, I blinked a few times as I read the name on the screen. ‘Casey’. Eyes widening, I quickly hit the green button and put the phone to my ear. As soon as I muttered a small ‘hello’, the girls loud scream came through the other end.

“Mads! How are you, are you okay? How’s everything? When can I com visit? Oh my god I’m so sorry I haven’t called you in a few weeks, I got so caught up with everything and Andy and-“

“Case, it’s okay.” A smile formed on my lips making Jon’s eyes widen ten times their normal size. “I’m okay, how is everything with you and Shaw? Your job?” I felt a rush of warm blood run through my body as I listened to the girl talk on the other end. She spoke about how she was doing work for her job nearly ten hours a day, how her and Shaw were getting pretty serious and he spoke about marriage and all things like that. Instead of being freaked out by it, Casey welcomed the thoughts. She told me she was actually excited, that she hadn’t been this happy ever.

I was jealous of her, but at the same time, I wanted to cry over how well she was. How she started from a scared little girl in my college class to someone so normal, so happy, so successful.

A tear slipped from my eye as she went on about coming to visit me. She told me about how she wanted to try New York pizza, see all the art galleries, and ride the subway. She told me that everyone missed her, everyone always asked about her, and how everyone, every single guy informed her that I needed to come home.

The word stuck in my head, causing more silent tears to fall from my eyes.

Home? Was Chicago really my home?

“Madison, you there?” She laughed a little as I made a small noise and then let out a fake laugh.

“Sorry Casey, I was just trying to take everything in. I miss having you around, I miss having people around. Jon’s here now but-“

“I heard about everything by the way, don’t think I’m not going to give that little boy a piece of my mind when I see him.” She seethed.

“Unescessary”, I whispered as I walked from the kitchen and over to the couch, sitting myself down on the far cushion and twisting my body so I could see out of the large windows and rest my chin on the top of the couch. “We weren’t dating, so it wasn’t a big deal. Just solidified the fact that we are nothing but friends.”

Casey grumbled from the other end and went on about how she was still going to let him have it. After she went on and on, causing me to actually laugh a few times, she asked how Jon was, and what exactly was going on.

So of course, I told her. I told her how he couldn’t be alone for about a week, so he was staying with me for those days until the doctor gave him the okay to fly home and live alone. I told her how strange it was to live with someone again, how strange it felt to be around him in such a civil and relaxed manner.

“You guys are going to fall in love again, you know that, don’t you?”

“Case, what.” I grumbled as I watched the brunette open the fridge and pull out a container of blueberries and redi-whip. “We are-“

“Madison Baker, you have been in love with that man for as long as I’ve known you, and you know it. I get what happened, I get how weird it is, but you freaks are meant to be together. You just… You work.”

“We work?” Jon’s eyes snapped to me as he paused in his actions of loading his mouth with blueberries and then topping it off with a mound of whipped cream. “What does that even mean?”

“You know how Shaw and I work?” I nodded and for some reason, she took my few seconds of silence as an understandment and went on. “That’s how you and Jon work. Not exactly, but you do. Without the other, you guys are just too sad. It makes me sad, and I think we’ve been sad enough in our short lives, we deserve some happy.”

I blinked a few times as her words sunk into my head. I wanted to come out and tell her. I wanted to tell her I was the furthest thing from happy, but as soon as I was about to confess to my best friend of my horrible actions the night before, the cushion dipped down causing my body to lean into another.

Looking over, I watched as Jon sat right next to me, not leaving a hair of room between us, and mindlessly pulled me into him, letting my head rest on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me and hummed quietly to himself as he grabbed a handful of blueberries and funneled them into his mouth. After a few chews, he would spray an equally large mound of redi whip, and then finish what was in his mouth.

As Casey called my name over the phone a few times, I looked up at Jon and watched as he paused mid-chew and looked down at me, sending me a huge cheesy smile and then twitched his nose and whipped some whip cream from his face. Shaking my head, I put my attention back onto the phone call and cleared my throat.

“I get it.” I whispered as Casey let out a small laugh.

“Get what?”

“The work thing? How people work?” I said and listened to her silence. As the phone stayed silent, I looked up at Jon spilling blueberries all over the couch and smiled.

“I think we work too.”