Study of Life and Love

Caydance

I wobbled hesitantly on one foot; feeling the eyes of Sidney and the Doctor focused entirely on me. I took a deep breath before placing pressure on my hurt ankle. There was a feeling of weakness that made me flinch away from actually wanting to put pressure on it.

I braced my hands against the bed, ready to take the pressure of my ankle at the slightest bit of pain. I pressed down harder and flattened my foot to the ground. It was tingling; the wrongness of the pressure sending a shiver through my body until I finally had half my weight shared between both feet. I slowly pulled away from the bed and took a few steps towards Sidney. I hobbled a bit, trying to get used to an ankle that had grown week from disuse.

The doctor made me do a few more rounds before he was happy with what I could do. He sent us on our way, Sidney still supporting my weight for good measure, out the doors.

“My God I have never felt so free.” I said, wiggling my toes and ankle around gingerly once I was sitting back in Sidney’s car. “I will never take you for granted again.” I patted my foot affectionately and received a snort from Sidney.

“Hey, you try hobbling around like I have been.” I growled at her.

“You didn’t even break anything Caydance. It was only a small sprain.” She replied, pulling onto the main street and heading into the direction of the University campus.

“This is literally the most I have ever hurt myself.” I told her. I had been to the hospital multiple times when my siblings had broken or sprained bones. But I had never needed to go for myself. It almost felt like a right of passage in my family. I’m sure my Mum was proud; despite the worried tone she had had over the phone when we had last talked.

“Do you have classes today?” Sidney asked. I shook my head.

“Are you going to be studying today? Or shall I just drop you off at Kings house?” Sidney further questioned, her tone teasing.

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be stupid, you can park at Grace. I’ll walk from there, I can do that now without help.” I told her with an eye roll as we pulled into the Grace garage that was reserved for the house leader and anyone visiting.

“You know you should probably take a break from studying. You’ve been at the books pretty hard.” I told Sidney. Every dinner more and more books were accompanying her to the table. It was ridiculous how much she shoved herself into studying. She needed to learn to have fun at University as well. Because once we were done and graduated she wouldn’t get that time back.

“You could probably handle studying a bit more instead of spending time with Harry.” Sidney told me sternly before disappearing through the door that connected to the house.

I ignored her and walked out of the garage doors and down to Kings house. I felt naked, walking without crutches or a wrap around my ankle. The more I walked the more comfortable I grew but the tingles in my ankle didn’t stop.

I knocked on the King’s house door before opening the door without waiting. Niall was halfway across the foyer ready to answer the door.

He rolled his eyes. “Sure Caydance, come on in. Harry is in his room.” Niall headed towards the kitchen without a second glance.

I smiled and shut the door before going up the stairs slower then I wanted to. The freshmen rooms at King’s were on the second floor. I stopped at Harry’s door and knocked, hoping that his roommate was at least out for a good couple more hours.

Harry called out a distracted ‘come in’. He was sitting at one of the desks, books open and piled haphazardly around a notebook he was writing on. His free hand sat tangled tightly amongst his curls and he was muttering words under his breath.

“Whatcha doing?” I shut the door behind me and leant back against it.

Harry spun around at my voice and looked at me in surprise. I shook my newly freed foot in front of him and he broke into a wide smile.

“I swear I am so happy I could do a cartwheel.” I walked over to where Harry stayed relaxed in his desk chair. “Except, you know, I’m a little afraid that I might break my foot again.”

I placed my hands on either of Harry’s shoulders and climbed into his lap, my thighs squeezing in next to his so I was straddling his lap.

“S’was just a sprain.” He murmured, resting his hands on my hips and grinning up at me.

I smacked his arm lightly. “You and Sidney keep saying that. But this was a big deal for me. I’ve never had to go to the hospital for me!”

He was amused at my excitement. I leant down and bit the corner of his smiling mouth; I slowly nudged my nose against his before biting the other corner of his mouth.

He made a small noise in the back of his throat before his hand came up to hold my face, directing my lips to fall directly against his. Our heads tilted to the side automatically, falling into an easy, rhythmic slide of pressure and then just a brush of lips.

I grew tired with the slowness and pushed further down, letting my tongue slide against his lower lip. He gave me easy access and I raised my self up, using his chair to move my body closer to his. Our hips pushing together and Harry moaned into my mouth, his fingers digging into my ribs.

I pushed my own hands into his thick curly hair and licked along the roof of his mouth, rolling my hips firmly down at the same time. Harry moaned more, his hands moving up and down my sides as if he was unsure where he wanted to put them. There was only one place I wanted them and I pushed against him harder, pulling our mouths apart to breath harshly. My lips moved down across his cheekbones and towards his neck, leaving pecks and nips down the warm skin.

His hips were meeting mine at each thrust and it was beginning to be too much and not enough all at once. I needed skin and I needed both of our pants off.

I scrambled for his shirt, my fingers tugging on the bottom of the soft white henley shirt he was wearing.

Harry’s hands grabbed onto mine before I could pull up.

“Babe, babe.” He murmured against my lips, growing more urgent the more I seeked them out.

“What?” I grumbled, glaring when he kept moving his lips out of reach.

“I really need to be studying.” He explained, pulling my hands away from his shirt. I sat there, dumbfounded for a moment while Harry weakly gestured to his desk full of textbooks.

“Studying?” I repeated dumbly.

“I have a Shakespeare essay due tomorrow and I’m still trying to figure out all the characters in ‘As You Like It’, and since it’s your favourite, maybe you could stay and help?” Harry’s eyes went all wide and green, staring at me intensely.

I could still feel his hard length now pressed against my thigh and I didn’t know whether to feel insulted or not, Harry didn’t want me to help him with that. He would rather study.

I nodded and reluctantly clambered off Harry’s lap. My lips felt numb and the tingles in my ankle were the least of my worries. I straightened my clothes and flopped onto Harry’s bed while he grabbed his books.

I thought that Harry had been hesitant about sex because of my ankle still being wrapped up but now it was free and perfectly fine and he still wouldn’t let us go any further.

I played, uncomfortably, with Harry’s comforter before he dumped his textbooks down in front of me and climbed onto the bed to sit next to me. He pressed a kiss to my cheek and wrapped on arm around my waist while pulling the text for the play forward.

“I am honestly confused about the ending monologue by Rosalind. The gender swapping is too much for my brain to handle.” Harry joked teasingly.

I pulled my thoughts away and realised that I was actually going to be doing what Sidney wanted. I just wasn’t studying my own work.

“Right well, it’s easy once you get your head around it. So Rosalind is a girl who is pretending to be a boy to escape from her Uncle. However while being a boy she runs into Orlando, her love, and pretends to be Rosalind so he may practice his wooing on her. Rosalind is playing a boy who is in turn pretending to be Rosalind.

“And, what you have to remember this whole time, is that when this play was first performed no women were allowed to act. So males, generally young boys with higher voices and no facial hair, would play the girls. Which in the end means it’s a male playing a female playing a male playing a female. Torture I know. But it’s also great because it’s so homosexual and heterosexual and no one really cares.”

-

For the third day in a row Thea didn’t eat breakfast with anyone. She walked into the kitchen grabbed a piece of bread and made some excuse about running late whenever someone asked. Thea was never anti-social. She had also been dodging me at any moment she could. Even pretended to be asleep when I barged into her room last night.

“Do you know what’s going on with Thea?” I asked Rhiannon and Sidney who were sitting beside me. Rhiannon shook her head but Sidney frowned, her eyes following Thea out the door in her rush.

“The other day she was upset about you and Louis.” Sidney said.

“Me. What did I do?” I asked, confused.

“You told her that she was wasting her time on Louis. She was almost crying, Caydance.” Sidney scolded. I frowned trying to recall the conversation where I had said that. I came up blank.

“You have been pretty preoccupied with Harry lately.” Rhiannon pointed out, keeping her head down.

I frowned, looking back down at my yoghurt and played with a few pieces of fruit that lay in it. I hadn’t even realised that I had been neglecting her.

“There might be something else.” Riley said slowly from her chair across from me. I glared at her, encouraging her to spill.

“Uh well,” she shared a look with her friend Nina, “she like Louis right? That’s what everyone in the house says anyway.”

I felt guilty again, sharing a look with Sidney. The house really shouldn’t be gossiping about Thea like that.

“We saw him at the party the other night, kissing a girl. His ex, I think, we don’t know her name though.” Nina finished for Riley.

I snapped my head between them both. “Louis was kissing Eleanor?” They both nodded in unison.

“Thea saw it and we watched her leave straight after.” Riley said.

I sighed, heart aching for my best friend. I was a bitch for not being there for her when she needed me. I put my spoon down and stood up from my chair.

“Are you going to go find her?” Sidney asked hopefully.

“First I’m going to murder Louis then I am going to console my best friend.” I told her. She only looked slightly disappointed.

“I need him later so we can discuss the leader meeting coming up, so you know, don’t destroy him too much.”

I was already halfway out of the room before Sidney had finished her sentence. I was angry that Louis had hurt Thea. I was also angry that Louis had been stupid enough to actually get back with Eleanor. He was an idiot and I was going to make sure he knew that.

I pushed my way into Kings’ house not bothering with knocking this time. Harry’s freshmen roommate was passing me on his way out. “Harry’s at classes.” He paused in the doorway.

“I’m looking for Louis.” I said. Or more growled by the frightened look he sent me.

“Um I think the kitchen?” He questioned, before disappearing out of the door quickly. I marched into the kitchen and was greeted by Niall. I aimed straight for Louis.

“What have I done now?” Louis asked in exasperation once he saw my face.

“Eleanor, really?” I waved my hands wildly at him. His mouth fell open in shock before he spared the few people in the room a look. They all grabbed food and escaped with a scrape of chairs and a swinging kitchen doorway.
“How did you hear about that?” He demanded.

“You did it at a party in full view of everyone, Louis! Everyone probably knows.” I told him.

He sighed and closed his eyes, his back resting against the kitchen counter. “It was a mistake, a drunken mistake and it will not be happening again, I swear. It was stupid and I’ve made sure she knows that it was a massive, colossal mistake.” Louis was firm and confident. He was also an idiot.

“Thea saw you, you dick.” I sighed out, Louis was an idiot when he drunk. Well more of an idiot then usual.

He looked surprised before relaxing. “That’s why she’s been weird lately and dodging me.” He murmured.

“Yes, that’s why she’s been completely quiet and weird at home. So can you go and apologise to her and promise you won’t be that much of a dick again.” I told him, satisfied that this would all be fixed. I turned to leave but Louis’ voice stopped me.

“I don’t owe her an apology.” He said. I turned to stare at his serious face.

“I never said I liked Thea. We’re just friends; it’s not like I cheated on her. I’m sorry that she has feelings for me but I don’t have to do anything about that.” Louis was being completely serious and I wanted to slap him. He was hurting her and he didn’t care.

I shook my head and fumbled for the words to reply. “You-you are such an idiot. And you deserve so much better then someone who cheats on you. But you’re still too much of an idiot to see the perfect blue haired girl waiting for you.”

I turned around and walked out of the kitchen. Louis could do whatever he needed to do. But my best friend needed me.

Harry walked through the door as I was making my way out. His eyes lit up but I was too full of anger and disappointment at Louis that I directed it at Harry.

“Why won’t you have sex with me?” I blurted out.

Harry choked and flailed wildly, his bag landing on the floor with a thud while he looked around the room.

“Caydance.” He hissed, eyes narrowing and tried to tug me towards the stairs. I wasn’t in the mood to hide up there.

“Tell me Harry.” I hissed, pulling out of his grip. “I’m not going to your room.”

He seemed pained, his eyes asking me if I really wanted to do it here. Louis appeared in the doorway to the kitchen and watched us both curiously.

Harry groaned, grabbed his bag and tugged me out of the house. I allowed him, feeling that if I let him have his privacy I was going to get my answer.

He led me around the back of Grace house and we snuck around to the staircase. It was midday and the likelihood of running into anyone was small. But we still ran up the stairs and quickly slammed the door shut to my room. I pulled out of Harry’s grip and turned to him expectantly.

He looked like this conversation was the last thing he wanted to talk about.

“I didn’t think it was a good idea.” He began. “With the history you’ve had with boys at University. Also you didn’t want to date me because you thought freshmen only wanted sex. Which is not what I want, definitely not. I mean I do, but not only that. I like talking with you and studying with you and just making out. We totally don’t have to do anything else. I can handle that. I don’t have to have sex.”

Harry paused when he realised he had started to ramble. I shook my head at him and let a small smile creep across my face. My shoulders relaxed and I realised this whole time I had been worried that Harry hadn’t liked me in a sexual way.

“Why are all Kings’ boys idiots?” I groaned out, walking towards Harry and grabbing his hands. “Harry, you are constantly texting me asking about my day and about my favourite things. You also like to tell me every detail of every conversation you have with every person you meet in one day. I swear.

“I like you, a lot. And I know you now, a lot better then I’ve known other boyfriends I’ve had over the years and we’ve only been dating a couple of weeks. I don’t think you’re using me for sex. I certainly don’t think you’re like Camden. And I trust you and I know what you want and I know what I want.”

“I am an idiot aren’t I?” Harry grinned.

“The biggest.” I laughed back before smashing my lips against his.

Our laughter was muffled through our lips as Harry tried to lead me back to the bed. I tripped over a shoe on the ground and almost landed on my ass if Harry didn’t catch me. I giggled more, but insistently pushed my tongue into his mouth. Wrapping my arms around his shoulder and tugging on the back of his hair.

I groaned when my back hit the corner of my desk, my hands slapping down to push away and instead textbooks went crashing to the floor. I rolled my eyes and pushed Harry forwards, towards the actual direction of my bed. He landed on his back, pulling me with him.

There was a crash I looked up to see Harry’s hand guiltily hanging from where he had knocked my lamp to the ground. I groaned and threw my head into his neck letting fits of laughter rake through my body.

Harry joined, wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing small kisses along my shoulder.

There was sharp knock on the door making us both freeze. I sat up, still straddling Harry and turned towards the door, knowing I couldn’t move fast enough before whoever was on the other side barged in.

“Sidney’s home.” Thea’s voice called through the door and then her footsteps moved away. I let out a breath of relief and turned to look back down at a red-lipped Harry. I bent down and licked a long strip across them.

“Guess I get to keep you in my room then.” I whispered, slowly rolling my hips against his.

-

I knocked on Thea’s door and leant against the side of it. She looked up from her sprawled position across her bed.

“Can I come in?” I asked.

“Sure.” She shrugged gesturing to the bed next to her.

“So I uh talked to Sidney and I also talked to Louis. I, well, had a go at Louis for the whole Eleanor thing. He’s an idiot.” I shut the door behind me and joined Thea on the bed. She sat up and pulled her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them.

“He’s not an idiot. I’m the idiot for liking him, for thinking that he could like me back. I’m almost twenty years old and I don’t need to have a stupid crush.”

“It’s not stupid and you aren’t an idiot.” I defended her.

She shook her head, one of her toes worming their way under her comforter. “You said I was.” She mumbled, not meeting my eyes.

I sighed and reaching out to grab onto one of her hands. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry, I’ve been the idiot and too selfish to see that you needed me right now.” I leant forward to press a small kiss to her forehead. She leant with me and rested her head on my shoulder. I knew I was forgiven.

“However, I do think that maybe you should consider moving on.” I said as gently as I could. Running my fingers through her hair. “Date someone else or not date someone else, whatever helps. But this, whatever you and Louis have, isn’t healthy for you, Thea. It gets your hopes up and Louis is too much of an idiot to be trusted with your hopes.”

She was quiet, her breathing even and her fingers occasionally tapping her leg before she finally nodded into my chest. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try. I think maybe being away from Louis might help, for a bit anyway. I just don’t think I can be around him right now.”

“No one blames you for that.” I told her, rubbing a hand up her back comfortingly. “Next time I’m being a crappy friend, just tell me, okay? You know I don’t mind when people are blunt. I actually prefer it. I get caught in my own world and my own problems. I know that. And sometimes you needed to just slap me out of it, okay? And stop ignoring the house. Everyone gets sad when you don’t have breakfast with us.”

Thea just nodded, squeezing me tightly before pulling back. There were a few tears in her eyes but she held herself together, wiping hastily at them.

“Come on, I have laxatives that need to be distributed amongst all the fraternities before dinner.” I nudged at her, forcing her out of bed. It would be good for her to be a little mischievous for tonight. And I always find laxatives a great way to get revenge on a boy.