Bulletproof Love

"Morning, mom."

That is the first thing I hear in the morning and I nearly dropped the plate of pancakes I was holding. I turn wide-eyed to stare at the person who called me mom, and it was Rowan. "Woah, are you okay," he asks.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine, you just caught me by surprise."

"Is it because I called you mom? I'm sorry, I can stop if you want."

"No, no, Rowan, it's fine. Like I said, you just caught me by surprise. You can call me 'mom.'" And the smile was worth it. Plus, there was nothing wrong with being called mom. It was cute he thought of me as one. "Where's dad?"

"Upstairs with your sister." And I sometimes forget that she really is his sister. They have the same mother. "Ok. Can I help with anything?"

"Actually, yeah. Could you set the table?"

"Yeah, how many plates?" Austin wasn't here and was still teething so she wouldn't be able to eat solid food yet, so four. "Four plates. And set Cope's chair, will you?" And he nods. I go back to making pancakes. And when they were all done, I set the whole stack in the center of the table.

"Could you get your brother and your father?" He scurries up the stairs. And not long after, I see Rowan appear holding one of Vic's hand, pulling him while he carries Cope in his other arm. He walks to me and places a kiss on my forehead, "You guys are turning me into a softy, I swear. And why did Rowan call me dad?"

"Last night, remember? He called me mom this morning, nearly gave me a heart attack." And he begins smirking, a teasing glint in his eye. But Liam came in after. "Morning, mom. Dad," he mumbles, sleepily.

"Morning, Liam," I telling him, pecking his forehead before walking back into the kitchen to grab the syrup. I set it on the table, taking my seat beside Vic and placing Cope in her high chair. I feed her some baby food and when I'm done feeding her, I turn to face the table, and see no one had started eating.

"We were waiting for you," Liam says and I feel my heart soar. That was the sweetest thing ever. I smile at them before grabbing a pancake from the stack and coating it in syrup. "You're going to get diabetes like that, Kellin."

"Calm down, Vicky. I won't." He sends me a playful glare for the name, but I just peck his cheek and his façade falls. Then I take a bite of my pancakes. And when I look around, so have the others. The pancakes were good.

We finish breakfast and I grab Cope. We walk into the living room and I place her on the ground. Then I sit on the couch beside Vic. She starts crawling and Liam and Rowan begin playing with her. She was giggling and babbling about who knows what, but it made me smile.

Rowan had her in his arms, but she saw me and started getting fussy so he let her down and she began crawling towards me. When she reached me, she couldn't stand yet, so I picked her up. She placed her tiny hands on my cheeks and I laugh, but then she does something that surprises me, "Ma-Mama," she spoke. The boys looked happy, and Vic was surprised. "Her first word," he tells me. And I nod, tears building up in my eyes.

"Mama," she said again and the tears fall. Oh, my God, this is the greatest day of my life. "Yes, baby. I'm your mama."

"Mama," she coos, patting my cheek. And I nod. Then I place her on the ground to give me time to get over my happiness and she crawls to Vic. He smiles as he picks her up. She pets his nose and he laughs, removing her hand. "Hi, Cope," he coos. Just then, the boys sit beside us.

"Dada," and I freeze. Her second word. Vic looked just as shocked. I feel my heart flutter hearing my baby speak. Sure, she made noises, but these are her first actual words. I've never been happier. I quickly text everyone of this event.

"Oh, my God, congrats. Send me a video" Jesse.

"No way, sick man. Congrats!" Justin.

"Awww, I'm so happy for you." Gabe.

"Did you cry?" Jack.

"Awww, my baby!! You cried, didn't you?" Alan.

"Congrats, man." Austin. Speaking of Austin, where is he? But it leaves my mind and I turn on the camera, aiming it at Cope. "Cope, baby, say 'Mama'." She stayed silent. "Come on, please, Cope?" And she stayed silent and I was about to give up, but she did it, " Mamamama," and I smile. "Good, now say, Dada."

"Dada." And I smile, send the video to Jesse before putting the phone on the table. Vic places Cope onto the ground and pulls me into his lap, my head over his heart. We watch the kids play and I realize, no wonder Alan wants kids, they are wonderful. I had started out with a daughter, and now I have two other sons.

~~~

Alan

I wake up naked, sweaty, and sore. Jesus, why did I agree to all those ten rounds? I sit up, wincing and turn to look at Austin. I felt shame wash over me. I let him take me knowing that was his way of getting me to forgive him. He basically used me and God, does it hurt.

I get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. I fill the tub up and step in before sitting in the warm water. I feel my body relaxing. I love baths, Austin knows that. He always made me baths when he had time and I always cooked for him. And on our honeymoon, he had rented a room with a big tub and made this whole romantic scene with it. He had blushed, explaining why he did it, and I had kissed his cheek.

I sigh in content remembering our honeymoon. He was nice, so gentle. I blush remembering the night I lost my virginity. He said it was okay if I didn't want to. I even remember not wanting the wedding to end for fear of what was to come at the hotel. And I wasn't expecting anything big for our honeymoon. The shock I got when we got on a plane and flew to South America.

It was a beautiful week and we barely left the bedroom unless I asked. He had taken me to beach, monuments, resturaunts using the little Spanish he picked up from Vic. There were times where we didn't have sex, he'd just hold me in bed.

It was a wondeful experience and here I am, ruining our marriage by asking for children. He's already done so much for me, why should I ask for more? And why should he say yes? This is all my fault. He doesn't have to give me kids, but I will not forgive him for saying I'm incapable of kids because of my father. Hell, Austin even sent me to therapy.

I was better and I knew that. I wasn't that broken boy that Austin had kidnapped anymore. And it was thanks to him. He saved me, made me whole. So why did he feel I wasn't ready? I sigh, I need to stop or I'll just start crying.

But the feeling of being used doesn't fade. I get out of the bath and change quickly. I walk out of the bedroom and into the small living room before walking out of the cottage and running away... again. I'll need a new place to hide.

I run all the way to Kellin and Vic's house and knock on the door. Liam opens up, "Mom, Alan's here." Mom? But then Kellin appears and smiles at Liam, "Liam, tell your father I'll be upstairs with Alan," before pulling me up the stairs. "Okay, mom."

When we reach the room, I raise an eye-brow, "Mom?"

"Shut up," he says, blushing.

"What brought that up?"

"The boys had nightmares and Rowan said I reminded him of his mom and asked me to become his new mom. Then Liam asked if we could for him as well, and I obviously said yes. And they asked Vic to be their father."

I smile at him and he returns it, but then he frowns, "Wait - why are you here? I always visit you so you don't run into Austin." I sigh and give him a sheepish look, "Well, about that. He must have followed you or something because he was there."

Kellin gasps, "What happened?"

"Well, one thing lead to another and we had sex more than once, ugh... but now I feel so used. I feel like that was his way of getting me to forgive him, but now I feel so ashamed. So I ran away while he was sleeping... again."

"Oh, Alan, I don't know what to tell you. You guys need to talk through your problems like adults, you can't let him seduce you until you guys discuss the issue... if you want, I'll go with you."

"I'd like that."

"Ok. We'll go now. I'll tell Vic and the boys." He grabs my hand and pulls me downstairs. When we reach the living room, he walks to Vic and whispers in his ear, probably explaining what we were going to do. Vic nods and pecks his lips and then they turn to the boys.

"Boys, I'm going out with Alan. Be good, I'll be back later."

"Okay. Bye, mom," Liam says. Rowan nods and then Cope begins rambling, " Mamamamama." Kellin smiles and picks her up. "Bye, baby."

We walk out the front door to the fence and begin climbing it. When we reach the cottage, Kellin pulls me back before I could open the door. "Remember, Alan, don't give in." I nod and open the door.

~~~

Kellin

We walk inside and see that Austin hasn't woken up yet. We sit on the couch and wait. It was a tense and awkward silence. "You ready, Alan?"

"No."

And I send him a small smile, "You'll be fine." And he returns the small smile, "Thanks," and before I can reply, we see Austin descend with no shirt on. I blush and look away, using my hair to cover my eyes. "Hey, Kellin."

"Hi."

And it was tense until Alan desides to break it, "Austin, we need to talk." I look at him and he masked his emotions by putting up a neutral face. "Alright. What do you want to talk about?"

"You know what."

Austin nods and then turns to look at me. "Could you give us a minute?" But even before I can open my mouth, Alan speaks up, "No, he's staying." Austin sends him an unimpressed look and I can't help but notice how I've never seen him so cold.

And no one spoke, nothing happened. It was just Austin and Alan staring each other down. "Ok. I think me being here is making it awkward, so I'll be in the bedroom." Alan looked like he didn't want me to leave, but I sent him a reassuring smile. I walk into the bedroom and close the door.

And immediately they start yelling.

"You can't keep seducing me to ignore the problem!" Alan.

"You aren't complaining when it's happening!" Austin.

"Now that's not fair! And it also isn't fair that you won't give me a straight answer!"

"I don't want to hurt your feelings! You know my thoughts on the matter!"

"Yeah! You think I'm incapable of raising a child because of my past! Newsflash, Austin, I got help, remember? You even took me to the therapist!"

"It's not just your past, Alan! There's more to it!"

"Then what is it, Austin? A simple no would have sufficed!"

"Fine! No! We can't have a kid!"

"Fine. That's all I needed to hear!" And I bite my lip in anticipation. "I want a divorce!" And I gasp. No!

"I want to find someone who will actually want a kid with me!" Then next thing I know, Alan is opening the bedroom door, packing his things and pulling me with him. "Come on, Kellin, we're leaving."

When we pass Austin, he grabbed Alan's arm and Alan hands me his bag and tells me to wait outside. I nod, biting my lip. I close the door behind me and wait for Alan to come out.

~~~

Alan

I turn to face him and glare. He looked so heartbroken. But I wouldn't fall for it.  "Let go, Austin."

"Please, Alan."

"No, Austin. I don't love you like I loved you yesterday. It's obvious you don't either." And I pull my arm from his grasp. But he pulls me back and slams our lips together. I try pulling away, but he grabbed me harshly and slammed me against the wall. I whimper into his mouth and he pulls back and begins apologizing profoundly.

"Austin, just let me go."

"No, Alan, I can't lose you," and he slams his lips onto mine. He begins unbuttoning my jeans and I begin panicking. Oh, God, no. I hear his jeans coming undone and I start fighting back. I finally push him off, but that got him mad and he growled. He throws me onto the couch. He takes off his shirt and I begin scrambling away.

But he caught me and pulled my jeans down, leaving me in my underwear and shirt. "No, Austin! No, STOP!" But he ignored me and began kissing down my neck, removing my sleeve from my shoulder. I feel the tears coming and I have accepted my fate. I know Kellin won't come because I told him not to come back. That he had to wait for me, no matter how long I took.

When he takes off my shirt is when the tears escape. I was just going to let him rape me. I couldn't fight against him, I'd lose. I couldn't do anything but wait for it to be over. But when he was about to pull off my underwear is when I start freaking out. I can't let this happen. I begin thrashing around and I finally got him off.

I run to the farthest wall, grabbing my jeans and buttoning them. I stare him down, tears cascading down my face. "N-No, Au-Austin. Just no."

He looked ashamed as he finally realized what he was about to do. "Alan, I - "

"Save it. I'm leaving." And I walk out and I don't speak to Kellin the whole way back. I'm not mad and I'm not blaming Kellin for what almost happened. When we reach my bedroom is when I finally collapse and cry in his arms.

"Alan, do you really want a divorce?"

"No. I just wanted to say something that'll hurt him like he hurt me."

"Alan, you shouldn't have said that, even I gasped."

"I'm sorry. He just hurt me so bad and then he goes and tries that."

"Tries what?"

"He tried to rape me."

"What? Why didn't you scream? I would have ran straight back in to save you."

And I let out a small laugh. "What is it," he asks.

"It's just - Austin and I are married, most people would turn a head if I said Austin tried to rape me because of our marriage. They'd probably think it was consensual. But not you. Why?"

"Alan, 'no' means 'no' even in marriage. And if you said no, and he tried, then it still is rape. Regardless of your marriage."

I smile and hug him back. And when stay like that until Rowan interrupted. "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, Liam changed the channel even though I was watching tv first."

Minutes later, Liam bursts into the room. "No! I was there first," and though he was yelling, he actually looked scared. Almost as if he thought he'd get hurt or in trouble. Ha, yeah, right. Knowing Kellin, he'd probably just turn off the tv and make them do something else.

"Ok. Give me a minute, boys. I'll be right out." They nod and leave the room. Then he turns to me, "Will you be okay?" I nod.

"Yeah, go check on your kids." He smiles and nods before running out of the room. And now I'm alone.

~~~

Kellin

"Ok, now what happened?"

"Oh, that was all a lie Dad told us to tell you. He's in your bedroom." I furrow my eyebrows, but nod and begin walking in that direction.

When I walk inside, I see him place Cope in her crib. "You wanted me," I ask. He turns to look at me and begins walking towards me. But I don't move back. I trust him now. Same way he trusts me.

He just stands in front of me and I bring my hand to his cheek. I let my thumb run over his skin. And then he places his hand over mine, wrapping his hand gently over mine and bringing it to his lips where he places a kiss on it.

Then he cups my cheek and brings our lips together. I immediately kiss back and he cups the back of my head. I wrap my arms around his neck. He picks me up bridal style, not once breaking the kiss, and carries me to the bed. He lays me down and climbs over me so he's on top.

I place a hand on his shoulder and slide it down to his chest. Not once did we break the kiss. And then he begins moving his hand lower. He brings it to my waist and goes under my shirt. I shiver at the feel of his skin on my skin.

He pulls back and begins placing butterfly kisses on my neck. I let out a small moan of content. He pulls my tank top sleeve off and begins kissing my shoulder. "Vic," I say, breathlessly. He pulls back and pecks my lips. "I love you," he says, sitting up and placing me on his lap. My legs wrapped around his waist and now, I was taller than him.

I lean down and kiss him. "I know," I say, still having to tell him I love you back. I just can't bring myself to say it. And I don't know if I love him back yet. But I do know I like him, that's for sure. And we sat there kissing. Just enjoying the feel each other.

But then the boys burst in. "Mom, Dad, Austin is here." And we pull back, I tense up and Vic turns to look at me. "You okay?"

"Yeah. They need to talk. Boys, tell him to wait. We'll be right down." They nod and walk out. Vic picks me up off his lap and am I really that skinny? Or is he just that strong? I climb off the bed and walk to Cope to see if she's awake. When I see she is, I pick her up. I feel come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. "It'll be okay." And I nod, pecking his cheek.

We walk downstairs and see Austin there and he looked so stressed and upset. I walk up to him and stare him down, well up. You get the point. And I slap him. His head turns on the impact. "How could you do that to Alan?! Your own husband?! Do you even know how he hurt he was that you did that?!"

He sighs, "I know, Kellin, and I feel so awful. That's why I'm here. I need to talk to him." I glare at him.

"I'm only saying yes for Alan, not for you. Because you guys need to work on your problems. And if the solution is divorce, then so be it," and he winces at the word divorce. I guess he really doesn't want to divorce Alan. Hopefully they get past this. "Come on," I say, beginning to walk up the stairs to Alan's room.

I knock on the door and hear Alan call a "Come in." I open the door and when he sees who's behind me, he immediately grows tense and runs into the bathroom. "Good luck," I tell Austin, walking out of the room. I switch Cope to my other arm and walk downstairs.

"How do you think it'll go," Vic asks.

"I don't know."

~~~

Austin

I was knocking on the bathroom, begging Alan to step out. "Alan, please, I'm so sorry. You know the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt you. Please come out."

"No, you'll just make me cry again." And I made him cry? Oh, God. I sigh and take out a bobby pin I keep for moments like these and pick the lock. I finally get it open and I see him get up from sitting on the toilet, scrambling to the farthest wall. "Stay away from me," he hisses. But I step forward.

"Alan, I'm sorry. Please, I hate myself for making you cry. You know that was my last intention. I hate that I hurt you," I say, bringing my hand up to his cheek and he flinches. Then glares, pushing my hand away. "No! You don't get to do that, not after what you almost did to m-me," and he collapses, letting the tears fall.

"You don't get it, Austin. Today when I woke up, I had never felt so used. I knew that was your way of distracting me, but the next day, I felt so ashamed in myself. You can't just do that to me."

Seeing him like this broke my heart, and I get down on my knees with him and pull him to my chest. He's tense at first, but then he relaxes into my embrace and hugs me back. "I'm so sorry, Alan. But I only do that because I don't want to lose you. I love you so much that I'd die without you. You're my ginger princess."

I feel him laugh against my chest, "You won't lose me, Austin. But you can't use me either. And I wasn't serious about the divorce. I just wanted to hurt you like you hurt me."

"Then I must have hurt you a lot because you saying that broke my heart." And he laughs. It was music to my ears. "Am I forgiven?"

"Yes," he says. "But now it's time for the real issue."

"We'll adopt a kid, Alan," I say. And he pulls back. "Austin, you don't have to do that for me. If you don't want to, we don't have to."

"But I do. I just said no, not because you aren't ready like I said because I know you'll be a great parent. I said no because I don't feel like I'm ready. I might never have time for them with running the gang."

"That's why you make time. Vic is always home to spend time with his family. But sometimes he does leave. You won't be there all the time, but you will be there for most of the time. And that's what matters, that you care enough to make time."

"I love you, Alan," I say, pecking his forehead.

"I love you, too." And then I pick him up and carry him to the bed. When I lay him down, he stares at me sadly, probably thinking I was about to have sex with him, but I get in behind him and pull him to my chest, just holding him. And he relaxes realizing my intentions.

"I love you," I breathe.

"I love you," he mumbles.

~~~

Kellin

"I'm nervous as to what happened," I say. "They've been up there an awful long time."

"Calm down, Kellin. I'm sure they're fine." I sigh.

"Maybe we should check on them." And then Vic sighs. "Fine. Let's go check. Boys, play with your sister," he says.

"'Kay, Dad." And I see him smile a bit. Aww, he likes when they call him dad. I grab his hand and we walk upstairs. I knock and no answer so I open the door and aes them sleeping. "See, I told you they'd be fine."

"Shut up," I mumble. But we go downstairs and the rest of the day is uneventful. We ate lunch and dinner, I saved some for Austin and Alan. And they didn't fight again. It was now night time and I was in the boys' room. They got into bed and kissed both their forheads and Vic just ruffled there hair. I really was the mom.

"Goodnight, boys," I say, closing the door and walking with Vic back to our room. He had Cope and he placed her in her crib. He turns around so I can change. And when he's done changing, he picks me up and lays me on the bed. He gets inbetween my legs and runs a hand down my thighs. I wrap my legs around him and he kisses me.

When we pull back, we're both panting, our breaths mingling with each other. I stare deep into his dark brown eyes and speak, "I love you, Vic."

And he smiles and pecks my lips. "I love you, Kellin."