Sleeping With Giants

For once, John knows something before someone else. He shows up at his mom's house with a duffle bag of clothes and she looks completely shocked to see him there. Finally someone he can talk to who isn't already completely clued in on something that has to do with him.

"I'm assuming you and Alex had a fight," she says when she lets John inside and watches him drop his bag near the steps. "I won't lie - I was kind of wondering when this first real fight would happen."

She smiles warmly at him as she pulls him into the kitchen, squeezing his arm in a comforting manner. He sits down at the table and watches as she moves about the kitchen to get him a glass of water.

"Okay," she says when she sets the glass down in front of him and sits in her usual seat across the table. "Go ahead. Tell me what happened and I will give my totally unbiased opinion."

John sighs. He's not really sure how unbiased she'll be once he's through. "Well. Long story short, I'm pregnant and Alex and every other person in the house has known about it for weeks when I literally just found out today because I just so happened to put a few clues together and now I'm pissed off at everyone for not telling me but especially at Alex because he should have told me. And that's basically it."

She doesn't quite seem to comprehend it all at first. Maybe he should have slowed down. Probably should have broken it to her a little more gently than that. But then she sighs - in that totally disappointed way that she always used to do when John would come home with bad grades or detention or the cat he found abandoned down the street.

"I don't...okay. First of all, I don't even really know what to say. You're pregnant. You're nineteen years old and you're pregnant."

"That's. Well, yeah. That's the basics. But-"

"How did this happen? Aren't you-"

"I'm sure you can figure out how it happened," John tells her, speaking without even thinking and he groans when he realizes he should probably just staple his mouth shut. "Sorry. I just...I don't know. We were carful. But sometimes-"

"Sometimes it doesn't matter how careful you are," she finishes for him, and she doesn't sound quite as mad as she did a few moments ago, so John will count that as a plus. "It's okay. You don't have to defend yourself about that to me."

John gives her a weak smile and she seems to realize just how awful he's feeling right now. She reaches across the table and takes both hands in hers and John does his best to not look like he's going to burst into tears any second.

"So okay. You're pregnant. But I have a feeling that's not the main point of the fight."

"It isn't," he sighs, "Do you know how hard it is being the only ordinary human being in a house full of werewolves? They know literally everything before I do. And I've pretty much accepted it at this point. But this is different. This is...a big deal. They all knew about it for weeks and Alex never told me and let me go on with my life until I managed to figure it out on my own. I just...it hurts. And I'm pissed off and I don't want to be near him right now. So I came home."

He stares down at their hands, tries to figure out if what he did was the right thing. Maybe he should have stayed. Alex was obviously sorry about it. And John knows he didn't do it to hurt him - not purposely anyway. Maybe running away is just going to make this worse.

But then his mom sighs and she squeezes his hands. "Don't second guess yourself," she says, "You know what you need better than anyone else and if you think space is it, then it is. You have a lot to think about and decisions to make and if space from Alex is going to help you figure it out then don't second guess it."

"I just feel bad," he admits, pulling his hands back. He picks at his cuticles just to have something else to do. "I know he's sorry. I know he didn't mean to hurt me."

"Why don't you get some rest? You look exhausted. You'll be able to think more clearly after you sleep."

She would know best, John figures, nodding his head in agreement and pushing himself up from the kitchen table. Now that he's stopping to think about it, he does feel tired. Like everything has finally caught up to him and now all he wants is his bed and a few hours to forget about all of this. So he takes his bag upstairs to his old bedroom, drops it by his computer desk and falls face first into his mattress. It's not nearly as comfortable as the mattress in his bedroom now but it'll do. He falls asleep after a half hour of tossing and turning. Sleeping without Alex is a lot more difficult than he thought it would be.

He wakes up two hours later to his phone vibrating on the mattress next to his pillow and to his mom knocking on the door to tell him she made him lunch. He regrets the nap immediately after trying to sit up and feeling so light headed he has to grab his head with both hands, as if that will stop the room from spinning.

"John? You okay?" His mom calls from the other side of the door, sounding more concerned than when she first started knocking.

"I'm okay! I'll be downstairs in a few!" He calls back to her, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to will himself to wake up completely.

His phone is still buzzing, but not in a way that signifies an incoming phone call. It's telling him he has new messages, a new one coming in every few seconds and he wants to throw it against the wall just to get it to stop. Because Kennedy has left seven new messages and Sierra's left over a dozen (is still sending more) and Alex. Alex has called three times and left three texts. John doesn't want to read them yet. So he leaves the phone on his bed and heads downstairs, because he's starving and still has absolutely no idea what he's going to do next.

He finds his mom in the kitchen, dressed in regular clothes as she pours John another glass of water. "Don't you have work soon?" He asks, knowing he's right. She's had the same schedule for years now and she always works the afternoon shift on Thursdays.

"I called out," she explains, putting the glass on the table next to a bowl of soup. "Sit and eat before the morning sickness comes and you won't even want to look at it."

"I was already sick this morning," he shrugs, sitting down at the table.

"Yeah, so?" She asks with a smile, "You think just because you were sick once today, it won't come back?"

John groans and slumps down in the seat, pushing the spoon around in the bowl. "Are you serious?"

"Absolutely. Would it surprise you that when I was pregnant, I was sick during almost all three trimesters? Multiple times a day?"

"No," John scoffs, "No wonder you only did it once."

"So. Are you ready to start considering your options?" She asks, sitting down in front of him with a coffee mug. "Or would you rather put it off some more?"

"I'd rather figure this out now," he admits, "Putting it off longer would be pointless."

"I think you know the first thing you need to decide. And no matter what your decision, I support you."

From the moment the thought that he could be pregnant entered his mind earlier in the morning, John has been thinking about this. About his options. He's never had an opinion on abortion, because he never even imagined himself being in this position. He never thought he would have to think about it. But here he is, definitely thinking about it. Because he's nineteen. A college student. A nineteen year old college student with absolutely no knowledge on how to raise a kid.

But would he be able to do that? End his baby's life just because he's an absolute moron and had sex with his boyfriend - a lot - despite knowing shit happens and just because you use protection doesn't mean you won't get knocked up?

He doesn't think he can. Because while he's young and stupid and in no way ready to be a dad, he's always wanted to be one. Like, when he's in his late twenties and married and financially stable. Sure, he's pretty financially stable (well, Alex is) and he's all but married to Alex already. But still. Nineteen.

And then there's Alex. It's his baby too and John knows that if he actually were to go through with an abortion, Alex would be devastated. He told John he would support him in whatever he decides to do, but John knows. It would kill him to lose this. And John also knows things between them would never be the same.

"I'm keeping it," he says finally, pushing the bowl of soup away from him. His stomach feels like it's doing flips. "I can't...I can't get rid of it."

"Can't or won't?"

"Won't."

He surprised himself a little bit with how sure of himself he sounds, but he welcomes it. It's about time he knows what he's talking about. His mom smiles at him from across the table.

"Okay. So that was the first step. Second step - will you keep the baby in the end or will you put it up for adoption?"

"No. That's - no. If I'm going to suffer through nine months of torture I am not just handing the baby over to someone else!"

"John, really," is her only response, with an eye roll tacked on to the end as she takes a sip of her coffee.

John just shrugs. It's true. He's keeping the baby. And he's probably known that all along, really. He just didn't acknowledge it until now. He's going to keep it now and he's going to keep it when it's born and he's not even sure why any of this decision making was necessary. Because now it just seems like the only option.

"You're going to be a grandma in like, less than nine months," he says, managing the first smile of the day. "Feel old yet?"

"You have literally no room to be making comments about age."



"Alex? I need your opinion on this," Sierra says from the doorway of his bedroom, leaning against the frame and looking down at her iPad. When she realizes she has his attention, she flips the tablet around and shows him what, exactly, she needs his opinion for. "Do you prefer white, walnut, cherry...there are so many colors to pick from and I can't even pretend to know which color you'd like best."

Alex sees what website she's on, sees the display of dozens of different cribs in dozens of different colors and sizes and prices and he just shrugs his shoulders and turns back to his computer. "I don't know," he tells her, keeping any form of emotion out of his voice. "Doesn't matter. We don't need it yet anyway."

She huffs in annoyance at his fake indifference. "Stop acting like you have no interest in picking out furniture for your baby's nursery and give me an opinion. John will be back in two days so you need to stop acting like he left you."

She's right, really. John is coming back. He told Alex himself when he finally called yesterday morning, a full two days after he just up and left to go to his mom's house. He told Alex he's keeping the baby, which was enough to make Alex almost cry with excitement because really, he wasn't sure what was going to happen. But he also said that he needed another day or two to himself, just to wrap his head around what was going on, before he could come back and he and Alex could have the serious and important talk that they apparently need to have. Alex doesn't think he's being very unreasonable, hiding out in his room and working from his home computer. With John gone, he's barely functioning.

He hates being separated from John more than he hates pretty much anything else. He needs John near him. Needs him around so he knows he's okay. That he's safe. With John out of the house and refusing Alex to come near him, it's hard. Especially considering the pregnancy. All Alex wants to do- needs to do, really - is hold him and scent him and just be right there next to him. But right now that isn't an option. So he sends his pack to do the job for him.

At first, John refused to answer the door for anyone. Kennedy and Jack and Matt all came back home with the same update - John refusing to let them into the house. Alex isn't sure why that shocked him. John is stubborn and a brat. But finally, Zack must have sucked up to him enough (with White Castle and popcorn, Alex assumes) and spent the night there with John, making sure to text Alex and let him know that John is definitely one hundred percent fine and totally not exactly happy about the fact that his boyfriend is sending him babysitters.

"Alex? Hello?" Sierra says again, sounding impatient. Alex is about to ignore her again and just let her have the final say on the whole thing, but thinks better of it when he realizes she would probably pick out something completely hideous just to spite Alex.

"Why don't you wait until John tells you what he wants?" He says instead, because really. Makes sense.

"I already know what John prefers," she says with a sigh, clearly totally over Alex and his insistence on not giving his opinion. She pushes off the doorframe and walks over to his desk, shoving the tablet into his hands and pointing. "He likes this one."

"Then I like that one too," Alex tells her, and he does. Really, it's nice. It's black and it's not just a crib - it's a changing table also and sure, maybe five hundred bucks is a lot but it's not like Alex doesn't have it. "Black goes with everything-"

"It's espresso," she corrects him, taking the iPad back and swiping across the screen a few times. "And of course you like it. It matches your soul."

He ignores her because he really doesn't have a comeback for that at all. She wanders away to go show the crib selection to Tay, because apparently Tay needs to know exactly what the layout of the nursery is going to look like and exactly what colors the furniture will be before she even starts thinking about how she's going to paint it. Alex wants to tell the two of them that they really don't need to be moving so fast on the nursery designing but he doesn't have the heart to do that. They're excited. He can't blame them.

He's in the middle of sending an email back to his father about a long list of work related concerns that he's been having when his phone lights up with an incoming message from John. Alex will pretend that he had the dignity and patience to wait a whole three minutes before opening the message and absolutely was not anxiously tapping his fingers on his desk and glaring at the phone for thirty-five seconds before caving.

3:13pm: I have a doc appointment tomorrow at 4
3:13pm: mom will drop me off and I'll go home with you
3:13pm: good?

Alex doesn't need to even check his calendar of appointments on his phone before replying with a 'yes of course' and asking him for the name of the doctor's office so he can look up directions. He finishes up his email to his dad much more quickly than he was before, adding a note at the end that John has a doctor's appointment tomorrow and to let his mom know. He doesn't want to have to be bothered with calling her.

He emails his secretary to let her know he'll be out and sends one to Gabe, the only guy in the office who he can trust with anything, to tell him he'll be in charge for the day. He settles back in his computer chair with a small smile, feeling much more content than he has been. If John wants to come home tomorrow then that must mean he's coming around and isn't so mad anymore. He'll have to ask Martin, who's been over there since this morning, if he noticed if John was any bit less angry than he has been.

Alex is in the middle of shutting his computer down, contemplating taking a shower now and then going out to get something for dinner (because he's pretty sure it's John's turn to cook something and considering he isn't even here, Alex doesn't mind covering for him. Too much, anyway) when he hears Jack running up the driveway towards the front door, yelling about coffee and soul mates.

For a second, Alex is concerned, because Jack's heart rate is higher than it normally is (and it's not exactly normal at rest, considering he's constantly on the move and doing something) and Alex can feel the anxiety and nerves coming off of him already and he's not even finished closing the front door. Jack meets him in the hallway, grinning ear to ear and Alex relaxes.

"What happened?" Tay asks, coming out of Sierra and Kennedy's room with a book of paint colors. "Why are you pissing yourself over coffee?"

"Not just coffee!" Jack snaps at her, "Coffee and the love of my life!"

Sierra pops up behind Tay, still holding on to her iPad and Alex takes a step back, concerned suddenly that she might try and make him pick out more nursery furniture if she sees him. "You smell like a human," she says, "And Starbucks."

Matt and Zack and Kennedy lean out of the doorway to Zack and Martin's bedroom, curious about why everyone is suddenly gathered in the hallway and why Jack is so excited he might have a heart attack. "You don't just smell like a human and Starbucks," Matt points out, "You smell like you're wearing that human's clothes and rolled around in a pile of coffee beans."

"He's not just any human!" Jack explains, waving his arms around as he tries to tell them. "His name is Alex! And he works at Starbucks! And! He's the one! You know, the one!"

Sierra and Tay both, as expected, cry about how cute it is and how awesome it is and how adorable Jack is while the others just roll their eyes and head back to wherever they came from, clearly not quite as interested in knowing about the exact details of what this Alex kid was wearing and what color his eyes are. Alex, to his credit, doesn't do either. He is a little bit wary, though, and it's hard not to let that show. It's only been a few weeks since Josh and Jack didn't exactly work out. Jack is still not quite the same as he was before, so Alex is apprehensive about this new guy.

"Alex, I swear," Jack says then, noticing Alex's sudden mood shift. "I'm positive about this one."

Alex sighs, ignoring the way Tay is glaring at him for being such a downer. "It's not that I don't believe you Jack. It's just...you know. It hasn't been very long-"

"Since Josh, yeah. I know. But you don't understand - well no, you wouldunderstand. It's like, I can't even breathe around him. And I want to be around him all the time so that's not exactly ideal," Jack says quickly,words almost blending together and Alex has to really work to keep up with him. "I love him. And I think he likes me. At least, from what I've picked up from him."

"How long have you even known this guy?"

"A week. He just moved here for school. He's um. Well he's a senior. In high school."

Tay snorts in amusement, clapping Jack on the back before turning to go back into the room. "Nice, Jack. So proud."

"I'm only twenty!" Jack whines in protest, following right behind her. "That's not that bad!"

Sierra is the last one in the hall with Alex, and she grins and holds up the iPad she's still holding. "Can you-"

Alex coughs and shakes his head, gesturing towards his own bedroom, "Uh I'm gonna go shower. And then go get dinner. I'll uh. See you later."

"You're going to have to pick out a theme eventually you know!" She calls out behind him, but he shuts the door and sighs as he leans up against it. He can't start thinking about that shit until John is back home,safe and sound and not going anywhere.



John looks the same as he always does when Alex finally meets up with him in the parking lot outside the OB/GYN office building. Alex is glad to see that he's wearing a heavy enough jacket for the cold weather today, hands shoved in the pockets as he walks from his mom's car to the front of the building where Alex has been waiting, carrying the duffle bag he used to bring clothes to his mom's. Alex's heart hammers against his ribcage as he watches John come towards him, hands itching to touch him and make sure he's okay. He clearly is fine, just by looking at him as he walks, but Alex can't help himself. Instincts want to take him and pull him in and never let him leave again. But the rational side of him knows that John probably still wants his space.

"Don't touch me," John says as soon as he's stepping up onto the sidewalk. "I'm pretty sure I'm going to puke on your shoes if you get too close."

He looks perfectly fine appearance-wise, but Alex knows him better than that. He's exhausted. His eyes aren't as bright as Alex knows they always are. He sounds tired, like just speaking is causing him distress. It takes all Alex has not to take him and hold him close and take care of him.

"Mom wanted to come," he explains as they head inside the building, thanking Alex as he holds the door open for him. "But she took off the other day and couldn't afford another. Plus, she claims she didn't want to get in the way of our talk or whatever. Which we seriously need to have, you know."

"I know," Alex assures him, but it doesn't even bother him. He's happier than he's been in days, just from having John within a few feet of him. Yes, it's not quite enough and needs more but he respects John and John needs space. For now. "And we will. At home."

Alex takes the duffle bag from him when they get into the elevator, earnig a small smile from John as he pushes the button for the third floor. John sighs as the elevator starts moving, fidgeting a little before finally inching closer to Alex and pressing himself right up against his side.

"I missed you," he mumbles, reaching down to lace their fingers together, "Too much."

He tries to contain himself and not let on to just how amazing it feels having John this close to him after days of separation, but he fails. He squeezes John's hand and leans in and kisses the side of his head, just below his hairline. "I love you," he mumbles as the elevator pings, doors opening to the third floor lobby.

John just hums happily, tugging him out of the elevator. The office they're looking for is on the right side of the hall, frosted glass window in the door reading Dr. Milton and all of her qualifications listed underneath. Once inside, Alex drops the duffle bag next to two chairs while John goes up to the reception desk to let them know he's here for his appointment. Alex sits and watches him, unable to keep the smile off his face. Being here, in this office, means more to him than he thought it was going to. They're going to have a baby. He's always wanted this, and ever since he and John actually got together he's wanted it even more. But he never expected it would be this soon.

His mate comes back with a clipboard and an annoyed expression, sitting down in the seat beside Alex with a huff. "I have to fill these out," he pouts, tapping the pen he was handed on the papers. "So annoying."

Alex would offer to do it for him but John seems fine enough to do it, sloppily filling out all of his information in the space provided. He fills out Alex's information too, and Alex watches as he checks the little box that asks if one or both parents is a werewolf. It's not exactly information a doctor would need to know, considering it makes no difference. But doctors like to know, just for the sake of knowing. Until the baby is born, they won't know if it's a werewolf or not. Alex finds himself hoping it is but he'll keep that to himself for now.

John is nervous. Alex can feel it and even if he couldn't, the way he keeps tapping his foot and switching his phone on and off would give it away. Alex tries to be comforting but he doesn't really know what his boundaries are right now. He doesn't want to overstep any lines John has drawn out. He may have cuddled up to him in the elevator but since then he really hasn't initiated much contact.

"Do you think it is?" John asks him after a few minutes of silence, Alex focused on the TV mounted on the wall across from them.

"Think what?"

"The baby is a werewolf."

Alex shrugs. "Could go either way," he points out. "What do you think?"

"How would I know? You're the one who knew I was pregnant practically days after it happened."

"Try a month, and that doesn't mean anything."

John sighs and drops his head into his hands. "If it is, I am screwed. Watch, it turns out to be an Alpha and it bosses me around."

Alex laughs, shifts over so he can wrap his arm around John's back. "Don't be ridiculous. You're crazy."

He barely gets to hold John for three seconds before a nurse is coming out into the reception area to call them into one of the exam rooms. John shrugs him off as he follows after her, leaving Alex behind to grab his duffle bag and follow along like a lost puppy.

John is already sitting on the exam table when Alex gets in there, tugging on the hem of his shirt out of nerves. His eyes meet Alex's and he relaxes a little, pointing to the chair the nurse placed next to him. "Sit."

Alex does as he's told, briefly acknowledging the fact that as an Alpha, he really does take a lot of commands from a human. Not that he cares. John could tell him to jump off a cliff and Alex would probably at least consider it for a moment.

"So, first time parents?" The doctor asks as she comes into the exam room, dropping a clipboard onto the counter next to a sink. "First timers are my favorites."

She pulls up a chair to sit in front of them, smiling as she introduces herself as Dr. Milton and explaining that she'll be John's main doctor through the whole pregnancy because she's dealt with many couples like them and she likes to think that she's the best at it. Alex appreciates her bold honesty because really. He'll only tolerate the best for John and their baby so at least this woman seems competent and confident.

"So I'll just ask a couple of questions and then we can do the ultrasound and then see if we can pick up the baby's heartbeat. Okay?"

John nods eagerly, fingers still twisting into the material of his t-shirt. He slips his jacket off as the doctor busies herself with getting her clipboard, looking over at Alex. "Hold this for me?" He asks softly, fingers brushing against Alex's as he passes it over. He gives a warm smile, trying hard to hide how anxious he actually is about what's going to happen. Alex just grins back at him and places his hand on his knee, letting him know he's right here.



"What is a kumquat anyway?" John asks a half hour later, buckling his seat belt and putting his feet up on the dashboard of Alex's car.

Alex smacks his feet down and puts the car in reverse, turning halfway in his seat to see behind him as he backs out of the parking space. "It's a fruit," he explains, "Like an orange, maybe? I don't know. I've never had one. Why didn't you ask the doctor?"

"I'm nineteen years old. I felt like I should know what a kumquat is, Alex."

Fair enough, Alex figures, pulling out of the parking lot and onto the main road. The office is only ten minutes from home, if there's no traffic, and it looks like luck is on his side this afternoon. "Do you want to stop for anything before we head home?" He asks, reaching out and resting his hand on John's knee instinctively. "Or do you still feel sick?"

John hesitates before answering, as if contemplating how he feels as he flips through the pamphlets in his hands. "I don't feel sick," he says after a few seconds, "I mean, I don't feel great either but at least I don't feel like I'm going to puke all over the floor of your car. Can you get me a milkshake?"

By the time they get home, the driveway is full and Alex knows everyone is probably just waiting for them to get back and tell them about the doctor's appointment. They're all excited - Alex doesn't blame them - but he and John still need to talk and they can't do that when they're surrounded by half a dozen other wolves who overhear every single word they say.

"Don't worry, we're leaving!" Kennedy shouts from the kitchen as soon as Alex pushes open the front door. He comes out into the front hallway, pulling on his jacket with Sierra following behind him already dressed to leave.

"Jack is at Starbucks," she tells the both of them, "We're going to embarrass him."

"Embarrass him?" John asks, shrugging out of his jacket while trying to hold on to his milkshake at the same time. "Why?"

"You missed it," Tay informs him, coming down the stairs, "Jack is in love. Again."

The girls both take their time hugging John and telling him how much they've missed having him home (despite the fact that both of them did spend a good amount of time with him while he was hiding out at his mom's place) and asking him how he's feeling. John takes it all in, reveling in the attention and affectionate touches everyone gives him as they head out the front door.

"I'm pretty sure this is the first time we've ever been home alone," Alex points out as he guides John towards the steps. "There's usually always someone."

John says nothing as they head upstairs, fingers tapping on the sides of the plastic cup of his milkshake, anxiety coming off of him in waves. Alex wishes he could do something to calm him down but he knows they just need to talk it out and get back on the same page.

"Why is Martin and Zack's room empty?" John asks, stopping suddenly in the doorway of the room across from theirs. The door is open, which is a rare sight, and all of the furniture has been moved out.

Alex shuffles closer to him, hesitates a bit before putting his hands on John's hips from behind. "They took the extra office room upstairs," he explains, resting his chin on John's shoulder. "This will be the baby's room."

"Oh."

John leans back against him and Alex pulls him gently backwards towards their room, "Come on. I know you have a lot to say and I wanna hear it."

"I don't have that much to say," John corrects him as he shuts the door behind him. "I'm not mad anymore. I'm just...I don't know."

"I hurt you," Alex points out, "I did and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept it from you. I was scared and I didn't know how to handle it."

"Yeah I get it, I'm not mad about it anymore. Just...promise you won't keep things like that from me? Or keep anything from me, really. It's hard enough being the odd one out with you guys and it's worse when I'm the last to know something."

Alex pulls him in close, wrapping his arms around him tightly. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, words muffled by John's t-shirt. He hates the way John doesn't smell like home. Not completely, anyway. The baby guarantees that he smells like the both of them, but there are too many other scents. The doctor's office. The doctor. His mom. His mom's house. He wants to suggest that they shower - or at least that they lay down and Alex can fix this - but he can tell John isn't finished speaking. "You can tell me. Whatever you're thinking, just tell me."

"It's not..." John trails off, sighs as he slides his hand up the back of Alex's shirt, resting his palm on his lower back. "I'm scared. Of this whole thing," he finally admits.

Alex hears his heart pounding and the way his voice cracks in the way that tells him he's going to cry. "The baby thing?" Alex clarifies, "Or everything?"

"The baby. I'm not...I'm not good at anything. I can't even pick a major and I can't even remember when I have quizzes and tests half the time and I'm going to suck at being a dad. I don't know anything about babies. How am I supposed to-"

"You think I know anything about babies?" Alex interrupts, "I haven't been around a baby since I was like, fifteen. You're not doing this alone," he reminds him, "I'm right here with you. We're doing this together. And don't forget. There are seven other people who will be dying to help take care of this baby too. You know what pack means. They're not going to let us fail."

John lets out a broken sob, quickly replaced by a laugh as he presses his face into Alex's neck. His hands are warm on Alex's back and he sighs, pulling him in close. "I don't know why I'm crying," he mumbles, "So lame."

"It's okay to be scared," Alex promises, "It's normal. But trust me, I'm not going anywhere. We're in this together and I promise I'll never hurt you like I did again. It's my job to keep you safe and make you happy and I didn't-"

"Okay, I think that's enough depression for one conversation," John laughs, pulling back enough to wipe his eyes. "I need to shower because God knows how crazy you're getting just from the fact I don't smell enough like you."

Alex hums in approval, glad that John is used to it by now that he just knows. He watches John as he pulls a piece of paper out of his back pocket, staring down at it with a smile. "April doesn't feel that far away," he says, finger tracing over the sonogram. "You should put this on your desk at the office. Show it off."

He presses the sonogram photo into Alex's hands and Alex sighs contently. He has a lot to show off these days.