Study of Life and Love

I’ll pick you up like normal

My mother’s message flashed across my phone, reminding me that in three days I would be going back home. I sighed and forced the phone away, looking back down at my sketchpad in front of me. I had been going to force myself to write, something I had had trouble doing the last couple of days but nothing seemed right.

I had picked up my sketchpad and automatically flipped to the portrait of Zayn, I had been working on it for ages, rubbing and shading different areas but nothing seemed to go exactly how I wanted it to.

“And where have you been?”

I looked up as Caydance fell into a crumpled heap beside me, slurping on juice that she offered me. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“You’ve been busy,” I said. “With Harry, I assume.”

Caydance didn’t even flush, just smiled widely and winked. “He can be very distracting.”

I laughed at her, closing my sketchpad and taking Caydance’s juice.

“You should come to the end of semester party, slash, Christmas party that’s on at our house tomorrow night.” Caydance said. “You’re practically an honorary Grace now anyway. Did you ever think I would actually succeed on dragging you to parties this year?”

I shook my head at her. “I don’t think I’m in the mood.” I told her, leaning back against the tree watching the fountain on the lake spurt up with a sudden energy.

“Please Indi, CC already told me you finished most of what you needed to do this semester, please.” Caydance began to beg, her eyes wide and lower lip pouting.

I groaned, pushing her face away. “Why do you want me at these parties so much?” I asked. “It’s not like you don’t have heaps of friends to hang out with.”

Caydance swiped her juice from my hand; her eyes narrowed and jaw firm. “I’m sorry that I wanted you, as my friend, to come to a party with me. I’m sorry that I’ve been apparently forcing you against your will or some shit.”

She stood up and I watched, stunned, that I had caused this reaction from the almost untouchable Caydance.

“You won’t talk about it.” Caydance said and my blood ran cold, there was no need to guess what she was talking about.

“You won’t talk about it and you push Zayn away and now CC knows and Louis knows and they both want to talk to me about it. But you never told me, and I didn’t push you, but your secrets aren’t so secret anymore and that’s not a bad thing Indiana. Stop hiding away and getting pissed at people who are trying to be your friends, your family, since the one you have is doing a pretty piss poor job of it.”

Caydance stopped, her face frowning as if she just realised the words that came from her mouth. It didn’t stop her from continuing. “Stop being such a bitch before everyone decides to leave you alone with your suffering. Despite what you think, that is not what you want.”

She turned on her heel and left, left me sitting on the grass, completely stunned. Her red hair glinted in the sun before she rounded the corner, like a fiery mane following the hotheaded girl.

My hands shook from where they clenched around my sketchpad, I slowly released them, bottom lip wobbling at the thought of everyone knowing. I must look so pathetic to them all. The pathetic girl who couldn’t protect herself. Who didn’t know how to get out. The pathetic girl who kept going back.

-

I hadn’t seen Zayn since he had tried to kiss me. The thought ran around my mind while I stared at the clothes on my bed. He had apologised and wanted to be friends but I hadn’t seen him since.

I didn’t think he was avoiding me, but I realised that without him trying, we never ran into each other as much as I thought. All the times our paths crossed, all the time spent together was because he went out of his way to find me and spend time with me.

And now, now he wasn’t and I didn’t know what to do with that. I understood that I missed him, I missed him a lot and I wanted to talk to him and I didn’t even have his phone number.

“So you’re going to the party then?” Cecile asked when she left the bathroom, hair still damp.

“I don’t know what to wear.” I moaned in despair, flopping down next to the mountain of clothes taking up most of my bed.

Cecile regarded me, obviously unsure about my sudden care for what I was wearing.

“I could help.” She began slowly, heading towards her own wardrobe. I heard her rustling around inside, words mumbled.

“What about this?” She pulled out a black sleeveless top that was see-through.

“It’s see-through.” I responded, my hands automatically coming to my sides.

“Yeah but it’s black so it will hide everything.” She seemed to want to remain as calm and nonchalant as possible, her face not changing when she threw the shirt at me and moved to my pile of clothing.

“Wear it with this.” She threw gold material over my face. I pulled it off to see it was my skirt that fell just above my knees and flowed outwards.

I obeyed her choices and got dressed, pulling a black crop top over my bra before pulling the see-through black shirt over them both. The shirt tucked into my skirt and I quickly glanced in the mirror paying attention to how much you could see of my skin. The red colour of the roses on my left side was visible but everything else was too dark to notice.

My hand touched my side that the bruise had been. It was mostly gone now. Only a small purple stain just above my hip where most of the damage had been done.

“Are you uh going home for the break?” Cecile asked when the sound of her hair dryer had died out. I looked at her through the mirror; she didn’t meet my eye.

“Yeah, my Mum is picking me up tomorrow.” I said, turning away from the mirror and pulling my hand away from my side.

Cecile looked torn, her eyes wildly moving around the room, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth.

“You could come with me, you know, my parents wouldn’t mind an extra for Christmas. There aren’t a lot of us in the first place.” She said, her eyes finally landing on me.

I hesitated, the option sounded amazing, tempting and I had never wanted to accept something so much in my life. But, but my Mum was coming tomorrow and they were my family. I didn’t want to leave them alone on Christmas. I couldn’t leave my Mum alone with my Dad on Christmas.

“Thanks, but I really should go home,” I said, turning before I could see her reaction.

“Indi,” Cecile said, her voice full of pain and exasperation. “What am I supposed to do here? How can I let you go home and get hurt? I know what’s going on and I don’t understand how you expect me to forget out.”

“You don’t understand what is going on. You have no idea what is going on.” I shot back, turning to glare at her.

“I know that you’re being hurt and I know that when I see you next you are going to have more bruises. I’m worried that I might not see you next.”

I sat down on the end of my bed forcing myself to face Cecile who stood in the middle of our room, her eyes wild, hair freshly dried, makeup only on one eye.

“He doesn’t mean to.” I began. “When my sister died it was hard on all of us and my Dad, it broke him. He broke and he couldn’t fix himself again. So he started drinking and some time he takes it out on us, he gets upset and he starts hating his life. But he never means it. He’s always so sorry and hurt when he sobers up and sees the destruction.”

Cecile scoffed, shaking her head.

I frowned at her. “I know what you think. I know you think that I’m giving him an excuse; I’m giving him an out. When I’m not. What he is doing is wrong and I don’t deserve this and neither does my Mother. But he’s hurting and he’s my father. What am I supposed to do? Leave him to fight this alone? I can’t leave my Mum with him forever and she won’t leave him. Despite the crap, we’re still family and I love him and I want to help him.”

I paused, my hands shaking in my lap. “Sometimes he’s okay. Sometimes there are good months and he doesn’t drink anything and he’s like my old father again and everything is good. But there’s always a trigger and something might remind him of her and he can’t handle the pain. I get that; I can’t handle the pain sometimes. It’s like this dark decaying thing – being- that is slowly eating up every good thing inside you. And he lashes out and its wrong but I’m not going to abandon him. I promised I wouldn’t abandon him.”

“You can’t help him.” Cecile replied forcefully, coming down to crouch in front of me, her eyes were hard; her hands shook when they grabbed mine. “You’re his child and I get that you love him and you want to help him, but you can’t. He’s hurting you and you can’t help him. You need to get him help. You can’t do this. You shouldn’t have to.”

I pulled my hands out of Cecile’s and stepped away from her. “Look, it’s nice that you care and I’m grateful for that. But this is still my choice and it’s not really your business.” I reached for my phone that was charging on my desk. “This is my life and I get to choose what I do with it. I get to choose what I can handle.”

“Fine.” Cecile stood up, strolling over to her mirror and grabbing her mascara. “Fine, I’ll just ignore it shall I.”

I didn’t answer, just sat down in my desk chair and stared absentmindedly at my phone. I felt uncomfortable and oddly open talking about this. I didn’t talk about this to anyone. I was used to people knowing. But I remembered what Caydance had said yesterday. Cecile had asked her. Louis had asked her. My secrets weren’t so secret and I felt numb to that realization.

These people weren’t even allowing me to hide away anymore. They kept pulling me out into the open and demanded answers and solutions and actions that I didn’t have the strength to perform.

“I’m ready.” Cecile stood in front of me, her face expectant as she twiddled the dorm card in her hand.

I wanted to say to her thanks; that I had this. I wanted to say yes I would go home with you; no I can’t be your friend. I wanted to push away and pull her closer.

Instead I didn’t say anything. I stood up and followed her out of the room and across campus. We stayed quiet; the lit lights around campus only gave me brief glimpses at Cecile’s expressionless face.

Her steps seemed to bounce when we heard the music from Grace house. Her face softened when the lights hit us and her shoulders rounded out. She shot me a smile and grabbed my hand, settling the anxiety that had been swirling in my stomach.

There were people milling around the front of Grace house, the door wide open, with people wandering in and out. It was loud, a lot of cheering and a lot of drinking. Exam period was over and we were all going home to sleep full days before coming back and doing it all over again.

The house was packed; more than just the usual fraternities and sororities filled the place. People I had seen in my own dorm building had also piled their way in; people from the outlying houses surrounding the campus also seemed to fill the place.

Thea was the first person I recognised. She was walking down the stairs glaring at the back of two boys; their faces were only slightly guilty, hair messy and lips swollen.

Thea’s face lit up when she spotted the both of us and she wormed through the crowd to reach us, wrapping her short arms around the both of us.

“Good to see you, feel like I haven’t seen you guys in ages. But then again I’ve been studying so much I feel like I hadn’t seen daylight until today.” She laughed, her eyes were bright and her smile wide. She looked happy, despite the fact that her and Louis’ relationship had been shared around the whole campus by now. Cecile was the one to tell me. Her relationship with the Daniel Alston had been just as much gossip as well.

“We should find Caydance.” Thea went to tug on my hand but I pulled back, to her surprise.

“I don’t think Caydance wants to see me right now,” I said.

Thea smiled fondly. “Of course she does, Indi. She gets angry and fired up easily but you know just as well as I do that most of the time she’s not really angry. Possibly upset, but not angry.” She pulled on my hand, again, leading me through the crowd. I was thankful that Cecile latched onto my other arm, coming with instead of heading off into the house to find other people that she knew.

Thea led us out the back where the yard was filled with more people than I could have imagined. People that seemed to know both Cecile and Thea easily, names were called and hands were raised. I found myself surprised by the amount of people I knew as well, ones I had met this year through the parties Caydance and Cecile had made me attend as well as the people I had talked to in class. I had probably made friends more this year then I had any other. It had me shocked and a little confused.

I squeaked in surprise when I was pulled into a hug, Thea and Cecile’s hands fell away from me when my feet were lifted from the ground. I grabbed onto the bare and tattooed biceps and almost head butted the black hair that tickled my nose.

“Put her down Zayn, I invited her, not you.” Caydance cut through the small crowd Thea had dragged me to.

I pushed away from Zayn the moment my feet touched the ground and threw his smiling face an annoyed look before righting my skirt and top. Caydance was grinning, wide and happy before she too pulled me into a hug.

“I’m so happy that you came. I’ve missed you.” She whispered into my ear, I found myself pulling her tightly against me, burying my head into her red hair.

“Okay, okay. I’ve missed her too you know.” Zayn eventually broke through our hug, earning a shove from Caydance as she pulled away from me, one of her hands tangled its way around mine and held on tightly, I didn’t mind.

Zayn seemed happy to grab my attention again. “How have you been? I’ve been so busy studying that I haven’t had a change to annoy you.” He winked.

“I’ve been enjoying having no one annoy me.” I teased back despite the fact that I really didn’t enjoy it.

“No more speaking of studying Zayn,” Louis groaned, throwing an arm around his friends’ neck. “I never want to look at a book again.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look at a book.” Sidney’s voice cut across Louis from where she sat on a seat under the tree. She looked pale in the light that was illuminating the backyard, her hands nursed a drink and there were circles under her eyes. If anyone here needed a break, she definitely looked like she did.

“I did too.” Louis defended, puffing his chest out. “Just ask Thea.”

He looked to my side but Thea had disappeared, I turned to see her standing, not that far away, with a group of boys, Daniel Alston the tallest of the lot. They were laughing and he was leaning in close to Thea, her smile wide and bright.

Louis soured, his hand bringing the neck of his beer to his lips, which he sculled before making excuses to get another one.

“If he drinks every time he sees those two together, he’s going to be getting his stomach pumped by the end of the night.” Niall commented, his own voice slurred while he held a drink in either hand.

“Well it’s not like it has anything to do with him anymore. He was enough of a douchebag to not have the right to care who she talks to now.” Caydance said, her eyes glaring after Louis.

“That’s not fair.” Zayn came to the defense of his friend. “He didn’t mean to hurt her feelings.”

Caydance opened her mouth to retort but Cecile cut in. “I’m going to get a drink, Indi?”

I nodded gratefully pulling away from the group of people that I had never seen fight like this. They were always easy and happy with each other.

“I’ll come with.” Zayn sighed, rubbing a hand through his messy black hair. He led the way through the crowd. Cecile tugged me along behind her.

“What are you girls after?” Zayn asked, pushing his way through the crowd of people surrounding the breakfast bar that had been made into an actual bar. I noticed how easily people moved out of his way. He commanded space and he got it.

Cecile rattled off a concoction and I let her, grabbing myself a bottle of water from the table that’s lid was still unbroken.

“What was with all that back there?” I asked Zayn, curious at Caydance’s reaction to Louis. I had never seen her be seriously annoyed with him. Thea was right with what she said earlier. Caydance could get angry but it never was real and it never lasted long. But with Louis, she seemed to be actually mad.

Zayn sighed, swirling his drink around. Cecile frowned at my water but didn’t try to force drinks on me.

“Caydance is still pissed at Louis for what he said. Louis and Thea are sort of friends but Thea keeps talking to Daniel Alston which is pissing Louis off and making Caydance happy.” Zayn explained, guiding me away from the bar where Cecile had fallen into a conversation with a guy I didn’t know.

“Seems like I’ve missed a lot of things these last couple of weeks.” I joked, fiddling with the bottom of my gold patterned skirt.

“You have,” Zayn said, leading me back outside but not in the direction we had left everyone, instead to another part that was less populated. There were chairs unoccupied here and I sat in one next to Zayn.

“Are you going home for the holidays?” Zayn asked. I nodded and took a sip of my water. “When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow.”

“I’m not heading until the day after. Louis’ Mum is picking us up while my parent’s babysit all the kids. Together, our siblings add up.”

I smiled at Zayn. “Must be nice though, having a big family.”

“I love them more then anything else.” Zayn said without shame. I smiled at his confidence.

“So how did your exams go?”

I fell into easy conversation with Zayn as we chatted and talked about our last couple of days. The classes we think we did great in, the classes we think we did horrible in.

Sometimes people cut in to talk to one of us, usually to Zayn but both Ed and Nick had cut in to wish me a good Christmas and holiday before they both ran off, linked arms and roaring at the crowd around them.

I felt myself relax in my chair, laughing with Zayn and the people who occasionally joined us. Zayn, without fail, introduced me to every person that came up and I found myself talking more and more to each stranger as the night wore on. Without the alcohol my tongue still loosened and I smiled willingly, forgetting entirely about what tomorrow would bring.

“I see you were stolen from me.” Caydance appeared eventually, falling into my lap and wrapping her arms around my neck. She turned her attention to Zayn. “Niall is looking for you, something about getting Louis to calm down before he picked a fight with someone bigger then himself.” Caydance said calmly, her eyes not concerned.

Zayn grunted and stood up, sending me an apologetic look before he jogged off into the crowd. Caydance moved into his seat.

“He’s going to pick a fight with Daniel Alston over Thea.” I guessed.

Caydance took a swig from her cup and shrugged, her eyes roaming over the crowd. “Who cares?”

“Caydance.”

“What?” She snapped. “He’s being a tool and he could probably use a punch to the head and maybe a kick to the stomach.”

I changed topics, not wanting to get her anymore angry.

Harry joined us, a bandana was tied around his wild curls and his smile was present, like always.

“Hello my love.” He greeted Caydance with a kiss before pressing a kiss to my own cheek. “What are you lovely ladies doing, hiding in a corner?” He sat on the grass in front of us, his voice was already slurred and his head rolled from side to side on his shoulder. Caydance giggle and nudged him with her foot. They were a good pair.

Shouts cut through the crowd pulling everyone’s attention. Someone near us announced that Louis Tomlinson had called out Daniel Alston. Harry stood up from the ground, quickly; all the drunkenness seemed to have disappeared. He set off through the quieting crowd to help his house leader.

“I didn’t actually think he would do it.” Caydance looked quiet worried, her face pale and she was on her feet too, pulling me with her. I didn’t particularly want to move to where the fight was going to be but Caydance tugged anyway, her body jostling through the crowd forming.

Sidney was there, despite her pale figure, her eyes were hard as she stared between Louis and Alston who stood face to face, both trying to glare the other one into submission. Zayn was tugging on Louis’ arm, trying to pull his friend away.

The boys of Emmanuel house stood behind their smirking leader but no one tried to stop the fight. Liam pushed through the crowd just as Caydance took steps closer to the boys, her hand on my wrist loosened and I stayed back on the edges, not wanting to get too close.

Liam grabbed onto Louis other arm and forced his shoulder back but Louis pulled away, his glare focused only on Alston.

“Both of you need to back off now or I will call security.” Sidney’s voice rung through the almost silent crowd, her voice commanded they listen but I don’t think either boy heard what she was saying. Alston said something to Louis that only made him bristle in anger.

I found Thea’s face, across the crowd; Cecile was by her side. Thea looked worried, her eyes staying tracked on only one of the boys in the circle: Louis.

Louis stepped forward, pushing closer to Alston, he was shorter then Alston, that was painfully obvious but the glare on his face and the anger that radiated from his body made that fact less relevant.

Caydance had reached them now, joining Sidney’s side.

“Do you think they’re going to fight?” Someone asked me, I looked at them in surprise, wondering why they thought I had the answer.

“Louis’ drunk enough that he might.” Harry’s answered for me. His hand came up to circle around my wrist and I felt more relaxed now that someone I knew was around me.

I missed the first action, taking my time to stare at the crowd that had formed. In that time I heard a yell and the crowd surged forward. Harry held onto me.

Louis had tackled Alston to the ground, both boys rolling around, the others jumped out of the road, Liam dragging Sidney and Caydance away.

I was shocked when Zayn punched an Emmanuel boy who tried to stop him from breaking the fight up. His face was furious and he moved towards the two boys, throwing Alston off Louis with more strength then I thought he had.

Alston came rearing back, getting Zayn in the mouth before being punched by Louis. Liam came running back in, Niall at his side while two boys from Emmanuel rushed forward, grabbing onto their leader. Niall and Liam grabbed onto Louis. Harry left my side to tend to Zayn

Louis and Alston were still struggling against the boys holding them. They were yelling and cussing at each other.

I saw Thea turn and disappear into the crowd behind her. I couldn’t see where she had gone until I saw her climb the steps onto the porch and into the house.

I followed after her; everyone else was too focused on the boys yelling in the backyard that it was easy to push away back into the house. I couldn’t see her anywhere so I headed up the staircase to where I knew her room was. The door was shut and I knocked on it.

There was shuffling inside before Thea opened the door, her face tear stained. I stepped back, awkward now that I was here. I didn’t know how to comfort someone.

“Are you okay?” I asked weakly but Thea smiled through her tears and stepped back from the door to let me in. I shut it behind me.

“I’m pathetic is what I am.” She mumbled, falling to sit on her bed, pulling a pillow into her lap.

“I don’t think you’re pathetic.” I supplied, unsure what else to say.

She laughed and patted the spot next to her on the bed, I slowly climbed on, carefully kicking my shoes off so I didn’t dirty the comforter.

“I am, trust me, I’ve been pathetically in love with a boy who doesn’t love me back. Instead, he gets angry when another boy tries to kiss me and starts a fight. But yet he does not even like me. Only as friends.” Thea tried to laugh but fresh tears fell.

I sat there awkwardly, my hands twitched, unsure where to place comfort.

“He’s drunk.” I supplied knowing full well that saying that never gave the person an excuse. “Caydance will probably skin him alive if that makes you feel any better?”

She laughed and I counted that as a win. “Thanks for following me up here.” She mumbled after a short silence.

I shrugged and shifted uncomfortably. “I’m not exactly sure what to say but I didn’t think you should be alone.”

Thea just smiled and leant her head back against the pillows on her bed. I sat there staring around the brightly coloured room. Thea had poured decoration into every corner of the room; they were bright colours that spoke Thea. I noticed the large span of photos covering the wall above her desk. Thea was a happy and friendly person, it showed in everything she did even within her walls. I wondered what my own walls said about me.

“I didn’t even want him to kiss me, that’s the worse part.” I turned back to Thea.

“I’ve been hanging out with Daniel and it’s fun, I like hanging out with him but…” She trailed off, her eyes filling with tears again.

“But Louis, right?” I said softly, taking courage and climbing to the top of the bed to lie beside Thea.

She nodded sadly. “I’m stupid aren’t I? For still liking him. I thought, maybe if I hang out with Daniel I could like him. And I do. But as friends, that’s all and I don’t know what to do with that and I feel like I’ve led him on and I’m a horrible person.”

“Thea Ivy Kinsley, you are in no way a horrible person.” I almost exhaled in relief when Caydance walked into the room, her eyes firm but she was soft when she came to wrap herself around Thea.

“You’re in love with a douchebag, Daniel knew that when he first started trying to get your attention. This is in no way you’re fault. You didn’t lead anyone on.”

Caydance was flawless in her words, conviction hard enough for Thea and I to easily believe her.

Cecile hovered at the doorway, her eyes roaming across the three of us; I patted the spot next to me.

“Everyone’s gone home, Sidney said we can clean it up tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry, I ruined the party.” Thea frowned into Caydance’s chest, earning herself a slap to the back of the head.

“What did I just say?” Caydance demanded. “None of this is your fault. It’s Louis’, not yours.”

“Oh please stop being angry at Louis, Caydee, not when you’re all going home tomorrow.”

Caydance sighed, she didn’t seem angry anymore. “I’m not overly angry at him anymore, the fight was half Daniel egging him on as well. I might feel sort of bad for him.” Caydance supplied.

“How about we just say boys are dicks in general.” Cecile supplied making Thea snort with laughter. I smiled at my friend, glad that she was here.

We stayed in Thea’s bedroom, soon joined by Olivia and Rhiannon. Thea had stopped crying, her face now bright and happy as she laughed loudly at anything the girls said.

The cautious knock at the door pulled all of our attention. I blinked surprised to see Zayn standing there, Sidney by his side. He was holding a washer to his mouth.

“Zayn wants to talk to you Indi.” Sidney supplied, she looked tired, her eyes were red and her whole body leant against the side of the door.

I crawled off the bed and made my way to Zayn while Caydance told Sidney to go to bed, they would make sure everyone else was safely inside.

Zayn led me outside to the backyard.

“I wanted to say goodbye, properly, before we all head home tomorrow.” Zayn said, turning to face me. His hand still held a cloth to his lip, lumps of ice poking through it.

“How’s Louis?” I asked, dropping to sit on the stairs to the porch. Zayn stayed standing.

“Passed out drunk on his bed.” He said, shrugging, his eyes seemed to turn to the backyard where the fight had taken place only hours ago.

“Hopefully with a killer hangover tomorrow.”

“You sound like Caydance.” Zayn said, taking his hand away from his mouth. There was a cut there; blood still welling at the top, there would definitely be a bruise tomorrow.

“I’ve just spend the last hour or so with her and Thea, so yeah I probably do.” I snapped at him.

“You’re pissed.” Zayn said plainly. He seemed amused.

“Of course I’m pissed. How childish could you all be tonight? Starting a fight, and you, you going and getting yourself hit amongst it all.”

“You sound worried,” Zayn’s smirk pulled on his lip and made him wince, I smiled in satisfaction.

“I don’t like fighting Zayn.”

His face softened and he came to sit on the stairs next to me. “I don’t usually fight, promise. Just when Louis’ involved.”

“Gotta protect your own right?” I grumbled.

Zayn and I sat there silently, I didn’t know how to break the silence, and I didn’t even know what he wanted me to say. Things had been going well tonight but now it was awkward and Zayn was hurt and he had hurt someone.

“I better go home then.” He stood up, his posture stiff.

I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “Put Aloe Vera on your lip, it will stop most of the swelling.”

He paused, his eyes turning back to scrutinize me. “Do I want to know how you know that?”

“Probably not.”

“You going home tomorrow?”

“Yep.” I stood up off the step, not wanting to continue this conversation.

“Are you going to come back with more bruises?” Zayn asked loudly, his tone was angry.

I glared at him. “Don’t ask me that.” I growled out.

“Why not?” He snapped.

“Because you don’t have the right to.” I yelled at him, angry at everyone deciding that they deserved to know about my life. They thought they could just worm their way in and demand answers and solutions from me.

Zayn stood there, angry with me when I wasn’t the one who wanted him in my life in the first place.

He looked ready to fight back but he winced again, pressing the ice back to his lip and all at once the fight drained from his body. He looked tired, his hair flat and his body almost swaying on his feet. “Whatever Indi, Merry Christmas.” He turned without another word, heading out the side gate.

-

There were cars and people bustling around everywhere, parents climbing out and embracing kids, helping pack suitcases into the back of cars before they were off, one car space open for another car to pull in only seconds later.

I had already said goodbye to the girls, Caydance smacking a large kiss on my cheek before she went to stand where Louis and Zayn were watching a car pull up. The lady that climbed out had Louis’ face and slapped the back of his head in only the way a mother could. Caydance cackled from beside the group as Louis’ Mum began to scold both boys for their obvious injuries.

“Indiana!”

I followed the voice and saw my Mum waving from not far away. I smiled despite myself and tugged my bag over to her. She threw her arms around my shoulder and I ignored the dark bruise that appeared when her sleeves pulled up.

“Missed you Mum.”

“I missed you too sweetheart.” She whispered pressing a kiss to my hairline before her shaking hands helped to place my bag in the trunk of the car. She climbed in the front and I threw one last glance at the campus and my eyes immediately sought out Zayn. They were all climbing in the car now, laughing and smiling amongst themselves as Caydance shoved Louis into the back so she could climb into the front.

Sighing I took a deep breath and forced myself to the front of the car, falling into the seat and closing my eyes to the bright world around me.

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