Study of Life and Love

Caydance

“Caydee, Caydee, Caydee, Caydee.”

I groaned at the squeals and thumps that were coming from my closed bedroom door.

“What?” I growled out, loudly.

The door opened, two small pairs of feet clattered across my floor and jumped onto my bed. I groaned at the impact of two five-year-old girls landing on my stomach.

“Can I help either of you?” I growled, and wrapped myself around them both, squishing them into the bed.

“Mumma said time for brekky.” Caitlin said, her big brown eyes sparkling up at me. Her twin sister, Ciera, was beginning to doze off on my pillow. I sighed and climbed out of bed.

“Come on munchkins.” I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and followed the two girls down the stairs and into the kitchen where everything was always messily organised.

“Morning Cay, can you get the juice and some cups.” My Mum called over her shoulder when I walked into the kitchen. She was trying to get Tessa to sit in the high chair; there were a lot of tears.

I nudged Leo out of the way as he tried to grab pieces of bacon straight from the pan, I threw him a glare before grabbing enough cups for all of us. Leo, grumbled, but took them to the table for me.

Footsteps came thundering down the stairs and my thirteen and fourteen year old brothers, Kyle and Andy, squished there way through the kitchen door and settled themselves at the table, expectantly.

“Where’s double A?” I asked, falling into the seat between Tessa and Ciera. Tessa stopped fighting her way out of the chair and turned to babble at me.

“I wish you would stop calling us that.” Alexander walked into the room, followed by his twin sister.

“We’re eighteen now Caydee and if you say that in front of any of our friends, I will kill you.” Anna pressed a kiss to my head before sitting two seats down from me, next to Caitlin.

“Alright, everyone tuck in.” Mum placed the plates of meat onto the table and Leo reached over to grab a handful of the bacon. Alexander slapped his hand and made him take only two.

“All you do is eat, boy.” Mum scolded him while Tessa began throwing some of her mush around.

“Are you going to be with Louis and Zayn today?” Mum asked when I began to heap eggs onto my plate.

I met her eye and shrugged.

“She’s mad at Louis.” Anna broke in. “Lottie told me all about it.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “I’m sure Lottie knows nothing.” I couldn’t imagine Louis told his sister much about what had happened at Uni.

“What are you two fighting about now?” Mum questioned. “You always get too angry too fast Caydance. I’m sure you can forgive what Louis has done. Especially before Christmas.”

Her guilt tripping was always strongest around Christmas. “It’s fine Mum, we’ll be civil.”

She snorted like she couldn’t believe it of us. I glared at Anna for ratting me out; she childishly poked her tongue back.

I moved to retaliate when a warm splat hit the side of my cheek. I turned to see Tessa giggling, a huge smile on her small little face. A spoon dangled, guiltily, from one hand, food still dripping off the end. I sighed in annoyance.

-

We were a mob, basically, a mob of screaming and squawking children. A few adults tried to chaperone us but with the amount of kids, they were all vastly outnumbered.

Between Zayn, Louis and myself we all had our fair share of siblings and when our parents decided to be friends and bring the families together, constantly, it ended with a whole lot of energetic and excited kids.

Louis was off amongst them all, a big kid himself, making them all laugh and pulling one or two kids up into the air. We were supposed to be looking at the Christmas lights that had decorated the main streets of the town but none of the kids seemed too worried about it all.

“You’re quiet.” I commented to Zayn. He was usually amongst it all, with Louis and the kids. He loved playing with his sisters and he loved playing with everyone else’s siblings too. Tessa squirmed in my arms; she was half asleep, her eyes fighting to stay open.

“So are you.” He pointed out. “Still angry with Louis.”

“I’m always angry with Louis.” I replied with a shrug. “Possibly not so much angry at the Thea thing anymore.”

“You love him.” Zayn teased, his eyes dancing with the lights that surrounded us.

I snorted and shook my head. “Doesn’t stop him from being a douche half the time.”

“Like you’re any different.”

I gasped and shoved Zayn’s shoulder in protest.

“Who was the one that refused to date a freshmen just because he was a freshmen? Despite said freshmen being the man of her dreams.” Zayn batted his ridiculously long eyelashes in my direction.

“Oh shut up. I got with Harry in the end though didn’t I? Louis on the other hand, has no idea what he wants.”

“I think he’s starting to figure it out.” Zayn mused as Louis spun with Caitlin and Ciera on either arm; the other kids began to line up for the same thing.

“Well it’s too late. I’m not letting him hurt Thea.”

“Caydance.” Zayn groaned.

“What Zayn? She’s my Thea okay? She’s the person that has been there for me and vice versa. She is all sunshine and rainbows and only sees the good in the world. At the same time she only sees the bad in herself. Do you get how damaging that is, a self-conscious naïve girl? The world could destroy her. Louis could destroy her and I’m not going to let that happen.” I said.

“Yeah well Louis is my Thea okay, and he deserves to be happy just as much as Thea does.” Zayn responded. I sighed and dropped the conversation. I didn’t want to argue this anymore.

“Nicely done, you know, changing the subject like that.” I said instead. “I did ask you why you were so quiet.” I pointed out. He flushed as the mob of us stopped walking. The kids finally found a house worth staring at for more then ten seconds. Probably because someone dressed like Santa sat in the front yard.

“I’ve been worried, about Indiana.” Zayn admitted, Louis was making his way towards us. I passed Tessa off to my Mum and took a seat on the sidewalk with Zayn. Louis joined his other side.

“Have you talked to her since we left?” I asked. Zayn shook his head. Louis didn’t need to ask to know whom the conversation was about.

“Then why are you worried?”

Zayn shot me a disbelieving look. “Why do you think Caydance? It’s dangerous for her to be there, with them.”

“You don’t know them.” I said.

“I know that they’re hurting her, leaving bruises and who knows what else, all over her body.” Zayn was growing angry. “How can you sit there and be her friend and not want to protect her. You just said you would do anything to protect Thea from the world, so why not Indi?”

Louis and I shared an awkward glance. “Thea and Indi are not the same people. You think I don’t get angry when I see the bruises on her body. You think I wasn’t freaking scared when she came back to school with a broken arm and without a good excuse.”

Zayn looked livid at the idea. Even Louis looked pissed.

“She’s my friend, guys, and I know what she needs. And what she needs is someone there for her, on her side that doesn’t attack her about all of this. She doesn’t need someone telling her how to live her life. She doesn’t need a saviour, she is perfectly capable of saving herself.”

“She’s not doing a good job of it.” Louis commented. I turned my glare on him.

“What you think that she needs either of you to save her? You think she’s not a fucking strong ass woman to be putting up with all of this for who knows how long. Does Indiana seem like someone who is drowning to you? Someone who is asking to be helped?”

Neither boy spoke up.

“I can guarantee you that when Indiana decides to do something about this, she will fucking do it. But until then the more you try to force her to do something or talk about it the more you are going to push her away. I haven’t demanded anything from her because I understand that she needs a friend. The moment I ask for more she will back away and shut me out. She doesn’t need someone telling her what to do. She needs a friend to be there for her, to listen to her and to take her mind away from it all.

“You might think that you need to help her or that she needs saving, but you’re wrong. She’s stronger then any of us and I know that she will do the right thing when the time comes. So be there for her, be the friend that she needs. But don’t demand things of her; don’t try to control her. Woman are not helpless, so don’t treat us like we are.”

I stood up from the gutter and made my way over to our families, leaving Zayn and Louis to think over what they needed to but I was done arguing over this. I was done defending both Indiana’s and my actions from people who had only decided to care about her this year. I knew what Indiana was capable of and I would be there for her when she needed me, but she didn’t need me to make the decision for her. I understood that a lot better then they did.

“We’re going to start heading home, the kids are getting tired.” Mum said when I joined her side. Ciera was leaning against my Mum’s legs, her eyes closed. I smiled and bent down to pick her up. She snuggled against me, her weight heavier then I remembered but I endured, for her.

“Everything okay with you three?” Mum asked, nodding over to Zayn and Louis who were heading in our direction.

“There’s just been a bit of drama at Uni and I had to set them straight.” I told her. “I’ll tell you about it later.”

Mum nodded and pressed a kiss to my head.

“Alright everyone say goodbye.” Jay, Louis’ Mum called out. There were only a few protests, everyone mostly happy to be heading home now, anyway.

Alexander joined my side; Caitlin nestled in his arm. Anna relieved Mum of Tessa while Andy, Kyle and Leo ran ahead of us all.

“Despite the loudness, I can’t find it in me to ever be annoyed at having a big family.” Anna commented. “How do you even stay away from so much chaos, Caydee?”

“That’s why a chose to be in a sorority.” I replied. “Our house is organised compared to Grace.”

-

Christmas day was spent how we usually did it: with a whole lot of food, screaming, and occasional tears.

Mum handed out the few small presents she could afford for each of us. Everyone eagerly ripped into the own and lamented, loudly, how much they loved each gift. The young ones were off already playing and comparing presents when Louis’ family piled into the house. Snow had started to fall outside and the kids were getting excited.

“Merry Christmas Caydance.” Louis came up to me, an innocent smile plastered across his face. I laughed and pulled him into a hug. It was Christmas and I didn’t want to be angry with anyone.

Zayn’s family came over closer to lunch just as the kids decided it was time to go outside and stand under the snow. Louis dragged both Zayn and I with. We all piled into coats and gloves and I happily shoved a beanie over Zayn’s gelled hair.
“So how are you doing with your freshmen prince?” Louis asked, sitting down on the porch steps, next to me, there was snow in his hair but he either didn’t care or didn’t know.

“I talked with him last night before bed, but haven’t heard anything from him today.” I told Louis; ignoring the nickname he had given Harry.

“It’s good to see you happy, Caydee.” Louis nudged my shoulder and offered a smile. I grinned back, my cheeks warming up.

“Thanks.” I said before letting the silence swallow us. I felt guilty; I had been too busy being annoyed or angry with Louis lately that I hadn’t bothered to be a friend to him as well.

“Are you? Are you happy?” I asked him, my eyes narrowing at the way he shrugged.

“Eh, I’m not miserable.” He winked. I frowned; I could still see the remains of a black eye underneath Louis’ left eye.

“It must be hard,” I began, “after Eleanor cheated, to be able to actually want to be in a relationship again.”

It was Louis’ turn to narrow his eyes at me. “I’m a big boy, I’m not that hurt.” He protested.

I rolled my eyes and stood up off the porch steps. “Alright then, let me cream you in a snowball fight and we’ll see whose crying in the end.”

We teamed off and spent the rest of our energy throwing snowballs and tackling each other to the ground. The kids were endless bounds of energy and I couldn’t help but run and scream and laugh with them all.

“I know you’ve been at Uni for a while now,” Mum murmured into my hair, that night when we lay on the couch, in front of the fireplace, “but I still really miss you being here.”

“I miss being here too.” I murmured, closing my eyes to the feel of her fingers across my scalp. “I miss watching everyone grow up.”

“I miss you not telling me everything. I heard you and Louis talking about a boy?”

I blushed and laughed into my Mum’s shoulder; unable to help the large smile that swept across my features.

“I’ve never seen you like this at one mention of a boy. Even when you had that massive crush on Louis.”

“Mum!” I gasped out, slapping her shoulder and blushing even redder. She only laughed, pulling my head back down.

“Wanna tell me about him?” She asked. I grinned and thought of Harry. Yeah, I was more then willing to talk about him to my Mother.

-

Harry showed up the next day, his eyes bright and his hands clasped behind his back. He had a ridiculous red bow tied around his unruly curls.

I gaped at him, standing in the doorway. “What?”

“Merry Christmas.” He beamed, spreading his arms open. “I’m your present, see?” He pointed, unnecessarily, to the bow on his head.

“Caydance, who is it?” Mum called out from behind me.

I almost slammed the door in Harry’s face, but my Mum was there and she had already seen him. It was too late.

“And who are you?” She asked sweetly.

“I’m Harry ma’am.” He reached out to shake her hand. “Harry Styles.”

My Mum’s eyes almost danced in glee. She turned to me, briefly, before scolding me for leaving him outside. “I have no idea who taught her manners, certainly wasn’t me. Come on in dear.”

I followed blindly behind my Mum as she led us to the kitchen, already boiling water for a cup of tea. I stood there, awkwardly next to Harry, who chatted to my Mum like they were old buddies.

There was a crash and scream from upstairs that pulled my Mother’s attention away. “Better go see what happened.” She mumbled before heading out of the kitchen.

“What are you doing here?” I hissed at Harry.

“I drove here, to see you.” He said simply, like things could be that simple.

“But why?” I asked, at a loss for what to do with Harry in my family kitchen.

“I’m your present.” He said, repeating what he had said earlier. “I wanted to get you something and Thea said you don’t like presents, you just like being together with the people you love and well I love you, so I wanted to be here, with you. I would have come yesterday but I had family stuff.”

Harry said it so easily, so simply like it wasn’t a hard thing to admit. “You love me?” I asked, shocked.

He narrowed his eyes at me and stood up from the stool he had taken at Mum’s request. His face was exasperated, his eyes rolling into the back of his head.

“Of course I love you.” He cried out, flinging his arms in front of me. “Why wouldn’t I?” He didn’t seem to think there was an answer to that question, even though I could think of a hundred.

“I love you too.” I grinned, pushing forward to finally press my lips against his. His hands found my sides and gently ran along my hipbones.

“I suppose I should unwrap my present then.” I grinned wickedly, reaching up to tug on the bow surrounding Harry’s curls.

Someone coughed from behind us. “No more unwrapping better happen while I’m in here.”

I laughed, at the way Alexander tried to look bigger then Harry, taller and scarier. Harry took it in his stride though. He kept the same happy smile and calm demeanor through meeting each of my family members. Even though the young girls went nuts over him and Tessa wouldn’t stop pulling on his curls every time he got too close.

He didn’t even look overwhelmed when we went to Louis’ house later to have dinner with his and Zayn’s family. He fit right in, meeting everyone and pulling Louis and Zayn into hugs. They had both apparently known of his plans the entire time.

Harry sat down in a chair beside me and relaxed back, his eyes roaming around the loud room before helping himself to some food. He looked at me questioningly when I hadn’t taken my eyes off of him.

“Thank you,” I commented, “for wanting to meet my family and being amazing with them. We can be a massive hand fall, I understand that.”

Harry shook his head, reaching over to entwine our hands. “You have no idea how much I love this. My family is so small and being here, amongst all of this, with so many people yelling and screaming and being energetic in every possible way, it’s amazing. I wish I had this every day. This is why I joined a fraternity. So I could have a big family.”

I smiled happily at Harry’s acceptance of my large family, I loved them and I loved Harry so I was glad that mixed together well. I caught my Mum’s eye from across the table. She nodded and winked at me, approval shining through her gestures. I happily leant back against Harry and dug into more food.