Sleeping With Giants

Alex doesn't do anything at first. They get home from his parents’ house Sunday afternoon, after dealing with heavy traffic and John's constant need for food and bathroom breaks, and Alex tried his best not to seem like anything was wrong. Because nothing was wrong. Not yet, anyway.

But of course, the second they pull into the driveway at home and Alex takes the keys out of the ignition, he realizes something isn't quite right here. He frowns as he tries to place the scent. It's not threatening. Not harmful. Sad. Depressed, mostly. And it's from Jack. And Alex knows that can only mean one thing.

"Something happened between Jack and Josh," he tells John as he gets out of the car. The conversation with his mother is at the back of his mind now, to be dealt with later once he's managed to fix whatever bad situation he's about to walk into. "Can you grab our shit from the back?"

John is already there, popping the trunk open and leaning in to grab both of their bags. Alex glances at him as he walks towards the front door, has a brief thought that maybe he shouldn't let John carry all of it by himself. But he pushes it aside because first of all, the bags aren't heavy. Second of all, John would be a little suspicious. Alex can't deal with that yet. One problem at a time.

The house looks the same as it did when he left on Friday, not that he expected anything different. The kitchen is still a mess and there are empty pizza boxes on the counter and dishes piled in the sink and of course nobody would be bothered to clean up at all while he was gone. There's a pile of mail on the counter, all of it having Alex's name on it, but he ignores it and keeps walking through to the living room, where he finds his pack exactly as he expected.

"English boys are douchebags," Sierra speaks up first, lifting her head from where she was resting against Jack's side on the couch. Kennedy is next to her, legs hanging over the side and Jack is curled up on the other side, ignoring everyone and staring at the TV.

"When?" Alex asks, sitting down on the floor in front of Jack, bringing his hand up to rest on the back of his neck. "Someone should have called me."

At the same time that John comes into the room, Jack finally meets Alex's eyes. He smiles sadly, reaching up to cover Alex's hand with his own. "I'm okay," he says, and Alex listens close for any sign that's he's lying. But he doesn't hear his heart skip like it usually does when Jack is lying and he keeps eye contact and there's nothing there to tell Alex he's faking it. Jack is okay. And that doesn't surprise Alex at all.

"He went back?"

"Yeah. It's not his fault," Jack says softly, "If I was in his spot, I wouldn't want to leave my pack either."

While Alex can agree with that, he still can't justify what Josh did. He shouldn't have let himself get close to Jack, shouldn't have gotten so close to the whole pack. Because even though he wasn't part of them, they're accustomed to him being around. They're used to his scent and used to him being at dinner and giving his opinions on things. Alex already can feel the weird void he left behind. So if Alex is feeling like this, he can't even imagine what Jack must feel like.

"Did he just...go?" Alex asks, feeling John sit down beside him on the floor.

"We talked. It's fine. I'll be fine."

Alex believes him, because if anyone is capable of getting over something like this, it's Jack. Jack is strong enough. So Alex isn't going to worry too much. He has bigger things to worry about now, apparently. Something unexpected and something he has no idea is even welcome. He can't talk to John about it yet. Not until he has a better handle on the whole situation.



The biggest thing that Alex is unsure of at this point is how John even feels about kids. Kids in general. Does he even like them? Does he tolerate them? Alex has never seen John around kids (okay once, at his parent’s house, but they barely interacted) and they've never really talked about them so he really has absolutely no idea. Maybe John does like kids. Maybe he does want them – in the future. Because John is nineteen years old. He's a college sophomore who has no idea what he wants to do with his life. Needless to say, Alex is a little stressed.

The first opportunity he gets to test the waters and see what kind of reaction John has towards the mention of future children, Alex takes it. It's been three days since they came home from his parents’ house and they're currently at Target. Shopping. As a pack. Because apparently, Target is a good place for pack bonding and shit. According to Jack, anyway. And Jack is in a sensitive state and nobody wants to upset him in any way. So here they are. Shopping. And standing in the middle of the baby clothes section.

"Look how cute!" Sierra exclaims, face lighting up as she holds a light blue onesie in front of her. It has a rabbit on the front and Alex can admit it - it is cute. "I'm totally getting it."

Sierra's cousin is pregnant and the baby shower is in a few weeks. She doesn't know the girl that well and probably won't spend much time with her and the baby once it's born but Alex knows the feeling of wanting to at least try. Ties to old packs stick around, even after you find a new one.

"I wanna go look at the electronics section," John says to Alex after giving Sierra a thumbs up of approval for the baby clothes. He leans into Alex's side and pouts in an attempt to get his way. "Will you come with me?"

"We can go in a second," Alex suggests, reaching out and picking up a tiny blue t-shirt that says 'Cool like my daddy' and holding it out in front of him. "Let's help Sierra."

"She has Kennedy for that," John sighs, gestures towards the opposite side of the clothing racks where Kennedy is flipping through, looking baffled at the sizes and colors and options.

"But look," Alex insists, "Isn't it cute?"

John sighs again, clearly unimpressed. "Yeah, adorable. I'm going to go check out the Xbox games."

Alex frowns as he watches John leave the baby department, heading off in the direction that would be of much more interest to a teenage boy. He feels his heart sink to his stomach as he folds up the shirt and puts it back in the pile. He knows it doesn't mean anything - just because John doesn't have any interest in looking at baby clothes right now doesn't mean he never will. But still, it's not exactly the reaction Alex wanted.

"Oh this is cute," Sierra says, suddenly right in front of Alex, picking up the shirt he just put down. "I'll get this and the onesie." She puts it in the shopping basket that Kennedy is carrying behind her and Alex sighs and nods and tries to smile in approval.

"Let's go find the others. I think they were in the food department," Alex suggests, "Last thing I need is Matt buying out the entire frozen food section."

"It's not his fault he can't cook."

Fair enough. But still. Money.

"Are you alright?" Kennedy asks as they follow along behind Sierra.

He probably picked up on the sudden change in Alex's mood and Alex just nods, "I'm good. Don't worry about it."

Kennedy lets it go, which Alex is thankful for. Last thing he needs is his pack figuring out what's going on. They'll only make it worse.



Except of course Martin figures it out. Alex figured he would, all things considered, but he was hoping it would go unnoticed for a little while longer. At least until Alex can work up the nerve to talk to John about it. But it's the weekend after the whole Target situation and Alex is out by the garage, watching Martin and Matt and Jack work on the old '79 Firebird that Martin inherited from his grandfather years ago. It's been a work in progress for the three of them ever since it took up residence in the garage. Alex isn't sure if they'll be finishing it any time soon but it's something to do at least.

"You're totally gonna let me drive it when it's done, right Martin?" Jack asks from somewhere on the other side of the car, bent down and doing God knows what.

Martin doesn't give him a verbal response, instead just rolling his eyes and wiping his hands off on a towel before turning to Alex, who's been watching from where he's sitting on the hood of his own car.

"Where's John?" He asks, dropping the towel next to Alex.

Alex listens for a second, finally hearing John's voice on the second floor in their bedroom. His heart rate is steady and he's talking to his mom about one of his classes. "Upstairs. Why?"

"Well..." He glances over his shoulder to make sure the other two are busy enough to at least pretend they aren't listening. It's impossible for them to not overhear but they know better to at least try not to. "He kinda...smells different."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

Alex shrugs. "I'm...aware of it, yeah. It's not anything bad. I don't think, anyway."

Martin tilts his head, looks at Alex with a knowing smile. "I think I know."

"I wouldn't be surprised," Alex sighs, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's kind of obvious if you know what you're looking for. The scent, I mean."

"It's more. Like, more of him. And you. It's weird. It's good though, isn't it? I mean, I already feel the need to protect him and look out for him and it's...it's good, Alex. Expanding the pack is a good thing."

"No, I know that. Instincts say it's great and that it's something to look forward to and trust me, it's all I think about now. It's hard. He has no idea. And I want to be more overprotective than I already am. But he's...he's so young. And he's not..."

"Like us," Martin finishes nodding in understanding. "Getting...you know, at nineteen...not exactly great in a human's eyes."

"Exactly. He might not want this. It's a lot, and he might not want it."

Martin pales a little at the implications of that sentence. "You think he would...?"

"I don't know. But whatever he wants to do, I would support him. It would kill me to lose something like this but I'm not going to force John into doing something he doesn't want."

Martin seems to get that, nodding again. He glances back at Matt and Jack, making sure they're still preoccupied. "How long do you think?"

"Few weeks. Can't be that long. His scent just changed last week."

"Right. There's time before he even starts to realize it."

Alex sighs and Martin takes that as the end of the conversation. He knows the other two probably overheard the whole thing and are likely confused about what's going on, but he can't be bothered to explain it. He needs more time before people start asking him what he's going to do. He has no idea.



"I don't feel good."

Alex knew that already. He could feel the distress coming off of John ever since he woke up this morning. He was hoping it was just nerves over his midterm that he has later in the afternoon, or something else school related. But it's obvious now that that's not quite the case as he sits at the kitchen table and pushes his plate of pancakes away from him. John doesn't pass up food unless he's sick.

"What's wrong?" Sierra asks from behind him, coming up and resting the back of her hand on his forehead. "You aren't warm."

John pouts and plays with the napkin in front of him, fingers tearing it into little strips of paper. "I just feel weird. Nauseous, kind of. I can't explain it."

"Maybe you should go back to bed," Alex suggests, sliding his hand over his knee. "Get more rest before your midterm."

It's been a month since Alex became aware of their...situation. Up until today, nobody has seemed to catch on to it. Not even John. But suddenly here he is, feeling nauseous and not quite right and Alex knows it's only a matter of time before he starts figuring it all out.

"I have to study some more," John shakes his head, resting his head in his hands. "I'll just lie down and study on the couch."

He pushes himself out of the chair and grabs his notebook from the table, leaning down to kiss Alex quickly before heading off into the living room. Alex sighs and watches him go, wishing he could follow him and lay down with him without being suspicious. His instincts to always be close to John just get worse and worse as the days pass by. Soon enough Alex is pretty positive he's not going to be able to let John out of his sight.

It's quiet in the kitchen for a few seconds, Sierra cooking the rest of the pancake batter for whoever is still asleep and will wander downstairs looking for food. Suddenly she gasps and Alex turns, finding her staring at the kitchen doorway with wide eyes and one hand over her mouth.

"What is it?" Alex asks, getting up and moving over to her, "Are you alright?"

"I- I just heard something," she says softly, looking up at Alex. Her eyes are golden and her heart is racing. "Is John - is he? I heard two heartbeats. And unless John developed a heart condition overnight then-"

Alex shushes her. He shuts out every other sound coming inside the house and focuses on John in the living room. Alex hadn't noticed anything different while John was sitting right next to him, but now there's definitely something. There's John's usual steady heartbeat that Alex is always aware of. But then there's another, so much faster and not quite as loud but there all the same. Shit.

"I- Sierra...I need you to not mention this to anyone," he says quietly, "Please?"

She doesn't seem happy about the request, narrowing her eyes. "But Alex-"

"I know, it's hard but I need you to. You can talk to Martin about it all you want but I need more time."

Realization dawns on her and she sighs. "He has no idea."

Alex shakes his head as he backs away from her, heading for the living room. He can't help himself anymore. Not now when he can actually finally hear his baby's heartbeat and he knows it's okay. He finds John where he said he would be - spread out on the couch and looking over his notes.

Alex doesn't hesitate before getting up on the couch as well, moving so his back is pressed against the back of the couch and John is pressed against his side, still reading his notes and not giving Alex a second glance. Alex sighs and presses his nose against John's neck as he gently slides his hand underneath John's hoodie.

"Your hands are cold," John mumbles, but he doesn't push him away. He sounds sick and Alex feels a little pang of guilt that he knows why and isn't sharing the info. He knows it's selfish and he shouldn't be doing it, but he can't help it. He knows there are a lot of possible ways that this whole thing can turn out and a few of them involve him never being able to meet this baby. So he needs time to just...have some time to appreciate it. He's going to bring it to John's attention soon. But for now he's going to be selfish.

He spreads his fingers out over John's stomach, stroking his thumb just underneath his belly button. John falls asleep after a few minutes and Alex sets an alarm on his phone so he doesn't miss class and his exam. He hears Sierra still in the kitchen, typing on her phone a mile a minute and she's probably talking to Martin. Alex knows the others are going to notice the second heartbeat the second they get home. But hopefully nobody brings it up yet.



"Alex? Is John dying?"

Jack sounds like a little kid, asking a question he's not even sure he wants the answer to. He's getting ready to leave for work, pulling on his sneakers while Alex folds towels.

"No, Jack. He's not dying."

Of course Jack doesn't quite connect the dots. Alex doesn't blame him - the guy's been a little distracted lately, trying so hard not to be affected by losing Josh. But he spends so much time with John, curling up with him on the couch and watching movies, that Alex was waiting for him to bring it up. And now that he has, he's not sure he wants to give Jack a real answer.

"It's his heart though," Jack continues, tying his sneaker and focusing on the task. "It's wrong. I want...I want to be near him all the time and make sure he's okay and that he's safe. There's something wrong and -"

"It's not just his heartbeat you're hearing, Jack."

Jack looks up at him, clearly not quite grasping this. "Huh?"

"Think about it. Like really think about it."

Alex refuses to say it out loud. He hasn't yet. He feels like as long as he doesn't, he feels less guilty. Can pretend he doesn't know just a little longer. But clearly Jack is going to ruin that for him. Because he still isn't getting it.

"Jack," Alex sighs, exasperated. "John is pregnant. Not dying."

Jack lights up at the words and Alex hasn't seen him so happy in weeks. He smiles as he gets up from the couch, practically all but vibrating with excitement. "Really? He is? I had no idea!"

"Yeah, Jack. He is."

"Shit! That's awesome! That's so much better than what I thought. God. I was so nervous -"

"You can't say anything to him," Alex interrupts, "He doesn't know yet. I have to figure out how to tell him."

"Tell him soon! He's going to be so excited. Wait - we have to plan out a nursery! And baby proof the house!"

Jack's arms are flailing as he lists all the things they need to do to prepare for a baby that Alex doesn't have the heart to tell him might not even be coming home here. But he just smiles and lets Jack go on and on about it. Jack needs something to be excited about. Alex can worry about the letdown later.



At the end of October, John diagnosis himself with food poisoning. But only in the mornings. For five days straight.

Alex swears, he will never understand how John's brain works sometimes.

"You think it was that Italian place we went to on our date the other night?" He asks when he's back in bed after his now-usual twenty minutes in the bathroom throwing up and then brushing his teeth.

Alex shrugs. "I don't think so. I'm fine."

John hums in agreement. "Yeah. Weird."

"Maybe you should go to the doctor," Alex suggests. Because he's a coward and he can't quite bring himself to just say 'Or, maybe you're having my baby'. A doctor should tell him. That would be easier.

"I'm fine, though," John shrugs, "I only feel sick-"

He stops himself suddenly, eyes narrowing at the ceiling. Alex watches him, unsure if he should ask what's wrong or if he should just let it play out. John is scowling now, glaring at the ceiling and looking concentrated. He's piecing things together, Alex knows. Figuring out what Alex has known for a month now.

"Huh," he finally says after a few moments, pushing the covers off of him so he can get up from the bed. He doesn't sound upset, exactly. Curious and confused, maybe. He starts getting dressed, pulling on clothes from the laundry basket neither of them got around to putting away yet.

"You alright?" Alex asks, getting up as well. He has an hour before he needs to leave for work and could probably get away with sleeping for a little bit longer. But John looks like he's planning on leaving, even though he doesn't have class until twelve. "Do you still feel sick?"

"No. I just - I have to do something," he says quickly, coming over to Alex's side of the bed. He leans in and kisses him, quick and barely there and Alex almost tugs him right back into bed. "I'll be back in a bit."

He's gone before Alex can even say goodbye, and he hears him running up the stairs to the third floor. John is nervous, he can tell that much. His heart is racing and not just from running up a flight of steps. Alex listens as he pounds on Kennedy and Sierra's door, begs Sierra to come to the store with him for something. Sierra sounds sleepy and confused when she opens her door, asking John why the hell he even needs to go out at six in the morning. But John begs her again to come with him and she finally gives in, telling him she needs fifteen minutes to look presentable enough to grace society with her presence. Kennedy sleeps through the whole thing. Alex realizes he's totally screwed.



"Just pee on all of them," Sierra insists, shoving the box into John's hands. "All at once. Get it over with."

John sighs. He's not exactly looking forward to this. Alex left for work at least a half an hour ago, but he definitely knows that something is wrong. He always knows. But thankfully he didn't push it, even when John came back into the house at seven with Sierra trailing behind him with a grin and a plastic bag from CVS.

He realizes he's a few days late on this sudden realization. This realization that hey, throwing up every morning and feeling light headed and fucking exhausted every day? Possibly knocked up. Probably knocked up, really. But if he's honest, the thought never occurred to him. They use condoms every single time they've ever had sex and that Plan B pill has come in handy on more than one occasion. John has never thought about getting pregnant before. So naturally, it wasn't exactly his first thought.

But now here he is, locked in his bathroom with Sierra, staring at two boxes he bought at the pharmacy. He doesn't like looking at them for longer than a few seconds and when Sierra starts ripping them open and pulling the tests out, he puts his head between his knees and tries his best not to start having a panic attack.

They have to wait five minutes for the result to come up after John takes them, leaving them sitting on the bathroom counter on a piece of toilet paper. John glares at them from where he's sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

"Oh boy," Sierra says as she sighs loudly, "This is giving me anxiety."

"It's giving you anxiety? It's giving me anxiety!" John protests, turning his glare on her instead. "I should have gotten more tests. Why did I let you convince me two is enough? I need to get more-"

"No, two is just fine," she grins, and John realizes something.

"You- you already know," he says slowly, watching as she bites her lip at being confronted. "You know already. Of course you fucking know. What, can you smell it? Is that it?"

"John-"

"So am I? Why are you letting me sit here waiting for test results that you already know!"

She rolls her eyes and gets up, hands tightening around his shoulders. "You need to breathe, and stop freaking out."

John nods instantly, reaching up and wrapping his fingers around her forearms just for something hold on to. Her eyes are bright gold and he finds himself calming down just at the feeling of her holding on to him so tightly. His heart is racing and his hands are sweaty but he can breathe again and he's not so worked up that he can't have a reasonable conversation. Maybe.

"So do you?" He asks softly again, looking up at her. "Am I?"

She smiles, not even pretending to take pity on him. "You are, yeah." And she looks so happy about it that John almost can't bring himself to look devastated. Almost.

"Fuck," he whispers, pushing Sierra's hands off of him. He drops his head into his hands and tugs on his hair in frustration. "How long have you known?"

She runs her hands through his hair gently, holding him close still. "A while. But you're not that far along. We only just started hearing the heartbeat-"

John freezes, looks up at her with narrowed eyes. He knows the answer but he wants to hear it from her. "We? Who's we? Who else knows?"

"Um. Well. Everyone knows now, I think. Including you. So. Yay?"

Of course everyone knew. Of course he's the only one who was completely out of the loop. Despite the fact that it's his body and it's his baby and he has every right to know as soon as they do. But he's not even mad at Sierra for knowing, or the others. Alex, though. Alex should have told him. Alex should have said something the moment he realized it and John can't quite wrap his head around the fact that he didn't. That he pretended not to know why John has been feeling sick for days now. Pretended not to be aware of the fact that they have a baby on the way. He's never felt so angry or betrayed by Alex and he never thought he would.

"John? John he wanted to tell you," Sierra says softly, fingers still going through his hair. It's comforting, so he lets her. "He was going to. He just had no idea how, because he didn't know how you would react to it. I know it's bad and he should have said something to you but just...don't be too hard on him. He didn't mean to hurt you."

"Yeah well he did hurt me," John snaps, pulling away from her grip. "He did and I'm not just going to ignore that."

She breathes out loudly as she sits down on the edge of the tub next to him, wrapping one arm around his shoulders. "I know," she says gently, pulling him closer and pressing her nose into his hair. "It's okay."

He believes her, for a second. Because she sounds so sure of it. She sounds excited about the baby and he's sure that the rest of them are excited too. But he feels strange now. Hates how unfair they've been to him, finding out about his baby and getting excited about it and planning for the future and not even telling him about it. He's been left in the dark this whole time and he's not even sure what he's going to do. He doesn't want to disappoint them. He doesn't want to hurt them. But it's his choice and he has no idea what he's going to do.



"I was going to tell you," is the only thing Alex can say apparently, when John confronts him. He wrings his fingers and sits on the edge of their bed. "I wasn't sure how you would react and I just...kept putting it off."

To his credit, he does look sorry. And sorry is an understatement. He keeps giving John pleading looks as he explains, looking ashamed of himself. Which he should, John reminds himself. He should be sorry and hating himself. Because John is pissed and he's not just going to let this go. He can't.

John doesn't exactly have the patience for this though. He isn't in the mood to stand here and listen to Alex try and explain himself. He feels nauseous and exhausted and all he wants is to sleep. For like, twelve hours. He shakes his head as he crosses his arms over his chest, leaning up against the dresser. "What did you think I was going to do? It couldn't have been any worse than this reaction."

"I didn't know," Alex insists, "I had no idea and I just...I wanted..." He sighs, breaking off his sentence as he runs his hands over his face. He stares at the floor for a few seconds and John doesn't have to be a werewolf to feel the distress rolling off of him. "You're nineteen," Alex finally continues, "We've been together barely a year and a half. We've never even approached the topic of kids."

"So? You decide that just because you can't predict how I'll react to something - something that is completely life changing, just to remind you - you can't tell me? Do you have any idea how that feels? Being the last one to know about something like this?"

"Listen, I know you're upset. I understand why you're upset. And I know that I hurt you," Alex sighs, still looking down at his hands. "And I'm sorry. But I just needed time. I needed to come to terms with it and accept it and figure out how I feel about it before I could tell you. Because no matter what, you come first. I support whatever you want to do about this, and I couldn't do that if I didn't have some time to accept all the different ways it could turn out."

"And how do you feel about it?" John asks him, kind of unsure if he even wants to know the answer. Not knowing would make it easier to make a final decision. But this isn't something that is only his decision. Alex does have a say in it.

"I'm happy about it," Alex admits, "I want this with you. But I would support you if you feel differently, if you don't want this. It would be hard but you know I love you and I don't want you to feel like you need to do this just because of me."

John feels like he's suffocating. Feels like he has no room to breathe. His heart hurts at everything Alex has just said to him and more than anything, he just wants to give in and let this go. But he can't do that. Because his head is a mess and it's not fair to him to force himself to make a decision right now. He needs space more than he needs anything else. And even though it's going to hurt Alex, it needs to be said.

"What I need right now is space," he says, tries to be as gentle as possible about this. "Just to figure out what I want."

"I can sleep downstairs-"

"No, Alex. I'm going to stay with my mom for a few days. I need to get out of here - just for right now. Just until I can think things through on my own without a dozen other people on top of me."

Alex shakes his head, quickly showing how much he doesn't approve of this plan. "Don't leave. I can't - how am I supposed to know you're alright-"

"Just trust me. Nothing's going to happen to me. It's a few days at most." John opens up the closet door to search for a duffle bag. He hears Alex shifting on the bed, probably debating whether or not he should risk touching John right now. John hopes he doesn't. "Don't get all pissed off about me leaving," he mumbles, pulling a bag from the back of the closet. "You did this. So don't."

It's a low blow and he knows that and he doesn't even know why he said it. But Alex stops moving behind him and John takes that to mean that he finally gets it. That John is leaving and he needs time and he doesn't want Alex or anybody else in this house breathing down his neck and suffocating him. He wants to be alone and Alex is going to have to deal with that.