Coma Black

The bathroom window was still open, slightly, but the light had been switched off. It was becoming lighter outside, sun rise. i pushed myself up onto the small ledge of the window and turned so that i sat on the window side, i watched the sun, in all its glory, filling the dull sky with its beauty before turning and crawling through the window, by this time i had opened fully.
My feet landed hard on the cold stiff tiles of my bathroom floor. I walked to the door and pulled it open quietly, i poked my head out and silently looked around my hollow house, it was empty and silent. I decided that it was safe to enter, my own home, my front room. There was a note left on the table, since when did Marilyn leave notes? I plucked it from the table and scanned it over before reading it. My eyes fixed on one word that caught my eye as i was scanning it, it read 'Love'

Dear Twiggy,
I didn't mean for tonight to end like this, i didn't want to leave like this but i did, I'm sorry.
I with i could take you with me, but for many reasons i can't, i wish i could tell you those as well, don't be mad, i will in time.
I left the movies here with you, so you can watch them, and a collar, i know you'll find an outfit for it, depending on the time you read this, i shouldn't be too far away, gone to bar to see Zim and the guys.
I've locked the doors, keys are under the matt. See you soon, i hope, Love ya xx

He drew a small smiley face in the corner of the paper, he didn't usually write notes, let alone say 'love ya'.
I brushed it off and quickly ran up my stairs, i felt this guilt rising inside me, i shouldn't have ran away, right now i could've been snuggling under the sheets with Marilyn, sharing some meaningful last moments. I wish i had realised that before running through the wilderness, but a part of me said he deserved it.
I tried to change as quickly as my body would allow me to, after digging out a poorly put together outfit, i drew on some eye-liner with a cheap stick of eye colour pencil, red to be exact, i put some heavy black mascara over it, i admitted to myself that it looked quite cute. I had a pair of loose fit, raven black shorts on that had a small rose one of the legs, underneath i wore some ripped fishnet tights, cheap obviously, but it looked fine. I slid my dusty combats back on, in expert timing, too, i left my half soaked red shirt on and threw on the over sized leather trench coat and ran out back and hopped the fence, again. leaving the front door locked.

I set off back down the road were i had collapsed in front of Marilyn, the thought of those few short moments sent shivers down my spine as i sped walked. I could see the lights of the town/city night life. I spun around a few times, my head feeling dizzy as i tried to identify where the bar was, i turned a corner only to find a queue leading up to a night club, it was the only bar-like place i could find, so i ran to the front of the line, trying to look inside, but instead being greeted by a very muscular man, damn bouncers! He scowled at me, "I know who you are,Mr. Twiggy." he sighed, his voice sounded husky. I noticed a small silver cross on a chain hanging loose around his neck, i guessed he hates our band due to our controversial album.
"Your friends are inside, this way" I was shocked when he just let me in, maybe it was the fact i was famous or he could have well been a fan, either way i jumped a queue which was fine with me!

There was some serious rave music blasting in there and it made my head hurt, my eyes blurred by the constant flashing lights of the dance floor. I headed over to the side bar, oddly enough, Marilyn wasn't there. I peered through the crowd trying to find Marilyn, i forced myself into the dancing crowd. I was trying my hardest not to get distracted and dance or just enjoy the atmosphere.
There was a group on the other side of the dance floor, probably a wanna-be groupie, made up of needle whores and crack head most likely. But i felt myself walking towards them, i don't know why but it felt like they had an answer, if not at least i could get hooked up with some tabs, maybe.
After being pushed about by the dancers, i was finally behind the group, the lights were too dimmed to identify any of these people, but i knew they were my kind of people. I lightly tapped what appeared to be a man's shoulder, he turned almost immediately. "Hi?" he yelled over the music, slightly bobbing up and down with the music in the back ground.

"Hi, Do you know- uh a man called Marilyn Manson?" I yelled back, i didn't know what to ask but hopefully he would understand. "Yeah, I love those guys, i actually met him tonight, pretty cool!" he shouted back, i guess the lights really were too dim for him to notice who i was, but i didn't have time for that any way. "Do you know where he is?" I shouted, "He left, his friend wanted to go to some cafe or something" he called back, maybe he was in that small run down shop we were in earlier before today.
"Thanks" i shouted, suddenly a blaze of light flashed through out the club, his eyes widened as i smiled and quickly descended into the crowd, he realised who he had been talking to, it made me laugh as i squeezed through the energetic bundle of dancing people.

I threw myself out of the double doors, briefly smiling at the bouncer who had let me in earlier, i walked back down the heavily lit up streets and stopped before turning the corner where i knew the cafe would be. Was i ready to even show my face to Marilyn? Especially after how i ad abandoned him?
I turned the corner and tried to make out who was inside the shop, two or three men, all in black, as i got closer, i could tell it was ginger fish, Zim and Marilyn! I ran to the store and pushed the door open, i could feel my eyes watering but i refused to cry again, i threw my arms around Marilyn's neck, without a word, he slid his arms around my lower waist and i buried my head in the crook of his neck. I joined Zim and Ginger at the table by the window and briefly explained where i had been and why i was not home, trying to avoid telling them about our small argument. "I was in the park, I was a bit drunk, uh- sorry" I said trying to sound more cheerful than i actually was.
"It's fine, what did you wanna ask us though?" Ginger asked, i was wondering where Pogo was, but quickly decided not to ask and just answer a few of their questions first. Marilyn arrived back to the table with a few hot drinks, instead of alcohol, i guess he hadn't broke it to them that he was leaving.

"It's nothing, any more" i said looking down at my hands that were now twiddling themselves on the table. I figured if Marilyn hadn't told them he was leaving, then what was the point in asking them all on a vacation?
I scooched to the left so that Marilyn had room to sit, and he sat in the place i had made for him, he smiled, or it looked like he tried to. His eyes fell to his own hands that were clutched in fists upon the table. "Guys, i haven't told you all yet but-", was he really doing this again? His voice didn't sound as soft any more. I huffed and looked out the window, resting my cheek on my hand with my elbow balanced upon the table, i didn't want to hear this again, it hurt the first time, i still couldn't bare the thought of him leaving.
I could see Marilyn looking at me, in the reflection of the window, I could feel myself beginning to tremble, was i really doing this again too?

"I'm moving away, I found a place to stay, but its far away and I've already got it..." He said all at one. "How are you gonna move all your stuff?" Gingers voice broke the momentary silence, was i the only one who reacted in such a childish way? "Moving trucks come in the after noon, It'll take a few days but I'm getting a plane today.." he answered, his eyes still glued to me as i let my hand roam my knotted hair , my fingers were shaking, i hadn't thought of the details, every part of him was about to leave me and there wasn't a single thing i could do about it, even the thought of seeing the delivery trucks speed off down the road, carrying all his things made me want to crawl back to my bathroom and lock my door. "Call us every day, I'm gonna miss the hell outta you" Zim said, he sighed and took at sip at his hot drink, it smelt like coffee.

"I sat up and turned to Marilyn, i brought my leg up so that i could hug my knee from the small bench like sofa seat. "I'll miss you" i whispered, in hope that Marilyn would be the only one who would hear, i felt a tear drop from my eye as i looked down, i blinked furiously, i didn't want to ruin my make up, again. "I'll miss you too" I heard him whisper back to me, i slowly tilted my head up wards in shock, my jaw dropped a little, before i closed it again. I forced a small smile and leaned my head on his shoulder, "I'm sorry for running...and yelling...and everything" i whispered back, i meant it, i acted so foolishly.
"It's okay, I'm sorry for not telling you sooner", he didn't whisper back that time, Zim and Ginger looked up as if they had missed something, then Zim stood and exclaimed he needed to use the rest room, then quickly walked over to a small room with a blue painted door, the paint was crumbling and peeled back in the corners.

"I'm just gonna head back to the bar after this drink, i feel like getting wasted whilst its still a little dark" Ginger laughed to himself, "Could you tell Zim that, encase he wants to come, ya know" He added. Then he took another drink from his glass coffee cup and left the cafe, It was awkward, everyone was just leaving. I glanced up at Marilyn, " I don't know how I'm gonna live, with out you," I laughed nervously, "It's gonna be so- boring.." i added before he got the wrong idea. I could hear the toilet flush from the small room where Zim had gone to, he unlocked the door and joined us at the table, but not sitting, he stood at the end of the table. "I guess Ginger went back to the club?" He asked. "Yeah" i nodded, "Mind if i join him?" Zim asked, he didn't need to ask, but he did. "Go on if you like, I'm gonna hit the sack after this" Marilyn said, I remembered that i had kept him up all night with my sobbing and arguing, when we could've dozed off too a movie or cradled each other to sleep, i really did feel guilty. Zim patted Marilyn on the shoulder, before smiling and exiting the small shop, i had let my emotions ruin something that could have been beautiful, i did that a lot. I felt my lips start to quiver and i wanted to scream, my head fell in my hands and i balled up on the seat, still leant upon Marilyn.

"Hey, it's okay, I'll keep in touch, especially with you, Twiggs." he said reassuringly. "I-I know" i sniffled, i was silently sobbing, under my breath. "I just didn't want this to be true, I'm so so sorry, i ruined our evening" i pulled my hands away and rested them on my knees, i felt the swollen skin where i had hit them on the floor, there was small patched of dried blood still clinging to the wound.
Marilyn slung his arm around me loosely and dropped his head so that it comfortably rested on top of my own, "No, i was the one who brought it up, but- did you really want me there that much?" he asked.
"where?" i was confused for a second before he answered, "at that vacation place?" he laughed nervously, he was so damn cute when he laughed like that, another thing I'd miss! "I wanted you there most of all", i leant in closer, "Really?" he looked down at me, lifting his head from mine, i looked up at him and sat up, still with my knees curled into my chest, "Yeah, it's because I-" i forgot this was out loud and i couldn't tell him how insanely in love i was with I'm, especially after the scene i had made!"i?" he asked, "I don't know, i feel better knowing you're with me, and you're always with me, I'm too used to it being us two together..." i leaned back on I'm, not wanting to see his reaction.
"I know, that's what made telling you so hard, i didn't want to- trust me" he laughed quietly, sighing " I was just gonna leave but i couldn't, that would hurt you too much, and trust me i care Twiggs" he explained to me, his voice growing softer as he carried on. "I care too much to leave you without an explanation Twiggy" he squeezed me into his embrace gently, i lifted my head and smiled, he cared, more than i thought he ever did!

He leaned down, placing a gentle kiss on my lips, grazing my lips with his soft, full lips. My eyes watered, how could i have just left him at my house, oblivious to the fact that he was the one who had to leave everyone he's come to love behind. By this time i felt really guilty. My heart felt heavy as his lips departed from mine. The cafe was empty, the man that stood behind the counter was now slumped in a small wooden stool with a straw hanging out of his lips, his eyes scanning through a news paper.

"Marilyn, will you ever come back?" I asked, i didn't want him to be gone for ever, i couldn't even stand the nights alone on tour when he was out late. "I don't know, I'd like to think i would" he said truthfully, i could hear his voice hitch at the end. The both of us were messed up. "We should get some sleep, I'm tired" he said, forcing him self up out of the seat. I let my legs swing down from the seat and i kicked them up and down like a child, "Did you really mean what you wrote in the letter?" i asked before standing up and shifting out of the tight space between the table and bench.
"what was that?" he asked, he stood waiting at the end of the small wooden table. "At the end, you said you loved me" i replied, walking to the door and holding it open for him on the way out, he quickly caught up with me and held onto my hand.
"Well- yeah... In a way, yeah" he said reflecting on his thoughts, "What do you mean 'in a way'?" i looked up at him curiously, "Well, We're always together ya' know, i loved that about you... I love you." He said it so simply.
I smiled to myself, He loved, me!
"You cold?" i asked, our hands still clenched together. "Nah" he answered, we walked slowly back to my house, it was nice, the sun was still lighting up the sky, " I hope i won't make you late".
"It's okay, there's an alarm on my phone" he answered, he laughed as we calmly walked back down the long road that we had travelled up and down several times today. "Before you go i have to show the park, its beautiful" i joked, but i was serious.