You Can Hear Me Now

Despite Paige’s original problems with the sign language I did eventually manage to teach him the basics of it and he’s working really hard to learn the more complicated stuff. He even went as far as to take a sign language class when he got into college. The first thing he learned of course was my name and ‘I love you’ and he uses the latter as often as he possibly can, much to the amusement of all of my friends and family.

It was really nice being able to communicate with him in some way now but there were times where I just wished we could really talk to each other. Right now is one of those times.

We were going on some weird kind of group date with some of Paige and Demitri’s friends from the basketball team and their partners. It was kind of awkward because most of them didn’t know me well and kept talking really slow and using some messed up hand gestures like they think they will help.

I have spent the last half hour sitting pressed up against the wall with Paige at my side and him talking animatedly with just about everyone at the table but me. Ashton is the only one that seems to even try and talk to me at this point but he keeps getting distracted by someone being all sorts of obnoxious.

In order to keep myself from being totally bored the whole time I’ve been staring at Paige’s mouth the whole time and trying to keep up with his words, which is a lot harder than I thought because he tends to talk really fast when he’s talking to his friends. I love watching him talk like this because he always seems so excited but I always wish I could hear what he sounded like.

There were times when I wanted to ask someone what he sounded like, if he sounded kind of like my dad, with a deep, rough voice or maybe even like my mom, high and beautiful, but I knew that would be a bit weird to ask.

Paige must of caught me staring after awhile because he turns to me with raised eyebrows and I can see the laugh that rumbles his chest as he pulls the notebook (the 9th one we have gone through since I met him) away from me and starts writing.

‘Oakley, I know I’m hot but do you have to stare?’

I shake my head as I read it and I quickly scribble my own reply ‘Of course I do! But that isn’t why I’m doing it! I was just thinking is all!’

‘Thinking? About what?’

‘Nothing you need to worry about right now…’

‘Right now? Should I worry about it later?’ he replies with a confused look that makes me laugh softly.

‘No…I’ll tell you about it when we get home…I really don’t need Ash and Demitri spying on us and bothering me about it later!’

I let him read the reply before pulling the notebook back and leaning up to kiss his cheek, returning the bright smile I get because of it. He turns back to his friends after a couple of seconds and I go back to staring, my smile falling as I return to thoughts of his voice.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

We did end up talking about it when we got home, I tried to say that we should just go to bed but he wouldn’t have it and he sat me down on the bed and stared kind of creepily at me until I finally gave in.

‘I was just thinking about how sometimes I wish we could actually…talk to each other…’ I sign, looking down at my own hands rather than looking up at him because I know what I was saying was kind of weird.

I do have to look up long enough to see his reply though but it doesn’t actually come, his hands stay still on his lap and his lips don’t move either as he stares absently at me for a long while. I hate the fact that I always get so nervous when he goes quiet because no matter how good I am at reading facial expressions he is also really good at keeping a straight face no matter what.

It does take a while before Paige replies ‘Kind of ironic really…I was thinking the same thing a couple days ago…’ he signs slowly like he always does ‘I’ve never heard you talk either and I always wonder what you sound like…’

Safe to say that was not the kind of response I expected to get, I kind of expected him to laugh at me or something like that, maybe say it was no big deal that I couldn’t hear him like he used to. I don’t understand why he would want to hear me talk; I haven’t really talked since the accident.

‘Why would you want to hear me talk?’

Paige shrugs slightly ‘Because Demitri says you had…have a nice voice and I really wish I could hear you use it…’

This time I’m the one that doesn’t reply for a while, staring at his face until he starts to shift uncomfortably (he’s never been a real fan of people looking at him like that) and that brings me back to reality a bit ‘Demitri hasn’t heard me talk in almost five years though...my voice is probably a wreck…’

Paige shrugs and offers me a small smile ‘Why would I care? I’m sure your voice is just as cute and amazing as you are…’ he says and I shake my head at how adorably cheesy he his.

Neither of us say anything after that, he didn’t really have a chance to say anything before I kind of tackle hugged him onto the bed and pressed my lips tightly against his. It’s safe to say the conversation doesn’t go anywhere after that due to the fact we spend the next half hour making out on the bed until my brother comes barging into my room and demands we watch a movie with him.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Neither of us mention it again, to each other at least because the first thing I do is go to Demitri and tell him about, the first thing he does is suggest that I get speech therapy and surprise Paige with it on our anniversary that was scarily coming up pretty quickly.

‘It would be perfect! You could take him out to dinner and then you just surprise him by telling him you love him…out loud this time!’ Demitri writes, obviously excited because his writing is sloppier than usual.

I shake my head and laugh softly ‘How would I manage to take speech therapy without him noticing? I’m with him almost all of the time!’

‘Lie! Tell him you’re spending time with me, I’ve been talking to him about wanting to start volunteering at the local animal shelter and you can tell him you’re coming with me!’ The grin on his face tells me he thinks that is a wonderful idea but frankly I think it’s awful because I hate lying, especially to Paige.

‘Fine…I’ll do it but if he finds out I am totally telling him it was all your idea!’ I reply, shaking my head at his excited little dance ‘How old are you again?’ That gets me a punch in the arm and a slight pout that only makes me laugh harder.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

And so I started taking speech therapy twice a week and it sucked. Thankfully the teacher was nice and really good at what she did and was willing to give me a little extra help so I could get where I needed to be in time for my anniversary.

It would have worked out pretty well had Paige not eventually gotten suspicious and followed me when I went to therapy.

It was one of the last times that I had to go and also one of the only times that Demitri wasn’t coming with me. I of course didn’t even know that Paige had followed me until I came home a couple hours later and couldn’t find him anywhere in the house.

I eventually asked my mom and she told me he had come home rather upset and then headed off to the basketball courts a while before I got home. That was what confused me most because he almost never went to the basketball courts without Demitri, Ashton, or me.

With a frown I also started towards the courts, biting my lip a little rougher than I should have when I see him sitting against the big tree rather than actually playing basketball, he only ever does that when he’s thinking and he doesn’t tend to think seriously about stuff unless he’s angry.

I stand and watch him for a while before I start over to him and sit next to him, he doesn’t look at me but I know he heard me because he moved over so I could lean against the tree next to him.

We sit in silence for a couple of minutes before he finally looks at me and I smile a little at him but he doesn’t return it, instead he keeps looking at me with slightly teary eyes that worry me even more than I already was.

‘Paige…what’s wrong?’ I sign slowly, nudging his shoulder when he doesn’t reply.

‘Where did you go today, Oakley?’ he asks and I frown.

‘Same place I have been going for weeks now…’

‘The animal shelter right?’ something about the look on his face tells me that he doesn’t believe that and that is kind of scary. I simply nod in reply, not really sure I can get my hands to stop shaking.

He shakes his head and turns to face me fully “You’re lying to me!” he yells, apparently giving up on signing, “I know you aren’t going to the animal shelter! I saw you go into that house!”

My eyes widen even more at that and my mouth drops open slightly ‘Did you follow me?’

“Really, Oakley? That is what you got from that? What about the fact that you have been lying to me for the past three months! Or are you just trying to stall so you can come up with a decent excuse?”

I shake my head and look away from him, hating the almost hateful look on his face, ‘I’m sorry…’ I sign ‘I couldn’t tell you the truth though…it was supposed to be a surprise…’

“A surprise? Well yeah I’m surprised that you would be horrible enough to cheat on me…”

Okay…that I didn’t expect, he thought I was cheating on him…

‘Cheating? You think I’m cheating on you?’

‘Yeah! What else would you be doing lying to me and then going into someone else’s house?’ he’s back to signing again and the switching between the two is starting to confuse even me.

‘I’m not cheating on you! I have never cheated on you!’ I sign quickly ‘You really think I would do something that awful?’

He doesn’t reply at all, glaring angrily at me until I start signing again.

‘What I was doing was for you anyway…I wanted to surprise you on our anniversary but clearly it can’t wait that long…’ I sign and he starts to look more and more confused.

“What the hell are you on about Oakley?” he asks, his glare changing to a bit more confused than anything else.

I don’t say anything for a while but eventually I take a deep breath and “I love you, Paige…” I say to him for the first time out loud and I know that my voice probably sounds awful and I hate the way it feels against my throat but the look of shock on his face is totally worth it.

Paige’s eyes widen and his mouth drops open and he gapes at me for a while before his lips turn into a painful looking smile “Oakley…” he says slowly “You…what?”

‘I’ve been taking speech therapy...I have been taking it at the teachers house so no one sees me at the school and told you…’ I sign, not wanting to talk too much and hurt my throat ‘I was going to surprise you at dinner later for our anniversary!’

It takes a couple of seconds before Paige is yanking me into a tight hug, crushing me against his chest as he holds me. We hug for a couple of minutes before he pulls away and urges me to say it again.

“I love you!” I say and he smiles happily again.

“I love you too! And I am so sorry for what I said earlier…I know you would never hurt me like that…” he says, taking my hand in his as he leans down to kiss me softly.

Maybe it would have been easier if I had just told him about the speech therapy but I think over all it turned out okay. I may not like talking much but between the two of us we worked things out and he loves hearing me talk. I still can’t hear him but honestly…I think I’m okay with that.