Status: new.
Suffocater
empty bedrooms.
The distance from the bus stop to my house is about a five minutes’ walk, but my dad’s made my brother walk me back home. He’s sixteen or seventeen and I’m sure he’s got better things to do than walk his little sister back to the house. It’s been about a month that he’s been living with us and truthfully those four weeks have been amazing. Being an only child has its perks of course, but this new thing of having a sibling is simply fun. I finally have someone to share the chores with and to come home to, someone that I can play with and watch TV with, he even has a girlfriend that I think is the coolest. For a sixteen or seventeen year old, Cameron is pretty awesome. I’m glad he’s living with us and seeing him everyday at the bus stop waiting for me is something I’ve been happy getting used to.
The bus began to brake at the stop sign on the corner of Oak and Ridge Field. The crossroad was a long dirt path with a row of mailboxes in the mouth. Trees lined the path so the neighborhood was protected from wandering eyes. Michigan was truly beautiful in the summer, though the humidity prevented me from spending over thirty minutes outside. I looked out the streaky window to find the path to be empty. This is my stop. I’m sure of it.
I step down the steps of the bus and secure my messenger bag to my side. No sign of Cameron. The bus makes that whoosh sound and chugs away down the street despite the lack of my brother’s presence. Boy will my dad be angry.
My dad never exactly projects anger with Cameron seeing as they never really get to see each other more than a week a year. I think he finds the emotion very alien when it comes to Cameron, like it wasn’t allowed to yell at him or send him to his room. It kind of sucks when you’re the actual kid and still get punished like any other ten-year-old. But, leaving his only daughter only at the bus stop? That’s grounds for a TV-less night.
I wait for a few more minutes until making my way down the road, inching further and further away from the beautiful stretch of a dirt path. Walking alone gives me time to think, though. My day has been particularly great, actually. I think about how Alex Fulton told Tori Christopher that he likes me. Selena Fulton. I like the sound of it. He’s so cute, plus that Mackenzie girl will finally back off.
As I turn down my street I can see my mail box on the way end of Jayne Road. Finally. This walk is longer than I thought by myself. Usually I would tell Cameron all about my day, but when it’s just me talking to me it gets rather boring. Not like I’m not used to being alone, but I like Cameron’s company.
When I get to my house my dad is home. Why couldn’t he pick me up? I’ll never understand their logic. I walk into the living room where I find him watching TV, Cameron must be in his room.
“Hi dad,” I say as I take a seat beside him on the couch.
My dad smiles at me and says, “Hey Tiny!” He uses the nickname that I’ve had forever.
I don’t say much of a reply, just sit there for a bit and watch TV with him. He’s watching some show on the military channel, nothing I actually enjoy.
“Selena, there’s something I need to tell you.” He’s gotten serious because now he’s using my real name. “Cameron left.”
I sit there looking at my dad, not exactly capable of finding words. “Left?”
“He’s not coming back. He’s left for his mom’s.”
"I-I don't understand..."
"This morning he left a voicemail saying he didn't want to stay here any longer. Him and his mom must've come earlier to get his stuff."
I don't say anything. I look down at my hands unsure of what kind of response this situation calls for. I've never exactly been through this type of thing and I'm sure my dad hasn't either.
"It wasn't because of you--I want you to know that. He just didn't like the way we run this house is all; the rules we had were too much for him," my dad says.
The fact that my dad has to mention that I wasn't the reason for Cam leaving makes me wonder if that really was the case. The idea never occurred to me and truthfully that wasn't something I was ready to deal with. I glance up to see the hurt swimming in my dad's eyes. His son left him and I can't help but think that I'm somehow a factor. Did I invade his privacy too much? Did his girlfriend not like me? There was that one time I caught them in the basement... Was I too suffocating?
Cameron is sixteen or seventeen and surely he needed his privacy, having a ten-year-old sister sort-of robbed him of that. Could it be me? It seems so selfish or whatever to think that I'm the source of his leaving. I'm sure there are other reasons, but am I one of them?
Questions endlessly fill my head, though one thing remains final. He's not coming back.
He left. He left me.
I can’t seem to grasp the idea, I simply look at my dad and beg for a real response, real words to describe this fantasy I was now living. Cameron is gone. I bolt upstairs and enter his room where everything is gone. Nothing is left behind besides his bed, the TV, and a leftover Twinkie. He left me all alone. He really did. I walked out of the room and slumped into mine, crawling into my bed where I stared across the hall into his room, hoping he would somehow appear. I begin to cry knowing that my brother’s company is no longer routine.
The bus began to brake at the stop sign on the corner of Oak and Ridge Field. The crossroad was a long dirt path with a row of mailboxes in the mouth. Trees lined the path so the neighborhood was protected from wandering eyes. Michigan was truly beautiful in the summer, though the humidity prevented me from spending over thirty minutes outside. I looked out the streaky window to find the path to be empty. This is my stop. I’m sure of it.
I step down the steps of the bus and secure my messenger bag to my side. No sign of Cameron. The bus makes that whoosh sound and chugs away down the street despite the lack of my brother’s presence. Boy will my dad be angry.
My dad never exactly projects anger with Cameron seeing as they never really get to see each other more than a week a year. I think he finds the emotion very alien when it comes to Cameron, like it wasn’t allowed to yell at him or send him to his room. It kind of sucks when you’re the actual kid and still get punished like any other ten-year-old. But, leaving his only daughter only at the bus stop? That’s grounds for a TV-less night.
I wait for a few more minutes until making my way down the road, inching further and further away from the beautiful stretch of a dirt path. Walking alone gives me time to think, though. My day has been particularly great, actually. I think about how Alex Fulton told Tori Christopher that he likes me. Selena Fulton. I like the sound of it. He’s so cute, plus that Mackenzie girl will finally back off.
As I turn down my street I can see my mail box on the way end of Jayne Road. Finally. This walk is longer than I thought by myself. Usually I would tell Cameron all about my day, but when it’s just me talking to me it gets rather boring. Not like I’m not used to being alone, but I like Cameron’s company.
When I get to my house my dad is home. Why couldn’t he pick me up? I’ll never understand their logic. I walk into the living room where I find him watching TV, Cameron must be in his room.
“Hi dad,” I say as I take a seat beside him on the couch.
My dad smiles at me and says, “Hey Tiny!” He uses the nickname that I’ve had forever.
I don’t say much of a reply, just sit there for a bit and watch TV with him. He’s watching some show on the military channel, nothing I actually enjoy.
“Selena, there’s something I need to tell you.” He’s gotten serious because now he’s using my real name. “Cameron left.”
I sit there looking at my dad, not exactly capable of finding words. “Left?”
“He’s not coming back. He’s left for his mom’s.”
"I-I don't understand..."
"This morning he left a voicemail saying he didn't want to stay here any longer. Him and his mom must've come earlier to get his stuff."
I don't say anything. I look down at my hands unsure of what kind of response this situation calls for. I've never exactly been through this type of thing and I'm sure my dad hasn't either.
"It wasn't because of you--I want you to know that. He just didn't like the way we run this house is all; the rules we had were too much for him," my dad says.
The fact that my dad has to mention that I wasn't the reason for Cam leaving makes me wonder if that really was the case. The idea never occurred to me and truthfully that wasn't something I was ready to deal with. I glance up to see the hurt swimming in my dad's eyes. His son left him and I can't help but think that I'm somehow a factor. Did I invade his privacy too much? Did his girlfriend not like me? There was that one time I caught them in the basement... Was I too suffocating?
Cameron is sixteen or seventeen and surely he needed his privacy, having a ten-year-old sister sort-of robbed him of that. Could it be me? It seems so selfish or whatever to think that I'm the source of his leaving. I'm sure there are other reasons, but am I one of them?
Questions endlessly fill my head, though one thing remains final. He's not coming back.
He left. He left me.
I can’t seem to grasp the idea, I simply look at my dad and beg for a real response, real words to describe this fantasy I was now living. Cameron is gone. I bolt upstairs and enter his room where everything is gone. Nothing is left behind besides his bed, the TV, and a leftover Twinkie. He left me all alone. He really did. I walked out of the room and slumped into mine, crawling into my bed where I stared across the hall into his room, hoping he would somehow appear. I begin to cry knowing that my brother’s company is no longer routine.
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xx