So Long, Soldier

“I’m coming back.”

“You got a girl waiting for ya at home, Payne?”

The question was like a stab through the heart for Liam. It was the one thing that he hated answering more than anything. He thought that maybe, just maybe, after being there month after month there would eventually be no more people who would ask him. But, unfortunately for him, there was at least one more. And being stuck with the rest of his platoon in their humvee he knew there was no way he could get out of it.

He took a deep breath and exhaled, replying with, “Yeah, I do.”

“Well, don’t hold out on us,” The one that had asked, who Liam knew as Ryan, nudged the rest of the guys as they all glanced in Liam’s direction. “You got a picture?”

Liam sighed and reached into the pocket of his uniform, finding what he was looking for with his fingers. He pulled the folded over picture out and stared at the badly bent corners. Every night he would find himself pulling her picture out and wishing that he were home with her instead of out there. But he knew he couldn’t regret his decision for joining the military. He wanted to fight for his country. But, most of all, he wanted to prove that he was a good enough man for her.

He unfolded the picture and looked down at the black-haired beauty. He trailed his finger over the surface of the photograph and frowned. Liam missed her. Every time he thought about her, he felt his chest become heavier and ache just a bit more every day. Being apart? It completely sucked. It didn’t seem fair and he knew deep down that it had to be killing her too.

He was sure that she was the one for him. If soul mates actually existed, he knew he had found his. He was convinced he knew all along. The moment he saw her, he knew that he couldn’t let her go. Nothing would stop him from being with her.

Not even the Gods above can separate the two of us.

“Well?”

Liam had gotten so caught up in just staring at the love of his life that he had completely forgotten the reason he was pulling the picture out in the first place. He smiled down a bit at it before handing it over to the man next to him.

“Wow,” Ryan grinned at the picture before looking back up at him. “She’s a beaut, Payno. She got a name? Maybe I’ll hit her up when I get back.” Ryan teased, which didn’t seem to go over too well with Liam.

“Lila,” Liam reached forward and took his picture back, looking back down at it. “She’s carrying my child.”

“Papa Payne,” Ryan chuckled which made a smile finally appear on Liam’s face. “I’m happy for you, man. Congrats, really. I’m sure you can’t wait to get home.”

“It’s all I can think about,” Liam took one last look at Lila’s picture before folding it over and stuffing it back into his pocket. “She was so upset with me for joining.”

The image of how angry she was when he told her his plans popped into mind. They had never fought so much over anything before that it surprised themselves and everyone around them. They were the sound couple. The ones who didn’t argue and didn’t fight and were one hundred percent happy. They were the envy of all their friends.

And then he had to go and “fuck it all up”, as she put it. It was like she thought he had made the decision so easily and didn’t think on it constantly for months. She accused him of abandoning her and their child and he wished so much that she would understand why he had to do it.

“Hey, don’t space out now,” one of the other guys, who was sitting across from him, snapped his finger in front of Liam’s face. “You need to be focused.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Liam shook his head as he pushed the man’s hand away from him as their vehicle came to a stop. He hopped out quickly after, helping the rest of his platoon fix up their area. He couldn’t help but grin as his other members as they made jokes about nothing he was too curious about. But he still found enjoyment around them.

He found himself circling the area, making sure that everything was safe. He felt completely out of it, his mind racing with thoughts of Lila and their child. Everyone here had their own reasons to come. They had their own families that they cared about and were probably scared for them.

And Liam had her. That was all he had. She was his family. She was the only person left. He hated leaving her, knowing that the only people she had around now were a few girl friends to keep her sane during this whole thing.

He knew deep down that she hated him for this. She wanted him to stay; to stay with her forever. But he couldn’t do that. He hurt her and put his life in danger. And as much as it killed him, knowing that she could easily be at home crying for him, he didn’t regret it. This was what he needed to do.

Everything happened in a blur after that.

As Liam’s feet continued to carry him back to the small base they had set up, he could sense something was off. He wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but it was like red alerts were popping up in his mind and telling him to turn away.

He didn’t get the chance.

Liam wasn’t exactly sure what happened, but as he moved just a bit closer to their humvee, there was a sudden blinding flash that caused him to move his arm quickly up to shield his sensitive eyes. A muffled roar broke through his eardrums as his body shifted back towards the ground, a bit away from the incident that had just erupted. His head hit the ground with a loud cracking sound as his body rolled a bit before it fell limp on his back.

He didn’t know how long he had been out, most likely only a minute or so, before his eyes reopened to a black trail of smoke leading from where he just was. He couldn’t move in that instance, but shifted his eyes slightly to follow the trail which led to the fiery mess of what was once their base.

Soon enough, his body was sent into shock and he was shaking vigorously on the ground. The smoke started to invade his lungs and he felt himself heaving and coughing up a storm. He found it hard to breathe as he did his best to try and turn his body. He finally was able to move and he moved to his side, trying to cough out what was inside him into his hands. He squinted his damped eyes towards his palms, noticing them covered in blood. His blood, he assumed.

He moved his bloody hands towards his torso, searching all over to make sure he wasn’t too injured. But, alas, he came across the reason for his blood filled coughs. He felt a sharp sting as he touched the edge of the glass sticking out of the side of his body. He let out a scream that could deafen ears as he dropped back to the ground, trying to recover from the excruciating pain.

Tears welled in his ears as laid still, trying his best not to move or puncture himself more with the glass. He moved his eyes back to look towards where his platoon had been and could only see a still evident smoke cloud which covered what he could only assume was the burning corpses of his crew.

He choked out a cough, which immediately turned into a cry as he stared up at the sky, which was blackened from the falling debris. The only thing he could picture at that moment was Lila. What was she supposed to do now? He promised her that he would come home to her. And now? Now that seemed completely impossible.

He wasn’t going to make it back. He was going to die there and she would never know everything he felt. Their child would never know him. He would never get to hold their baby for the first time. They would never be able to be a family.

“No,” he could barely even get that simple word out as he tried to move. He wasn’t going to give up. He couldn’t give up. Lila needed him. She needed him now more than ever and he knew, deep down inside of him, that he needed her too. He swore to her he would come back. He wasn’t about to break that promise without a fight.

We can make it ‘til the end.

He managed to push himself up into a sitting position with his free hand, as his other hand clutched the spot where he had been impaled, securing the glass there. He had been trained not to remove something like this without proper medical attention and he knew for a fact that he wasn’t about to risk it.

He winced as he started to claw at the ground and scoot towards the accident scene. He knew he had to check if anyone was still alive. “You never leave a man behind, Payne.” Ryan’s words popped into his mind from before they left on this trip. He couldn’t just try to escape without making sure someone didn’t need his help.

But as he approached closer and closer towards their wrecked base, he couldn’t help but cringe at the popping and crackling sounds of the burning flesh, he couldn’t help but fear that nobody could have possibly survived that kind of impact.

“Hello?!” Liam barely choked the words out as he looked on, trying to see past the smoke. No response and Liam’s theory started to make his heart clench. “If anyone can hear me, please make a sound! Do something!” Liam was practically begging at that point, praying that someone was still alive.

And just when he was about to give up hope, a low voice sounded from not too far away. “Payne,” it whispered as Liam snapped his head in that direction. “Payne.” The voice got a bit louder, but not by much, as Liam started to pull himself in that direction.

His breathing picked up as he stared at the young boy trapped under something large and metal, which Liam could only think of being part of their humvee. Ryan was shaking as he searched for his mate and his eyes soon landed on Liam.

Liam moved towards the boy and took his hand, placing it on his cheek. He looked bad. Not just bad; the boy looked like he was dying. Liam’s heart ached as he scooted a bit closer and took Ryan’s un-trapped torso into his lap.

“Ryan? Ryan, can you hear me?”

The boy in his lap was shaking as he moved his head up to stare Liam in the eyes. And as the tears trickled down Liam’s cheeks, he watched as the boy smiled sadly.

“There’s got to be something I can do.”

Ryan barely moved, but moved just enough to shake his head, his eyes clearly showing that there was nothing the young soldier could do for him. Ryan opened his mouth slightly, his voice low and almost incoherent. “You get back to her, Payno.”

“What?” Liam sniffed, taking his hand to stroke the boy’s face and try to comfort him at least a little.

“You promised her, right? Lila?” Liam’s heart sunk. “You make it home, you got it? For all of us here who can’t do that. You fight, dammit.”

“Don’t say that,” Liam cupped the boy’s face, more tears welling up in his own. “You don’t know that you’re not going home.”

“Oh, I’m going home,” Ryan coughed as blood trailed down his lip and hit Liam’s finger. “Just not completely.”

Liam dropped his head against Ryan’s forehead and cried dryly. He didn’t want to break down in front of his friend, but he knew in his heart there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t save him. Hell, he wasn’t sure if he could save himself.

“Payne,” he spoke up again, making Liam lift his head and look him in the eyes. “Promise me you won’t give up. Promise me you’ll try your best to stay alive.”

Liam tried to get the words out at that moment, but was unable to. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. It was like his words were being trapped in the back of his throat because he wasn’t quite sure if he could make that promise to the boy.

Liam sniffed and finally looked back to the boy, only to feel his heart drop. “Ryan?” Liam stared at him, his eyes wide. The boy laid still in his lap, his eyes still open, but all the life that had once filled them gone.

Liam shook his head as more tears fell down his cheeks. He cradled the cold boy in his arms, mumbling ‘no’ over and over again as he rocked back and forth. He felt like everything was beginning to crumble as he moved the boy from his lap and laid him flat on the ground. He moved his hands to cover the boy’s eyes and slid them down, shutting them.

“I promise,” Liam whispered as he took one last look at him before moving away, crawling back in the opposite direction, wincing each time he moved.



Night fell soon enough as Liam leaned himself up against something hard, not bothering to look to see what it was. The fire and burning had dimmed at this point, as did the smoke, making it clear to him of the ones who laid still before him; the ones who had lost their lives.

He moved his hand to his pocket, finding the same picture he had been looking at before, and pulled it out. He was relieved when he found it undamaged from the explosion and sighed as he opened it.

Lila’s beautiful face stared back at him and he wanted nothing more than to cry. He was surprised when he felt the wetness drip down his face, thinking that he should have ran out of tears by now. He pulled the picture up and kissed it softly, whispering lowly, “I love you.”

He couldn’t keep his promise; not to Lila and not to Ryan. He wasn’t going to make it. He could feel his body breaking down slowly as the hours passed. The pain was so strong that the only thing that was getting him by was the thought of Lila.

But even that brought a new set of pain.

He reached over into the pile of supplies he was able to scrounge together from the remains of the explosion and grabbed a pen. He made circles on his hand with it until the ink finally came to before he took the picture and flipped it over to the back and began writing;

“Lila,” he began, trying his best to remain calm and not get too choked up, “I’m so sorry. I hurt you by leaving and then I lied about coming home. I tried. I really did, but I wasn’t strong enough.”

He pulled his fist up to his mouth, trying to silence the sobs that wanted to break through his lips. He had to be brave. If he didn’t, he knew he wouldn’t be able to tell her how he felt.

“I know you hate me. I hate me a little too, to be honest. I never wanted any of this to happen, believe me. I didn’t want to leave you. I didn’t want to leave our baby. I wanted to come home so bad so we could all be together once and for all. And I’m so sorry that it can’t happen.

One of his tears fell from his cheek and onto the picture, smudging the pen marks just a bit. Before he knew it, more were following and he moved away, trying not to ruin the picture and letter any more.

He hated this. It’s not what he wanted. He wanted to do his time in the army and then come home a hero. He wanted to prove to her, to everyone, that he was a good enough man for her. He didn’t feel like it. He felt like a failure.

He failed them. He failed both Lila and their child; that’s what he believed at least. He was giving up. He was throwing in the towel when things got hard. How could he do that? How could he be so weak?

He wanted to stop this madness and put up another fight, but he knew he couldn’t. He knew that he was slowly slipping away by the passing seconds and he had to make sure Lila knew everything. He sniffed in before turning back and pushing the pen back to the back of the picture.

“Lila, I do love you. Please don’t ever doubt that for a minute. You were my life. You are my life. Up until the end, you were the only thing I was thinking of. You and our baby. God, I wish I was there. I wish I was there for you, but I can’t. I’m so sorry. I don’t think I can be any sorrier. But I do want you to know one thing. I will always love you. Nothing can stop that. Not this war. Not my death. Nothing can come between you and I, okay?"

Liam felt his insides burning a bit as he pulled his arm up and coughed hard against it. When he pulled away, he stared down at the blood that had just came from him. He knew he was running out of time.

“Lila, don’t be too sad. It kills me knowing that this is going to hurt you. I didn’t want that for you. I wanted to see that beautiful, smiling face for the rest of my life. So please – please don’t be sad for too long. Promise me, okay? Promise me you’ll be okay again. One day, you’ll be able to smile again. I love yo–”

The pain etched into a dark line as it staggered down the remaining part of the picture before both it and the photo fell from Liam’s hands. He fell to his side and clutched his chest tightly. His heart was pounding as he gasped for air, trying his best to just breathe.

Just breathe, Liam. Please, just stay alive.

He finally got the air to his lungs, as his chest heaved up and down and the breath falling from his lips were in heavy strides.

This was it. He really wasn’t going to make it. He was really going to break his promise to her. He wasn’t coming home. He wasn’t going to be there for her. He wasn’t going to see his baby.

He tried his best to calm down, but as his vision began to blur he knew that he was out of time.

And just when he was about to give up hope, the sound of chopper blades whooshing back and forth made his heart jump. The wind picked up as he was able to move his head slightly in the direction of the helicopter that was landing a bit away.

He let out a long breath as his head fell back to the ground, as he didn’t have the strength to keep it up any longer. He could feel himself beginning to slip out of consciousness, but he was able to let out one little sigh of relief.

And then he closed his eyes.