635798

The drive to wherever we were going was silent minus Lenz’s sniffling. I watched him through the rearview mirror. Every few seconds he wiped a tear away, looking out his window right after to hide it. He was trying very hard to keep his face in its usual hardened glare but the blotches couldn’t fool anyone. Something was wrong with Lenz and I definitely wasn’t going to be the one to bring it up.

I pulled my arms out of their sleeves and hid them inside my sweater. Lenz rushed me to the car before I could put on a coat so the cold hit me hard. My teeth chattered to the rhythm of my shaking body. Lenz wouldn’t turn the heat up even though one could see his breath too. I wanted to ask him, but it could’ve caused an unnecessary debate because of the mood he was in.

All around us was a blizzard. I couldn’t see anything passed the curb or in front of the car. The wipers were on full speed but created little effect. Lenz drove over some bump in the road, making both of us airborne for a second. The only thing stopping us from being in the air longer was our seatbelts.

Something 635798 didn’t have.

Kurt brought her out to the truck and more than likely left her in the back. Alone in the back, she was probably moving around vigorously, even if she didn’t want to. I could imagine her trying to lock herself in a corner, knees to her chest, crying. She was alone for the first time in months. I knew she didn’t know where we were headed. Nazis didn’t dare tell Jews their destinations. She was fearing death, and quite frankly so was I.

Lenz drove over another violent bump.

“Soooo…” I said quietly. Lenz looked at me through the rearview mirror. “Where are we going?”

“Bergen-Belsen. I told you already.”

“Then why are we driving there?” I asked.

“We’re driving to the train station. From there we’ll take a train to the camp. You’ll sit with me in a third class passenger car,” Lenz said.

“And what about Six?”

Lenz chuckled, shaking his head.

I fidgeted, feeling uncomfortable with his answer. Then I asked, “Why not Auschwitz?”

The spark in Lenz’s eyes disappeared along with the glare. Now his eyes were wide, and they shook as he held back tears.

I slumped back in my seat. “Will I have the unfortunate disadvantage of seeing your fiancé?”

It soon became obvious that was the wrong thing to say, but it was too late to take it back. Lenz’s grip on the steering wheel tightened, turning his knuckles white. Blood drew from his lip as he bit down on it violently. Tears escaped his eyes. He didn’t bother wiping them away.

After putting an arm back in its sleeve, I leaned forward and rested my hand on Lenz’s shoulder. “Hey, sorry man-”

Lenz pounded the wheel, yelling and sending me back. “Don’t you listen to the radio, Wolfgang?”

I stayed silent.

Lenz sighed heavily. He began to cry and his voice wouldn’t stop shaking. “Kurt and I. We were away when it happened.”

“When what happened?” I asked.

“Auschwitz’s liberation. January twenty-seventh,” Lenz mumbled. “The Soviet Union came and liberated the camp.”

My stomach immediately dropped from shock but I didn’t take long to recover. Another camp was closed. A death camp to be exact. More prisoners were freed. The world took another great turn.

I smiled, chuckled. I leaned my head back. This was the moment I was waiting for.

“Wipe that shit off you face,” Lenz said angrily. “Do you even know what happened? They sent Nazis and Aufseherinnon wherever they pleased. Made them did what they pleased. Nazis did labor while the Jews laughed. While they ridiculed. Nazis were sent to camps in the Soviet Union. Including Jürgen since he was the general of the camp. Nazis tried destroying the camp. Bombing crematoriums. Sabotaging barracks. You know. But it didn’t work. We were caught. Me and you would be at those camps right now. I wish I were. It would be better than this.” He sniffled loudly.

I sat there, staring blankly at the floor. Auschwitz was liberated, but people were still being sent to camps. Nazis were. Jürgen was. He didn’t do anything wrong. He helped us. We escaped because of him. What if death was his reward?

“Gretel is on trial,” Lenz said, interrupting my thoughts. “If she loses, she’ll be hanged. That’s why I can’t let you keep your Jew. It wouldn’t be fair if a Jew was kept and not an Aufseherin. You know. Someone who actually did something good for this world.”

I didn’t have the heart to argue with Lenz. Who knew when he was going to see his love again? Unfortunately it was most likely never. Gretel was the enemy, and the enemy always lost. She would be hanged. There would be no wedding. There would be no happy couple. Quite possibly, there maybe would be no more Lenz.

“What are you going to do if Gretel dies?” I asked.

Lenz shrugged, but then looked at me like I should know the answer.

There was a minute of heated silence so it was time to change the subject.

I pulled my knees to my chest. “What will become of me at Bergen-Belsen?”

Lenz laughed menacingly for a few seconds. His body shook violently and tears strolled down his chin. When we pulled over so he could collect himself, I leaned forward with a raised eyebrow. Every time I repeated myself, Lenz’s laughing fit started over.

“How stupid are you, Wolfgang?” Lenz asked after another few seconds. “You really don’t know? Jesus fucking Christ. They’ll kill you. That’s what will happen. They won’t think twice about it, especially since you helped the mongrel escape. You’ll be either hung or shot. No questions asked. One thing I’m excited for is your Vater’s reaction. You know how much he hates Jews, especially yours.”

I opened my mouth to say something but then quickly shut it. Vater didn’t need to get in trouble so this was definitely not the time to defend myself.

By now Lenz had started driving again. “I really wish I could save you, Wolfgang, I do, but you got yourself into this mess. If you’ve just stayed away from the Jew like a normal human being, then you wouldn’t’ve had become so attached to it. Now you’ll be dead because of it. Oh well. At least it’ll feel my pain.”

I formed tight fists and restrained myself from throwing them at Lenz. The last thing I needed to hear was that this all started because I tried doing good for someone. All I did was help a person in desperate need. She needed care, protection, love, but most of all, just someone she knew wouldn’t hurt her. Once Shifre and Chaya were gone, all 635798 had was me. Of course I wasn’t going to leave her hanging. Why wasn’t I considered a “decent human being” for this? Why was I hated, outcasted? I didn’t want death to be my reward. All I wanted was for someone to notice that we shouldn’t mistreat others because of their religion, looks, or anything else. But no one was.

Did that mean I failed?

Did I fail 635798? Her fate was almost unpredictable. Being a Jew who escaped usually meant immediate death, but then there was Vater. He promised Levi nothing would happen to his daughter. Surely Vater would go to great extents to keep 635798 safe but it was nearly impossible to be discreet about it. If Vater tried to dispute 635798 out of a killing, Nazis would become suspicious of him unless he named another option. Unfortunately, all other options had to be just as harmful.

How alone would 635798 be in the future?

If I died, who would she turn to? Her parents were dead. Chaya was dead. Shifre was dead. There was no more Isaac, no more Siostra Katarzyna. Marta was a possible option, but not entirely. No one was left for 635798. All she would have was herself.

“Are you afraid, Wolfgang?” Lenz suddenly asked. There was no menace, anger, or sarcasm in his voice. He actually sounded concerned.

I caught sight of myself in the rearview mirror. My eyes were wide, the brown irises glistening. I sat hunched in my seat with my mouth set. My lips quivered every few seconds, small noises escaping. I even caught myself trembling.

Yes.

I was afraid.