Brooke's Big Bear

“It’s that goddamn bear, Harry. She doesn’t leave it alone!” Hanna sat in the foyer wearing her favorite pair of pajama pants and a bowl of popcorn wedged between her knees, talking to her husband over the phone while he traveled for some promotional meetings. “Couldn’t you have just gotten her a lollipop or some ice cream, like a normal parent?”

She could hear him smiling, but she tossed a kernel of popcorn into her mouth, keeping a straight face. “I let them pick out what they wanted. It just so happened, Brooke wanted the bear. No harm done.”

“Easy for you to say,” Hanna grumbled. “You’re not here. She misses you, babe. We all do.”

Harry forced a soft laugh, trying to pretend like that wasn’t the hardest thing he ever had to hear. “Its only been a couple of weeks, but God, I miss you, too. How are the girls?”

Hanna rolled her eyes. “A bunch of hot messes.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for starters Grace shits her pants about three times a day.” Hanna said seriously, but Harry couldn’t help but smile. “Brooke has a huge fit everytime I try to convince her to leave the bear at home and by the way, I think Ella is allergic to strawberries.”

Harry shrugged after his wife’s rant, getting himself ready for bed in his hotel room. “Sounds like every other day.”

“Not funny.”

Over her shoulder, Hanna could hear shuffling in the hall and the sound of something grazing over the floor. Instantly, she knew it was that stupid, oversized bear. “Brooke,” she called, craning her neck over the couch. “Daddy’s on the phone. Wanna tell him how much you love his replacement?”

Brooke was only three, so she didn’t really understand her mother’s question because the joke was more for Harry to roll his eyes, but as soon as she heard her daddy was on the phone, she came running. She couldn’t forget the bear, though, hauling it behind her because she was too short to lift it off the ground.

“Come up here, baby girl.” Hanna motioned, setting the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table so Brooke could wiggle onto her lap.

Brooke’s little fingers yanked at the phone, desperate for her father’s attention. “Hi, daddy.”

“Hey, B. Did you have fun at Nana’s today?” Harry asked his second daughter. Joy filled his veins as soon as he heard her small, raspy tone through the receiver. But he also felt a jolt of sadness from all the guilt everytime he had to leave his family at home.

Brooke nodded, scooting back into Hanna further. “She painted my nails purple!”

Harry made a sound to humor her, like it was the best news he had ever heard in his life. “Can you paint my nails purple when I get home? We can match.”

“Okay.” She nodded again, playing with the ear of her new favorite stuffed animal.

Yes, Hanna thought the bear was a bit much, considering how extreme in size it was, but she got over it when she saw how much Brooke took a liking to it. Besides the fact that it’s incredibly hard to fit in the car.

This time, when it was time for Harry to leave, he decided it would be a good idea to get all three of his girls a present to hold onto as soon as they started missing him. Ella was easy to please because she was too shy to ask for anything, so Harry got her a bracelet with a ballerina on it, which she never takes off. Grace was only six months old, so Harry got in a few more high-quality snuggles before buying an unlimited amount of pacifiers. Brooke, however, wanted everything. But one item that really caught her eye was the giant teddy bear at one of the strip malls Harry took them to.

Harry was Brooke’s world. Everything down to his warm hugs and delicate kisses, she loved him with every fiber of her being and his trips away were harder on her than on anyone else. She dragged the cream colored stuffed bear with her everywhere because it smelled like him, familiar and homey. She was too little to really understand why he had to leave for such long periods of time, all she knew was that he did and she didn’t want the bear to leave her like her father.

Harry glanced at his watch after listening to Brooke talk on and on about irrelevant things--even though sometimes she didn’t make any sense or she was hard to understand-- but that’s what he loved about her. That was Brooke. “Honey, it’s way past your bedtime. You should let mummy put you to sleep.”

Hanna rubbed at Brooke’s back when she noticed her face fall. “No, daddy--”

“Don’t whine, Brooke.” Harry sighed, his fatherly instincts kicking in.

Hanna could hear their conversation, so she mentally prepared herself for what was coming next. Brooke never took it well when Harry had to say goodbye--in person or over the phone.

Brooke’s round face puckered up, her grasp on the phone tightening and her brown eyes already pooling with tired tears. “I want you to tuck me in.”

Harry ignored the fact that his heart plummeted down to his stomach. He took a deep breath and nestled further into the hotel bed sheets. “I know, little one. I want to tuck you in, too. But I’m not home right now and you really need to go to sleep. The sooner you do that, the sooner I’ll be home.”

“No!” Brooke pouted, scratching at her eyes. “I’m not tired.”

Hanna suppressed a laugh, knowing fully well that she was beyond tired. As selfish as it was, she was glad Harry was the one to put up with her, but she continued to rub circles on her back to comfort her.

“You’re not tired?” Harry asked smugly to his stubborn three-year-old. “Is that why you’re yawning?”

That only made Brooke fuss further, squeaking out signs of distress and reaching forward to clutch onto the teddy bear. A tear slipped down her cheek before she sobbed and lunged into the body of the giant stuffed animal. Harry and Hanna slouched and pained for their daughter as she grew more and more difficult.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please, don’t cry.” Harry ranted, trying to hush his middle child without actually being with her, but failing miserably. “Don’t cry, you’ll wake up Grace.”

With furrowed brows, Hanna bent down to scoop her daughter up in her arms, but Brooke held tightly to her bear, luckily burying her face into it’s fur to muffle her loud sobs. It was hard to hear her cry because she didn’t do it that often. When she fell and scraped her knee, nothing. When she was scared, nothing. But now that she didn’t have the one person she wanted more than anyone, the water works were unconsolable.

She sniffled. “Come home.”

“I’ll be home in two days. Just two days, Brooke.” He was desperate now. “I’ll be right back to tucking you in every night and giving you a bunch of big bear hugs. Better than the fake ones you’re getting.”

“Pinky promise?” Brooke choked out and Hanna smiled lightly when she could tell her husband was getting through to her with whatever he was saying.

A smile slid over Harry’s lips. “Pinky promise.”

“Shoulder rides?”

“Of course, you can have as many shoulder rides as you want.” He wasn’t lying. She could have asked for lots of elephants and he would’ve agreed to it. “Daddy has to go to bed now, baby. Are you gonna be okay with mummy and your sisters?”

Brooke nodded, still whimpering and rubbing at her nose and eyes.

“Did you nod?”

Brooke almost smiled, but she couldn’t.

“Goodnight, B. I love you. I’ll be home before you know it and I can’t wait to hear all of your crazy stories. They’re the best part of my day.” Harry said softly yet enthusiastically.

Harry wished he could say goodnight to his other queens, but Ella hated to be woken up and Grace was too little to understand anyways. Right now, Brooke needed his reconciliation and attention, and he was more than happy to give it to her.

“Bye, bye.” Brooke rasped.

“Bye, bye.” Harry’s heart clenched tightly and suddenly, he was more eager to be home than before. He heard some shuffling and a few more tiny whimpers from his daughter before he heard the voice of his loving wife.

“Now you know what I’m talking about. She’s been like this on and off since you left.”

Harry rolled onto his back, shutting his eyes. “Don’t make me feel bad. I feel horrible as it is.”

“I’m sorry, that’s not what I’m trying to do.” Hanna watched her daughter fall onto the bear again, getting cozy as a few silent tears fell off her face and onto the creamy colored fur. “It’s just been a long two weeks for everyone. Except maybe Grace, but even she knows you’re gone.”

“Brooke is taking it pretty hard, huh? I had no idea it was that bad.”

“Of course she is, you’re her sunshine. She’d swim to you... I mean, if she knew how to swim.”

Harry chuckled, “The feeling’s mutual, then.”

A silence fell between the two of them for a minute, but it was comfortable and relaxing. When Harry was away, there was something so soothing in just hearing one another’s breathing over the phone. It was something only they could share and it would never be taken for granted.

“Oh, I meant to ask you how she was doing at school. Have you talked to her teacher?” Harry asked, hoping for the best.

Hanna nodded her head, her brown eyes watching her daughter’s matching ones shut as she cried herself into a light slumber. “Mhm, she says as long as she sits closest to her during circle time, Brooke can hear her just fine. She’s keeping up with the other students and that’s really all we wanted, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, exactly.”

Harry and Hanna despised talking about Brooke’s hearing loss, because in some way, each of them blamed themselves. Brooke, however, loved her hearing aid. It was purple-- her favorite color-- and she knew it made her stand out from the other kids. Even her young three-year-old brain knew it was okay to be different and she had no problem explaining to other kids when they asked what that weird thing in her ear was.

Hanna looked down to where her hearing aid should’ve been, but it wasn’t there because she should’ve been in bed.

“Kiss her goodnight for me, please?” Harry was almost whispering now, sleeping taking over him. “And tell her I love her more than a bear loves his honey.”

Hanna smiled. “That much? Really, are you sure?”

“Shut up.”

When they hung up, Hanna tossed her cell phone on the couch and crouched down next to her sleeping beauty with dark, messy hair and dried tear stains on her milky white skin. She placed a delicate peck to her forehead before scooping her up and balancing her head on her shoulders. The walk to her bedroom upstairs went fast, even though she was walking at a slow pace to lull Brooke deeper into her slumber.

Hanna placed her middle daughter into her bed lightly, pulling the blankets up to her chest and kissing her again, this time on her little nose that was identical to her husband’s as a child.

She whispered, “Daddy and I love you more than a bear loves his honey.”

Even though they could love her more than that annoying, stuffed bear could, Hanna brought it upstairs to Brooke’s bedroom anyways. It was like a small piece of Harry and it just had to be there when she woke up in the morning missing him.