Mistakes

Twister was probably the worst game to play with a guy you had a crush on. I had been friends with David since he bumped into me at Starbucks, and then followed him out to California when he and Kyle were going to make the band idea a reality. As usual, we'd all been drinking, and decided Twister was a good idea. Six of us on a tiny Twister mat was the worst idea ever.

Taste was calling colors, and I was pretty sure he wasn't even paying attention to what the spinner was saying because every single time we shifted colors, it brought me closer to David. Eventually, he called "right hand blue" and the only available blue spot left on the mat was the one next to me, but David had to reach over me to get it.

I could feel my insides shaking as his arm reached over my stomach to touch the spot. He looked right in my eyes. "You doing okay, Ellie?" he asked.

"I kind of want you to kiss me," I blurted, probably from the alcohol. We'd been doing Fireballs all night, and I was floating hard.

David just smiled and we continued to play the game like nothing had happened. I got up to get another drink, since the clear solution to being nervous about things was more alcohol. I popped the tab of my beer and stood up, blushing slightly when David came into the kitchen after me.

"You want another beer?" I asked, offering the open one in my hand to him.

"Do you still want me to kiss you?" he asked. He looked so goofy and adorable. His hair was the longest I'd ever seen it, brushing his shoulders, and I remember really wanting to reach out and push my fingers through it to get it out of his face. He didn't exactly wait for my answer to his question, either.

David came toward me and slid his arms around my waist. My heart was beating wildly in the hollow of my throat. His mouth looked so deliciously soft like it always did, and his warm hands were pressed against my back. He was coming closer to me, and I felt like I needed to say something, to acknowledge the fact that I had feelings for this ridiculously sweet boy but the only thing that came out was...

"You have really long eyelashes."

He laughed then, so softly, his mouth so close to mine that I felt him breathing on my lips, before he kissed me properly in a quick, soft but all together quite lovely first kiss.

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I did not sleep well that night, between all the things that happened, plus the text I received from David. I was so confused as to what it meant, even though it was kind of obvious what he was trying to say to me. I didn't want to accept it. He had a girlfriend. It was very wrong for us to be talking like that, because it wasn't fair to Melissa at all. She didn't do anything wrong. She was an innocent, and I felt awful for barging in on her relationship.

It was so strange for me to feel so weird about something that had happened. It wasn't like David and I had kissed, or do anything even remotely along the lines of cheating. We'd held hands for a few moments, yes, but it didn't feel like something romantic. It felt natural, like something done between very good, very old friends, which wasn't far off from what we were.

Maybe it was because I was still not used to being the outsider. David and I hadn't spoken in a year. I hadn't been keeping up to date with anything he was doing, which was still such a strange feeling for me. We'd grown apart, and I really hated that. But I hated it more that I wasn't that girl at his side anymore. I was so unbelievably jealous.

I got up ridiculously early that morning, a combination of not sleeping well and being unable to stay asleep. I decided to get up and unpack the rest of my things, making my bedroom a little more livable. I put my clothes away in the closet and dresser and put up my photographs. I had a box of photographs of David and I, of our life together. The happiness on our faces made me ache inside.

I had never noticed before how much we both looked at each other, when we thought the other wasn't. So many of these shots captured me admiring David doing something silly or endearing, or David watching me do shots with my girls with this adoring look on his face. And then there were the photos of us together, heads touching, leaning into each other, kissing, smiling. We were so happy together, and the box I had was almost overflowing with photo after photo of proof of our happiness.

"What happened to us, Dave?" I said softly, placing the lid back on the box, shoving it to the back of my closet for safe-keeping.

When I'd finally gotten dressed and made myself presentable, I emerged from my room and came downstairs, smiling when I found Bradley sitting on the couch with ballet shoes. "Good morning, babe. I hope you're hungry. I wanna go out for breakfast today!"

"I'm starving," I admitted and smiled at her. "You need to stop spoiling me."

"I'm stoked that you're here, Kalel! I've missed you!" Bradley exclaimed and it made me giggle. She stood up and wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me tight. "I really am glad you came back, Elle. This town isn't the same without you."

God, she was so sweet! " I've missed you, too, Brad. You're my best friend that I've met here, and you've stuck by me through everything. I really appreciate that."

"You're my sister, Kalel. Of course I'm still here," Bradley said and then gave me another little squeeze before letting me go completely. "Now come on. I'm starving!"

It felt so nice to be back in town with Bradley. She picked a cute place by the beach and we sat on the patio, leisurely eating our brunch and talking about everything. It still felt a little strange to be back in Los Angeles. There were so many memories etched into these places. Most of these places, I had visited with David. We'd tried a lot of bars and been to a lot of restaurants for lunch and dinner. It was harder being back in Denver. I drove the long way when I went out, to avoid driving past David's little sister, Danielle's, house, or his parents' house.

"Oh, Bradley, I forgot to tell you," I said, setting my fork down. "David sent me a text last night."

Bradley looked up at me nervously, placing her napkin back into her lap. "What did he say to you?"

I bit my bottom lip nervously. "I made a quick video for YouTube last night, just telling everyone that I was back in California and that I was going to be around again. You know I kind of put all my social media on the back-burner," I began and then sighed. "I don't even know why I said it, but I said that I was still in love with David." I was hedging, and I knew it. I just didn't want to tell Bradley what David had said to me.

"Kalel!" Bradley exclaimed, looking so worried. Diversion successful. "Why would you do that! He has a girlfriend, Ellie!"

I nodded miserably. "I know, I know. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I thought saying it out loud would make me feel better, but it hasn't. I feel like shit. I shouldn't still be in love with him, Bradley. It's been a year since we broke up, and he has a girlfriend. I don't want to be that girl, Brad."

Bradley softened slightly and reached for my hand. "El, you're not that girl. You can't help how you feel. You and David had three amazing years together. You didn't break up because you weren't in love anymore. You broke up because things weren't the same between you anymore, which is perfectly reasonable." I knew she was trying to be reassuring, but it didn't make me feel any better. "But you've got to put those feelings away. He does have a girlfriend, and you should respect that."

"I do. I am." I sighed, pushing my fingers through my hair. "It would've been easier if he hadn't texted me. But I'm glad he did, at the same time."

"He said he was still in love with you, too?" Bradley asked nervously, and frowned when I nodded. "Oh, fuck, Kalel."

"See? This is the problem that I'm having. I am all on board the respecting David's girlfriend train, but he said he still loved me and I don't know how to take that. It's still wrong, regardless of anything he says, but I feel more conflicted about trying to be friends with him, knowing that he still loves me, too."

"Well," Bradley said slowly, carefully choosing her words. "The Summerfest tour doesn't end for another month. You have some time to learn how to put those feelings away, at least for a little while. Once he's single again, then you guys can revisit those feelings. It sucks, but it's the right thing to do."

I nodded and looked down at my empty plate. "You're right. I know you are. It's just gonna suck." I frowned and then Brad's words hit me. I looked back up at her. "Did you just say 'once he's single again'?"

Bradley smiled at me. "Like I said, Elle: my money's on you guys getting back together. That Melissa girl is a rebound, as much as that sucks to say. He might care about her, but he doesn't love her. It'll fizzle out, especially if he's saying he still loves you."

I started laughing. "You're going to hell, Bradley Martin."

She was laughing, too. "That's okay. You're coming with me!"