Lokasenna

Frigga had selected another volume out of her private library, which Sigyn took to Loki later that day along with his dinner. He gave her the other book, to return to his mother, but when she left his cell again Sig kept the book.
She sat at the table in the niche and opened the book by the light of the candle. The script was old, but she managed to decipher it without too much effort. The book, apparently, gave instructions on the manipulation of the element of wind. On its pages were ways to improve one's ability to control the wind. Sig read with increasing interest. Why would Frigga supply Loki with such books? Was she helping him to improve his magic? Was she trying to help him escape?
As she read on she found some passages on how to practice these skills. She looked up at the window of Loki's cell. He was lying on his bed, the book on his chest. He had fallen asleep while reading.
Sig took the book with her when she retired to the servants' quarters. She stayed up all night reading in the bathroom where she had good light. While reading she tried to practice as much as she could. Nothing much happened the first few times she tried, but after a while she found one passage that triggered something:
"The Ego must be disposed of when summoning the powers of nature."
She repeated this phrase in her head for a while.
Seated on the floor, her back resting against the wall, she stared at the flames underneath the copper bath tubs.

Ego.

Sig attempted to figure out what this meant to her. What was her ego? Was it her essence, her soul, her personality, her beliefs, her ideals? Or were these all the same and did these elements together form her so-called "ego"?
She sat for a long time pondering on this illusive concept.

Two weeks passed. She had not spoken any more to Loki, although he still tried to engage her in conversation. During the day she performed her duties in prison and at night she read the book and practiced. Loki seemed to devour the books Frigga gave him and every time he finished one, Sig read them too before returning them to the secret library.
The notion of an "ego" had been playing in Sig's head all the time, and the more she started to identify and define it in herself, the more she was able to perform the magic the books taught her. Her abilities were still very weak but she was progressing.

Loki was washing his face in the basin on the other side of the room. The fire underneath the tub had died overnight, as it so often did. Sig was kneeling on the floor, attempting to rekindle the flames. She stared at the chips of wood she tried to ignite. One chip seemed to have caught fire, but the other ones seemed to need more air. Sig concentrated hard. The chips of wood started to smoke more and more now until- 'How did you do that?'
Sig nearly jumped at the sound of his voice, she had not noticed him moving. All her attention had been focused on the fire. She scrambled to her feet and made to leave the room but he was too fast for her. He grabbed her by the wrist and held her back.
'How did you do that?' he demanded in his most soft and dangerous tone.
She tried to free herself from his grip, but he was too strong. He pulled her closer to him. 'You have been reading Frigga's books, haven't you?' he said, a strange glimmer in his eyes while he let them roam freely over her face. She looked back at him with a stony glare, still struggling to free her hand. 'You sly thing,' he whispered, 'what else have you learned?' 'I have learned that it should be impossible for a man like you to be able to use magic.' she whispered back through gritted teeth, still trying to break his grip on her. A twisted smile appeared on his face. She had been uncomfortable before but now panic gripped her as if she could read the impending danger in his eyes. 'It seems almost impossible for someone whose entire being is so self-centred to set their ego aside.' his grip tightened and she struggled even more now, panting a little. 'You may think you are better than some of us because of your fortunate upbringing. If I should not be fit for servitude, why should you be fit for power? You are willing to sacrifice the lives of hundreds of innocent people for a missed attempt at selfish victory and yet you sneer at the help your mother sends you. I may be a weak girl, but at least I am not locked away in a cell because of childish endeavour to be seen as something greater than what you really are.' she had stopped struggling.
They glared at each other.
'Yes, my upbringing was very fortunate indeed.' his voice was trembling with anger, but his pitch was low. His face was very close to hers, he was still holding her by her wrist but it was hardly necessary anymore- her body seemed to have frozen. 'As a baby I was so fortunate to be left amidst the ruins of Jotunheim, so fortunate to have the Allfather stumble upon me there. I still count my blessings for being raised in the shadow of my unworthy brother, raised with the knowledge that I would never be good enough to follow in Odin's footsteps. How fortunate I felt when Odin revealed to me that I was not his, but Laufey's son. Being lied to, being used as a means to an end, always second best; always. My upbringing was extremely fortunate.'

When he had come to the end of his speech, Sig could do little more than gape at him. She did not know what to think of his story.
It was not only his information that confused her. His tone had been angry, but his eyes had been full of a bitter sadness, something which she had not expected to see in a man like him. She had thought him wholly selfish and evil, it was strange to see he was capable of feeling hurt. What had shocked her most, though, was that he was not Odin and Frigga's son, but Laufey's. She had thought it strange before, that Frigga cared so much for him even after all the horrible things he had done. It seemed even stranger now, knowing that he was not her child. Why was she still so persistent in wanting to look after him? Why did she have a secret library with books that instructed in magic and why was she lending them to Loki?

In the shocked silence he finally let go of her. He stepped back and stared pacing, running his hands through his hair and over his face. 'And now she has become a mute again.' his eyes were fixed on hers, his tone was frustrated. Sig still felt as if she was frozen to the spot. All she could do was look back at him. 'You may despise me, you may have orders, but this silence…' he stopped pacing, his hands in his hair, his face screaming with silent anguish, 'you may think me cruel but you deprive me of the only means for anyone to keep their sanity. You drift around me like a ghost, always listening, never speaking. You have only given me one glimpse of your mind and when I gave you more than just a glimpse of mine you turn back into a ghost. You have never even told me your name. If you are to be my only companion during my life-sentence then stop this torture and speak to me.'
On the last three words he had grabbed her by her shoulders and actually shook her. She stared at him, his plea still ringing in her ears. Then, after a moment of hesitation, she whispered: 'My name... is Sigyn.'