Love Me Like You Used To

Alex was stuck staring at his reflection in his bathroom mirror, groaning quietly in frustration at how shitty his hair looked at the moment. He dragged his fingers through the front part for what felt like the fiftieth time, eventually giving up and just leaving it how it was. It really didn't look too bad, just a little messy. Besides, he'd probably end up running his fingers through it the entire night anyways. He tightened the tie around his neck, adjusting it until he decided that the combination of the black tie with his navy blue shirt and dark gray suit just made him look fashionably challenged. Being a twenty-six year old guy, he probably shouldn’t have given a fuck whether or not his tie matched. But hey, he liked looking good. He left the bathroom and walked into his bedroom over to his closet, fumbling around until he found a light purple one and tying it around his neck as he walked back to the mirror.

~

This whole thing had all started about six months ago. Alex had gone out to get the mail one morning, getting back inside as fast as he could and making himself a mug of hot chocolate before sitting down on the living room couch and placing the stack of mail next to him. As much as he loved living in Maryland, the cold November temperatures were definitely a major downside. He was shuffling through the small pile of mail when he saw the ivory envelope. And okay, it was just an envelope. There was really no need to pay much attention to it, honestly. He was about to toss it aside with the rest of the junk mail (including a sketchy-looking invitation to join an online dating site called Club Emo – apparently, thousands of emo singles were looking for someone just like him!!) until he looked at the front. That's when he realized it was probably important, because shit, his name was embossed on the front of it: Mr. Alexander Gaskarth. He glanced at the return address and smiled a little bit, instantly recognizing one of the two names as an intern at Hopeless.

He'd only talked to the girl, Katie, a couple of times before, but she seemed nice enough, if not overly excitable. From the looks of it, she was getting married and for some reason, had decided to invite him. After opening the envelope and reading through the invitation inside, his assumptions were confirmed. The wedding was to be on May 12th and it definitely sounded like there was going to be a lot of people in attendance; the majority of which he wouldn't even know. Hell, he barely even knew the bride.

He rubbed at his eyes and reached for his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he got to Jack's name. After calling him twice, he laughed at himself and gave up, scrolling down to Rian's name instead. Of course his best friend would still be sleeping at 11:30 in the morning. If Alex knew Jack, he probably wouldn't even be up until early afternoon on a good day. Luckily, Rian picked up in no less than four rings, sounding way too energetic for this time of the day.

"Hey, man. What's up?"

Alex rolled his eyes a little bit at how wide awake the drummer sounded. Okay, so maybe he wasn't as bad as Jack, but honestly, he had only gotten up a little while ago. He glanced back down at the embellished paper in his hand before responding, still slightly confused.

"Hey, did you get an invitation to that Katie girl's wedding?"

"Katie who?"

"Uh, blonde, pretty short, decently hot, works at Hopeless?" Rian thought for a second, then hummed in acknowledgement, and Alex took that as his cue to continue speaking. "It's probably a really dumb question, but I just thought it was a little weird. I mean, come on. I barely even know the girl, and now she wants me to come watch her get married? I figured maybe she just invited as many people as she could, but I don't really know."

"Hold on, let me go check."

As Alex waited for Rian to get back to the phone, he took the time to browse through the rest of his mail, not finding anything worth paying any attention to. He couldn't help but roll his eyes a little bit at the Victoria's Secret catalog addressed to Lisa, his ex. It had been a mutual break-up, both of them deciding that with Alex's touring schedule, it was getting too much and it would be best for them both to move on. And he was okay with that. It had been a little rough at first, but the two were now talking occasionally, signaling a possible friendship in the future. The singer just found it ridiculous that after almost four months, he was still getting her goddamn catalogs and magazines and even some makeup samples in the mail. He brought the pile of junk mail over to the kitchen and dumped it in the trash before plopping back down on the couch again. Rian got back on the phone again shortly after that.

"You still there?"

Alex nodded before he realized that Rian couldn't see him, rolling his eyes at his own stupidity before responding.

"Yeah, dude. I'm still here."

"I got one too, so my guess is she just went out and invited the entire label. Do you wanna go?"

Alex thought about it. He'd always been a huge fan of weddings, even if he wasn't exactly ready for one of his own just yet. "Yeah, sure. Sounds like it could be fun, y'know? And even if it sucks ass, at least there's free booze."

He heard Rian laugh, grinning a bit himself before the drummer replied. "Okay, cool. That's fine with me. I'll talk to you later, yeah?"

They said their goodbyes and Alex hung up the phone, feeling oddly excited about this random girl's wedding.

~

So here he was, frowning at his reflection when he should have left for the reception about twenty minutes ago. After talking about it with Jack and Zack, the four of them decided it might be kind of awkward to attend the ceremony, considering they hardly even knew the girl. Besides, Alex was really only looking forward to the party anyways. He took one last look in the mirror, trying to brush any insecurities away before nodding to himself and turning off the bathroom light. He grabbed the gift he’d forgotten to buy until late last night and his phone off of his bed and replied to a few texts quickly before sliding it into the back pocket of his dress pants and heading out to his car. The country club the reception was being held at was about forty-five minutes away, and considering how late he already was, he definitely sped up a little bit once he got out on the highway. He ended up pulling into the parking lot at around 6:15, finding a spot near the back of the lot and grabbing the present from the passenger seat before heading towards the door.

Alex looked around once he got inside, saying hi to a bunch of people he’d never met before and searching for a familiar face. He dropped off the gift at what appeared to be the present table and was reaching into his pocket for his phone when Jack nudged his shoulder, grinning as the guitarist held two glasses of champagne and spoke way too fast for Alex to keep up. He took the glass offered to him and sipped at the drink before nodding distractedly and laughing at how overly excited his best friend seemed to be. He was just getting into a story about how some guy had spilled wine all over his crotch when the singer looked around the room and felt his heart sink into his stomach.

Of course he’d known it was possible that Tay might be here. After all, We Are The In Crowd was signed to Hopeless, too. He’d just kind of dismissed the idea, figuring she wouldn’t drive all the way here for a wedding. From the way his ex-girlfriend seemed to be talking to the bride across the room though, it looked like they were actually friends.

Naturally, Alex was suddenly really fucking nervous, because, with the exception of a couple Twitter exchanges, he hadn’t talked to the younger girl since 2012. And based on how badly their last conversation had gone, he wouldn’t exactly say that things between the two of them had ended on a particularly positive note.

"Shit," he mumbled, earning him a strange look from Jack. The guitarist raised an eyebrow and turned his head to see where his best friend was looking, eyes widening slightly in realization once he saw Tay and quickly looking back to Alex.

“Oh, wow.“

“Yeah.”

“She looks good.”

“Yeah, she really does.”

“Do you think she still hates you?”

“I have no fuckin’ idea.”

“Huh. Do you miss her?”

Alex paused at Jack’s question, taking a moment to think about it. The entire time they’d been together, he’d definitely felt a lot happier than usual. It was kind of like she had been the better half of him and he’d really regretted ending things with her. Especially for another girl. That just made him feel like a complete and total asshole. So yeah, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss her a hell of a lot.

“Yeah, yeah, I do.”

“Then go talk to her, apologize a couple of times, bang her in a bathroom stall, and call it a night.”

The singer rolled his eyes at Jack’s “helpful advice,” although that didn’t exactly sound like the worst plan in the world. He shook his head anyways though, laughing as his friend wandered off to harass some bridesmaid and sipping at his drink again. He debated on walking over there and just saying hey, but ultimately decided against it. He definitely wasn’t drunk enough for this.

~

Two hours and more than a few drinks later, Alex decided that his head hurt like a bitch and that if he didn’t find somewhere to lie down soon, he would end up passing out face-down on the floor within the hour. After wandering up a staircase and walking through a hallway, he found what looked kind of like a living room. It seemed to be a lounge or something like that for the country club members, but the important thing was that it was empty and quiet, which was exactly what he needed at the moment. He made his way over to the couch in the middle of the room and flopped down onto the cushions, letting his eyes fall shut as he tried to relax.

He’d hardly been resting for ten minutes when he heard footsteps and sat up quickly, messing with his hair before turning to see who it was. Right then and there, Alex was pretty sure he’d never felt more awkward in his entire twenty-six years of life. Judging by the expression on Tay’s face, she was just as taken aback as he was. For all he knew, she hadn’t even known he was invited to this goddamn thing. A few uncomfortable moments of silence passed before Alex finally gathered enough confidence to break it, simply saying, “Hey.”

She stared at him for a few seconds after he spoke, her face having gone expressionless as she murmured back a quiet, “Hi.” She paused, almost as if she was debating whether or not to leave the room before she walked over to the couch he was sitting on. “Um, it was getting too loud down there. Do you mind if I sit for a little bit? I can find somewhere else if you wa-“

“No, no, you don’t have to leave.” Alex cut her off before she finished her sentence and watched as the girl raised an eyebrow at his words and he bit down on his bottom lip before continuing. “Uh, yeah, that’s fine with me. I just had a killer headache.”
She nodded slightly and leaned back against the couch, closing her eyes and breathing quietly. Alex took this moment to really look at her again and, damn, she really did look good. Her hair was wavy in that natural way that just worked on her, the ends dyed a pink color that reminded Alex far too much of his own infamous Warped hairstyle. Part of him wondered if that was really just a coincidence before his common sense kicked in and told him to stop over-thinking so much. She was wearing a pale green dress, one of those colors he absolutely hated on girls. Tay looked good in it though, and he was pretty sure she was the only exception to that general rule.

God, Alex missed calling her his own, even if they never officially went public. He had liked knowing that the gorgeous girl with a kickass voice was all his and it really had been a shame that he’d ruined everything. It was kind of like that one “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” quote. Even in his slightly intoxicated state, she was still fucking perfect to him. He wanted her, not even in a sexual way. Just her; all of her.

Alex had always had a terrible habit of overthinking things.

He didn’t even realize he’d been lost deep in his thoughts until Tay poked his forearm, looking at him with a slight confused expression.

“You okay? You kinda drifted off there for a while.”

Alex decided right then and there that now was as good a time as ever to try and patch things up. Partially because he really did still have strong feelings for her and partially because he maybe, kind of, really wanted to kiss her a little bit. Or a lot.

“I’m sorry. I really am. I don’t think I’ve ever, um, said it yet. But I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to screw things up and goddammit, you look really fucking good right now and I’m sorry. I probably sound like a half-drunk idiot right now. But I’m just really sor-“

Before he could finish speaking, Tay’s lips were pressed up against his, a silent means of telling him to shut the fuck up. He was admittedly surprised, but sure as hell wasn’t complaining about it. Instead, he let his eyes slip closed and wrapped his arms around her waist loosely to pull her in a little more.

There was something about kissing her again that felt so wrong, but then again, it also felt so fucking right. So naturally, Alex leaned towards the second feeling and let himself get lost in the kiss, focusing on nothing more but the faint taste of wine on her lips and how strangely relaxed he was feeling about everything. And maybe that had a lot to do with the amount of alcohol coursing through his system at the moment. But he wasn't exactly shitfaced or anything even close to that, just a little buzzed, and he knew that he wouldn't regret this. This was what he'd been missing for almost two years. The feeling of her shirt underneath his fingertips, the way her hand slipped up into his hair and tugged at it almost desperately, everything felt so natural and comfortable between them. And it was fucking incredible.

Alex had never really enjoyed just kissing this much before. He'd usually find himself getting bored with it fairly easily, but with Tay, it was a totally different story. Saying it was the best kiss of his life would probably be at least a slight exaggeration, because yeah, he was sort of tipsy and his mind was totally a mess right now, but this was exactly what he needed at the moment, and as Tay pulled away almost reluctantly to take a breath, he laughed softly before attaching his lips to her neck and pushing her back against the armrest of the couch. He heard her breath hitch slightly in surprise, smirking a little bit against the skin as she hummed contently. He nipped at a small patch of skin under her jawline very lightly, not even enough to leave a mark. Alex didn't think that'd be right, marking her as his own when she clearly wasn't anymore. Although he began to feel a bit of hope for them that he hadn’t before. As that little tiny flicker of doubt crawled into his mind, he pulled back from her neck and dropped his hands down to rest on her hips, locking his eyes on hers and laughing under his breath.

"I miss you," he mumbled, unintentionally slurring his words just slightly and instantly regretting drinking as much as he did tonight. The last thing he wanted was for his ex-girlfriend to think she was just another meaningless drunken hook up. Tay didn’t seem to notice though and tilted her head to the side a little in response, almost as if she was internally debating whether or not to believe him. After a moment or so, she replied in a soft voice, almost eliminating every bad feeling from the previous year and a half.

"I miss you too, you idiot. I miss you a lot." And that was like some sort of confirmation for Alex, that he was forgiven after all this time. Really, he hadn't expected her to forgive him. Ever. But the way her hand dropped from his hair to trace over the skull tattoo on his neck let him know that this whole making out deal wasn't going to be a one-time thing.

Alex had been one hundred percent honest when he'd said that he missed the girl. He really had. He missed the way she'd pretend to laugh at his dumb half-assed jokes. He missed the way she looked onstage, how confident and completely happy she seemed to be in front of a crowd. He shook his head to break himself out of his thoughts and cracked a small smile, leaning away from her and running a hand through his hair a couple times in an attempt to make it look neater. He grinned slightly while she did the same, slipping his hand to the back of her neck after a second or two and leaning back in for another kiss. He pulled away after just a moment though, keeping the kiss short and sweet and letting it mean something.

And truthfully, that one kiss meant way more to him than the fairly sloppy make out session had. The way Tay was blushing when he pulled back gave him enough confidence to reach down for her hand and give it a soft squeeze before he stood up and signaled for him to follow him. From what he could tell, the reception downstairs was still in full swing and the only person in the hallway when they stepped out was an elderly woman. Alex assumed she was simply looking for the bathroom and she hardly paid the two singers any attention as she tried opening another door.

Keeping Tay's hand in his own, he walked over to the staircase, smiling to himself as she followed close behind him. They weren't dating again, no. But it was possible that hey, maybe that could happen again at some point. For now, he focused on the way Tay’s eyes lit up when he leaned over to place a small kiss to her cheek.

“You are such a total nerd, Gaskarth.”

“Yeah, but I’m kinda your nerd. So it’s okay.”

Damn, he was definitely going to have to thank that intern the next time he saw her.