You Found Me

I don't even know if half of you know who I am. I'm basically everything an antisocial person is and I can't really blame you if you're wondering who I am here standing in front of all of you on this day. Or maybe you do. Because my brother is the life of the party and he's one of the most friendly people ever. Or because he knocked down the shelves at the library two times. Whether it be because we've had a class together or because of my brother, I'm glad to be standing here in front, congratulating everyone who's worked their butts off for the past 4 years.

Another reason why there might be only a few people who know me is because I just transferred to this school two years ago. Compared to the rest of you, I was the one that didn't know anyone here except for my family and for my neighbor. Moving here was bittersweet, let me tell you. A lot of things had happened in those two years. A lot of good memories, a lot of bad ones. There are some people who I've fought with and there are a bunch of people I've made good stories with. And I've had regrets. A lot of them, to be honest. Like not being able to enjoy myself because I immersed myself in my studies or turning down an offer to hang out because there are certain people that I tried avoiding resulting into me planting my face onto a book. But under all of those regrets is the biggest pile of amazing memories. The ones that I will cherish forever. The ones I spent with my brother or my friends... My best friends. Lab partners, group mates, book report partners, all the likes... And I know for sure that high school would've never been the same without any one of you in here.

When we throw our caps in the air, hug your best friend. Find your lab partner and punch them on the arm if they pulled your grade down and engulf them in a bear hug if they helped your grade fly sky high. Smile at your teacher that you know taught you a lot. There are going to be a lot of parties after this program. Tell him you're sorry. Tell her you love her. Tell her that you want to keep in touch because the people in high school are the ones that'll be there when time comes. They're going to be the ones that would stick around.

I'm here to say sorry. Sorry to those I bumped to in the hall or to those that I bugged too much when it came to finishing home works and to pass within the deadline. Sorry to anyone whom I've disrespected in any kind of way.

Sorry about not being honest about who I was before.

But thank you. Thank you for helping me when I tripped on the floor. Thank you for washing my hands when I spilled our laboratory experiment on my skin. Thank you for the unbelievable support I've been given. Thank you for listening to this awful speech that I had to make. Thank you for making my two years in this high school worth while.

Thank you for those who saw me when I was completely invisible.

It's all about everyone around us. The ones that make getting up at six in the morning for years worth it. Everyone who's been there for us no matter what. The people who made us who we are now.

Congratulations to this year's graduates.

I could hear the all my fellow graduate's claps and shouts. I could see them standing from their seats and grinning from where I stood. I could see Daisy clapping like a seal, John giving me a devious smirk, Kennedy grinning like and angel, and Jared hooting while throwing his arms up in the air. I could see Pat screaming his lungs out and jumping up and down. And I could see Garrett standing up even though I think it was forced. He clapped at me slowly with a blank expression.

He still hasn't forgiven me yet.

And that was it. I graduated high school on bad terms with Garrett.

***

4.0 GPA. Tons of AP subjects for senior year and graduating valedictorian in high school. Sure it was a nice feeling when I got awarded at graduation. But was it worth it turning down your friends' offers of going out every now and then?

Definitely not.

I didn't get to attend prom on my senior year simply because I didn't want to. There wasn't any other reason other than the fact that Pat and Garrett wasn't going to be there. They had band duties to attend to. They were gone most of the year because of touring and working on their new full length album. I was happy for them. Truly happy and ecstatic that all their hardwork is paying off. I'm sure Daisy felt the same because I'm sure John leaving her to conquer ASU alone wasn't part of their plan. She saw it coming, though. I knew that she did because she predicted it a few months back.

But it didn't really matter because she rarely had time to hang out with me because she wanted to keep her grades up for college and the guys were always busy. Pat and Garrett ended up finishing high school through a computer and even Pat was teasing Garrett for the pile of work his mother sorted through just so the bassist would actually finish school. Aside from the lab partners and group mates for other subjects, I truly felt alone.

Just imagine my luck when I found out I got accepted to NYU with a scholarship to pay for my tuition fees. I was going to get out of this place and I was going to get to live a new life again. I knew there was a big possibility I wouldn't get lucky again like the friends I had now, but I thought it was better to start fresh again.

John was more than happy to find out that I was going to NYU to start college but I knew that he was bummed because even though he wasn't going to stick around at home due to band business, there was a lesser possibility that he'd see me at all. The same goes for Kennedy and the rest of the guys, I suppose (except for you know who it is). The last time I actually saw them and got to hug them was the day of our graduation. Pat and Garrett took a break from their work and attended the one day ceremony along with Jared, John, and Kennedy, just to see us receive our diplomas.

I didn't go back home to Arizona for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year or anything. I told my parents it was to save them from buying me a ticket home. They were more than happy to splurge on me to catch a ride home especially because they were barely spending much sending me to college but I turned it down anyway and told them to get a vacation for themselves. Then I proceeded to giving them a speech about how they raised me and they deserved the break and the luxury I offered in exchange of not getting me home.

Christmas wasn't that lonely. My roommate stuck around because she wanted to get away from her family. When I asked her to explain why she wouldn't want to be with her family, she just said that it was easier than deciding whether she was going home to her mom or dad and I just nodded, fully understanding her decision.

When January came, I got loads of texts from the guys telling me to go see them when they came into town. I wasn't sure when that was and I would've known if I actually took the time to have a lengthy conversation with them but I kept feeding them excuses that I wasn't going to be able to come because of a school thing. It was partially true. I have extra workloads on my back and I had to maintain a high GPA if I wanted to keep the scholarship. I was too attached and school work has been one big part of my life that I couldn't just shove under my bed or leave on my table untouched.

That's why when June dropped by, I wanted to take summer classes but my parents weren't having it. They told me that I had to get home to them at one point and they were going to personally hunt me down in New York if I wasn't going to go back.

It was the exact opposite feeling when I first arrived to live permanently in Arizona. I was excited then. If anything, I felt like having an anxiety attack. John had mentioned that they were going to be home for two weeks and then back on the road, not leaving me much time to hang out with them, but it was still two weeks. A lot could happen in two weeks.

I walked out of the airport and fished my phone out of my pocket to see if my ride home was already here. Unfortunately for me, my dad was the only available person that could pick me up at that time. I tried my best not to sound like I was disappointed because it was my dad and I sure did miss him too. But I would be lying if I said that I didn't want John to pick me up. I was fully aware that it's my fault why we didn't keep contact, but can they really blame me? It's not like I could hop on a plane and go back and forth to Arizona every month. And with them working on their full length album and going on small tours, I really don't think we had the time for each other.

The familiar white van pulled up in front of me and I forced a smile on my lips as soon as my dad went out of the car to walk over to me.

"Did you eat three times a day?" He said, looking at me from head to toe with his hands on my shoulders. "You've lost weight," he said, a worried expression on his face.

"When I lose weight, it's a big deal but when John does, it's nothing?" I raised my eyebrows and threw my arms around him. "I missed you so much, Dad."

"March, I missed you too," he hugged me back and ruffled my hair. He pulled back and looked back at the van. "Your brother can't come today because he's still working something out for the next tour. "You should sleep when we get home. I know you're very tired."

He took my bag from my shoulders and nudged over to the van so we could leave already. Something I missed was the warm weather because I couldn't bear the cold temperature that was in New York's air. I peeled my jacket off of my shoulders and removed another layer of my plaid shirt, a grey v-neck left on my torso. I tried my hardest not to fall asleep on the ride home but the long road of nothingness made it impossible for me not to feel sleepy.

I decided to distract myself and catch up with my Dad, looking over at him and smiling slightly. "What's up with you and Mom?"

He glanced at me for a moment and flashed a smile. "Nothing really. I urged her to stop working since John was making money on his own and you were already on a scholarship. But she didn't want to get stuck in the house doing nothing, especially because both of her children have already moved out."

"I could go back here and study so Mom can have company..." I offered, not even thinking about it. Imagining my mom lonely made me sad for some reason.

"You aren't going to give up NYU. You love it there, I know, even if you miss it here. Besides, your brother told me you might've had a boyfriend there. He said you were always busy."

I rolled my eyes and let out a soft chuckle. "Studies. Busy with studies. Not with a guy." And I'd be kidding myself if I said I didn't try to move on using a couple of dates in NYU, but I wasn't up to getting in a relationship with anyone. Just like high school, I focused on my subjects.

"Have you moved on from Garrett?" He took a quick look at me before focusing back on the road we were travelling in.

I held my breath, taken a back by the question. It's probably because of John and his big mouth that my father knows and I shouldn't be surprised because I've been dealing with him for almost 19 years. I leaned my head on my hand and stared out the window. "I haven't been in contact with Garrett for a while."

"You mean starting when you were in senior year?"

"I heard the band's doing good," I averted the topic to which my dad laughed.

He shook his head slightly while he had the biggest grin on his face. "You're just as bad as your brother when it comes to changing the topic."

I rolled my eyes again and sunk back in my seat. "I'm going to sleep."

"Hey, no. Tell me about NYU."

That was where our long conversation about my studies started and we avoided personal topics like my love life (which has been a raging topic for almost 3 years now) and anything too personal. Our talk was limited to my grades, what I was learning, what the professors were like and how New York was treating me. It was all that until we got home where mom took the day off to see me.

"I MISSED YOU SO MUCH," my mom scram as she ran over to me like a fangirl. She tightened her grip around my waist and I could feel her almost lifting me from the floor. I wouldn't really be surprised but for someone her age, she shouldn't be able to carry me, really. "Are you okay? Are you hungry? Do you want me to cook you food? Take out? Want to go out for lunch?"

I sighed and kissed her on her head. "I missed you too," I mumbled, pulling away and smiling at her. And that's how our 2 hour long conversation started with catching up. It was pretty much the same conversation I had with my dad except I was thankful that not once did she mention Garrett.

At about 12 noon, I was left to catch up with sleep because I was running on 3 hours of rest. My mom promised me that she wasn't going to bother me until I wake up on my own.

It shouldn't be a weird feeling but it was. I was back in Arizona.

***

I felt hungry, tired, and thirsty all at the same time. My mouth felt like a desert and I knew that I had an empty stomach the moment I got up from my bed.

When I grabbed my phone, it read 4:18 in big bright white letters. Mom had exchanged my old and see through curtains with ones that block out any light so imagine me turning into a vampire when I pulled the curtains open. I fell off of the bed almost instantly, rolling backwards and hurting myself. I groaned and stood up slowly, adjusting my vision to the room. My feet stumbled to get to the part of the room where the light switch was and I headed down to the living room to get something to eat and drink.

"Mom?" I called as I was trudging down the stairs. "Mom, do we have food? I realized I haven't eaten lunch y-"

I froze at the bottom step, taking in the sight in front of me. It was like dejavu. It was the exact same scene that unfolded the day I ruined everything except now, I looked more decent. Not entirely presentable, but it was better than having a towel wrapped around my body. This time, I was wearing a plain white shirt with my shortest blue pajama shorts. Had I known we were going to have visitors, I would've worn something that wouldn't show most of my skin, but I was here now and I think they were just as surprised to see me there.

John walked out of the door from the kitchen with a can of Coke in his hand and he was wondering what the guys were all staring at but he found it out for himself when the moment he glanced at me.

His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. He put the can on a table and stepped warily towards me. "You're home?"

"You sound like you don't want me home," I tried joking around, but the uncomfortable silence was suffocating everyone.

"Shit! I thought your flight was tomorrow!" He smacked his forehead with his palms and closed his eyes. "So much for the surprise party."

He walked towards me and engulfed me in a hug, something I missed very much. The three other boys sitting on the couch, not knowing what to do stood up awkwardly and crowded around us, giving me tight-lipped smiles. I pulled away and gazed at each one of them.

"This scene feels awfully familiar," Jared spoke first, breaking the tension.

"Well. Someone decided to finally remember to visit us." A smirk graced Kennedy's features, making me chuckle silently. "Don't think I'm not pissed at you for not returning my calls and texts. You didn't even remember my birthday."

"Yeah, March," Pat stepped forward, scrunching up his eyebrows at me. "Not even a call on my birthday. What the hell?"

"And don't even tell us you've been busy because I'm pretty sure you can skip all your classes for two weeks and still get a minimum of a 3.8 GPA by the end of the semester," Jared rolled his eyes and threw his arm around my shoulders.

I closed my eyes and sighed, a smile appearing on my lips. "How about I make it up to you guys? I'll pay for lunch?"

"When, tomorrow?"

"I haven't eaten lunch yet. So... no. Now."

***

By 5:33, we were already seated at some diner with Pat fooling around. John called Halvo and Tim to come over and as much as I wasn't too keen on treating two more boys with big appetites, I actually wanted to see them. And as much as we all wanted Daisy to meet up with us, it was the last day of her finals, making her unavailable.

John was the one who ordered for them and in less than ten minutes, the two guys arrived at the diner. Halvo had this big sheepish smile on his face that he couldn't take off when he walked right to me and started planting kisses around my head. I pushed his head away and glared at him.

"Keep your lips off of me, Eric," I said monotonously to which he crossed his arms.

He sat on the vacant seat next to Jared with a frown on his face. He pointed his index finger at me, "I really missed you, March. You didn't even remember my birthday!" He said in a dramatic voice, making me chuckle.

"Did you even remember anyone's birthday?" Tim raised his eyebrows at me.

I scanned the faces around me and I pointed my thumb at the lanky boy sitting beside me. "I called him."

Halvo scoffed and stared at me in disbelief. "He's your brother! You're going to reach a new level of douchebaggery if you forgot your own sibling's birthday."

Pat looked at Kennedy and smirked. "Bet you ten dollars that March greeted Garrett on his birthday."

"Deal. I don't Garrett would pick up the call even if she did remember," Kennedy shrugged, crossing his arms.

It was supposed to be a joke, but it stung hard. I tried my best not to look affected and just roll my eyes at them. Pat started fishing his phone out of his pocket and kept tapping on the screen of his phone. He then put it to loudspeaker as we waited for the person on the other line to pick up.

"What?" It came out like he was annoyed and like he resented anyone who called him.

Pat raised his eyebrows at the device and frowned. "It's a good thing I'm not your mother, Garrett. Because she'd be awfully pissed at you if you answered like that."

"What do you want, Pat? I'm trying to watch a movie," he grumbled.

"Did March greet you on your birthday?"

"What? Why are you-"

"Just answer the damn question," Pat cut him off, obviously also annoyed by the bassist. "You speak too much."

There was a long pause and for a moment, Pat thought he had already ended the call. But as he was about to call for Garrett, a sigh came from the other line and his voice was different from earlier. It sounded like he was defeated. "No. No she didn't," he said weakly, making all of the guys turn their heads to me.

Kennedy smiled brightly as Pat groaned. "Thanks, Garrett. Oh wait, hold on."

"What do you want?"

"March's home. See you two days before tour. We have practice. Bye," Kennedy said hastily, ending the call before Garrett could even reply. He then turned to Pat and wiggled his eyebrows at him, a smug smile on his lips. He held his hand out and Pat reached for his wallet and took out a ten dollar bill, slapping it on the brunette's hand. "This was your idea. Not mine."

"Yeah, yeah," the drummer rolled his eyes, shoving the wallet back in his pockets. "Why didn't you greet Garrett though? He sounded like he was disappointed and dismayed that you didn't tell wish him a happy birthday."

As soon as he finished speaking, the food arrived, making everyone forget about the conversation we were having. Everyone was immersed in the food like they have been starved for about 2 years but it was fine with me if it meant having them off of my backs.

While they were enjoying the food, I was left to wonder why I didn't greet any of them on their special days. I've forgotten the reason why ignored the special dates. Maybe it was because I was too busy with schoolwork or studying for all the tests. I can't afford to get lower grades since I was a scholar after all. And boy is college definitely harder than high school. If it was possible for me to be a little laid back then, it would be suicide if I tried cramming now. Or maybe it was because I didn't know what to say. Was I supposed to act like everything was cool after not returning their calls after several months and then greet them on their birthday? To be honest, I thought that that would work. We didn't communicate properly for almost a couple of years now and yet here we are eating dinner like we've been seeing each other everyday.

Maybe I just wanted to forget what happened here. Everything. I wanted to take everything off of my mind and start fresh in another school in another city.

I must've been in a trance because the next thing I knew, John was shaking me slightly.

"What?" I raised my eyebrows at them, making Tim chuckle.

"You're staying here for the whole summer, right?" He questioned, wiping his mouth with the paper napkin. I nodded at him, taking a piece of french fry and munching on it. "We're leaving in a couple of weeks, right?" I nodded again. "You're gonna spend your whole summer with your parents?"

I blinked a few times before registering his question in my mind. That was one of the problems that I was actually thinking about before I was going home. Going back home would be fun. Going back home and everyone leaving was another story.

He laughed again when I didn't respond and crossed his arms, leaning back on his seat. "What if I offer you a job? It's still money, July. Better than staying here and doing nothing."

"Is it legal?" I asked, making all of them burst out in laughter. I looked at them blankly, because they made me seem like that was the most ridiculous question they've ever heard.

"Do we look like the kind of people that would ask you to do become some drug mule or something?" John said, wiping tears from his eyes from laughing. He had his hand clutched at his stomach and he was trying to keep himself from laughing.

Even Kennedy tried biting back his laugh but when I looked at him, totally clueless, he just started clapping like a seal from laughing.

I rolled my eyes and sunk back in my seat, crossing my arms and waiting for them to stop laughing hysterically at me.

"We're asking you to help me out on tour," Tim finally said, taking a sip from his glass of water. "You major in Economics and minor in Business Studies, right? This is the chance for you to apply the things you learn in school."

"You do know that the first year in college is all about general education, right?" I mumbled slowly, scrunching my eyebrows at him.

"Are you telling me that you haven't learn anything related to business in your first year?"

I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't say 'yes' because I would be lying if I did. And if I was going to be honest, I wasn't the best liar ever. "I-I can't come to tour with you guys."

"Is it because of Garrett?" Jared leaned over, his hand supporting his chin on the table. "Because I'll make sure he's at least 2 meters away from you every time if you come with us."

"And don't worry," Halvo said, a forced smile on his lips. "Garrett has a new girlfriend."

All the boys sat up straight and stared at Halvo. "He does?" Pat raised an eyebrow at him while the others looked at each other.

"It's his third girlfriend."

"Is March the second?"

"I meant third for this year," Halvo corrected us, making our mouths fall on the floor.

It's not like I expected us to get on good terms when I come back. I knew that nothing was going to happen after what when down starting junior year. And I suppose he has already moved on and I don't think I'm in the position to tell anyone that he's wrong and stupid for doing so. I couldn't be jealous because I didn't have the right to. The thought lingers on my mind and I just decided to take it as a good thing. That way, I know that there's nothing too dramatic that's going to happen in the near future.

I was left with my jaw hanging since I really didn't know what I was supposed to do. Getting on a stuffy tour bus with dozens of sweaty boys and calculating the earnings from tour with every state we stop in. And Garrett on his fourth girlfriend this year? I didn't peg him to be the kind of guy that gets in on with a lot of girls. But it was him. He was the most unpredictable person ever.

"Come on, March," Pat gave me an encouraging smile. "Be a part of our band's managing team. Did we mention that Daisy's helping out with merch too?"

"Oooooh, that got her attention," Kennedy smirked when I raised my eyebrows at Pat's statement. "You're gonna earn money too, y'know. It's easy money and you get to hang out with your most favorite people?"

"Who?" I jokingly said, earning an embarrassed look from Kennedy. I looked around once more at their pleading faces. I knew that Halvo's band was in the tour too, being the reason why he was pouting his lips out, practically begging me to jump along in their tour bandwagon. I sighed and put my hands on my face. "I suppose... Well... I'm not going to do anything this summer..."

"Hell yeah!" John swung his arms around my shoulder and ruffled my hair while the other guys had the biggest smiles on their faces. "Hope you're wardrobe is tour ready because it's going to be sizzling hot this summer."

"Shut up, John," I groaned freeing myself from his headlock. "I swear to God if my only job is to lug around merch boxes and be the band's water-and-towel girl, I'm going back to New York and I'm never coming back."

Tim smirked. "Don't worry. You're doing all the business part of this tour. Of course, I'm going to help. But I'm in charge of keeping the band out of jail and making sure they're on the stage doing what they should be doing."

Was I making the right decision? I'm not entirely sure. But giving their idea some deep thought, it would really be a nice way to get extra money for the next school year and for this summer, and most importantly, I was going to get to catch up with everyone.

Coming here, I knew a lot could happen in the span of two weeks when they would stay here. But a lot more could happen in 2 months.