You Found Me

Get together tonight @ Halvo's.

I threw my phone on my bed and fell back on my mattress, my head hitting the softness of my pillow. I've been extremely anti-social for the two weeks in school mostly because I've been trying to avoid anyone who was set on talking to me about John.

Kennedy and Halvo have been a big help, being by my side whenever I was walking through the halls or during my free time. I began sitting next to Pat again during English and he chatted my ears off. Despite some awkward moments when we're talking, I was just happy he's okay with me after a week. Jared made sure no one bugged me during Chemistry and Halvo had the same free period, making him hang out with me then.

My only problem was Trigonometry when the two people that still hadn't lightened up was in the same class with me. God knows how hard it is to try and not look at Daisy or Garrett. When you spend almost everyday talking to the same people, it feels painful knowing that they don't want to talk to you or mind you anymore.

I felt my phone vibrating again and I sat up and reached out to it, just to see another text from Jared.

I know you really don't want to go. But let's hang out.

I sighed and threw it back on my sheets. I wanted to go for studying all weekend and getting started on the book I have to finish for English. I wanted to go all-in in my studies again to forget the issues surrounding me. I decided to just get the book started, reaching for it inside the drawer of the bedside table. I was barely done reading the first paragraph of the first page I flipped in when John barged in my room, angry expression and all.

"Keep barging in my door without knocking and you're going to start to walk in on me changing my clothes," I rolled my eyes, and returned to my book.

"Jared's losing his mind trying to get you to hang out with us," John crossed his arms, looking blankly at me.

I flipped myself, lying on my stomach, putting the book down. There goes my chance on staying and reading all weekend. "I don't want to go to Halvo's party. You can go, John. What do you guys need me for?"

"Who said anything about a party?" John raised his eyebrow at me. "It's a small crowd. Just several friends," he mumbled.

I shook my head with a forced smile on my lips. "Even more reason for me not to go. Let's not pretend that Jared is still only warming up to me. Pat's acting like we haven't been friends for the past several months. Daisy can't even look at me while we're in Trigonometry. And Garrett? Absolutely nothing's going right with Garrett."

"I'm kidding. It's a party," John said, making me roll my eyes again.

"I'm not going," I opened the book again and tried rereading. I was expecting John to keep persuading me and I was already thinking of an excuse not to come but he stood there silent, just staring at me.

"You always just see the bad side of things, don't you?" His stare turned into a glower as I sat up. "You don't see Jared trying to get you to always smile. You don't see Halvo trying to make himself look like an idiot sometimes just to make you laugh." He paused for a moment, looking ticked off at me. I was already about to say something when he spoke. "You don't see Kennedy trying to get you to move on from Garrett."

My eyebrows shot up and I wasn't 100 percent exactly sure if I heard him right. His mouth parted slightly and he shifted his gaze from me and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

"Kennedy's... Not-" I started, shaking my head slightly and licking my lips. "He's not..." I was thinking whether I should tell him that Kennedy liked Daisy. There was this slight possibility that he'd believe me right away and he'd punch the crap out of Kennedy but I knew that there was also the scenario where he just doesn't believe me. I also thought about how Kennedy wouldn't want this information shared with others.

He held his hands up again and closed his eyes. "Stop. Just-" he shook his head and pressed his palm to his face. "Stop."

"He doesn't-" I tried talking again, but he cut me off by shaking his head hard.

"Shhhh," he put his hands forward and walked towards me. "Stop. My ultimate point is that you have to go because we want you wind off with us, okay?"

"If you're doing this because you're feeling guilty thinking that this is all your fault, drop the act, John," I rolled my eyes and looked back down at the book. I read the pages, but none of the words were actually registering themselves in my brain. I kept listening to John's voice.

He shifted his weight to his other leg and crossed his arms at me again. "That's just it, March. It is all my fault. It's crystal fucking clear that everything's my fault."

"After they found out, I never blamed it on you," I shook my head.

"Yeah, but you know it," he spat back, widening his eyes at me. "Don't pretend you don't. Everyone probably even thinks it."

"I never put that weight on you aside when we're joking around, so-"

"Just," he interrupted me again and closed his eyes. "Put the book down and come tonight, alright? If you change your mind before seven, let me know so I can drive us both there." He turned around and walked out of my room, leaving me to just hang my head down, not knowing what to do.

I was probably going to come tonight even if I don't understand why they keep dragging me there. I was no fun to have around parties. I didn't drink, I didn't play games, I didn't dance. I stayed sober, sitting down, and most of the time, talking to Garrett. If he did drink, it wasn't more than a couple of bottles.

And tonight, I wasn't sure how I was going to survive the night, especially because I knew I was going to be alone.

I read what I can of the book before the clock said six. I had several chapters left, not bad for 7 hours of reading. And I suppose one night where I don't finish my book wasn't going to do me any harm. After all, I've been coming straight home all week.

I trudged to the bathroom and took a quick shower, pulling on jean shorts and some old, worn out, shirt with a faded print of some band's logo when I was done. I put some eyeliner on and lip balm and slipped in to my all-black vans. I looked like I was going to sleep or at least, not going outside of the house. This was something my mom cringed at if she knew I was going out wearing it outside. But really, I wanted something that would attract less attention because my last name already did as it is.

When I came down to the living room, John was beside Mom, watching Gossip Girl. I didn't understand why he actually took a liking to the series, but this was his guilty pleasure and watching it with our mom every weekend when he had nothing to do or no party to go to was his thing.

"Ready to go, Chuck Bass?" I quirked an eyebrow at him, making him chuckle slightly. He stood up from the couch and moved across to the living room, standing next to me.

Mom took one quick glance at me before dragging her gaze back to the television. "Why don't you dress more like Blair Waldorf?" Mom's stare was stuck on the series unfolding in front of her.

"XOXO, realistic girl," I rolled my eyes and walked out of the house, dragging John with me by pulling on his arm.

"Stripped down, March going to a party," he teased with a grin. "I like it," he laughed, opening the door for me.

"How about stripped down Daisy?" I smirked at him, making his smile fade. "She's one of the most basic girls i know when it comes to dressing up."

"Her fiery personality makes up for the simple appearance," he shrugged, getting into the driver's seat. "Can we not talk about Daisy?"

"You still aren't talking?"

"She still doesn't understand why you kept the secret from them."

"Basically, I'm the reason why you two aren't talking," I pointed out, leaning my head on the window as he started the engine.

He glanced at me and rolled his eyes. "I'm the reason why we aren't talking," he explained, making me scrunch my eyebrows together. "I haven't been replying to her texts or returning her calls or mind her when we see each other at the hallway."

"You're ignoring her, or she's ignoring you?"

"I'm ignoring her. Is that really so hard to wrap around your head? I can get mad too, you know," he shot me a look before looking back on the road.

"I'm not taking that. The moment we step on Halvo's house, you're going to find Daisy and talk to her. I'm not going to be the reason why you two aren't minding each other."

"It isn't your fault," he said, his voice low. "Everything's mine."

***

One thing that kept ringing through my ears despite the fact that I spent the day reading Lord of the Flies was what John had said. I kept burying my face through the sheets whenever I remembered it and I would continue once I pushed it aside.

It couldn't be true. It was Daisy. I knew that it's Daisy. It made perfect sense. Everything was on point knowing that he desired Daisy.

"John," I said once I knew we were only a few minutes away from Halvo's house.

"I'm listening," he said, turning the radio's volume down.

I hesitated for a moment but I knew I wasn't going to sleep tonight if I don't ask or talk to him about it. I bit my lip but ultimately decided to speak up. "What did you mean about.. Um, Kennedy?"

He raised his eyebrows and I could tell by the twitch in his lips that he didn't expect that question. But he composed himself again, looking unfazed. "First of all, tell me what you know."

I bit my lip and tried to recall everything I could remember. "He likes someone he can't have and it's Daisy," I breathed out, making him slam on the break almost instantly. I actually don't know whether it's because of what I said or because he hadn't realized there was a stop sign but I'm going with the former because he had this look of disbelief on his face, staring at me like I was the most ridiculous thing ever.

He just closed and eyes and shook his head slightly, looking back on the road and kept driving.

I scoffed and puckered my lips. Of course he wouldn't believe me. "It makes sense! He says that if he liked this person, the band might break up. It's because you like Daisy too and I don't really think you're going to let him have Daisy without a fight. You wouldn't be friends anymore..."

"I'm not... I don't... Just-" he shook his head and didn't speak another word until we got to the house. I kept bugging him to say something but he refused even if I threatened to kick his ass the moment we get off of the car. He kept quiet and it was creeping the hell out of me. We've arrived at Halvo's kitchen and I could feel the multiple pairs of eyes on me and John, but I didn't care. I just wanted to know what was up with Kennedy.

"I'm going to go find Daisy," he said quickly, not giving me time to annoy him more about the issue bugging me. He was gone almost instantly and when I turned around, I was met by a guy at least a foot taller standing in front of me. He looked more tired than usual and he didn't even have this glow that reassured me once that he was a good guy, but he had this soft smile that made me think that deep down, he really was.

I raised my eyebrows and pressed my lips together in a smile, feeling unsure of what to respond to him. He was just standing there, red cup in his hand and the other tucked inside his pocket. He was looking at me with wide eyes and mouth slightly parted as if he had no idea what to say. I suppose if I were him, I wouldn't know also what to say.

The other thing that swirled my mind was why he was here. Last time I checked, he wasn't on Halvo's good side since he knows of the issues their little group gets themselves into. I'm guessing it was because they were friends once, and really, I don't think Halvo cares who walks through his doors as long as they don't destroy the things in his house. He was such a party boy and it got me thinking if any parent in this whole town is against parties.

"Earth to Kean," I spoke slowly, making him snap out of his trance. "Kean..."

A smile graced his features as he breathed out a response. "Hi. Oh my God, hi," he grinned. "So... Everyone knows. How are you?"

I wanted to tell him that everything was far from fine. He was that person I could share almost anything with and he was the person I was most comfortable around. Was. But I'm guessing that no matter how mad I get at him, he was still going to care. "I'm... I'm okay," I shrugged.

"I haven't talked to you for months and you're still bad at lying," he chuckled. It was as if nothing had happened and we were back to our old selves. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him. "I wanted to try and talk to you whenever I see you walking around alone but I always feel like there's always someone who's willing to beat me up the moment I show up by your side." He shrugged slightly and took a sip of the cup he had in hand. "Just like how Garrett looks like he wants to punch me on the face right now," he nudged over to the other side of the kitchen. Garrett was mid-step through the doorway and he frowned at us- well, I'm not sure because it seems like he just frowns at everything now.

I turned back to Kean, my smile from a while ago faltering. "Trust me, it's not you he wants to punch."

He looked back at Garrett who tore his gaze away and went back inside the living room. I could feel the anger radiating off of him from where me and Kean stood and it just made me sigh. He narrowed his eyes and lowered his eyebrows at me. "Is he mad because of the O'Callaghan thing?"

I sighed again and stared at the doorway. "That's about right. But I think I deserve it... It was stupid of me to keep that from them anyway."

"He's got to be blind not to see the effect of everyone knowing that you're John's sister," he shrugged. "I think there's about 4 girls everyday who ask you about John and if that's not enough reason for him to be understanding, I don't know what is."

"Thanks," I smiled weakly, making him drape his arms around my shoulders. "Thanks for keeping my secret and for actually being my friend right now."

"I told you, OC. I really want us to get back to what we were before. Before I was a big asshole," he muttered.

"How about you?" I asked as we walked to the backyard where there was a wooden bench. I sat on it and he followed. "You and Kat?"

He was silent for a moment before speaking up. "There isn't a me and Kat. She's my best friend... But what happened then was just hook ups and bad decisions. She's still one of my best friends though. Definitely up there with you."

"Gee, thanks," I chuckled before leaning back on the benches. Silence grew upon us as we watched some of the people drunkenly stumble on flat ground. "Do you ever regret what you did?" I spoke without glancing at him, but I could feel his eyes at me. It was a thought that struck my mind and I genuinely just wanted to know what he thought.

"I realized that I didn't really like you romantically," he shrugged, tilting his cup to his lips. He took a gulp before pulling it away. "I think I jumped in on it because I missed you terribly and I just really wanted to be so close to you. But I regret throwing out our friendship out the window. I regret that everyday." It was quiet between us again before he looked at me with a grin on his face. "But we're friends again?"

In a way, I'm thankful too that something broke us off even if that something meant that he had to rip my heart apart. Because I wouldn't have taken a chance with Garrett. I wouldn't have realized that I like him a lot more than I'm supposed to. "Yeah. Slowly getting there again," I pressed a smile.

And we sat there for a few more minutes, catching up with each other and him occasionally telling me that everything will be okay, especially with Garrett eventually after time passes by. I doubt that he believed what he was saying, but I nodded along because I wasn't in an arguing mood that night and honestly, I needed the cheering up thing.

When we got back into the house, John, Jared, and Kennedy were automatically in front of us, shooting Kean dirty looks and looking at me with questioning faces. I shook my head slightly, leaving them confused and glanced at Kean.

He turned to me fully and smiled. "I'll see you whenever?"

"Do you want beer?" John tried asking like it wasn't a big deal, but it came out like he was testing him. But if that was his intentions, then it didn't work.

Kean tilted his cup so that the guys would see its contents. I didn't even know that he wasn't drinking, but it contained only clear water. "Uh, water," he shrugged and turned back to me after a while. "I'll see you."

I nodded and watched him walk away while I noticed the guys looking at me with the most bewildered faces ever.

"Was he bothering you?"

"What did he say?"

"Did he do anything?"

"What did he want?"

"Do we have to kick ass?"

"John, the moment your foot lands on Kean's ass, I'm pretty sure your foot might just pop out or something," I rolled my eyes. I appreciate it him being the protective big brother, but it got out of hand many times. Same goes for Jared and Kennedy.

"I'm not as fragile as you think I am, sis," he answered, glaring at the two boys in front of him for laughing quietly.

"We're uh- we're okay," I answered anyway, pressing a smile.

"Are you sure?" Kennedy spoke up, making me widen my eyes a bit.

"Yeah. For now," I nodded, smiling at them. I turned to John and pulled him by his arm. "Excuse us," I grinned sheepishly before pulling him away from the kitchen and outside the front porch. "You. You? You need to explain shit."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he shook his head, clearly avoiding my stare.

"I swear to God I will brown belt your ass, John," I threatened, lowering my eyebrows at him. He didn't say anything and he just stood there with his lips apart and holding his hands up in the air. "WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH KENNEDY."

"Uh, hi?"

I turned around frantically and stared wide-eyed at the person who just interrupted me torturing John. To say I was surprised that she talked to me is an understatement, because I was basically a deer in headlights. I opened my mouth to say something, but I didn't know what to say, especially because I have no idea what she feels about me.

"It's not our something we that should come from us, but how about we help you out?" Daisy smiled softly as she stood next to John. They were obviously okay again but I had no idea if we were. Has she forgiven me? Does she still want to rip my head off? "What do you know?"

I tried pushing away my thoughts and concentrated on what we were talking about. I leaned on the wall and crossed my arms. I felt clueless in front of them and that I didn't know anything. "I know that Kennedy likes someone and that's you. That's all I know. And that he doesn't want to do anything because it might damage the band."

Daisy nodded carefully while John had this horrified look on his face.

"I'm going to get beer. You do all of this. I'm not good with confrontations," John motioned for us and shook his head, going back inside the house.

We watched him go back in the door. "Damn right he isn't good with confrontations. He can't even talk to me about us fighting face to face properly," Daisy muttered when he was no longer in sight. I would laugh at that, but I was still confused to why she was suddenly talking to me. Not that I didn't like it, because it might mean that she isn't that angry anymore, but I was wondering why. "You need to talk to Kennedy and ask him about who he likes. Because it's definitely not me, March."

"But he said..."

"I know why he said what he said. He has his reasons and it isn't supposed to come from me," she shook her head, not wanting to continue any further. "It's not mine to tell."

I nodded quietly, thinking how I should talk to Kennedy about this. Because really, me and John aren't the best with opening up to people. Maybe it's genetic. I have no idea, but it's getting on my nerves.

We stood there in silence but she just stepped forward and clung on to me like a panda. I was in shock and I froze for a moment before hugging her back.

"I get why you did it," she murmured once she pulled away. "I saw you at the library and I see you in the hallway. And I wanted to be there for you when I saw those girls... But... Yeah," she sighed and clasped her hands together. "But you hurt Garrett a lot. I don't want to rub it in your face. But I know that your secret shouldn't be a big deal and it shouldn't change anything, but it's big enough to change him."

I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck. "I know."

***

I lurked around the house nursing a blue cup in my hand. I still didn't like alcohol at all but for some reason, I craved it tonight. Maybe it's because I'd feel a little bit more brave if I had it in me. I kept swirling the green liquid inside my cup. It was something Daisy made for me after I asked for something other than beer because I don't think I'll ever drink that again after my bonding night with John. It tasted like apples and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it.

I can feel myself heating up and I probably looked like some freak who can't stop moving and walking around the house. I'm just thanking God that I haven't seen Garrett more than once this night.

Then I felt the slightest touch on my shoulder which caused me to flinch and almost give myself whiplash for turning quickly.

"Jeez, does alcohol turn you into a ninja or something?"

And after 20 minutes of going around and gathering much courage to bring it up, he was finally there. Long brown hair, hazel eyes, and a smile that could make anyone do the same. It wasn't even a romantic type of swoon. He just had this vibe that seemed to put most of the people in a good mood. And I was about to ruin it.

I licked my lips and bit them before I spoke. "We need to talk."

That was all it took for him to know that something was up. His face immediately fell and the smile on his lips was gone. He nodded quietly and followed me out of the house to the backyard. I could barely see him in the dark and if it wasn't for the small yellow light illuminating the back porch, I wouldn't see him at all. He was wearing all black anyway. Black button up shirt, black jeans, black Vans. There weren't any people outside anymore and without their drunken slurs and yells, the backyard was surprisingly very quiet.

"You're making me nervous," he chuckled, looking at me.

"What, why?"

"You're pacing back and forth and it's freaking me out and I think you've muttered several indecent words for the whole 2 minutes we've been walking to now. What's up?"

I sighed and put my palm to my face. I looked up at him and smiled. "Promise to tell the truth?"

I think he hesitated for a moment because he just stood there, staring at me blankly. But he eventually nodded quietly and crossed his arms, watching me intently.

I downed the rest of my drink and closed my eyes as I took it all in. If I was going to do this, I was going to need something coursing through my veins to make me a braver, even just a little bit. I crushed the cup and put it inside the bin lying around. "Do you like Daisy?" I stopped moving and stood in front of him, the words probably too inaudible. He heard it though because he I saw his eyebrows shoot up quickly.

He bit his lower lip and shook his head. "No. No, I don't."

"Then why did you tell me that you liked her?" I asked in a curious tone, making him wince slightly.

"Because I know how much you like Garrett and I know how much he likes you."

The small smile reappeared on his face and it was barely noticeable because of the light, but it was there. It was a sad smile but a smile nonetheless. And it made me feel every bit of confusion. I sat down on the stairway facing away from him and buried my face in my hands. "Had I known my life was going to be some kind of drama series, I wouldn't have moved here."

He chuckled slightly and I felt him sit down beside me. "Hey, I tried keeping it from you, alright? That was the easier obvious choice."

"Easier for who?" I said, my voice jumping a couple of octaves. "Heaven forbid this all gets easier for us."

"I don't expect anything from you, okay?" He said, turning to me and shaking his head slightly. "You're the person that gave Garrett's life the 180 turn. I couldn't ruin everything like that. Plus, I know how much you like him."

I sighed and clasped my hands together, glancing at him before staring at the open space. I knew that trying to like Kennedy even one bit was just me asking for trouble. After all, I was still hung up with Garrett. I couldn't hurt him like that. If a year ago, you'd tell me that I'm going to move to Arizona, date two guys in the span of 4 months and have another like me, I'd probably punch you on the face. But it was happening now and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

"You know that I can't..." I mumbled, stopping short and sighing. "I can't try to... Not yet. Not when-"

"I know and I'm not pressuring you into anything," he shook his head, raising his voice a little. "I'm just here. I'm not going anywhere."

I smiled at him and he returned it, putting his hand to my head and pressing his lips to my hair. He pushed himself up and dusted his jeans before offering me a hand to stand up. I tiptoed and threw my hands around his shoulders. It threw him a little bit off balance but he recovered and snaked one of his arms around my waist.

"Let's get you inside," he muttered on my shoulders, letting go and pushing me on the back to go up and inside the house. "And since when did you even start drinking, huh?"

"When John gave me one whole case of beer to drink," I laughed, making his jaw drop. "It's an occasional thing. I don't see myself doing it almost every night. But can you make me something?"

He nodded silently and walked over to the counter full of bottles and cups. It makes me wonder how people even buy these things because I was very much sure that we weren't allowed to buy them from stores. I turned to the living room door and saw a small crowd along the hall consisting of Jared, Halvo, and Garrett. I turned back because to be honest, seeing him gets me terrified.

When Kennedy handed me the cup, I scrunched my eyebrows and looked at the blue liquor that filled the cup. "How the fuck do you guys learn how to mix all of these?"

"Ask Daisy. I'm always just up for normal boring beer but she kept bugging whoever she had around to make her drinks," he laughed. "I don't even think she cares whatever I put in her cup back then. As long as it was sweet, she was sold," he tilted the cup to his lips and sipped his drink.

The moment I turned back to the doorway, I could feel my heart beat faster and I'm sure it was because I was scared. He left Halvo and Jared and stepped into the kitchen with a smug look on his face. I pressed my lips together and looked away awkwardly.

I was about to go back out to the back door but I heard him speak before I could make a run for it.

"Getting drunk, becoming a flirt... What's next, getting high? Is your name the only thing you hid from us or are you just made out of lies?" His voice stung me hard and it hurt to even look at him. I tried pushing it away but I knew that I wouldn't be able to. He glared at me as if I killed his brother and I felt so small at that moment.

I ultimately decided to defend myself because I knew I wasn't made out of lies. "How can you say that? Everything I said was true. I just didn't tell anyone that I was related to John."

"Could've fooled me," he spat, shrugging his black and white plaid covered shoulders. "You're prancing around Halvo's house going from one guy to another. Who's next, Pat?" He nudged at Kennedy before looking around trying to look for the long haired boy.

It stung because he's the guy that I'm still in love with until now. What I felt with him wasn't even remotely the same with Kean and definitely not with Kennedy. I groaned quietly and rolled my eyes. "Garrett-"

"If your goal is to screw with 4/5 of the band, keep at it, February. You're gonna achieve it soon."

"Garrett, what the fuck?" Jared appeared behind him with a confused look, staring over at him.

As much as I understood where he was coming from with his anger, I couldn't take what he was giving me right now. "You're blowing this out of proportion. I didn't tell you about my last name. What the hell is wrong with that?"

He laughed bitterly and crossed his arms. "You're asking me what's wrong with lying about your identity? The fact that it's just easy for you to lie to us. Did you think we were going to use you because John's your brother? And the way that I opened up to you and there you were just spewing lies."

I could see Daisy appearing from behind Jared and Garrett. She was a couple of inches smaller than me and way smaller than the boys, but if you didn't see her with your eyes, you'd know she was there because of her voice. "She didn't tell anyone that she was John's sister. Get over it, Gare. You're making a small issue something big and it's getting on my nerves," Daisy glared at him but he wasn't going to stop. Not tonight anyway.

"I wish you never moved here."

"Garrett, that's enough," Kennedy said.

The copper haired boy took one good look at me before letting out chuckle. "I'm really hoping that you told me at least one thing that wasn't a lie," he said lowly before turning around and walking out of the house. Jared sighed and shot me a sympathetic look before following Garrett, calling his name.

There were several reasons why I didn't want to go out with the same people at the same places after this whole debacle. I didn't want to encounter Garrett. I missed him terribly. I missed his voice, his touch, his laugh, his kiss...

But I sure hoped that when he did talk, he wasn't trying to make me feel so bad at a party in front of a lot of people or laughing bitterly at me.

Daisy stepped up in front of me and offered a little smile. "He's gonna have to come around eventually..." I could feel Kennedy standing by my side and putting his arms around my shoulders, rubbing circles on my arm. All I needed at that moment was just that. Comfort from them.

Because I knew that he wasn't going to take it easy on me soon. He's not going to come around.