Children

"That was the beginning of the friendship, that became the love of my life."

Ha. I wish. You probably wish it too. It's remarkable how much a person can stay with you, even when they're gone.

I swallowed (the disgusting cookie, what did you think?). I wish my parents would actually make cookies. Just a sign of us being family would change everything. Literally 30 seconds after leaving their house, my phone bleeped. I answered.

"I fucking hate these black walls. Jesus christ, it feels like a black hole." A smile climbed on to my face.

"Well what do you suggest?" I asked.

"I want to burn down Drew's house." Came the answer.

I bit my lip. I felt horrible for helping Drew. Why did I think that was okay? I didn't, or even still don't know Alex, but surely I should have stopped him somehow. I didn't do it myself, that was true, but I didn't stop Drew. 'I'd rather a scarred body than a pure one. I'll take evil over opinionless any day.' echoed through my mind.

"I'm so so sorry for that." I said. Silence answered me.

"It's okay." He finally said.

"It's not. I know its not. You said it's better to be evil than opinionless. I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying that! You weren't supposed to read that. It wasn't for you. Anyway, I also wrote you should own up to your actions."

"I didn't get to that bit probably."

"Good."

"Why did you paint your room black if you don't like it?" I asked after a few moments of silence.

"Well I couldn't leave it white." He said with an obvious tone. "White is a horrible color. It doesn't have anything. It's so empty! It takes over. I refuse to have a white room. Drew obviously knew that. I've been covering my walls since I was 12. He used to nag me to take down the old ones before putting new ones, instead of layering which is so much better." He stated. His voice became twisted and cruel when he talked about Drew.

I reached my house. It was big and looming, screaming that you weren't welcome, that anything was better than you entering, that you would be happier outside. I pushed open the door and climbed up to my room. My parents weren't home. That was clear. They were never home. The house was always empty. Normally I'd put on music to blast out the silence.

"Wait so there are 4 years of posters on your walls?" I asked, at awe. 4 years of someone life.

"Were. Past tense." He answered.

"How did your wall look when you met Drew?" I asked, the question just popped out. I've always been told I should think more before I speak. Never had I felt that more than in those seconds of silence. Was I prying too much? Asking too many private questions?

"I'm sorry, you don't have to answer, that's your business."

"No it's okay. I'm trying out this honesty thing. I was in my Pokemon phase so a few posters about that. I just discovered Three Days Grace so that was a fun time. I got really into Van Gogh's works cause they're so happy and so sad in the same time. That was it pretty much."

Another pang of guilt hit me. 4 years. Gone. Destroyed. I wasn't really looking when Eddie and Drew tore the walls. I didn't remember or know what was under that first layer of posters. The layer I remembered wasn't particularly happy. I remembered all the dark colors, making the room seem angry. Loads of lyrics and quotes was what I remembered.

I looked around my room. My room was white. I never had the time or patience to actually do anything about it. I never noticed how white the room was. It used to feel natural but looking at it now, I understood what Alex was talking about. I couldn't remember a time when my room wasn't white.

"Jack? You're being really quiet." Alex stated and I heard the uncertainty laced in his voice.

"Yeah, whatever." I said. Who cared? It's just my room.

"So what are you doing now?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

"I'm painting." Let the awkward silence begin again.

"Do you do art?" He asked, and I felt better, that he was trying to talk to me too.

I answered and soon the conversation became comfortable. Time flew. It was 1:38 AM and I had just spent 5 hours talking to Alex Gaskarth. It felt like nothing. I can't remember ever talking to someone like that. It felt real. I felt like I could talk to him. He even laughed at all my bad jokes.

The next day passed, with me ignoring Drew's surprised and hurt look as I spent every minute talking to Alex. I'd never met anyone quite as funny, quite as serious. He felt real. More real than any other person I'd ever met. He didn't speak to impress. He seemed to ignore all social rules and just do whatever he felt. I could never do what I wanted. People needed that mask. Alex didn't seem to have one. He seemed so full of life.

I'd almost started to think the notebook was a lie. He didn't write it. He didn't seem like the person who planned to kill himself in a day. He promised me and I knew he would keep it.

Which is why I was so truly horrified that night.

That was when my phone rang. Yawning, I picked it up and saw an unknown number.

"Hello." I muttered. I heard a voice crying in the phone.

"Who is this?" I asked, feeling slightly worried.

"He's gone. My son." The voice sobbed.

"What? Who is this? I'm going to hang up." I said. This was freaking me out. Who'd call me at 3am to cry? Was this just a wrong number? I yawned again.

"No don't! It's Alex's-" The woman started crying again.

"It's his mother. He tried committed suicide. He's at the hospital right now, Saint Mary's." Sobs accompanied this.

"Third floor, emergency room. He left something for you. They're trying to save him now."