Mistakes

"Kalel? Is everything okay?"

I lifted my head from the rim of the toilet bowl and saw David standing in the doorway of the bathroom. My head hurt and my throat burned, and seeing him in my apartment confused me. "What are you doing here?"

David looked confused now, too. "We were all partying here last night. You were there," he said slowly. "I've never seen you get hung-over though. Can I get you something?"

Oh, right. The party. "I wasn't drinking last night, David," I admitted, before I could stop myself.

"You weren't? Then why do you look like hell hanging off the toilet? It looks like you threw up," he said, coming over to sit down near me on the floor.

"I did throw up," I said quietly.

There was a small spark of understanding in his eyes, but he asked a different question anyway. "So you're sick?"

I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to admit it. "I made myself throw up," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

David nodded slowly and then stood up. Silently, he pulled a washcloth from the linen closet and wet it in the sink before he came and sat next to me again. Carefully, he cleaned my face up and the front of my shirt.

"Promise me you'll never do this again," he said quietly. "And if you can't promise me that, promise me you'll go talk to someone who can help you to never do this again, Kalel. Please."

I was too tired and sad to argue with him this time, so I just nodded. "I promise, David."

------------------------------------------

"I can't believe you still teach these people that routine you did to 'Blackout', Kalel," David said, sitting down next to me on the dance studio floor. My hip hop class had just ended for the day, and I'd seen David watching the class from the hallway.

"It's a fun combination, and it gets the blood moving. Plus, I like that song. It's by one of my favorite bands," I told him, smiling playfully when he leaned over to kiss me.

"You're cute," he said simply.

"Oh, my God. You're amazing," I said, when David produced a bottle of Powerade from his bag and handed it to me. I took a few healthy gulps and then looked over at him again. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be downtown at a business meeting?"

"Technically, yeah, but it got pushed back until tonight because Tyler's people can't meet with us until then. So we're all going to dinner," David said and then shrugged absently.

I looked at him funny. "Tyler who?"

"Tyler Carter, of course. We've been trying to do a song with him forever and..." David paused when he saw the look on my face. "What's with you?"

I resisted the urge to squeal. "You're fucking with me, right? You guys are gonna work with Issues?"

David laughed. "Calm down, Kalel," he teased. "Actually, I came here to invite you to come along with us. I want you to meet him. He's one of my best friends."

I couldn't contain it anymore. I grabbed his face and kissed him, laughing. "I think I'm in love with you."

"Oh, shut up!" he laughed. "Do you wanna come with or not?"

"Fuck yes I want to come with you!" I said and then stood up, pulling David off the floor with me. "Come on! I have to go home and get ready!"

It didn't take me nearly as long to shower, change and fix my makeup as I thought it would, so we were in the car headed to the restaurant on time for once. David had called ahead to the boys' manager to make sure it was okay that I tag along, which it was. We pulled up to the place and got out. I fixed my hair nervously as David handed his keys to the valet and then came around the back of the car, taking my hand.

"Ready?" he asked me, smiling.

"Yes, I am," I said and let him lead me into the restaurant.

The meeting was going very well. We ordered our drinks and our food and I sat quietly beside David, sipping my wine and listening to them discuss a lot of legal things I didn't quite understand. I was hit again by how surreal this was, being back beside David, sitting here with all of our friends. I never thought I'd be able to be back here. A year ago, I had left for Denver, telling myself I was never, ever coming back to California. I was honestly so grateful that a job pulled me back. I was back dancing in my favorite city, and I could not be more happy.

David's hand on my knee startled me from my thoughts, and I looked up at him curiously. "Kalel, I want you to properly meet Tyler. Now that all the boring shit's taken care of," he said, smiling.

I felt my face flush slightly and I offered my hand across the table to him. "It's so nice to meet you. I'm Kalel."

"You, too. Dave talks about you all the time," Tyler said, shaking my hand with a smile. Jesus, he was so cute!

"Does he really?" I asked, directing my smile at David, who sort of blushed and looked away from me.

Our food came shortly afterwards and it looked absolutely delicious. I had gotten grilled salmon with peach salsa, since fish paired beautifully with my wine obsession of sauvignon blanc. I was cutting up my food, lost in thought, when I happened to glance up and saw David watching me. Or, rather, he was watching the division on my plate, and frowning.

Anxiously, I pretended I hadn't noticed him watching me and instead focused on getting my fish, couscous, and steamed spinach into my mouth without too much trouble. I had been eating a lot since I had come back to California, and my anxiety level was hitching up a little more after every single meal, since I had not done a thing to compensate for all the food in my stomach.

When the meal was over, the corporate people paid the check and left after shaking everyone's hand. "All right, so I'm thinking we need to celebrate. You guys game for a good, old-fashioned bar crawl?" Coops asked, grinning.

Everyone was agreeing, but I couldn't shake the fact that David had been watching me. And I did not miss the look he gave me directly after Coops suggested the bar crawl. It was the 'we need to talk' look.

"Actually, boys, I really should try and get some sleep. I'm beat as hell from teaching," I said, smiling apologetically when the boys started to protest.

"Aw come on, Ellie. If you don't come, we're gonna lose Dave," Eric said playfully.

I smiled at him. "Tomorrow I'll be down for a bar crawl. If you boys can handle drinking two nights in a row!"

They all agreed to do another bar crawl with us the following night and I trailed after David to get our car from the valet. He was quiet on the way home. He didn't touch me at all, and he smoked three cigarettes before we pulled up to his apartment. I wasn't going to back to my place originally, since I wanted to spend all the time I possibly could with David, but now it felt like we were fighting, and he hadn't even said anything to me.

My phone vibrated on my way into the house after him and I sat down on the couch while he went into the kitchen, presumably to pour us both a drink. It was a bunch of notifications from Instagram and Twitter. David had taken a photo of us together and put it online, though I wasn't aware that he'd made our relationship public yet. We hadn't exactly talked about it, since I was afraid the people that loved him would think I was a terrible person for breaking his heart. Fangirls were like that. But he had put the photo up, and tagged me in it.

@davidlovesit
chillin with my brothers and my beautiful lady. talking collabs! instagram.com/p/dk29enc9ki1

I hadn't even known he was taking a photo at the time. I thought he was texting someone back before we'd gone into the restaurant. I smiled at my phone and looked up when David sat down beside me, handing me a wine glass. "Thanks, baby," I said softly.

"Sure, Ellie," he said easily, but he still wasn't looking at me.

I sighed and directed my eyes back to my phone, casually scrolling through the comments until one in particular caught my eye. But doesn't the hate always stand out to you more than all the love?

Wow! She sure snapped him up quick! Probably a home-wrecking whore. I liked his last girlfriend better!

Everything else was honestly a bunch of "so cute!" or "who is she david?" They all knew that he and Melissa had broken up. He told them that they had. There were even two people that defended me, without even knowing who I was. Something on my face must have given me away, because David put his hand over mine, covering my phone screen.

I looked up at him. "Don't pay them any attention, Ellie. I love you," he said.

Placing my phone down on the table completely, I met his eyes again. "David, I have to tell you something," I admitted and then sighed. "Do you remember when I first saw you again and we were standing in the hallway at the House of Blues? You said I felt thin."

David nodded slowly, not saying anything, but I could see the understanding in his eyes. The same understanding I saw when we found me in the bathroom forever ago, after I'd purged my food. "You did feel thin. You still do."

"I told you I hadn't been doing good since I lost you," I said quietly. "I... went back to my bad habits, David. It's not as bad as it was the first time you found me like this, but it's not like I have a great relationship with my food right now."

David was quiet for a long few moments and then looked up at me. "What can I do to help?" he asked finally.

"I'm going to do better," I said softly. "I don't want to be sick anymore. I might actually call up my therapist and see her again. But all I need from you right now is patience, David. I'm going to try."

His hand found my cheek and he bent in, kissing my forehead gently. "I love you. I want you to be safe."

"I love you, too, Dave. Thank you," I said and then curled up next to him on the couch.

We scrolled through Netflix and he put on a movie for us, but within the hour, he fell asleep on me. We had laid down together on the couch, and his head was resting comfortably on my chest. He was breathing deeply and slowly and it was starting to make me tired, too. I set my empty wine glass on the table in front of us and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, the warmth of his body pulling me under completely.