The Enigma’s Anomaly

“Frank?” Mikey asks.

“Yep,” I reply.

“What the hell dude!” Mikey says, “I mean no offense, but fucking hell, why did you, just... hold on, give me a second, gotta breathe.”

“You okay? Are you mad at me?”

“Not mad at you. Mostly mad at Gerard. Kind of mad at you as well though. Why aren’t you answering your phone?”

“Oh, I kind of got mugged,” I say.

“You got what?” Mikey says exasperatedly, “you could’ve opened with that you know. ‘Hey Mikey, sorry I wasn’t picking up my phone because I was fucking mugged,’ would have been nice.”

“Okay, I’ll start over. Hey Mikey, sorry I wasn’t picking up my phone because I was fucking mugged,” I say.

“You’re a snarky little bastard aren’t you?” Mikey says.

“A little. The point is that I was mugged, and I’m at a diner, this lady gave me her phone and I didn’t know who to call. Mikey, I don’t have any money, or shoes, I think I’m getting a cold, but that might just be because I’m standing in a freezer, and I need painkillers like nobody’s business.”

“Why are you in a freezer?” Mikey asks.

“Ugh, it’s raining out and the waitress who lent me her phone didn’t want me to go out in the rain. I’m cold, so let’s hurry this along.”

“Frank,” Mikey groans, “you got yourself into a giant pile of shit, you know that?”

I frown even though he can’t see, “you think I could’ve overlooked that? It’s been a miserable day.”

“Aren’t you going to ask about Gerard?”

“I don’t want to know. I just... I don’t know.”

Mikey makes an irritated sound then says, “Frank, Gerard’s-”

“No, I don’t care. I do not care. I don’t wanna know,” I say sternly. I’m not sure why I said that though, because I want to know precisely what’s up with Gerard, but I’m way too afraid to ask. He’s probably happy that I’m gone or something. He doesn’t want me back. It still kills me, because I should have known

“Wow, fine. Whatever. Thought you loved him,” Mikey says.

“Are you kidding? Of course I fucking love him! Why would I have been so hurt if I didn’t love him?”

“Never mind. So what do you want me to do? Where are you?”

“This little diner. Would you, uh, god I don’t want to be so helpless that I have to ask you to come get me, but I need some help. I don’t know what else I can do. Or who else I can call. I don’t know that many people, Mikey and all the people I do know are much further away. There’s nothing out here for someone with no money, and I think my feet are going to fall off because they’re covered in blisters, and it’s just miserable outside.”

Mikey replies quickly so that I don’t keep talking and says, “Okay okay. Got it. I’ll get Gerard and we’ll come pick you up.”

“No! Absolutely not. If Gerard’s there, I will not get in his car under any circumstances. Not if you paid me, not if you were there, not if I were being chased by a Balrog, and not if he coaxes me in with candy! No.”

“Oh come on, Frank. You love him, we both know that. He knows that, I know that, you know that, Banks even knows that.”

“But he doesn’t love me!” I say.

“Of course he loves you! He just said that because he wanted to piss you off. He loves you way more than you know, Frank.”

“You’re lying,” I say, “he never did.”

“You are so much stupider then I ever gave you credit for Frank. Gerard absolutely adores you. I don’t get it, I think you’re kind of an idiot myself, but I’ve never really understood my brother so I’m not going to star questioning him now.”

“But-”

“He said what he thought would piss you off the most,” Mikey repeats, “That’s kind of the point of getting into an argument, isn’t it? You want the other person to feel bad about themselves so you can win. Neither of you fucking won, Gerard’s a wreck! He’s been crying since about five minutes after you left.”

My heart lurches a little bit at that, “he... he has?”

“Duh! You left and he was all angry and then he just started crying and I don’t know how to make him fucking stop. The last time he cried this much was when he finished that John Green book, only this is worse.”

“Why did he say that he hated me?” I ask, feeling my own voice croak into barely a whisper.

“I explained that already, you twat. He was angry. We all do stupid things when we are angry. Gerard goes a little overboard when he has any strong emotions about anything, but surely you’ve noticed that.”

“It’s not like you can just tell me that and I’ll believe it! He said it to my face, Mikey. He said he didn’t love me, he called me stupid, and he told me that he wanted me gone so I left! How am I supposed to handle something like that? He said it, Mikes, he said it!”

“Frank, calm down, I was just trying to... god! Fine, I’ll come alone. I’ll get the car and I’ll pick you up on my own. Where are you exactly?”

I give him the best directions I can, but he seems to get the gist and promises he’ll be here soon. I tell him to bring a shirt and money so that I can tip the nice waitress.

After that he’s gone though, and I’m not looking forward to the rush of embarrassment that I’m about to get from having to face the fact that I called Gerard’s fucking brother to come rescue with me.

I don’t know about Gerard though. Part of me is inclined to believe Mikey that he was just really mad, but every part of me hoping that’s true is also frowning at the thought, because it’s what I’m hoping for. I hope it’s true which is making it easier to believe.

Still though, he said I love you first. He was a virgin when we met, I’m positive of that, and now he’s not. He did bring me all the way up here to keep me safe. What does that say?

The evidence would lean in Mikey’s favor, but I can’t help but feel like I’m getting my hopes up. I need to hear it from Gerard nonetheless, but I don’t think I want to see Gerard. Obviously I want to see him, but I really don’t at the same time, so I don’t know what to think.

I step out of the cold room a minute later and let a shiver run through me unrestrainedly. Who’d have thought that freezers are cold? I’m a fucking genius.

“Did you get ahold of someone, dear?” The waitress asks.

“Yeah, someone’s going to pick me up. Thanks so much for being nice, it’s really great,” I say.

“No problem at all,” she says with a smile, and I return to my seat on the booth to wait for Mikey. “You okay?”

“I don’t know. I guess as best as I can be given my current situation. I’m just afraid that my feelings aren’t reciprocated, you know? Everyone’s afraid of rejection I guess, but I’ve sacrificed literally everything in my life for this relationship, and what if... what if I’m just imagining everything?”

“How long have you two known each other?” the waitress asks.

“Barely any time at all. Just over three months, but it’s been the best three months of my life, which is weird because more crap has happened to me in the last three years then the entire span of my life, but I guess when we’re together it doesn’t feel as bad, you know? It’s all happened so fast though! Like it had to, because we’ve been on a time bomb, right? I guess the whole time we’ve known each other has just been trying to defuse that time bomb, but every step we take to get nearer to it the more obstacles are put in our way. It seems like every progress we make, the further we divagate backwards.”

“I’m sorry, dear. It seems like life has a system where all the good things are also the hardest to hold onto.”

“Slipperiest as well. You can grab a hold of it, but it just slips away when you’re not looking. Even if you give your full appreciation, things still find a way of walking out.”

“So what’s your girl’s name?” The waitress asks, and I have to think for a long moment, debating whether to just come clean about Gerard’s lack of a vagina.

“Gee,” I tell her, “and I’m Frank.”

“Well Frank, I’m sure she’ll see how much she has with you,” the waitress says. “She’ll come around.”

I nod, but I don’t feel too hopeful. I’ll learn what’s going to happen with time, but I’m scared that I’m not going to like it.

“I hope you’re right,” I sigh.

I don’t know how far away Mikey is, but I expect it’ll take him at least over an hour to get here. Now I just have to wait and try to compose the right words to say to Gerard the next time I see him.