Lokasenna

The Notion "Ego"

Sigyn gaped at him. She wondered why Loki had brought her here, being sure that if he had a chance like this to escape from prison he would surely take it. When he told her he had brought her here to teach her magic, she did not believe it. But sure enough, one hour after their arrival in the cave, Loki was standing behind Sig and surveyed her progress. She had been making fires for the first half-hour, then they had continued with manipulating the air. Sig had never done this before and she had watched Loki while he demonstrated, but then it was her turn. She had more trouble with it than she expected and after many failed attempts she started to get frustrated.
When she tried again and nothing happened, she stamped her foot on the floor. Loki chuckled behind her and she turned her head to look over her shoulder. His face was illuminated by the mist-like light that hung around them, he smiled at her.
'Are you mocking me?' she asked him, irritably. He nodded, still smiling, and approached her until he stood next to her. 'You need to clear your head…' he said softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. He was making it very hard for her to do as he told her: she shivered a little when he touched her and she had to refrain from staring into his eyes for too long. 'I'm trying to,' she replied, shaking his hand off her shoulder, 'but it's not working. I keep thinking…'
'What are you thinking?'
'I'm thinking…' she cleared her throat, quickly thinking of some answer that did not involve revealing her feelings for him, 'what will happen when the guards notice that your cell has been empty for over an hour.'
'Do not worry yourself about that: I have placed two illusions in our places. Any guards passing by will see you at your table and me in my cell.'
Sig had to let the genius of this plan sink in for a moment. 'Now, do you think that helps with getting your head cleared?' she nodded in reply and turned her gaze away from him to try again.

It took her a while to clear her mind. But when she finally did manage, a small whirlwind appeared on the floor -just visible in the misty light. Sig focused her efforts on expanding the vortex until it reached so high that even tall Loki had to look up to see it.
'Very good!' he said, smiling widely.
The whirlwind disappeared as soon as he spoke. Sig shot a vexed glance at his still smiling face.
'Why did you stop?' he asked.
'You distracted me,' she admitted grudgingly.
'I apologise,' he said, and stepped back to let her continue. She shook her head and turned to face him again. 'I think I've had enough for today.' she said, and hesitated a moment before she added: 'I think we.. I mean.. I.. should go back.'
He looked at her. The misty light surrounding them cast a strange glimmer in his eyes. Sig quickly looked down to avoid his gaze. He walked over to her, she could see his feet come into her line of vision. 'Are you really suggesting that I stay here?' she could hear the smirk in his voice.
'You are mocking me again.'
'Of course. I must: you practically beg for it.'
She crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a scornful look. He chuckled, 'You and your morals… One minute you are calling me a monster, the next you are willing to let me escape my punishment.'
'I never called you a monster.' Sig whispered, almost inaudibly, her eyes focused on the floor again. She had not meant to say it out loud, she had not meant for him to hear her, but the faint clouds their breath formed in the dim mist-light whenever they spoke gave her away.
'What did you say?' he asked, coming even closer than he already was. She quickly looked up at him, realised how close he was, then nervously turned her eyes down again but he turned her face back to his by pushing her chin up with his fingers. Again, she shivered at his touch. He did not seem to notice.
'What did you say?' he demanded more forcefully, his voice lowered to a whisper.
Sig swallowed hard, she was still shivering. 'I never called you a monster.' she breathed.
'No, maybe not in so many words…' he agreed, 'but you must admit that you have thought it of me. Almost everyone in Asgard must have thought it of me. And you…' Sig tried to turn her face down again, but he prevented her from doing so, his fingers still pushing against her chin, 'you have professed your dislike for me whenever you got the chance to.'
'I disagree with the measures you take to satisfy your needs.' her lips were trembling, she still wanted to look away and he still wasn't letting her.
'Are you saying that you do not dislike me? Me, a murderer? I, who betrayed the Allfather's family.'
She stared at him, not knowing what to say. 'Don't become a mute again…' he said softly, tracing his finger down her neck. Sig closed her eyes for a moment, she had dreamt of him touching her like this. But she was too confused to enjoy it, she did not understand what he wanted from her.
'I do not dislike you…' she managed to whisper, it felt like her voice was trapped somewhere far away from her body.
He grinned and pressed her a little closer to him.
They vanished, leaving only a swirl of wind in the misty light to mark the place where they had been standing.