You Put the Spike in My Heart

The photo album in front of her was making her chest hurt. April (Bam's mother) had brought it to her before giving Bailey 'the speech'. April was worried about her and of course if she needed somewhere to stay, this was always home. She could only nod her way through the conversation, not trusting her mouth anymore. Every time she thought about the things she had said the past few weeks she wanted to scream. And the way everyone was being so nice about it made her insides squirm.

She turned another page and took a sip of wine. The alcohol helped to ease the withdrawls. She couldn't imagine being able to look at these pictures without it, heart already too heavy as it was. They were photos ranging from her move to Pennsylvania up to only a few months back. Barbecues and camping with family, pranks of course, nicer photos of when no one knew April was taking them...and then life without her in it. Life after she left.

Bam and Missy looked so happy. She put a picture of her and Bam next to one of theirs and felt herself frown. She was happy for them, ecstatic in fact. She had never been in love with Bam and she was almost positive that he had never been in love with her either, but she still felt a little prickle of jealousy for their happiness. It didn't make any sense but it made her feel inept. What was wrong with her?

She looked up to see Bert had entered the room. He was standing at the foot of the bed with his arms crossed, tapping his foot on the floor with childish impatience. She was irritated at the fact that she didn't know how long he had been standing there.

"Can I help you with something?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She almost spit out a mouthful of wine in sudden mirth.

"Are you mad that I didn't tell you or are you sore that I didn't share?"

"WHAT?!"

His face visibly reddened, being the first time she had ever seen her brother angry. She held up a hand, set her glass down and folded her hands in her lap.

"Let me make this abundantly clear."

She was calm and said it all with a smile, regarding him as if he were a child.

"Don't you dare start yelling at me about taking drugs because I don't want to yell at you for being a hypocrite. You're worse than me when it comes to that stuff. I know that you're just trying to be responsible but I'm letting you know that you don't have to feel obligated to be the big brother. Let's just get it out of the way, shall we? We're just two strangers that happen to have shared the same mother."

He looked like he had been punched in the gut, but despite that Bailey went on.

"It was probably a mistake for me to go on tour with you, though I appreciate the invitation. I really did have fun. I don't blame you if you don't want me to tag along anymore. If that's the case, then just throw my shit outside the bus."

Bert left without another word, the pain never leaving his face. There was nothing influencing that rant, it was all her. She was always that way with Bert, she just couldn't help it.
Before she had time to even blink, Frank walked in the room. She couldn't help but laugh.

"Is there a line to scold me outside?"

He shook his head and sat in front of her on the bed. Bailey was glad he had come to see her, she needed her fun-loving Franky around...but he was being too quiet. Like he was being careful.

"Sweety, I'm not going to yell...or blow up at you...or hit you."

It was almost like her way of apologizing without having to say she was sorry. It brought a smug smile to his face.

"Promise?"

She wanted to ask him if her promises even meant anything anymore but she bit her tongue and nodded, patting the space beside her. He practically pounced on top of her and she laughed as she rested her head in the crook of his neck. The photos in the album had left her feeling hollow and empty. She wanted to be whole...loved.
She pointed to a picture of herself, one where she had a big cheesy smile on her face.

"Remember her?"

Frank only quietly smiled at the picture as Bailey sighed.

"She was fun, wasn't she? Not a care in the world...big, full heart. She was amazing."

Tears welled up in her eyes and she bit down on her lip to keep it from trembling. Frank put an arm around her and squeezed her into an awkward hug.

"You say that like you'll never be happy again."

She looked up at him with an almost child-like desperation.

"Will I be?"

He scoffed.

"Of course you will, stupid. You're in pain and you've been trying to heal in all the wrong ways. But now you see that it's not right...right?"

She nodded thoughtfully. She knew they probably thought she was only complying to this because they were forcing her to, but the truth was she DID see the error of her ways. She DID want to get clean. She wanted to be that girl in the picture again. She wanted to be HAPPY.

"I'm here with you every step of the way."

"Thanks, Franky."

She brought the wine glass to her lips and he noted the empty bottle on the shelf next to her.

"Bailey?"

"Hmm?"

Her eyes were relaxed from the alcohol, drowsy and distant.

"You ever going to try and stop drinking?"

There was a long pause where she considered his words, putting the glass back on the shelf respectfully.

"I don't know. Maybe."

It was a better answer than expected so he let it be, smiling as he looked through the photo album.

"So how much does everyone hate me? No, scratch that. How much of a freak does everyone think I am?"

"No one's really sad anything about it. Gerard asked how you were."

It was like she sobered instantly, her eyes alive and questioning.

"What?"

"He asked Bam if you were doing okay. And then Bam told me to tell you that before I came up."

He looked at her suspiciously.

"I wonder why that is."

He couldn't help it, he let the knowing smile take over but she glared in response.

"I wouldn't know."

He held up his hands in surrender as Bailey fought the urge to smack him. Why was Gerard asking how she was? She thought for sure that this time he would have made the decision to avoid her at all costs. What was wrong with that boy's brain? He seriously must be a glutton for punishment...crazy, masochistic bastard.

"You should talk to him about all of this."

"Why? So he can thoroughly explore just how nuts I am?"

"You'd be surprised if you tried, pleasantly so I imagine."

"Whatever."

That was her signal to drop the subject. Gerard's sickened expression was burned into the back of her mind...and now he was asking how she was. Her stomach gave a sickening lurch. She shook her head as if it might make the thoughts disappear.

"Franky, I'm tired. I think I'm going to get some sleep."

It wasn't a lie, she was exhausted. Between the withdrawls and the alcohol she was practically immobile.

"Goodnight, Bailey-Face."

He kissed her forehead and made his way out, leaving an empty and cold feeling in his wake.

"Night Frankfurter."

When the door closed she lifted the keys she had taken out of his pocket to eye level and smiled.