635798

January 30, 1945.

Despite the piercing cold weather, 635798 sat at the table with nothing but a thin, gray sweater. She was writing her daily letter to Marta. I took the time to look out the peephole. Footprints had formed in the snow and it confused me. There was a heavy snowfall last night, meaning these prints had to be fresh. The prints were large and definitely didn’t belong to a woman. That meant the nuns hadn’t been outside. I was able to see the design of the shoes. Thick, straight, horizontal lines. The boots I wore with my Nazi uniform had that design. They were common, though, so for all I knew the boots could’ve belong to a passerby.

That still didn’t ease my nerves.

635798 suddenly tapped my shoulder. An already addressed and stamped envelope sat in her hand. “Can. Can you give. Give this to Siostra Katarzyna? Please?”

“She’ll retrieve it when she comes upstairs,” I said.

635798 shook her head vigorously. The envelope crunched as her grip tightened.

I sighed and took the envelope. Siostra Katarzyna never punished 635798 for what she did. Even though she was a Catholic figure, she was rather understanding. Unlike Siostra Mariola, Siostra Katarzyna knew that certain life events could change the way someone viewed their religion. Siostra Katarzyna told both 635798 and me that she would’ve been surprised if 635798 didn’t question God after what had happened to her. Still, 635798 refused to look any of the nuns in the eye and she avoided Siostra Kataryna as much as possible.

635798 was at the peephole before I reached the door. Her voice stopped me, and I was asked where the footprints came from.

I shrugged. “Passerby?”

635798 shook her head. “A man is waiting. There’s a truck. And a car.”

“I’ll check on it later,” I said.

I pushed on the door to start the signal but it creaked open. 635798 looked at me with an eyebrow raised. During afternoons and evenings Siostra Katarzyna always locked the door. If I ever wanted to get out I had to knock the signal.

“She left it unlocked?” 635798 asked.

I nodded.

635798’s chair scraped against the floor and when I looked back at her, she was on her feet, eyes widened with an emotion I couldn’t depict. She was practically plastered to her peephole. No matter how many times or how loud I said her name, she didn’t turn back.

“A Nazi,” she whispered.

My breath hitched. “There are always Nazis around here. Don’t fret. I’ll make this quick.”

I escaped down the stairs.

I trotted down the steps but only to the second floor. On the first there was an angry voice and a frantic one responding to it. The two of them were speaking German while quiet Polish words were said in the background. I stayed where I was in the stairway, listening.

“They’re not here. I told you this countless of times!” a woman yelled.

“Siostra, isn’t it a sin to lie? You of all people should know. C’mon. Tell the truth,” a male voice said.

“Lenz, I told you the truth,” the Siostra, most likely Katarzyna, said.

I nearly gasped at the sound of Lenz’s name. He already searched this place. What was he doing back here?

“My friend here – you know Kurt, right? – said he saw the Jew. She seemed to be dressed as a nun in training? Had red blotches on her face?”

I glanced up the stairs. Despite 635798 gaining weight and cleaning off all the grime, she was still recognizable. The Nazi didn’t believe my lie.

“Kurt also told me a man came up to him. A brother. He looked like Wolfgang. Or at least that’s who came to mind when Kurt described the brother,” Lenz said.

“Oh, yes. Your friend is getting confused with Bruder Gustav and Schwester Zoe. They went back to Germany not too long ago. I’m sorry you missed them,” Siostra Katarzyna said calmly.

A smack echoed throughout the staircase and all the nuns squealed fright. My grip tightened around the railing.

A nun said something in Polish but neither I nor the other two Nazis understood her.

“Are you shitting me right now?” Lenz screamed. “Goddamn you, woman! How much of a goddamn pathetic liar could you be? I know Wolfgang is here, you stupid bitch! I talked to him the last time I was here. And I know that piece of shit you call a woman is here as well. Wherever Wolfgang goes, she goes. Now where are they?”

There was a silence throughout the house now. Someone was tapping what sounded like a gun, indicating their impatience. All the nuns refused to make a sound. There was no whispering, no moaning, groaning, crying, anything. Lenz and the other Nazi – Kurt – were silent as well. I leaned on the steps, anxiety growing.

Suddenly, there was a gunshot and the nuns began to scream.

I dropped 635798’s envelope and began to sprint down the stairs. When I arrived at the bottom, Lenz and Kurt had their backs turned to me. In all, there were ten nuns in the room but only seven were alive, Siostra Katarzyna not being one of them. The Nazis kept shooting, Lenz with a rifle and Kurt with a handgun, and the screams quieted down one person at a time. The white carpet rapidly grew crimson every time a nun fell. It only took a minute to have one nun left. She was burrowed in a corner and by the way she dressed I knew she was only in training. She said something Polish to the Nazis and was in mid cry when both shot her in the head. As the blood splattered, the pow from the gunshot lingered deathly in the air.

“C’mon,” Lenz said as he refilled his rifle. “I know where the two stay.”

“Shit,” I mumbled.

I turned on my heel before the two of them turned around. I used every other stair, standing on my tiptoes to block out sound. My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it in my head and my breathing was haggard. Lenz and Kurt reached the stairs as I turned the corner that led up to the third floor.

635798 was waiting for me at the top of the stairs. Her eyebrows were scrunched in concern and her knuckles were transparent as she gripped the doorway. “I heard gunshots,” she said frantically.

I pushed her inside and quickly closed the door. “Hide!”

“What?” she nearly yelled as she lost her balance.

After catching her I cupped my hand over her mouth. “Shh! Hide.”

“Why?” She glanced at the cupboard.

“Wolfgang!”

“That’s why,” I whispered. “Lenz is here. He’s here with that Nazi who saw us on New Year’s. They killed the nuns. They’ll kill us if we don’t hide.”

“There’s another Nazi. Outside.” 635798’s voice shook.

I wiped a tear from her eye. “I know.” I glanced over. If we pried the shutters open, we could possibly jump out. It might’ve led to death due to how high we were, but it was a suggestion. The only Nazi to avoid then would be the one waiting outside. “Let’s-”

The door was pulled open and the creak was almost deafening. My shirt felt tighter as 635798 pulled on it. Tears were spilling and she was breathing so hard I thought she was hyperventilating. I turned around to be greeted by two men in Nazi uniforms. A handgun and rifle were pointed at 635798.

“I told you I could find her,” Lenz muttered menacingly.

I wrapped 635798 tightly in my arms. The sudden silence that fell in the room was heavy and my heart was growing louder in my head, becoming a long, agonizing drum line. 635798 quietly wheezed in between breaths.

“You filthy liar, Wolfgang,” Lenz said. “I always knew that dog shit was here on that day. Where was she? The cupboard? Under the bed?”

“You’re the one who searched the place, Lenz,” I said. “So shouldn’t you know?”

“Don’t get smart with me!” Lenz yelled, thrusting the rifle forward.

635798 jumped.

Tears gathered in Lenz’s eyes. “Let her go.”

Surprised that he was crying, I slowly shook my head no.

“Do it, Wolfgang! Or I’ll kill you both!” Lenz’s screams echoed throughout the room.

“You’ll kill us both anyway if I don’t,” I said.

Kurt smirked.

“I have every right to kill her.” Lenz thrust his rifle at us again, shooting this time. I pushed 635798 down to the floor as she screamed and quickly climbed on top of her. I looked up for a second to see where the bullet went. Straight into a wall.

When I looked at Lenz, his face was red and blotchy. The rifle hung numbly at his side as he wiped his tears away. Kurt looked at him, concerned, and set his handgun down. He backed away from Lenz. When the two of us made eye contact, he put a finger to his lips.

“You can’t keep her,” Lenz wheezed. He looked at us, eyes swollen. “It’s not fair.”

“Gretel,” 635798 whispered to me.

I opened my mouth to say something but Lenz cut in.

“It’s. Not. Fair. If you. Keep. Your. Jew.” Lenz gathered his rifle and aimed. “And. I. Can’t. Keep. What’s.” He sniffed gravely. “Mine.”

“Lenz-”

“Shut. Up!” Lenz screamed. “Step away from the Jew.”

635798 looked at me, eyes pleading. I shook my head again at Lenz’s request.

“Son of a bitch!” Instead of shooting, Lenz ran forward with his rifle. He kicked my stomach and I hurled over, letting 635798 go. Before I could grab her, Lenz smacked my head with the back of the rifle. I dropped to the floor, holding my head and unable to ignore the obnoxious drum line inside. I felt something liquid but I couldn’t tell if it was blood or sweat. I called out Lenz’s name, but my voice was drowned out by screams. With each scream came a new raging pound in my head. I used one arm to pick myself up. All balance was lost when I saw 635798. I covered my ears, frightened by her screams. They weren’t muffled anyway and neither were Lenz’s poundings.

I knew the beating was over when Kurt nudged me with his foot. He stuck out a hand and helped me to my feet. I kept my hand to my head. Kurt and I looked down at the two people on the floor. Lenz sat on the floor with his rifle next to him. His breathing was heavy and he had sweat dripping violently down his face. 635798, on the other hand, had blood. There was a gash by her right temple and blood covered her eye. Her lip was swollen and it seemed painful for her to open her mouth. Her body was splayed across the floor and she refused to move. It was obvious why. Sometime during the beating Lenz pulled her shirt and sweater up. Instead of having the porcelain skin it always did, 635798’s back was covered in bloody gashes and bruises. 635798 cried silently, her tears unable to clean the never ending blood run.

“You hurt her,” I whispered.

Lenz looked up at me, glaring. His rifle clicked as he grabbed it. “She deserved it.”

My blood boiled and didn’t take long to explode. I ran toward Lenz, shoving Kurt away. Before I could go any damage, Lenz plunged his rifle into my stomach. I fell back but kicked him before he could punch me. I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him to his feet. The two of us threw punches but mine were the only success. Lenz staggered back, tripping over 635798. She screamed as he fell on top of her. I tried pulling him off but he was pulling on my shirt too. I planted my knees on the ground and began my punching fest. Each punched hit Lenz square in the mouth. He groaned each time and 635798 cried underneath him. I felt her trying to pull herself away but the success wasn’t happening.

After my umpteenth punch, Lenz dug his feet underneath me and pushed. I fell back, and Kurt grabbed my shoulders and held me down. Lenz stood up slowly. 635798’s breathing calmed as all the weight left her. Lenz wiped the blood from his nose on his fingers and then flung it at her face. She grimaced, but it was ignored.

Lenz looked at me – half shocked, half angry – and took a heavy breath between each word he said. “You. Filthy. Jew lover.” His gaze softened when he looked at Kurt. “You know what to do.”

“I have to piss first,” Kurt said.

Lenz bobbed his head in 635798’s direction and pointed at her. “There’s the bathroom.”

To my disbelief, Kurt peed on 635798, rather gladly I must add. She cried as the liquid landed in her face and hair. When Kurt was finished, he flung her over his shoulder. 635798’s arms flailed for a few moments but Kurt must’ve done something to get her to stop. She shook in his grasp and kept her cries quiet. After Lenz nodded, Kurt turned around and exited the room, 635798 and I making eye contact one last time. Both eyes were bright, the green-tinted one like a highlighter, and wide with fear. I saw her pupils shake, and tears gathered in her eyelids. The pit of my stomach felt empty. Chills were running up my spine. I hated myself for not being able to do more to help her.

“She’s gone now,” Lenz said quietly.

I turned to him. “What are you going to do to her?”

Lenz shrugged. “It’s up to the general.”

The chills stopped. Jürgen wouldn’t do anything to harm her.

“The general of Bergen-Belsen, though,” Lenz said and my head snapped up. “Not Auschwitz.”

“Where’s Jürgen?” I asked.

“Prisoner of War camp in the Soviet Union,” Lenz answered.

The air hit my eyes roughly as they widened. My mouth fell agape.

“I’ll explain later.” Lenz walked to the door. “C’mon. You’re coming with me.”

As we trudged down the stairs, Lenz refused to look back at me. I heard him sniffle and he didn’t try to hide his tears. I didn’t know whether to be worried or not. Lenz wasn’t one to cry – he chose anger instead.

“You’re going to get in trouble, you know,” Lenz said.

I didn’t respond.

“Because Kurt knows. If it was still just me, I would’ve saved you. But Kurt passed the rumor along. Now everyone knows and wants to kill you.”

“Who’s everyone?” I asked.

Lenz shrugged. “Anyone. You’re known as a Nazi Jew lover. Some know you by name; others don’t. I’m just warning you now. It won’t be pretty when we get to Bergen-Belsen.”

I held my breath while passing the dead nuns, making sure not to look at Siostra Katarzyna. She did so much to help us and death was her unfortunate reward. Why couldn’t people just help each other without dying anymore?

Outside by the car, Lenz opened the back door for me. I climbed in, closing the door myself. He turned on the ignition immediately after he situated himself inside. When he began to follow the tracks the truck had made moments before, we were officially leaving the hiding spot, a sanctuary 635798 and I would most likely never see again. We were going to Bergen-Belsen, probably the last place we would ever lay our eyes on.