It's Such a Shame That We Play Strangers

When I was younger, I witnessed my parent’s divorce and it wasn’t something I would’ve liked to see. It was really sad. My sister and I grew up in what we thought was a loving family but during one of the nasty fights my parents had just before filling in for the divorce papers, we learnt that they only stuck together for our sake. They said they realized they weren’t attracted to each other when I turned four and my sister was barely two but they decided to raise us together. As years passed, they hit that point where they just couldn’t stand each other anymore. It hurt a lot when it happened.

I grew up living with my mother, always being the introverted kid at school and never opening up to people. It was no surprise when I developed abandonment issues years later, meaning I grew extremely clingy to my small group of friends. And although they assured me it didn’t matter, I still felt extremely pathetic which is why one night I decided to tag along to one of the parties they always attended over the weekend.

The scenery wasn’t any different from how I imagined it. Drunk teenagers were laughing and dancing while the obnoxious music blared through the speakers, making the overcrowded house’s windows shake. I stood awkwardly by Jack, who was cheerily speaking to one of his friends, clearly someone I didn’t know. I sighed and let my eyes roam the room, almost immediately meeting a couple of mocha brown ones belonging to a small, tanned boy who was standing by himself on the corner of the room. He smirked my way and almost immediately brought the red cup he was holding to his lips, taking a sip of the beverage as if it were out of style. I couldn't deny the fact that he was attractive.

In the blink of an eye, he was standing right in front of me and I found myself becoming nervous in his presence.

"You're not a regular, are you? I've never seen you around." He spoke cockily and I could feel my cheeks reddening while I shook my head. He cocked his head to the side. "You're not much of a talker either, right?" I shook my head again, causing him to chuckle then his eyes roamed my hands as if he were looking for something. "Don't you have a drink?" I shook my head for the third time. "Come on, let's get you one." I looked over to Jack to ask if it that was alright with him but I found him gone so I shrugged and followed the stranger into the kitchen.

"Name?" The stranger asked while I looked the way he opened a beer and handed it to me.

I took a small sip of the beverage, grimacing to its taste. Clearing my throat, I whispered in a raspy voice. "Kellin." He nodded and we left the small room, going back to the crowded place. "Yours?" I screamed over the noise.

"Vic." He screamed back and finally getting fed up with being so cramped, he took my wrist and dragged me to the backyard.

I was certain I didn't want to get too close to anyone. What was the point? They end up leaving anyway but soon enough I found myself attracted to the mysterious stranger, who I talked to through all the party just before Gabe went to get me since we were leaving. Vic and I exchanged numbers, and as soon as I got home I checked my phone; noticing there was an incoming text from him.

We would either text or talk over the phone when we couldn't meet up, which wasn't often considering he lived fifteen minutes away from me. It was nice having someone I felt comfortable enough to talk to more than a couple words. It was only one time when we were laying on my backyard looking up at the sky, surrounded by autumn leaves tinted in different shades of orange and brown that he decided to kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something. It caught me off guard and although I tensed at the beginning, eventually I relaxed into his touch when his hand moved to caress my cheek. Everything took off from then on and sooner than I thought; we had already became a couple.

In the beginning Vic made me feel special and cared for, I loved knowing that he was there for me but it was still hard. He would try to get me to open up to him but I always refused. I was terrified of putting all my trust on him since one day we would break up and he'd leave so I avoided the topic at all costs. After a couple of months of trying, he eventually got fed up with my insecurities and gave up on me.

I found myself spiraling down a depressive hole, nothing would cheer me up. I knew my friends were worried and although I knew what I had to do to get him back, I refused. I just couldn't do it so I sat on my bedroom staring absentmindedly at the wall hoping he would come back to me but I knew that wouldn't be the case at all. It was a shame we had grown apart so much, but I guess that's just life for you.

Eventually I moved on, getting on with my life and not knowing about him for a long time. That was until one day I saw him walking downtown holding another man's hand and laughing. I could see the way his eyes sparkled and I felt a pang of jealousy travel through my body. But I didn't have the right anymore, so I lowered my head, continuing my path.

A couple years later, when I was in college, I attended yet another party and I found myself sitting alone like I always did. I was sipping away off my beverage when I felt the sofa sinking down, warning me about the presence of another person. When I turned around, I was met with those familiar brown eyes staring at me with sympathy. I immediately frowned and returned my gaze to the glass in my hand.

"How have you been?" Vic asked after a couple minutes of awkward silence. I shrugged, refusing to meet his stare. "I see you're still not very fond of talking." I shook my head and he sighed, clearly frustrated with me. He always hated when I did that but I couldn't help it. I just didn't like to talk much. "I'm sorry about what happened between us." That sentence did caught my attention, causing me to look up with a confused expression on my face, meeting his regretful eyes. When he sensed that I was lost about what he was talking about, he looked down, placing a hand on my knee, and rubbing comforting circles like he used to. "I really liked what we had and I'm sorry we drifted apart so much."

I shrugged. "It's what happens all the time, Vic. People drift apart, it's life. Don't worry, I understand." I went to get up and leave but he held my wrist to keep me in place.

"Why are you like that, Kels? What happened in your life that all you do is push people away? I don't get it." He asked looking me straight in the eye, his brown eyes swimming in pure curiosity.

I considered for a brief moment telling him everything but then I remembered that he was just like everyone else. He left, so I decided to give him the same reason I always did. "It's who I am and I can't change it. I can't afford getting hurt."

"What about the others?" He asked harshly, his eyes boring into my blue ones with sadness and desperation. "Do you ever care about those you're hurting?"

"I'm not hurting anyone." I whispered, averting my gaze away from him, hoping to find someone to help me get away but to my luck, none of my friends were on sight.

"Oh, but you are." He said, taking my chin between his fingers and forcing me to face him. "It hurt me to know you didn't trust me enough to tell me what made you this way." He muttered sincerely, looking into my eyes. I could almost feel my heart bursting out of my chest when his eyes momentarily flicked to my lips but I came back to my senses when I remembered that time I saw him a couple years ago.

"It doesn't matter anymore." I yanked my arm out of his hold and stood up, towering over him. "You've got someone else, right?" Ashamed and guiltily, he nodded while looking at me apologetically. "Then please just leave me alone."

"Kel-" he went to talk but I stopped him.

"No, stop. You built a wreck out of me when you left so don't even try if you're leaving again." I begged and I could feel the tears picking in the corner of my eyes but I refused to let him see them fall so I turned to run away from the scene. Not before listening him whisper what sounded like a "come back to me" but I ignored it; leaving him behind for good.