The Truth About Sex

Her fingers tapped the keys on her laptop as she searched the recent searches that came up. She immediately found the one she was looking for. After it loaded, rather slowly, she clicked the “add” button and began typing.

It was my first year of college, she rolled her eyes, remembering how stupid she had been that year, and I was dating this pretty alright guy. One night we were in his dorm messing around after he had told me that his roommate would be away for the entire weekend. I, feeling extremely horny at the time, was under the covers and giving him an outright blowjob. She cringed at the memory and tried to continue on with what she was writing. We were having such a good time that I didn’t even hear the key turn in the door and before I knew it I just hear his roommate start talking. I completely froze and had no idea what to do. They just kept talking and talking, having a normal conversation, while I was down there, perfectly still, and waiting for him to go. After what seemed like an eternity I finally hear him say, “I’ll see you Monday…you too, Topher.” Needless to say, I was about to die of embarrassment. She sighed. The truth about sex: If you’re going to give your boyfriend a blowjob make sure that his roommate is actually going to be gone.

Topher hit submit and pushed her computer away from her lap. She couldn’t help but shake her head and chuckle at the reminder of another one of her awful experiences in bed. She had plenty of them and she didn’t see anything wrong with posting them on The Truth About Sex. That’s what the site was for, right? So why not share?

She often wondered if maybe the guys she had slept with go on there and stumble across her anonymous posts and freak when they realize that it was about them. She knew she probably would if it was her making the mistake.

She glanced around her empty dorm room and sighed, coming to the realization that she was starting this semester alone. A part of her wondered if she should have dropped out alongside Duff at the end of their sophomore year and just headed home. It was lonely there without her and Topher didn’t like it one bit.

If you had asked her three years ago if being alone was a bad thing, she would have said no in a heartbeat. She was used to spending her time by herself and she didn’t need anyone coming in and complicating things. Of course things changed when she met Duff her freshman year at the University of Chicago.

Duff was a firecracker, she had to admit, and she was also one of the most annoying and infuriating people Topher knew. The two actually weren’t the greatest friends in the beginning. She wasn’t sure when exactly things changed, somewhere between Duff shaving part of Topher’s hair off and Topher scaring Duff in the shower which caused her to crack her head open, but she eventually she opened up and found a best friend in her.

She even found herself able to confide in Duff and tell her about her secrets and her demons that she wished she could forget. Most of those demons included her many, many awful experiences with sex.

Sex: one of the only things Topher considered herself good at. Sex and messing everything up basically. Maybe that was overdramatic; Duff always said she was. But she knew that it was her crutch. She was good at sex. Hell, she was probably one of the sluttiest girls in her high school (though nothing to be proud of). And she was damn good at making a mess of things. Combine the two? You’ve got Topher Reed in a nutshell.

“Knock, knock.” The voice on the other end of the door startled Topher as she shot a look in that direction. She sighed only a little at her company and gave her best smile to her dorm R.A. “Hey, Topher. You busy?”

“Nah.” Topher swung her legs over the side of the bed and faced her fully. “What’s up Fey?”

“I know that you’re a bit bummed that Duff left and stuff and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we got some new girls moving in this week so you’ll probably have a new roommate.”

“Oh wonderful.” She threw her arms up. “Duff leaves and I get stuck with some new bitch.”

“Well aren’t you just a ray of sunshine?” Fey chuckled and turned around to leave. “Oh, heads up. Ms. Rinehart wanted you to head to the tutor center sometime today. Something about the new term and wanting you to register before classes start.”

Topher’s mind wandered from whatever Fey was going on about to the thought of getting a new roommate. She hated the idea of someone coming in here and ruining what her and Duff had. Ever since she left this was Topher’s safe haven. It was her only place where she felt safe and sound; like nobody could hurt her.

And now she would have to open up and share it to someone new. How in the world was she supposed to be okay with that?

“Are you even listening to me?”

Topher pulled away from her thoughts and sneered at her, “Yes, mother Fey. Are you done now? I need to head out and I’d rather not have you all up in my space while I’m gone.” She got up from the bed and grabbed her backpack before heading towards the door.

“You know, Topher,” Fey grabbed her arm as she shut the door, “you’re gonna find yourself unable to hide from someone one day.” She smiled as Topher yanked away. “You’re gonna have to open up your heart one day.”

Topher let out a huff followed quickly by a chuckle before rolling her eyes. “You know, Fey,” she crossed her arms, “when that day comes I’ll give you a call. But for now you should mind your own business.”

“Once again hiding.” Fey just continued to smile as he started to walk away, not bothering to look back. “What are you gonna do when you run out of hiding places, Topher?”

Topher groaned and leaned up against her door, banging her head back on it. Why couldn’t people just mind their own business and leave her alone? She made it obvious over the last two years that she wanted nothing to do with anybody, other than Duff, and all she wanted was to get by and graduate on time.

And maybe now that meant not having time to focus on anything except school.

The walk from Callahan dorms to the mathematics building wasn’t far so Topher pulled her hood over her head and hurried out into the rain. It splashed under her feet, soaking the bottom of her pants, as she jogged across the quad as fast as she could without tripping or slipping.

She couldn’t help but glance at the people she passed on her way; they were all different in their own ways and yet she saw all their similarities too. Most of them were huddled together with their “significant other” and either holding hands or kissing or just being in what they thought was “true love”.

True love; bullshit.

What did that even mean anymore? Love? Crap. Having one person meant for you? Crap. There was no such thing as destiny and fate. There was no such thing as soul mates. For all Topher knew there was no such thing as love at all.

She managed to make it into the building without any rain-concerned injuries and shook the wetness off of her hoodie. Her eyes scanned the semi-empty lobby before she slapped her hand over the up button on the elevator and leaned against the wall, waiting for it to arrive.

“Well, well, well.” At that exact moment, Topher wanted nothing more than to disappear once and for all. “If it isn’t the stripper.”

Topher sighed and opened her eyes, revealing the owner of the interruption. “Well, well, well. If it isn’t the jackass.”

“Find any poles to dance on lately?” He grinned widely and leaned up against the wall, his body faced in her direction.

“I don’t know, Liam. Finally figure out how to get an erection? I’d just love to give you a show like you begged me for at Halloween.” The sarcasm flowed off Topher as if it came natural. She glanced in his direction before rolling her eyes and standing up straight. “What do you want, Payne?”

“Besides a night to show you how great I am?” he grinned before leaning in towards her face. “I just thought I’d come by and see if I’ll be seeing you tonight or not.”

Topher threw her head back and laughed. “You really think I would sleep with you of all people? Please. I have a little class, Liam.” She walked onto the elevator when it dinged and the doors open. “Don’t you remember what happened at the costume party? So why don’t you take a hint and leave me alone?”

“Where would the fun be in all of that, Christopher?” Liam gave her a wink before joining her on the elevator and pressing the button of the same floor she was headed to. Topher wanted to just run right out before the doors closed, but Liam stuck his hand out and stopped her and soon enough there she was, trapped in the elevator with him until they got to the sixth floor. “Now we’re alone.”

“Lucky me.” Topher turned her back to him, trying her best to give off the feeling that she did not want to associate with him at all.

Did that stop him? Of course not.

“I haven’t seen you much this summer. I missed you.” Liam grinned wickedly as he advanced towards her, his arms meeting on each side of her head and his chest pressed against her back. He leaned down slowly, moving his lips near her ear and whispered, “Did you miss me?”

There were many things about Liam Payne that people needed to know.

First, Liam did what he wanted when he wanted and didn’t care about the consequences. Topher found this out at the Halloween party last semester when he basically talked her into getting drunk and tried to get her to sleep with him.

It didn’t work.

Second, he was a know-it-all. His need to be right one hundred percent of the time was absolutely frustrating and Topher was so done with it.

And lastly? Liam Payne had everyone fooled.

Everyone except Topher, that is. And she wasn’t giving in and bowing down to him anytime soon. He may be some big time basketball player on a really great team and he may be one of the best looking guys at the school, but he wasn’t going to have that hold on her. She was not interested.

“Thinking about how awesome I am?” Liam interrupted her thoughts and she was brought back to the real world. And she sighed when she realized that she was still riding in the elevator with him and this conversation wasn’t just a dream.

“Actually, I was thinking about how pathetically desperate you are.”

“Now you’re just trying to hurt me. Come on, don’t be like that. I know how badly you want me so why not just admit it?”

“You really are stupid, aren’t you?” Topher just shook her head and chuckled. “You see, Liam. When the girl can’t stand said boy that means no sex. Got it?”

“Maybe you should tutor me in sex ed and then I’ll get it.”

When the elevator finally dinged and alerted them that they had arrived on the right floor, Topher immediately tried to walk around him to leave. But, of course, his hand shot out and he pressed the button that closed the door.

“Stop it.”

She reached out and pressed the button to open them, but of course someone was acting like a child like he always did and pressed the closed button again.

“Fucking stop!” Topher glared at him, completely done with his games. “You are so annoying, you know that?”

“I just love seeing you get mad, baby. It’s so funny.”

She managed to get the doors open and pushed him out of the way, leaving him behind as she made her way down the hallway and towards her destination. She should have known that he wouldn’t just give up there.

“So how about it? Are we getting together tonight or do I need to make different plans, Christopher?”

The truth was, if Liam had asked her two years ago if she wanted to sleep with him then she probably would have said yes. Her freshman year she had the biggest crush on him and if she had gotten the opportunity she would have taken it.

But time moves on and so do people. And the more Topher got to know Liam, the more she regretted ever thinking of him that way. He easily went from the number one spot on her “do want” list to the number two spot on her “people I would run over with a bus” list. So the thought of sleeping with him now? Definitely not happening.

“Why are you so set on sleeping with me? Didn’t your little obsession with it end when you failed miserably at your attempt last year? Time to put on some big boy pants and move on, Payne, because you’re not getting any from me.”

“Maybe I just like you.” His words caught her by surprise as she raised a curious eyebrow at him. He liked her? She was calling bullshit. She knew this guy pretty well now and she knew that he didn’t do the whole liking and relationship thing. And for a matter of fact, she didn’t either.

“Liam Payne liking someone? Shocker. I thought you were just in it for the late night booty calls.” Topher leaned against the wall outside of the tutor center and finally gave in, turning to finish this horrible conversation.

“And what about you? Word around campus is that you’ve had your fair share of one night stands. Don’t go around judging me when you’re just as bad.”

Ouch.

“I am so surprised that someone hasn’t run you over with their car yet.”

She couldn’t help but find a little attraction in his laugh as he chuckled at her comment and she hated the feeling so much. “Maybe I’m just waiting for you to do it, babe.” Liam leaned sideways against the wall with his arms crossed and that stupid grin facing in her direction.

“Don’t count me out just yet. I’m already a horrible driver. I would advise walking away from the street from now on.” She chuckled, a bit surprised that she was actually laughing while having a conversation with him.

“Well, if it gives me the opportunity to pester you again I may have to take you up on that offer, Christopher.”

Why did he have to keep calling her that?

“It’s Topher and you know that!” She barked before biting her lip and holding back the following insults she wanted to spill. She had a few names she wanted to call him, but she was trying to cut back on the verbal abuse this year.

“Not even Chris? Or Chrissy?” Topher glared in response. “Fine, fine. Topher it is.”

“Are you finished now? I’ve got things I need to do and you’re not on that list.” She pushed herself off the wall and grabbed the handle on the door to the room, only to be stopped by a pair of hands placed on her waist.

“You never answered me, babe. Your place–” he leaned down close to her ear, “–or mine?”

Fucking bastard. Of all the people at this school, Liam Payne had to be the one to bother her the most. If only his looks and personality matched. Maybe then she would have said yes and done what she did best.

Unfortunately, his personality ruined any chances of that happening ever and there was no way in hell she would give in to him.

Topher pulled her leg up and swiftly kicked him right in the crotch. She pulled away the instance he let go and shot his hands down to hold himself. He glanced up at her, the obvious pain showing in his eyes.

“You have my answer.” She grinned wickedly and pulled the door open. “Stay away from me or I won’t be as nice next time.”

The last thing she heard before the door shut was him mumbling, “I’ll be seeing you,” and the sound of the door slamming against the frame.



Night time was especially hard on Topher now that Duff was gone.

It was Friday night and she was sitting in her dorm all alone. How did that happen? For the past three years she had gone out almost every weekend, got drunk almost every weekend, and slept with some random guy every weekend. That’s how it always was and she liked it being that way…at least she thought she did.

But as the summer passed she felt that part of her starting to slip away. The thought of doing any of that just didn’t sound appeasing anymore. This was her junior year of college and she needed to start being more responsible.

Responsibility.

That was something that Topher hardly ever had in her vocabulary. But as the school year started to approach, she knew that it’s what she had to do. She needed to focus on the important things and not just boys.

Stupid boys, really. Stupid boys that included Liam Payne and anyone that was like him. She just didn’t understand him at all or why he wouldn’t just leave her alone. It was like ever since they almost had something at Halloween last year he had been up her ass and trying to get her pants off.

And she was really getting tired of that.

Topher checked her phone as she leaned back in her desk chair, trying to waste her time away. It was going by too slowly for her liking and she wished that someone would come free her from this hell before her thoughts and emotions would catch up with her. But that wasn’t happening any time soon.

The truth was, she was putting on a brave face. She couldn’t really pin-point the moment that it happened, but she was definitely forcing the happiness out of her lately.

She just wasn’t happy. She felt alone and sad for the first time in a long time ever since Duff dropped out. She used to think that being alone was just fine, but now a part of her longed to be near someone that wouldn’t just up and leave her.

But the truth was she was scared. If you asked her up front, she would deny it, but deep down she knew that’s how she felt. She was afraid to be near people. She was afraid of being disappointed by new people. And she was afraid that if she ever got close to someone again that they would leave and she would be right back here.

She kind of felt pretty pathetic.

Topher pushed her chair back down on four legs and turned her attention to her computer. She pulled up her email and went through clicking and deleting all the junk before deciding to shoot an email in Duff’s direction.

Dear Duff, Topher let out a sigh, feeling her heart ache a little act the fact that she had to write to her instead of be face-to-face with her best friend, I fucking miss you, dude. This shit sucks without you! It especially sucks that you’re not here to keep Liam Payne away from me again. He’s starting up his shit again and I am just going to go about my life ignoring him. Hopefully.

I went home for the first time in years this summer and you know what? It didn’t feel like home anymore. Being there felt more like a prison and I just don’t know if I can go back now. There’s too many painful memories there, you know? I don’t know if I can deal with that anymore. Maybe it’s best if I just cut my ties now.

I don’t know, I’m just bummed that you’re not here anymore and I’m suddenly all alone. Who am I supposed to make 3am tacos and break into the recreation center to go skinny dipping after hours with now?

I guess I’m just a little lost without you…

Her phone buzzed on the desk and she grabbed it quickly, going over a text she had gotten from one of the guys she had met at a party last weekend. She couldn’t help but cringe at his words. Each text was beginning to sound the same. It was like they wanted her on-call for when they needed a sexual favor. She felt a bit disgusted in herself, too, knowing that she was part of the problem.

It was quite dumb, really. Why was she doing this to herself? Just because a guy was beckoning for her to come please him for the night, she was supposed to just do it? Fuck that.

Topher slammed her phone back down on her desk, ignoring it. For the first time in a while, she was saying no. And it kind of felt good. It felt good to not be that girl tonight. Why should she subject herself to that? She didn’t need him; she didn’t need any of them.

What she needed was something to focus on. Something to keep her mind off of the things bearing down on her. Maybe even a challenge. But what? What could she possibly do to keep her occupied?

Then it hit her. One of the last conversations that she and Duff had before she left popped into her mind and she found herself typing away again.

Do you remember that night I came home complaining that Ronnie’s party had no guys worth my time and you said that I should cut back on sleeping around and focus on me for a while? Maybe you’re right…

For the past eight years she had let boys and sex dictate her life and it was getting a bit tiring. Why not change that up now? That would definitely be a challenge and a challenge that she was up for.

Maybe sex is the problem. I mean you’ve heard all my stories about how fucking ridiculous the guys I sleep with are. So why not just stop?

Of course not forever. But maybe for a year. That’s good, right? I need time to get my act together and I think being a complete whore is holding me back from it. After this year, graduation will be coming up soon and I’ll be out there in the real world trying to figure out who the hell I am. I need to focus now on what I want and who I am. I can’t keep living like this anymore.

So maybe a break is what I need, Duff. Do you think I can do it? I know I haven’t proven myself of the task lately, but I’ve got to get my life together. So why not start now?

It’s time to grow up.

She would do it. She was going to go an entire year without sleeping with someone. It couldn’t be that hard, right? Even for someone who loved sex as much as Topher did. But lately it didn’t feel like it mattered anymore.

Either the guys wanted something more or they wanted nothing to do with her after they got exactly what they wanted from her. And Topher wasn’t quite sure which one of those she hated more.

So maybe a year without sleeping with someone would be good for her. She could focus on tutoring and on her studies and, most importantly, on herself. She didn’t need anyone and it was time that she started to learn that.

“It’s settled.”

She could do it…right?