You Found Me

"Aren't your parents going to be worried that you're still out at this time?" Kennedy turned to me with a curious look on his face.

"Aren't yours?" I returned the question to him and he chuckled and stared into the open space in front of us. We've been sitting on the stairs leading down to the backyard for almost an hour now and I don't think he has any plans of leaving soon. "While you went to our backyard, I went in and told my mom I'll be out here."

"Well my parents aren't that strict with my curfew as long as I'm alive the next day or I won't end up in jail," he laughed.

"I suppose mine aren't that strict too. My mom would actually shit her pants if I actually went out with friends. She would even give me money to get out of the house," I said, leaning my chin on my hands.

"That bad?" He asked, creasing his eyebrows.

It really was that bad. While John was here and I wasn't, my mom wanted me to get out of the house and stop burying my face in books. That's why she isn't that strict with me here where I finally have friends who aren't with me because they have this big crush with my brother. There goes my dad, who is fine as long as I'm spending my time with the right people and as long as it's the band, he's fine with it.

"It was. But I'm here now so you know," I mumbled, looking down at my feet. "Doesn't really matter now."

"The past defines us as much as the present. Without it, we wouldn't be who we are right now," he murmured, giving me a tight lipped smile.

I stared at him for a moment and then chuckled, bowing my head. "Where the fuck do you get all of those quotes?"

"You have no idea the amount of shit that comes out of my mouth when it's past ten in the evening," he grinned, looking over at me. "I know that you've had a really hard time then. But when I told you I'm going to make your stay worthwhile, I meant it. And I'm pretty sure the rest of the band is in that wagon. We're like O'Callaghan magnets. Do you know how much your dad loves us? Papa Ohh's the man!"

"Yeah," I nodded and shot him a smile. "Loves you so much that he doesn't even really care that I stay out the whole night as long as it's with you guys."

I can't see why he wouldn't like them, in all honesty. And I'm just happy that John doesn't really care that I'm getting close with his friends. Because I have no idea how I'm going to find anyone else if it isn't them.

"Maybe I'll stay out of all of it," I glanced at him with a straight face. "Like not pay attention to that part of my life until I graduate high school."

"What, romantic relationships?" He asked. I nodded as an answer. "You mean graduate high school with flying colors with all the fucking diplomas and the medals?"

"Please," I rolled my eyes. "I wasn't at all a good student in my freshman year... So I still have to make up for all the B I got at that year."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He stared at me like I was the most absurd thing ever. "You'll get the highest GPA and you'll be the valedictorian. At your graduation, we'll all be there. John, Daisy, Jared, and I would be there for you, Pat, and Garrett."

"Good to hear," I laughed softly and shifted my position, now moving a little closer to him. "So I have studies as my excuse not to get into a romantic relationship. What about you? No girlfriend?"

"I've been spending almost all my free time with you guys," he tilted his head and looked over to me.

"Well then, don't you like anyone? Lots of girls running 'round Arizona, Ken."

He sighed and bit his lip, keeping his gaze on his hands. "I like a girl I know I can't have."

This has been the first time I've seen Kennedy be anything other than happy or at least just content. He had a smile on his face but I knew it wasn't joy. It was sad. Like losing a puppy but knowing that you had a lot of fun memories with that puppy. He slouched his shoulders and stared into an open space.

"That's why I don't think about romantic relationships that much anymore. Maybe when I finish high school too or something," he shrugged.

"Well have you tried talking to her?" I tried catching his gaze so I moved closer, closing the space between us. Once he made eye contact with me he chuckled and shook his head slightly. "You haven't even tried talking to her so how would you know?"

"I didn't say I haven't talked to her!" He held his hands up and laughed at me. He stared into my eyes and I bit my lip and smiled, looking at the yard in front of us. "Yes, I've talked to her. But I know... I'm sure that if I do anything, it'll just be a trainwreck. It might cause a whole bunch of problems. And it's such a shame 'cause she's such-" he paused and sighed again, "She's such a beautiful person."

"Do you say things like this always when it's after dark or?" I giggled and grinned at him.

"Shut up," he messed my hair up and laughed. "This has been a long day," he said after a moment of silence. "Are you sure you don't want to go and rest yet?"

"Talking to you is the best rest I've had in a while now," I mumbled. "Strange how a lot of things can happen in just one day. How about you? Are you sure you don't want to go home yet?"

"You and I both know that the last thing you need right now is to be alone," he smirked, resting his hand on my knees. "Come on. You've been like a solid rock there from the time that we've been eating to me driving you home to now. How are you doing?"

"Oh I'm feeling lovely," I nodded. "I just found out that my best friend is a total dickhead and he by the way, broke my heart into a million pieces by cheating on me with his other girl best friend who is the ex-girlfriend of a guy I might or might not like very much and it's all just fucking awesome. You know. It's all very very beautiful," I said, not even stopping just to breathe. I sighed and put my hands t my forehead, shaking my head lightly.

"You just told me you might like Garrett," he said, his voice getting low.

"Yes well. I sound like an awful person for this but I've been thinking about it and when I felt like it was getting too fast with Kean, I decided to just ignore what I think about Garrett," I shrugged. "I guess I took a particular liking to him because he there when I couldn't go home because of John."

"Yeah. He's a good guy," he agreed and smiled weakly at me. "I guess you have to take the time to think about all of this."

"Like the way you need the time to talk to that girl you've been eyeing," I smirked at him.

"I don't need time to think about her," he shook his head. "I'm just really sure that I'm not going to do anything about her."

"Good for her. She doesn't need someone like you. You're awkwardly tall and have awful hazel eyes and you smell so bad and you know so many bad quotes that make people have lots of realizations," I teased him, biting my lower lip.

"Way to boost my confidence," he laughed.

***

John had no idea that Kennedy stayed the night on our backyard until it was almost 6:30 in the morning. He went up straight to his room after he hung out with the rest of the band. Me and Kennedy, well we spent the whole night just talking and playing 20 questions with him. I fell asleep around 3:30, leaning on the railings beside me but somehow ended up on his lap. He fell asleep too, his head leaning on the railings on his side.

When I opened my eyes, I shot up and hit Kennedy on the chin, making him wake up too. He had to walk a couple of blocks because I made him park somewhere else so that John wouldn't see when he went home.

I stayed home the rest of the Sunday in my room. John had knocked several times on my door asking if I was okay but I gave him the same answer every time.

I was just okay. I wasn't at all happy about what happened, but I had to move on. And maybe I could by just hanging out with these people. I had the rest of the band as my friends.

John had been weirdly cooperative the whole week after the wedding. He didn't bring anyone home the whole week and he just settled for going to Daisy's place if he wanted to talk to her. When we were running late and I had to wake him up, he shot out of the bed and got dressed quickly without a single snarky remark. Don't get me wrong, it was okay with me with him being that way. The 10 minutes we would spend bickering with each other wouldn't be wasted.

I was in the middle of studying World History when I noticed John appear under my doorway. "I need to talk to you about something," he curled his lips on one side and crossed his arms.

I sat up on my bed in a way that my legs were twisted like a pretzel and looked up at him. "What happened? Did you knock the library shelves down again? Oh my God, did you get someone pregnant?" He stared at me blankly like I was the most ridiculous thing ever and I just laughed. "What's up?" I closed my text book and shoved it aside. I've read the thing like two times already anyway.

He went inside and pulled my chair from my study table and sat in front of me. He had this unsure look on his face and he clasped his hands in front of him, his elbows resting on his legs. "It's- It's about Daisy."

"What? What? Daisy? What about Daisy? What? What about her? Daisy?" I leaned forward and waited for him to continue what he was saying but he gave me that look again where I looked like the most absurd thing ever.

"Don't rush me. You look like you're gonna explode," he chuckled. He smiled for a moment but it faded away and was replaced by a worried expression. "You know how you just have this friend that's there for you even if you mess everything up?"

I looked up at the ceiling as if I was thinking about it then looked at him and shook my head. "Nope. No I don't. Was isolated my whole sophomore year, remember?"

He groaned and grinned at me. "Not my fault."

"Sure," I said sarcastically and smiled. "You were saying?"

"You know what? Forget it. Forget I said anything." He stood up and he was about to walk out of the room when I grabbed his shirt and made him sit down again. "Okay fine!" He put his hands on his face and rubbed his eyes. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say when I don't know what to feel," he groaned.

"Do you like her?" I asked softly, raising my eyebrows.

"I don't know," he shrugged. "I think I'm just really happy that she's there for me always? Like my go to when I mess it up with a girl again. Or the person that helps me when I drink at parties. What if she finds some guy? Or get a boyfriend? I'll be a hot mess without her."

"First of all, John, tell me, are you looking for a mother or a best friend?" I said monotonously, staring at him in disbelief. "Second, I don't see what your problem is. She's there to stay."

"You don't know that," he mumbled. "She could be here one second and gone the next. I think I like her... But I don't want to do anything about it. I just want it to stay like this."

"This? The you hooking up with dozens of girls while she's just there for you whenever you're free?" I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

"I don't do relationships, alright?" He said, leaning back on his seat and putting his hand to his head. "I've never had a real girlfriend. Or in my side, I don't think I've had a girlfriend. It's always been some kind of two week or maybe even three thing. And let's say that I've thought about taking it to the next level with Daisy. But I don't want it to end up like a three week thing."

"So what do you want to do?"

"You're asking me?"

"I don't know, John. Who am I supposed to ask? Jesus? You're supposed to know what you want!" I breathed out in frustration and scratched my head. "John, I can't give you advice on something I have no experience in. I'm just useful to talk to but don't expect me know what you're supposed to do."

"That's just what I need," he nodded. "I just need to talk to someone about this. And you're that person," he pointed at me and sighed. "Don't worry, I just needed to get that off of my chest. But I need to clarify one more thing..." I raised my eyebrow at him and waited for him to continue. "Do you think Daisy digs me?"

My eyebrows shot up and I bit my lip, thinking of the proper response. "You have to find that out for yourself, John. Why'd you ask?"

"Jared and Garrett told me that they think she does," he shrugged again. "But I don't think she does. I don't even think I'm any good for her."

"So what're you going to do if she finds herself a boyfriend?" I questioned, tilting my head slightly.

"I don't know!" He raised his voice and widened his eyes. "I'm going to find out when it happens. What about you? You haven't mentioned Kean ever since the thing."

"And I was hoping I wouldn't have to mention it ever again," I sighed, lying down on my bed. I turned my head to John's direction so I could still see him and I closed my eyes. "I don't really want to talk about it."

"You don't want to talk about it but I can tell that you kind of need to," John leaned forward and shrugged.

"I just don't want to remember what Kean did and what happened, alright?" I said, partly annoyed because I really didn't want to talk about Kean. "I just know that all the romance isn't for me. I'll stick to studying."

"Are you seriously going to let one messy situation keep you from meeting other people?" John raised his eyebrow at me with a smirk on his lips.

"I'm just saying, it isn't for me now," I shook my head and John left it at that.

I guess I was never good with relationships even if it was not romantic. I had trouble making friends and the ones I have now are the best I've ever had. (Except for Kean, of course.) But if I was meant to stay alone then be it. I'm not going to force myself on somebody for fun. If love wasn't for me, then it isn't.

But I have no idea how long I'll keep pretending that I think that's alright when I know it isn't.