Dumb Girl.

It's been four months since I've written in here. I forgot where I put it. Jun and I got married. I got tattooed. My tattoos still aren't finished. It's an agonizing process, but I like the feeling. Maybe I'm a sadomasochist. I've lost count of how many people I've scammed; how many people I've killed. Jun's trying to go clean. I don't know what that means regarding us. Ai's husband got killed so she's now boss-lady. I haven't been bothered with getting more cigarettes. My back starts to hurt less and less. I'm happy. Happier than I was, anyway. I got the chance to visit hide's grave a couple of months ago. I broke down crying but Jun held me up. I also ran into my mum. She just nodded and kept going. I don't know what's going to happen. I still drink. I'm probably going to drink myself to death. It was my birthday last week; we celebrated with sake and a strawberry sponge cake. I hope I can live like this a little bit longer. I don't know If I'll ever write in here again. Probably not. I'm going to put this in a keepsake box and one day maybe my children can read this, if I ever have any, and learn about their mama's past. I don't know. I hope that if I do have kids they don't end up like me. I dyed my hair red.

So I guess this is the end?
Who am I kidding, it'll never end. I'm just a dumb girl.

__________Sae