Status: in progress, lovelies
Your Guardian Angel
Secrets I Keep
I tilted my head back as the girl kissed my neck, leaving crimson prints over the stripes painted there. Jake stood awkwardly off to the side, looking away. I pulled away, going over to him. "Hey. What's up?"
"Uh- Andy said to tell you that he's okay? I guess he's sick or tired or something-" I quickly interrupted.
"He's sick? What's wrong? Where is he?" I asked, panicking. "Is he okay?"
"Dude, chill. He's fine." Jake put his hands up defensively. "Why are you so protective of him?"
I bit my lip. "He's just a kid, man. I just worry."
"He's an adult. He can run wild if he wants. You don't need to coddle him."
"Maybe I want to coddle him. He needs to be coddled sometimes. He's not grown up, as much as he pretends to be. He's still only a kid." I weakly defended. He'd never grow up in my eyes. He'd always be that sweet little boy, as much as he would hate to know that. I guess I lacked the closure of watching him grow up, the peace of knowing that he made it through okay. So now, I worried and fretted about him like a small child, like he'd disappear if I looked away for ten seconds.
"Ash, he's 20. He's not a kid. You aren't going to be able to save him from the whole world, even if you want to." Jake sighed.
"I know I can't. I know. But I can try." I smiled stubbornly. I can and would protect him from the world. He was too precious and fragile, the world too coarse and rough for my Andy. I'd given up my own immortal life for him, and I'd just as easily give my mortal life too. I'd die for him. Lost in my thoughts, I wandered out of the bar and down the street. Was I coddling him too much? I just wanted to take care of him, keep him safe... Maybe it was too much. Maybe he really didn't need to be protected... But I couldn't let him go. I went back to the bus, past his bunk. He was asleep, face peacefully blank. I brushed his hair back and kissed his forehead gently, reminiscent of the angel's kiss I laid there at his birth. I went on to my own bunk, laying down to think. Maybe Jake was right.. Maybe it was time to let go...
My time as a guardian was long since over, I had no obligations to continue to keep him safe. But I still felt like I needed to. This was all so complicated.. I fell asleep, baffled by it all.
I awoke early in the morning, the bus silent as it could be with over a dozen guys snoring away. I went into the bathroom, closing the door behind me but not locking it. After all, everyone would be asleep for hours longer. I took a deep breath, looking at myself in the mirror. A glimmer of black, a shadow slicing at the wall behind me. The mark of my failures, my rejection. The symbol of the fallen, the cast down and ruined. Wings black as midnight stretched from my back, a mark of woe. Black for the fallen angels, the stained purity and lost divinity. For a guardian angel to have these marks was the ultimate shame, because it meant you failed, you abandoned your child and left them to face the world alone.
The door opened before I could hide my wings again.
"Dude, what the hell is going on?!" CC gasped, gaping at the formerly unknown anatomy.
"Please don't tell." I pleaded.
"I- what the- what?" he stammered. "You have-" I clapped my hands over his mouth as they disappeared from view.
"I'll tell you anything, just please, please don't tell anybody. You have to keep it a secret!" I begged. "Especially Andy! You can't tell Andy!" if he knew.. I couldn't even think about it.
"Uh- Andy said to tell you that he's okay? I guess he's sick or tired or something-" I quickly interrupted.
"He's sick? What's wrong? Where is he?" I asked, panicking. "Is he okay?"
"Dude, chill. He's fine." Jake put his hands up defensively. "Why are you so protective of him?"
I bit my lip. "He's just a kid, man. I just worry."
"He's an adult. He can run wild if he wants. You don't need to coddle him."
"Maybe I want to coddle him. He needs to be coddled sometimes. He's not grown up, as much as he pretends to be. He's still only a kid." I weakly defended. He'd never grow up in my eyes. He'd always be that sweet little boy, as much as he would hate to know that. I guess I lacked the closure of watching him grow up, the peace of knowing that he made it through okay. So now, I worried and fretted about him like a small child, like he'd disappear if I looked away for ten seconds.
"Ash, he's 20. He's not a kid. You aren't going to be able to save him from the whole world, even if you want to." Jake sighed.
"I know I can't. I know. But I can try." I smiled stubbornly. I can and would protect him from the world. He was too precious and fragile, the world too coarse and rough for my Andy. I'd given up my own immortal life for him, and I'd just as easily give my mortal life too. I'd die for him. Lost in my thoughts, I wandered out of the bar and down the street. Was I coddling him too much? I just wanted to take care of him, keep him safe... Maybe it was too much. Maybe he really didn't need to be protected... But I couldn't let him go. I went back to the bus, past his bunk. He was asleep, face peacefully blank. I brushed his hair back and kissed his forehead gently, reminiscent of the angel's kiss I laid there at his birth. I went on to my own bunk, laying down to think. Maybe Jake was right.. Maybe it was time to let go...
My time as a guardian was long since over, I had no obligations to continue to keep him safe. But I still felt like I needed to. This was all so complicated.. I fell asleep, baffled by it all.
I awoke early in the morning, the bus silent as it could be with over a dozen guys snoring away. I went into the bathroom, closing the door behind me but not locking it. After all, everyone would be asleep for hours longer. I took a deep breath, looking at myself in the mirror. A glimmer of black, a shadow slicing at the wall behind me. The mark of my failures, my rejection. The symbol of the fallen, the cast down and ruined. Wings black as midnight stretched from my back, a mark of woe. Black for the fallen angels, the stained purity and lost divinity. For a guardian angel to have these marks was the ultimate shame, because it meant you failed, you abandoned your child and left them to face the world alone.
The door opened before I could hide my wings again.
"Dude, what the hell is going on?!" CC gasped, gaping at the formerly unknown anatomy.
"Please don't tell." I pleaded.
"I- what the- what?" he stammered. "You have-" I clapped my hands over his mouth as they disappeared from view.
"I'll tell you anything, just please, please don't tell anybody. You have to keep it a secret!" I begged. "Especially Andy! You can't tell Andy!" if he knew.. I couldn't even think about it.