You Put the Spike in My Heart

"Daddy, why don't you pull over and let me drive?"

Bailey stuck her hand between her mother and father in the front seat to try and direct his anger elsewhere. He hadn't stopped yelling at her since before they left the house and he wasn't paying any attention to the road in front of him. But she didn't much care about his driving, she cared about her mother cowering in her seat, shaking head to foot.

"Are you saying I don't know how to drive?"

Well it worked. His voice was low and threatening. Here we go...

"I didn't raise you to question me, young lady! Nor did I..."
She drowned out the rest, same old speech. It's not like she enjoyed the verbal assault but as long as it took the heat off of her mother, she would take it with a smile.

"...do you hear me?"

"Yes sir."

She nodded and he finally fell silent. Her mum had always taken it all so well. Bailey couldn't believe she hadn't busted him in the face by now. She feared she would do it herself by the end of the night. She had never seen her mum so shaken though. Her father was no longer yelling but she was still cowering, eyes set on the dashboard. Bailey scooted closer to look and immediately noticed the speed-gauge. She sat back and struggled to put her seat belt on.

"Dad, slow down."

"Did we not just have a conversation -"

"Slow down!"

"I know how to drive my own car!"

"Mum, put your seat-belt on!"

It was too late, he took the curve too fast. The tires lost their grip and they fishtailed before hitting the embankment. Her mother screamed as the car left the ground and then everything went black.

~*~

The whole room was pitch and Bailey sat up too fast, making her head spin. Just a dream. Her whole body was covered in cold sweat and her whole frame shook violently. She had that dream a lot but coming down made it worse.
A door opened on the other side of the room. She suppressed a hiss at the light that landed on her.

"Are you awake?"

She glared at Bam.

"What does it look like?"
He left the door open a crack so he could see and made his way over to sit next to her. He handed her a glass of water which she started guzzling as soon as she brought it to her lips.

"Slow down!"

She almost dropped the glass and choked on a mouthful of water. Him yelling at her to 'slow down' brought the nightmare back fresh in her mind. She handed him the glass, suddenly feeling like she was going to be sick.
She wished she were high. Damn him for making her do this.

"What time is it?"

"Around 8PM."

"Ew."

She put a hand to her forehead, wishing the room would stop spinning.

"I came to tell you that we're all going out. Frank is staying to watch you."

"I don't need a babysitter, Bam!"

She was furious and the way she was feeling was only fueling the fire.

"Calm down. You agreed to this. And besides, I know how you get."

She couldn't stand being in the same room as him anymore. As far as she was concerned, coming back here was a mistake. Who was he to judge her? She had started taking all of the harder drugs with him. She ripped the sheets off of her and turned on the light.

"What are you doing?"

She ignored him, sifting through her bag for clothes and a towel and then left the room without so much as looking at him. When she reached the bathroom and closed the door she was free to fall to the floor. She couldn't believe how much energy her little tantrum had taken out of her. She didn't even know what she was so mad about.

He was right after all. Her whole body was screaming for a fix and was resisting the urge to tear the bathroom apart in search for an alternative. She shouldn't have been so mean. He didn't have to do this, but he wanted to. She disappeared on him twice, broke his heart and lied to him yet he still cared enough to go out of his way and bring the junkie a glass of water.

She pulled herself to the sink to splash her face and her limbs shook at the effort. Her appearance was the same as your favorite burn-out rock star about to kick it...only a lot less glamorous. What had she done to herself? What would her mother say if she could see her now? She needed to get her act together. And now that she had help, maybe...just maybe she had a chance. All she needed to do was get through this night and try not to do something stupid in the process.

~*~

After a long shower and some light makeup, Bailey made her way to the stairs as quietly as she could. It seemed everyone noticed her at once and shouted a greeting. She struggled to smile - did they have to be so loud?

Frank patted the seat next to him when she approached but she ignored it and sat between Gerard and Mikey. At the moment she didn't want anything to do with anyone that knew what was wrong with her. They were all watching a movie but she couldn't tell what it was, the television hurt her eyes if she looked at it for too long. Ryan quirked his head at her from the floor.

"Hangover?"

"Yeah, I got it pretty bad." She said, rubbing her face. Gerard looked at her, not believing for a second that she was hung over. She looked sick. Her usually vibrant eyes looked almost grey.

"Looks like someone can't hold their alcohol as well as they used to."

Bailey looked like she wanted to kick Dunn but she beckoned with her hands instead.

"All right...all of you. Get it over with. Do your worst."

There were a few more sarcastic remarks thrown about the room but Gerard could tell she wasn't listening, looking more exhausted than ever. He wanted to ask her what had happened at the party but Frank had told him to leave it alone.

Bailey pinched the bridge of her nose in hopes to squash the oncoming migraine. Why didn't she just stay in bed? It took all of her energy just to concentrate on any one thing. When her head fell to Gerard's shoulder he couldn't hide his concern anymore.

"You okay?"

She looked up at him slowly and graced him with a genuine smile.

"Hi Gerard."

He smiled back at her crookedly. She was acting like she had just noticed that he was there.

"Hey there, kiddo."

Bailey turned her head to scowl at Frank. Gerard calling her 'kiddo' reminded her of being 'babysat' for the rest of the night. Her fury didn't last long, the migraine was getting worse and she couldn't even begin to try and hide the pain. Gerard cupped her face in one hand, his thumb tracing soothing circles on her temple.

"What's wrong?"

If her mind wasn't so cloudy she would probably be freaking out at the gestures. But at the moment she found it comforting, like there was no one else in the room anymore but them. It was a small bubble in which she didn't have to concentrate so hard.

"I don't feel well."

He put an arm around her and squeezed her to him. She relented, too faint to fight. She curled up in a ball beside him and laid her head on his chest. She could hear the rhythm of his heart and it calmed her own. After a few minutes his familiar scent and steady beat eased the migraine enough to allow her to fall into a dreamless sleep.

~*~

"Bailey, it's time to go."

It felt like she had been unconscious for days. She opened her eyes but didn't want to move. She knew that if she did the headache would come back. She was warm and comfortable in his arms.

"How long was I out?"

"Just an hour."

He was whispering and even though she couldn't see his face, she could hear the smile in his voice. He wasn't rushing her, even his body was relaxed beneath hers. She grudgingly moved so he could do the same and he helped her to her feet as if sensing she needed it.
Bam was there to push her right back down onto the sofa and she wanted to kill him for it. Every ache and pain found its way back in that moment, the migraine was almost blinding. She bit her tongue before she could curse at him, knowing she had to be nice if she wanted a 'yes' out of him.

"Can I go?"

"Absolutely not."

So much for being civil.

"Come on Bam, please?"

He raised his eyebrows at her but she glared back in defiance. He couldn't believe she was doing this.

"No."

"Why?"

"Guy's night."

"Missy is going!"

"We're sorry, we meant 'drink like a man' night." Ryan offered.

"Fuck you, Dunn."

"You're not going."

"Why not?!"

Bam stared at her expectantly but she only crossed her arms and waited, visibly fuming.
"You can come with us tomorrow night."

She felt like a teenager again, trapped in the house, treated like a child. She knew that Bam was just playing it safe but she could barely control the irrational rage it was triggering. As calmly as she could, she made her way to the stairs - focusing on putting one step in front of the other so she didn't end up flipping out in front of everyone (again). Ryan grabbed her arm before she could ascend.

"Okay, that's enough. Why aren't you letting her come?"

"Because..."

She could hear the lie in his voice already and that was the last straw. She snapped. She just couldn't take it anymore.

"Because I'm coming down from speed and he doesn't trust me, okay?!"

The whole room went deathly silent. Ryan still held her arm and he squeezed it, a knowing and sympathetic smile on his face. She wished she could smile back. She looked at everyone in turn and wanted to take it all back when she found Gerard's eyes. But instead of eating her words she spit more out.

"What's the matter Gerard? You look...repulsed."

That's what she gathered from a quick glance at least, she couldn't bring herself to hold his gaze. She couldn't be sure. All she knew was that she was so suddenly sick with herself that she thought she might seriously vomit.

"Have a good night, guys."

She floated up the stairs and locked herself in the bedroom - unable to face anything but the promising darkness around her.