Beautiful Disasters

"You won't catch me doing this often, but I am sorry. Sometimes I just get carried away." He started sitting me down and handing me a glass of water that I hesitantly took. "I want you to listen to me, and the only way I know how to make that happen is by installing fear into you, that's what I was taught. I don't have loving and caring parents, my mother was a kind and beautiful woman who was way too amazing for my good for nothing father. I was raised to be the way I am, I grew up in this business it is all I know. I don't know how to be gentle and I rarely apologize but when you couldn't seem to get breath into your lungs earlier I freaked out. I don't want to have that effect on you. I however need you to understand that I need you to listen when I talk to you. You may not want to be my girl, but that is the hand you were cruelly dealt." He then bent his head towards mine and captured my lips.

This kiss was rough and demanding, like he was claiming me as his and in that moment I realized I would probably never lose his interest because it was truly extraordinary to keep it for the amount of time I already had.

The calming voice of Duffy had me dancing around my apartment while I was trying to clean up a bit. Things with Louis were the same as always, confusing. I didn't know what is going on between us, but after hearing a little bit about him I have to admit I am a little intrigued by him aside from just being attracted to how he looks. I continued my cleaning for another hour, my calming music made me feel good. I wanted to play the piano, so that is what I did. I have been obsessed with Skinny Love by Birdie for months and I had to learn to play it and I loved how it sounded knowing I was playing it with my own fingers.

There's just something about stretching your fingers across the keys to make such beautiful sounds that is able to cut out any other noises or thoughts. I knew when I played I went to another world, one where everything was different, where I was different. I wasn't Faye, I was whoever I wanted to be and there was no one to question me or tell me I was wrong. The black and white keys reminded me of my life, ever changing between one or the other and the middle's didn't exist there were only two ways with multiple variations. I don't know how long I sat there playing, I woke up with face down on the keys and I had indents on my cheek.

I quickly got dressed and headed to class. I was sad, my marks in all my classes were much lower than they should be, my mother always told me anything lower than an A was unsatisfactory and I should be ashamed to have that grade. My mother had called to inform me I had received an 89 on my last term paper and how she was disappointed in the fact that I had gone to such a first class school to get less than first class grades. I had put a lot of effort into that paper. I was stressed knowing it could really only get worse from here. I had two more papers due at the end of the week that I only was half way done with. I have been so focused on other things that I am slipping where I shouldn't be.

I had tear stains on my face and I was close to pulling out my hair. I wanted everything to be normal to go back to the way it was weeks ago. I wonder sometimes if I would have been better just staying with my parents and going to Texas A&M and becoming a doctor like they wanted. I would probably be better off. I wouldn't be terrified by every knock or sound that I hear in my apartment like I am now. I shouldn't let him terrorize me like this. I shouldn't be sitting here afraid to do anything but go to work. I am not some helpless little girl, I moved countries for heaven's sake. How many eighteen year old girls can say that? Maybe I just needed to get out for a bit.

I slipped into a nice pair of skinny jeans, put on a midriff broken heart poncho shirt, grabbed my grey pea coat and scarf and walked out the door. I needed to get out of my head for a while. I need time to sort myself out, to remember why I came here in the first place. I fell in love with the city and the people like Moni. I fell in love with the architecture of the city, the history, the beauty. I mean I would be in a similar situation either way, I am a caged bird.

I found this beautiful park when I first moved here, the leaves are a beautiful orange with hints on yellow and the trees are in lines so it makes you feel like you are walking through an orchard. I sat listening to peaceful music, my headphones creating a peace I haven't felt in a long time, the music drowning out all my thoughts that I don't need. I wish I hadn't met Louis that night but at the same time something drew me to Louis, I don't know how or why but somehow I had some kind of feels for him, whether they were ones of loathing or like I cannot distinguish yet.

I headed toward Moni's apartments, figuring maybe she could help me out with these feeling I may or may not have. I arrived and let myself in with my key and I found her bloody on the couch and I couldn't help the scream that escaped my mouth, he face was swollen and there was a stab wound on her stomach and I quickly called an ambulance.

"Moni, you are going to be okay, you have to be okay for me okay? You are all I have" I told her holding my towel covered hand over the wound on her stomach. My heart almost stopped when she muttered the two words.

"Grey eyes"

I grabbed some of Moni's belongings while they were loading her in the ambulance. I called Liam on her cellphone and told him what I had found and told him I was with Moni at the hospital. My eyes were blood shot when Liam finally arrived with Louis in tow.

"Did you call her parents?" Liam asked me.

I shook my head no, because the relationship with her parents was a complicated one that we had been over many times. Her parents treated her like an item, something perfect they could show off and in their own way I think they cared but it was a weird way of showing it.

"Princess, you look like someone stole your favorite toy in the sandbox"

I did the unthinkable I couldn't stop myself, I reached up and I slapped Louis.