The Enigma’s Anomaly

My first instinct of the water is that it’s fucking freezing. I don’t know what I was expecting. It’s like the middle of the night and it’s spring, so yeah, obviously it’s cold. Holy shit is that cold though.

It’s the type of cold that is literally so cold that it’s hot. It feels like I’m being burned at the stake or something except the fire is everywhere. It’s in my hair and in my clothes and in other places that don’t like being cold.

I don’t hear anything immediately because my head is flailing for air. I’m trying to get to the surface, but without my hands or my feet it’s practically impossible. I manage to get my head above water for about two seconds and I hear the car pulling away.

I honestly don’t know what to do. My heart is pounding and my body is already starting to give into the pull of the water. The harder I flail the more I’m dragged under and it seems impossible to get back up that one foot to the surface. I just can’t. I push so hard wishing there were rockets in my feet to boost me upwards, but sadly there are not.

My lungs have a little bit of air left in them, maybe a minute at best, but after that I’m going to have to take on water and as soon as that happens I’m done for.

I can’t give up though. I did not spend twenty plus years suffering through school, and puberty and finals just to die like this. I will not have studied the bloody constitution in vain, I just have to get to the fucking surface for air.

I open my eyes, but all I see is blackness. There are no lights down here, and there’s no reason for there to be. Why on earth would they illuminate the docks? The underside of the docks especially? Oh god I hope there aren’t any fish that bite. Why do I care about fish, I’m about to die?

It wasn’t very smart to leave me like this though. Eventually I’m going to end up floating and someone will find my body. If they’d tied a cinder block to me than it would’ve been smarter. I’m not complaining though, I would kind of like being found. It’s not that I really want to end up as a slab on some morticians table looking all lifeless and pale, but I think that’s better than never being found ever. There’s a possibility of justice if people know you’re dead. Gerard might know where I went then, I guess that’s a silver lining I can get out of all this. You can’t say I’m a pessimist at least. I’m literally dying as we speak, but I’m still finding the positives!

I’ve forgotten which way is up and which is down. I can’t tell any direction from another so I try my hardest to kick at my surroundings and maybe that’ll give me some clue as to which way I should angle myself, but it’s useless. I kick harder wishing I knew what to do, but I don’t. I never took a class on how to escape from zip ties while drowning in the ocean. They should teach that at the community center.

Okay settle down Frank, how do you get yourself out of this one? My best guess is that if I stop struggling I might go back up. I might float better if I’m not acting like a lunatic.

It takes quite a bit of willpower not to thrash and scream, but I calm myself down the best I can for a moment. I blow bubbles out through my nose to try to calm my brain. My eyes are still open and irritated from the grimy water, but I don’t close them because I’m waiting to see some light.

The surface breaks over my head which seems impossible and I actually breathe in real air, though it’s not very good air. A second ago my lungs were ready to burst, but now they’re feeling a little better. I’ll take any air I can get at this point. My head hits something painfully hard a moment later and I actually do yell out because it fucking hurts.

I didn’t just hit something hard though, I hit something pointy that would have rammed through my skull if the force hadn’t been so mild. What the hell is that? It’s a pretty low dock so there’s only three or four inches of space between the dock above me and the water.

I look up, but it’s so dark that I don’t see much of anything, and a moment later I’m pulled back down. The water doesn’t seem to like it when I try to remain vertical so I’m going to have to stay horizontal for this.

My bones are all so cold that I can barely feel them. My whole body is like an iceberg, and I can’t tell limb from water anymore. I calm myself again and open my eyes even though they object to the cold water. It’s still so impossible to see, but I have adjusted a little more to the darkness this time. I don’t see anything resolute. I see blue water that’s so dark it’s almost black and above me I see ripples and some sort of brightness.

I know it’s pretty hopeless because I’m so goddamn tired from all this exertion, but I will myself back up to the surface. I don’t manage it this time and I can feel the air hit the top of my head before I start to sink again. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to even begin to get out of this.

The only parts of my body that I can move with some freedom are my arms which are still tied together, but my elbows are completely unhindered, and the only other parts that are working are my knees. My legs may be tied together, but my knees and the rest of my legs are pretty limber at the moment. My head is screaming and I think whatever I hit on the dock must have cut me, but I don’t think it’s too serious.

My brain starts going into overdrive when I realize that something sharp is exactly what I need right now. I need something to cut the zip ties so that I can pull myself over the dock. It must be a nail that I hit, and that damn nail might be about to save my life if I can do this correctly.

If anyone could see me right now they’d realize how fucking helpless I am because there’s no way this doesn’t look absolutely mental. I do an odd thing with my knees that’s kind of like the butterfly exercise I was forced to do in gym class, and it kind of looks a bit like Pac-man too.

I don’t think there’s a soul alive that would imagine that this could actually work, but I’d never have gotten anywhere in life if I’d listened to what other people thought.

My knees grab a hold of the pole holding the dock up and they hold on for dear life, because this is my life that they’re holding on to.

I’m still about a foot away from the surface, but I scoot up with a very awkward little crawl that is extremely unattractive. I pull my body upward painfully until my head breaks the surface and the air meets me like an old friend. I’ve never realized just how much I like air, but I really do. It’s fantastic. If I make it through this than I am never going to take air for granted ever again. Air is a great thing.

I can actually breathe, with relative stability in this position though it doesn’t bode well for my dignity.

My hands scramble at the dock, rubbing against each other uncomfortably, until I find that nail again. Thank god for tetanus shots because this is going to really fucking hurt. My body has to stretch unimaginably to reach the nail above me and my limbs protest heartily to the stretch and prolonged position, but I don’t have any other choice. It’s either this unthinkable pain, or it’s death. Death is so much easier, but I’ve never been a quitter. Unless you count my job, but you shouldn’t because I don’t.

My body stretches and bends to reach that nail and I start trying to get a good angle to try and pry these zip ties off. They’re only plastic or whatever, but they’re unbelievably strong. They must reinforced with diamonds or some shit.

I start rubbing my hands against the nail and I’ve never been in so much pain. My body is protesting at the position and now my wrists are being repeatedly poked and cut with this long nail, but I do it anyway. It’s my only chance. I only have this one shot, otherwise I’m dead. Literally.

I rub my wrists against that damn nail until they’re red raw and bleeding like a bitch but I don’t stop.

For almost a minute or longer I’m just assaulting the nail and then, like magic, my wrists break apart. I actually feel my gut unclench as it realizes what’s happened. My knees are yelling at the rest of me for being taken advantage of and I almost let go of the dock in shock, but I don’t and I stretch my arms out.

It feel heavenly to have access to these arms again, and I’m not going to be taken them for granted either thank you very much. It feels so good to have my bleeding hands back that I forget where I am altogether as they float around in the water separately. My back thanks me at having that tension removed, and I can tell how sore my forearms are. I have no idea how long they were strapped together, but it was far too long.

It hits me that I’m still pretty much underwater, and I’m not going to last much longer if the tide comes in so I grab for the pole with my hands that I’m currently clutching with my knees. That didn’t sound at all like an innuendo.

My hands grab the post and mercifully I swing my body out and around the side of the dock so that there’s nothing above me but the night sky.

I take my free hands and I place them on the dock, but this part is not going to be easy. I’ve lost almost every single ounce of strength I’ve ever had in my entire life with what I just did, and this last obstacle seems like Everest. This dock is all that’s left between me and dry land, so I have to go for it.

My arms want to fall off after what they’ve been through and my wrists are burning with pain. It’s dark out, but it’s light enough for me to see dark drops off my own blood drip down my arms like the water that’s doing the same thing.

I get a good hold of the flanks of wood that line the dock and I dig my fingers into the groove of one, then pull. Nothing. I’m giving it all I’ve got, but I’m getting nothing in return. I wish I was a flying fish so that I could just propel myself upward, but that’s not going to work. This is going to have to be pure manpower.

On my best day it would be nearly impossible to pull myself up without the use of my legs, so it’s about a million times harder to do this when I’m so drained. I could literally fall asleep right here and now. My body decides to help me out though and it gives me a sudden boost of adrenaline. I think it realizes that if it doesn’t help me out here then I’m going to die, so it’s doing what it can.

I get a firmer hold on the dock and I pull. My body lifts minutely out of the water so one of my hands grabs farther up the dock and it pulls me even further. My other hand reaches higher and I’m pulled even more out of the water.

It’s like rock climbing except it’s harder. Instead of just the pull of gravity I’ve also got drowsiness and damp clothes that weigh about a million pounds.

Every single second of this process is filled with my brain telling me to give it up because it’s too painful, but the rest of me is just fighting against that instinct. I keep thinking to myself to give up so that I can try again in a second, but I don’t listen to that thought either.

I’ve just got to keep going so I do. I pull more and more of my body up until I can get the momentum to swing my legs up. I only have one shot at this swing because as soon as I go for it it’s either no or go. It’ll work and I’ll live to see another day, or it won’t work and I’ll be reclaimed by the ocean. If I don’t succeed here then I’m not going to have the strength to try again. If I can’t do this then I’d rather just drown.

I swing my legs up with all the force and strength I have left in my body and they hit the solid dock with a beautiful thud. I did it. I made it.

For about five minutes I just lie there on the dock looking up at the sky with my body resting from that arduous dilemma. I feel the air enter my lungs and it burns but I let it, because it feels so damn good. I take in the air and I’m reluctant to let it out again because it’s never been so welcome.

It’s as I’m exhaling that I realize the scale of what I’ve just done. I just saved my own life. I’m alive right now because I didn’t give up. How long did that take me? About ten minutes unbelievably, but it had to have been.

I feel my body shake as I begin to laugh at the feat. I am never going to be able to out trump that little maneuver. I’m fucking alive and I feel like absolute shit and it’s great. It’s so worth it. It’s so worth this uncontrollable ache I’m feeling. I’ve never been happier to just be alive.

I shoot my fist up in the air in triumph, even though it hurts like hell. I really can’t help but celebrate at how amazing life feels right now.

As happy as I am to get the chance to tell Gerard I love him, it’s really nothing compared to the glee of actually being alive.