If Things Could Be Different
1/1
“If we have this conversation, it’s going to end badly for you. Consider that a warning.”
She sighed and ran a hand through her long, chestnut brown hair. “I know it will. I know exactly what’s going to happen. I know how it’s going to end.”
“Then keep your mouth shut?” he replied in a questioning tone, as if he wasn't quite sure what to make of the situation. Truthfully though, he had no idea. She always had a way of confusing him, even with how predictable as things between them were.
“No. I just…I need to get this off my chest. I’m sick of holding it in and having no one to talk to about it. If anything will break up my relationship it’s going to be me keeping this bottled up.”
“Look, I already know you have feelings for me and you know that I never meant for that to happen. Just leave it at that.”
She shook her head and looked away as she spoke. “It’s so much more than that. It’s that they’re not going away, no matter how much I want them to. It’s that they’re unreturned feelings.”
“What do you mean they’re ‘unreturned’?”
“You don’t have feelings for me.”
He let out a small sigh. “What if I did?”
She gave him a skeptical look and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Well, do you?”
“Maybe. Small. But still there.”
“That doesn't make me feel any better. Maybe it does, I don’t know.”
He looked at her questioningly.
“The point is, even if you do have feelings for me, nothing is going to come out of it. You’re in a relationship, I’m in a relationship. Neither one of us is the type to give up something we’re familiar and comfortable with to try out a “what if.” Even if we were perfect together, we’re both the type to be scared to try it out because we've got something steady going on already. So, it doesn’t matter.”
There was a cold, uncomfortable silence between them, and then she walked away without another word. He should have stopped her, and he had wanted to, but she was right.
“I wish things were different,” he called softly after her, knowing she couldn’t hear him. “I wish we could try.”
She sighed and ran a hand through her long, chestnut brown hair. “I know it will. I know exactly what’s going to happen. I know how it’s going to end.”
“Then keep your mouth shut?” he replied in a questioning tone, as if he wasn't quite sure what to make of the situation. Truthfully though, he had no idea. She always had a way of confusing him, even with how predictable as things between them were.
“No. I just…I need to get this off my chest. I’m sick of holding it in and having no one to talk to about it. If anything will break up my relationship it’s going to be me keeping this bottled up.”
“Look, I already know you have feelings for me and you know that I never meant for that to happen. Just leave it at that.”
She shook her head and looked away as she spoke. “It’s so much more than that. It’s that they’re not going away, no matter how much I want them to. It’s that they’re unreturned feelings.”
“What do you mean they’re ‘unreturned’?”
“You don’t have feelings for me.”
He let out a small sigh. “What if I did?”
She gave him a skeptical look and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Well, do you?”
“Maybe. Small. But still there.”
“That doesn't make me feel any better. Maybe it does, I don’t know.”
He looked at her questioningly.
“The point is, even if you do have feelings for me, nothing is going to come out of it. You’re in a relationship, I’m in a relationship. Neither one of us is the type to give up something we’re familiar and comfortable with to try out a “what if.” Even if we were perfect together, we’re both the type to be scared to try it out because we've got something steady going on already. So, it doesn’t matter.”
There was a cold, uncomfortable silence between them, and then she walked away without another word. He should have stopped her, and he had wanted to, but she was right.
“I wish things were different,” he called softly after her, knowing she couldn’t hear him. “I wish we could try.”
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