Story of a Girl
Given Up
As I get dressed, I glance into the mirror. The tattoo of Zacky's name on my back mocks me. I wish ink wasn't permanent...but I guess that's the point of getting someone's name inked on your body. I'm starting to believe that it IS my fault he's gone. I feel like a whore, even though I never cheated on Zack. Today, I actually have a reason to live. The guys have a show which means I have to go out in public and face the evil looks from fans. For the past few months, that's all I've been getting from people. A girl with black, layered hair in an Avenged sweatshirt walk up to the merch stand.
"You're Nikki right?" She asks putting her weight on one leg.
"Yeah..." I say.
"This is for breaking his heart." She says throwing her drink at me.
I look down at my white Ramone's T-shirt which is now dripping with diet coke. How dare she. Does she even know me? No...I didn't think so.
"You bitch." I say starting to walk around the table with clenched fists.
"At least I'm not a slut." She says.
I stop in my tracks as tears come to my eyes. Satisfied, the fan walks away with her friend. Now I really feel like a whore. I grab my purse from the back of my chair and run off.
"Nikki...no." Val says.
I know she'd go after me if there wasn't a line at the merch stand, but to tell you the truth...I wanna be alone. I go outside of the building and lean against the wall. My back slides down the wall until I'm seated with my knees clutched to my chest. I put my head in my hands and cry.
"Nikki?" Brian asks.
"What do YOU want?" I ask picking up my head.
"Are you alright?" He asks.
"Does it look like I'm alright?" I ask.
"Well...no." Brian says sitting next to me.
"Go away. I don't wanna talk to anyone...especially you." I say.
"Nikki...I'm sorry." Brian says.
"Damn right you better be sorry. You ruined my life Brian...I'm not even sure I can move on anymore." I say.
"Geez Nick...like I don't feel bad enough already." Brian says.
"Sorry. I know you didn't mean to ruin my life beyond repair." I say.
"Not helping." Brian says.
I shrug and look forward. No offense to Brian, but I'm not in a forgiving mood. He stands up and returns back to the building. I want to be alone. I get out my I-pod and blast "Given Up" By Linkin Park as loud as my ears can take. I wish I were dead.
"Nick..." Val says tapping my knee.
"Go away." I grown.
"Hon we're leaving." She says.
"It's not like anyone wants me home anyways." I say.
"That's not true. I want you, Matt wants you...Johnny, Jimmy, and Brian too." Val says.
"But not Zacky." I say.
Val lets out a sigh. I know she won't answer that. She reaches her hand down to help me up. I wipe the streams of make-up off my face with the sleeves of my already ruined T-shirt. I trail behind Val as she walks to the bus. I don't care if the others want me...the only person that I care about wanting me is Zack. And he's never gonna want me again.
"You're Nikki right?" She asks putting her weight on one leg.
"Yeah..." I say.
"This is for breaking his heart." She says throwing her drink at me.
I look down at my white Ramone's T-shirt which is now dripping with diet coke. How dare she. Does she even know me? No...I didn't think so.
"You bitch." I say starting to walk around the table with clenched fists.
"At least I'm not a slut." She says.
I stop in my tracks as tears come to my eyes. Satisfied, the fan walks away with her friend. Now I really feel like a whore. I grab my purse from the back of my chair and run off.
"Nikki...no." Val says.
I know she'd go after me if there wasn't a line at the merch stand, but to tell you the truth...I wanna be alone. I go outside of the building and lean against the wall. My back slides down the wall until I'm seated with my knees clutched to my chest. I put my head in my hands and cry.
"Nikki?" Brian asks.
"What do YOU want?" I ask picking up my head.
"Are you alright?" He asks.
"Does it look like I'm alright?" I ask.
"Well...no." Brian says sitting next to me.
"Go away. I don't wanna talk to anyone...especially you." I say.
"Nikki...I'm sorry." Brian says.
"Damn right you better be sorry. You ruined my life Brian...I'm not even sure I can move on anymore." I say.
"Geez Nick...like I don't feel bad enough already." Brian says.
"Sorry. I know you didn't mean to ruin my life beyond repair." I say.
"Not helping." Brian says.
I shrug and look forward. No offense to Brian, but I'm not in a forgiving mood. He stands up and returns back to the building. I want to be alone. I get out my I-pod and blast "Given Up" By Linkin Park as loud as my ears can take. I wish I were dead.
"Nick..." Val says tapping my knee.
"Go away." I grown.
"Hon we're leaving." She says.
"It's not like anyone wants me home anyways." I say.
"That's not true. I want you, Matt wants you...Johnny, Jimmy, and Brian too." Val says.
"But not Zacky." I say.
Val lets out a sigh. I know she won't answer that. She reaches her hand down to help me up. I wipe the streams of make-up off my face with the sleeves of my already ruined T-shirt. I trail behind Val as she walks to the bus. I don't care if the others want me...the only person that I care about wanting me is Zack. And he's never gonna want me again.