Study of Life and Love

I could feel Nina’s eyes trying to burn a whole into my back, I ignored her and continued to unpack my clothes from the suitcase.

“You know it happens to a lot of people. They come to Uni thinking they’re going to stay at the top of the class like they were in high school only to find it harder.”

I sighed and grabbed a coat hanger for the red dress I was holding. It was Nina’s, the one she had let me wear on my date with Liam.

“But I was top of all my classes and it wasn’t that I found the work hard it was that I didn’t spend enough time studying.” I defended.

“Hey we all can see what too much studying does to you. Sidney was basically falling apart before the last holidays.” Nina pointed out.

There was a knock at the door and Leah poked her head through. “House meeting in five.” She disappeared and I grabbed my last shirt and folded it into my drawers.

Nina was sprawled across my bed, her own bed covered with clothes. She didn’t make a move to get up.

“I’m not saying I’m going to stop socializing and lock myself away to study. I’m just saying that I need to spend more time studying then I did last semester and if that means occasionally missing a party or taking lunch in the library then I’m okay with that.” It wasn’t my Dad’s disappointment when he saw my grades that had hurt the worse; it was my own. I had expected to be better at this. I still passed everything, but I had expected to pass better. I wanted to be better.

“And Liam?” Nina asked, climbing off my bed.

I paused, debating over my own thoughts. “I haven’t even seen or spoken to Liam since we’ve been back and the few measly texts we sent over the holidays is barely enough to really expect anything from him. Last semester was what it was; I don’t think I have time for a boy right now. Not one that caused that much trouble. I mean I snuck out for him.” I was still surprised in myself. I had never been a rebellious type of girl.

“That was freaking awesome. Like teenage movie romance level of awesome.” Nina nodded at me as we headed out of our room and into the front living room where everyone was beginning to pile in.

“What about you and Luke? How much did you guys talk over the holidays? Enough to get a job to pay for the phone bill?” I teased.

Nina flushed but shook her head. “I did not go over my plan, because I have unlimited calls.” She added on. I laughed as we found a seat on the ground next to Leah and some other first year girls. Holidays were brought up and everyone talked about what they had been doing, funny Christmas stories with families and the anxiety of getting our first semester marks back.

Sidney’s arrival had the room quieting down. She looked better then she had before the holidays. Her skin wasn’t so pale, actually looked tanner. Her hair seemed healthy; the dark circles beneath her eyes had disappeared. She didn’t look fragile and weak; she looked strong and confident. She looked how she should always look.

“Welcome back my beautiful ladies. Hope you had a great holiday.” Sidney greeted us all with a smile. Caydance slipped into the room, pulling everyone’s attention. Her hair was messy and her lips were swollen.

Sidney ignored her and continued. “There are a few things I need to mention before I let you all continue to settle in. There’s a welcome back party at Emmanuel’s tomorrow night.” A cheer rose through all of us. “However I would ask all of you not to get too drunk as the day after that we will be welcoming the previous leader of Grace house.

“Every year a graduated member from Grace always comes to visit at the start of the second semester to see how everything is going, meet the new members and talk about connections. Most of you won’t have anything to do with this but house attendance for all three main meals are mandatory that day. The previous years leader, Gemma, will want to meet as many of you as possible, it’s nothing to be nervous about. She won’t interrogate you it’s just her business to know you all.”

Sidney continued on for a while. Discussing the next lot of sporting events happening between the houses. We were expected to volunteer at the retirement village not far from here as well as find other ways to volunteer in the community. There was a fete coming up, put on by the Uni and we were all expected to help out in that as well.

“And lastly, I’m sure all the first years have probably already remembered but I will let you know anyway. As you have completed your first semester, relationships are no longer banned, you can and you probably will, flirt, make out and God knows whatever else you want to do tomorrow night at the welcome back party. You are free to do as you wish.”

Nina’s elbow was sharp in my side. I avoided her eyes. I had remembered over the holidays that this was no longer a rule for us. If Liam had wanted to, we could be a couple in public. But what was the likelihood of Liam wanting that. We had been on one date and we had almost been sprung on that one date. The likelihood of Liam wanting to date me properly was very slim.

I could feel Nina’s irritation when we made our way slowly back to the room. She slammed our bedroom door shut as quick as possible behind us and leant back against us.

“Are you seriously going to cock block yourself?” She looked disappointed in me.

I laughed. “You are being overdramatic and living under the assumption that Liam wants to keep dating me. He’s a senior, going to be leader of Kings house and he is not going to keep being interested in a first year. Trust me Liam Payne has long since moved on from me and even if he hasn’t I will not be just another girl he sweet talks into bed.”

“I do.”

“Come on,” I laughed, “help me put your clothes away so we don’t have to share my bed tonight.” I coaxed her over as she grumbled under her breath.

-

“Nina, Riley!”

Both Nina and I paused, Luke and Harry pausing with us while we watched Danielle and her bouncing curls run our way.

“Oh great, do you think she’s seen us? Could we make a run for it?” Nina asked, her eyes scanned the open area we were caught in.

Luke snorted “She can’t be that bad.”

“Just wait.” Nina said, her face pushing a smile through when Danielle reached us.

“How have you girls been? It’s good to see you both.” She pulled us into hugs, quick enough that my hand barely touched her back before she was pulling away. “You girls should come join us for some lunch, we’re going to watch the King’s practice football.”

Nina began to protest but Danielle’s eyes cut to me, ignoring Nina. “I’m sure Riley would love to see the game. Might be someone in particular out there that would make it worthwhile.”

It was awkward; I knew at least three people around me knew what Danielle was talking about. Poor Luke looked lost, staring between the three of us. Danielle took my silence as permission and latched onto my arm. I grabbed onto Nina tightly before she could escape.

She waved miserably at both the boys who looked only slightly concerned for us. Harry already pulled Luke into a conversation. Nina shot me a dirty look before hunching her shoulder and obediently following down to the fields.

A small crowd had gathered. Some for the match while the others enjoyed the day out to be with friends. It was cold and I pulled my jacket closer around myself.

Danielle directed us to a table that sat four Francis girls. It actually worried me how none of them seemed surprised that Danielle had come back with more people. Like she had gone out of her way to come and find us.

It was easy at first, talking with the girls with the usual polite questions. How was your holiday? What did you do for Christmas? Isn’t it just cold? The whole time I kept my eyes firmly away from the football field and focused on the girls talking. Of course Danielle had sat me on the side that faced the field so it was an actual struggle to not find him out there.

Danielle finally won when the boys started playing. All girls turned to watch the game and I didn’t have anything else to do but sit there and watch as Liam played the game. I watched as he laughed and cheered and tackled his friends. I watched, as he steadily grew sweatier and sweatier until he eventually lost his shirt in the cool weather. I shot Nina an exasperated look but she was too engrossed in the game in front of us to notice.

I sat through the practice game, constantly telling myself over and over again that I needed better grades, I didn’t have time for a boy and Liam Payne most certainly didn’t want anything more from me. It was okay, this was over, and my heart was not beating irregularly every time he glanced in our direction. Nope, it wasn’t.

“Aren’t you going to go give your man a kiss?” Danielle nudged me and I blushed under all the stares that were directed my way. “He looks too good and sweaty to not run over there.”

“He’s not my man.”

“Who?” One of the other girls asked, her eyes curious and hungry for gossip.

“Liam Payne of course.” Danielle simpered. I tried to cut in but another girl stepped in.

“Don’t you remember Eleanor telling Toran that she saw them together at the Diner the boys go to all the time? Not very romantic.” She scrunched her nose up.

“It was so.” I bit back before realising I had admitted to it.

Danielle looked especially happy. “So you are dating.”

“No we’re not. It was one date, ages ago and nothing else. Liam and I are not together, at all, we never were.” I was worried that this might get back to the Grace girls somehow. I could still get in trouble now if they found out that I had broken their rules last semester.

“Well then, if you’re not dating you won’t mind me asking him to the party tonight?” Danielle teased, she clearly thought I was going to protest and prove her right. I stood my ground.

“Go right ahead.” I could feel Nina shift beside me like she wanted to cut in and end this conversation but I was glad she didn’t. I didn’t need her to fight this for me.

Danielle stood up, her eyes narrowed in on me as if trying to find some sign of weakness or lie but I held her stare. Her smirk only grew.

“Well if you insist.” She turned and marched over towards the boys who were putting their things together. Liam was still shirtless, his shirt thrown over his left shoulder while he rubbed a towel over his damp hair.

Nina’s hands dug into my arms and I could feel a small churning motion in my stomach when Danielle approached Liam. He smiled at her warmly and I tried not to feel jealous, that wasn’t my smile. I didn’t own it.

She was talking, leaning in closer to him and resting one of her hands on his shoulder. He started laughing. My nails were digging into my leg painfully.

“Let’s go. We need to get back and get ready for tonight.” Nina cut in. It was a weak excuse but it got us out of there anyway.

“See I told you.” I mumbled to Nina as we headed away, sets of eyes staring intently at our backs. “I’m just another person to sleep with, someone to win and warm his bed before he finds the next best thing. Why keep working on me when you have willing participants like Danielle?”

Nina seemed at a loss to say anything. Instead she wrapped an arm around my waist and let me rest my head on her shoulder. I knew this would happen I knew it and I had prepared myself for it. Didn’t stop the hollow feeling that was spreading through me.

-

I thought it would be easy that night. Easy to not see Liam and Danielle or either one by themselves because they would be too preoccupied in each other to care about me, right?

Except, Liam was hovering in the doorway of Emmanuel’s house when we all arrived, his smile lazy and he already had a drink in his hand. I stopped my feet from automatically heading in his direction like my body always insisted.

I couldn’t help but look for Danielle while Liam greeted Sidney and Thea. She wasn’t anywhere in sight and I realised that he must be waiting for her.

I pushed through with the rest of the Grace girls and submerged myself in the party. It wasn’t long before Liam was once again in the same room as me, his eyes landing on me from across the room while I waited patiently for Nina to make me a drink. He started to make his way through the crowd, but I didn’t need to be let down in person, so I grabbed the half finished drink and dashed out of the room and through the gyrating bodies on the dance floor in the next room.

I frowned and held my drink up out of reach before moving to another room. I found a group of Gracie girls in one corner, chatting and playing a game of pool. I moved over to join them trying to hide away amongst the masses.

I noticed Danielle at another table, playing pool with some Cromwell boys. I watched her sway to the music, swallow shots when it was called for and generally chat with everyone around her. She seemed nice and lovely and beautiful. And I didn’t understand what made me so uncomfortable around her. More then anything she was nosy and nosy didn’t go well when you had secrets.

I sighed in annoyance when Liam walked into the poolroom, he was no longer smiling and there wasn’t a drink in his hand. His posture wasn’t as broad and open as it was when we had first arrived. My eyes met his again and he nodded out of the room. I hesitated but the withdrawn look on his face made me step back from the pool table and follow him out and back through the winding bodies on the dance floor until we had found another room, a bedroom.

I hesitated when we stepped inside but stayed safe in the knowledge that Liam probably didn’t want to have sex in someone else’s bed, especially not in a house that was mostly filled with his enemies.

“Hey,” Liam shut the door, cutting out most of the music from the room so we could only hear the soft ‘thump thump’ against the walls and the occasional cheer when a round of shots was called.

“Hey.” I said shakily, still clutching the drink that Nina had made me. I felt too worked up to drink any of it, unsure if I wanted to lose control tonight. “Shouldn’t you be with Danielle?” I blurted out before wincing, glad that I hadn’t drunk anything in case anything further was blurted from my mouth, like how good Liam’s biceps looked in his blue shirt or how much my fingers itched to run through his hair again.

Liam smirked, his eyes lighting up and he was no longer hunched over. “That’s why you’re being weird, you think I said yes to Dani.”

“I’m not being weird.” I defended, trying not to smile at what Liam said. They hadn’t come together but that didn’t mean anything.

“You are, I was waiting at the door for you and you just walked on past like you barely knew me. You paid more attention to me when we were hiding this.” Liam laughed like this was in the past, like everything was okay now.

“What do you mean when we were? We still have to hide this.” I said hurriedly, worried that he might have already said something. “They can’t find out that we were you know, whatever, if they find out I broke their rules they will kick me out.”

Liam frowned and took a step towards me. I stopped myself from stepping forward.

“But they already knew, they’ve probably known most of the time.”

I gaped at Liam. Shocked that he would tell them, was he trying to get me kicked out? “Why would you tell them?” I snapped at him, confusion was tearing through me and I could feel the tears building in my eyes like they always did when I got emotional.

“I didn’t. They just knew, I don’t think we were as subtle as we hoped. So we don’t have to hide it anymore.” Liam smiled but I only shook my head turning away from him and staring wildly around the room.

“This is bad, so bad. I am so dead. They are going to kill me, well no they are going to kick me out and God my Dad is going to be disappointed and my Mum.” I choked back the tears and jumped when Liam touched my shoulder.

“What’s going on? No one is going to kick you out.” Liam was worrying his bottom lip between his teeth and I was tempted to tug it out.

“You don’t understand I’m not supposed to date Liam, just because the rules are over doesn’t mean they still can’t kick me out when they find out I broke the rules.”

Liam shook his head. “You don’t understand, most people already know. It’s not as serious as you think it is. The rule they do is just a bit of fun on the freshers that’s all. That’s why so many guys try to get them to break it, because they know it isn’t serious.”

I looked at Liam sharply. “Is that what you were doing? Just trying to get me to break it?” I asked.

Liam looked shocked but I had already been warned about this. Warned that the other houses like to lure us into breaking the rules and I thought Liam was different but why else would he be interested in me?

“My God I’m such an idiot.” I turned on Liam and stormed out of the bedroom, making sure the door slammed behind me. I pushed through the house of people and snagged a bottle of vodka from a table before heading out the front door and towards Grace house. I didn’t want to deal with this. I didn’t want to think about the fact that at any moment Sidney might decide to throw me out because of some stupid boy.