Beautiful Disasters

His words wrung in my head long after he left, there was something very menacing about it. I mean Louis is beyond dangerous but I really didn't know the full extent of his power even though I had a good idea. I mean they do say he runs all of London, and that's a pretty prestigious title. I know for a fact he owns the police and I know that he is not someone you cross lightly. I finally fell into a deep sleep but instead of grey eyes all I could see where menacing blue and I felt those cool lips graze my forehead before arms wrapped around my body protectively.

“Faye, I don’t like the color of your hair, you look too much like your father I’m taking you to get it died. It really is a shame you don’t look more like your sister”

I stared at my mother hurt and wondering what I had done to deserve this, and the answer itself was simple; I had been born.

My parents had married young and my sister came along and she was perfect, I was unexpected and in my mother’s eyes I was the reason their marriage failed. She told my sister once that she wanted to put me up for adoption when I was born because she hadn’t aborted me like originally planned. I tried to be like my sister, I died my hair blonde, I tried out for cheerleading, I tried to get good grades, but nothing was ever good enough. No matter what I did I would never be her.

I remember when I first found out my mother had been cheating on my father very vividly. My father was away on a business trip, I was supposed to be out of the house for the night staying with a new friend I had made but that friend used me as part of a cruel joke so I came home early. I had walked into the house and heard a moaning noise coming from my parent’s room I didn’t think much of it so I went upstairs and when I came back down I saw my mom kissing another man in front of the door. She said goodbye to him after he noticed me and told him I wouldn’t be a problem.

“You won’t tell your father about this, you’ve already ruined one relationship don’t ruin this one for me too, why don’t we order a pizza and watch a movie?” She said and walked back towards her room.

I know it’s a fucked up situation, but I thought if I kept this secret maybe I could be happy for awhile get her approval for something but it all backfired. When my dad finally found out it was brutal and ugly the fighting just kept going and when he found I knew and didn’t tell him he practically disowned me and he wouldn’t even look at me when I came into a room. So for the rest of my high school life I wasn’t loved or cared for by either of my parents no matter how hard I tried.

My dad however finally forgave me when I graduated high school and we talk more then I talk to my mother but it’s still not much. He at least told me he was proud of me for the school I got into.

I snapped out of my daze and looked around the empty coffee shop seeing that it was getting
closer to the end of my shift made me smile. Louis took me home two days ago, he had barely looked at me and kissed my temple before leaving without saying anything about what had happened. I wanted everything to be okay but the truth was I was now terrified to be alone, my apartment scared me and Moni was out of town.

I got home that afternoon and made sure the locks on my door were secured I had replaced them yesterday out of paranoia. I had been sleeping much since the incident, I couldn’t seem to get comfortable and everything just seemed out of whack. I didn’t know how my life had become so messed up, I miss just worrying about classes, about not disappointing my pathetic excuse for parents. I grabbed my favorite blue blanket and curled up on my couch putting on Tarzan hoping the cartoon would sooth my mind and ease me back towards a childlike state.

A knock on the door woke me from my ball like position on my couch, I must have finally fell asleep during the movie. I slowly stood from the couch, stretching my tired body and rubbing at my eyes to help the sleep like state I was in hopefully dissipate. I slowly opened the door and there stood Louis in a pair of joggers and a normal t-shirt, his hair was a little disheveled but he look content as his eyes roamed my face. He pushed himself into my apartment like he owned the place, and honestly that is a possibility.

“You know for months now I have been trying to get you out of my head, try and try as I might you are what my mind seems to drift to. Your innocent eyes and beautiful face haunt my dreams, I can’t seem to help myself around you, you’re something I want.” He said as he backed me against a wall his hand resting against the wall on both sides of my face. “I see the terrified look on your face when I raise my hand towards you and I don’t like it, but you are right to be afraid of me, I’m the thing that goes bump in the night. The boy your parents tell you to stay away from,, but what they don’t tell you is that you can’t escape me. You’re mine little one and I don’t plan on letting you go any time soon.”

He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine and I couldn’t help but cave to his will. His lips tasted like stars, like the moon, like things you know you will never reach. I pushed him away though because I was confused and he saw it on my face and laughed. His chuckles rumbled through his whole body as he ran his hand through his hair.

“Come on” he said yanking me towards the couch I had been on only minutes ago.

I sat down putting as much space between us as possible, but he wasn’t having it. He pulled towards him and then his arms were wrapped around my waist and my head was laying in the groove of his neck. I was comfortable and that was the problem, nothing about this was right I shouldn’t have kissed him back earlier, I shouldn’t be laying in his arms but I did and I am. I don’t understand what is happening to me, I’m always logical and I like to think but it was like my brain shut down around Louis.

“Stop thinking, your head might explode if you keep it up.” He said not taking his eyes from the television.

That was something I didn’t understand, how he seemed to be able to read me like one of my beloved books, while he was so mysterious and unknown to me.

“What are you doing here Louis?” I asked him finally breaking the silence.

He didn’t say anything but I felt him stiffen under me slightly, it was almost unnoticeable but I’m sure I felt it.

“Where did you come from before you moved to London?” He asked.

The question surprised me.

“I came from Texas” I replied quietly not wanting to think about home on top of Louis.

He just sighed and nodded his head at my reply. I really needed to be doing some studying but with Louis here I knew it wouldn’t be getting done and I was tired. I wanted to sleep everything off and wake up like nothing had ever happened to me, like Louis didn’t exist. I knew that wasn’t reality though it didn’t stop me from dreaming it.

“Are you afraid of me?”

I paused debating on how to reply. I wondered if I should lie or tell the truth.

“I am terrified of you Louis, you hit me and then make me feel things I don’t understand. You do one thing and the next time I see you, you contradict yourself. I never know what to expect and I don’t like feeling this way. I don’t like feeling things about you I don’t understand. You are so frustrating and I hate you but when you disappear I don’t understand it I miss your presence around me.” I replied carefully trying to explain as best I can.

“Oh sweetheart you’re getting caught in a web you will never get out of and that is just what I want” He replied kissing my temple and hugging me tighter to him.

Those words sent chills down my spine.